Disclaimer: Hi Ms. Applegate! Can I have Marco, at least? PLEASE? *sad puppy eyes*

I know, I'm a slow worker. Sorry!

On we go!

"In a whisper to Ax, I added, "Only this time, do it without the morphing outfit."

…

…

{Marco, I am of the opinion that not wearing artificial skin at all while in the presence of other humans is considered socially unacceptable. Even if Prince Jake is still young and sometimes restless.}

Damn. And just when it was going so well, too.

"Nice try." Rachel stared at me and slowly lifted an eyebrow, trying her hardest not to laugh.

"You DIDN'T." Cassie finally broke the silence, her head frantically shaking in sheer disbelief at my unadulterated genius.

I was joking about the unadulterated genius bit, unfortunately.

Jake was wearing the kind of horrified, trapped expression like the last time when Rachel and I tried to coerce him into asking Cassie out on a date. Then again, that could have been because I told Cassie outright that Jake wanted to ask her out but didn't have the guts to do so right in front of him. Just to get him to do something. ANYTHING instead of just having him dwelling in certain… individual physical activities… that may or may not have involved several of his fantasies (you did not hear anything from me).

Don't look at me that way; it was for a noble purpose!

It was a pity that the dude didn't know what hit him and spent the next half an hour locked in a stuttering contest with Cassie.

Oh well. You know what they say about not succeeding.

"What? So you don't want to see how much of a… Tiger… Jake really is?" I enquired suggestively, leering at her the entire time.

"What?! No! Yes! Wait, I mean, no! No I don't!" a flustered Cassie frantically protested as Rachel started howling again.

"Fearless leader! Tell us a little more about how you feel knowing that Cassie is looking forward to seeing what a sexy beast you really are!" I thrust my fist right in front of his mouth as if I was conducting an interview with a big celebrity.

"MARCO!" Cassie, of course. Which so totally didn't cover up for her earlier slip.

Jake, face flushed red, looked slightly crazed and thoroughly humiliated as he listened to us discussing his manly, macho body (among other things) that Cassie was just dying to get to know better. If I didn't know better, I would have said that he was really enjoying this.

Well, unfortunately for dear old Jake over there, I DO know better. *evil grin*

"Come on, Big Jake, show her the goods!"

"Shut. Up." was all he growled out.

"Ooooh, the man already sounds like he's halfway tiger! What a wild, untamed animal we have here!"

"Shut UP, Marco!" Cassie and Jake, together this time. Awwwww.

{That's it, you've been watching wayyy too much porn.}

"She wants to become more acquainted with your perfect body, you studly slab of man-bea-!"

And that was when Jake just lost it, grabbed me, and started to torture me with the worst punishment imaginable.

"Ahahahahahehehee- NOOOOO! You c-can't dod th- hahahaheheheAHAHAH! HEahahaheSTOP!"

{Huh. Who would have known that Marco was so ticklish?}

...

...

Far too long later, after I had lost almost every single shred of dignity I ever had rolling around on the floor screaming and begging, Jake belatedly let me go. I scooted as far away as possible from him into a corner of my room and glared at him. "Does Cassie know you're cheating on her with me?"

Of course, Jake got my little hidden message about him being an opportunistic betrayer the likes of which the world had never seen, and so just grinned and calmly retorted, "All's fair in love and war, Marco. And this is a little bit of both."

Right.

I hate having my own words thrown back at me.

So anyway.

Number 6. I will not make use of Ax by having him morph naked people that Cassie would love to ogle. This especially applies when it happens to be Jake.

Jake raised his fingers and wriggled them ominously.

"Alright, alright. I'm changing it. If only to avoid you outraging my modesty like that again."

So, grumbling under my breath about the whole inanity and unfairness of it all, I very reluctantly changed it to "I will not make use of Ax by having him morph naked people".

"You guys make me look like some kind of complete pervert. It's not my fault that what Cassie really wants is to see–"

"Do you really want to finish that sentence, Marco?" Rachel asked in a sweet voice that promised of further horrifying experiences to come. The maniacal twist on her face would not have looked out of place on an evil witch. "You're probably already one, anyway. I've lost count of the number of times you've talked about your own fantasies involving the Baywatch ladies and kidnapping Pamela Anderson so you could force her to be your slave wife."

"I never said that! Hmm… sounds like a plan, though."

"You didn't, but it would be the only occasion on which she would marry you."

{Burned!}

"Whatever, Wicked Witch of the West."

"Right. If I'm the Wicked Witch of the West, you must be one of the LITTLE munchkins, then."

{Who is this Pamela Anderson woman?} Ax wondered, totally mystified.

Valiantly trying to think of a proper comeback to Rachel's retort but failing rather miserably, I decided that discretion was the better part of valour and decided to respond to Ax instead. "Only the hottest lady in the world alive today. You're on the TV so much of the time and yet you've never watched Baywatch?"

{I do not think the TV has been built for the purpose of having an Andalite of my mass getting on it, Marco,} Ax stated. {I believe that would damage its structural integrity unnecessarily. Regardless, I have watched Baywatch and I agree that they are hot. After all, that is why they wear less artificial clothing on the show.}

…

…

{Was that not the appropriate response?} Ax wondered.

"People? It's been a nice sidetrack to Marco's little fantasyland of scantily clad women –"

"And men." Who else but Rachel?

"– and men," Jake acquiesced, "but I think it's time to get back to the main reason why we came here. And that is how to get Marco to stop doing stupid things that will endlessly annoy us."

"Can I do the same thing for each one of you then? You know, just to be fair. I mean, all of you annoy me on a really consistent basis. First on that list would not be organizing 'irritate Marco' parties like these and wasting time on making me write stupid lists like this one."

"Sorry, Marco, you're not getting out of this so easily."

"Damn. That's just unfortunate, cause I really just wanted to point out how Cassie could use that exact same point you made me put down in the list to closely examine your well-maintained tools once they're alone."

Jake just sighed, closed his eyes and started to massage his temples. Rachel looked at me with a whole new degree of disrespect in her eyes.

"I remember that when we first started out, we said that we would not use morphing for personal reasons. Let's just stick with that."

"You're only saying that because you didn't think of asking Ax to help you out first."

Jake groaned in frustration and despair.

With a smirk on my face, I continued, "Let me also just point out that you shouldn't be looking to acquire Cassie to do the exact same – OWW! What was that for?!" Rachel smacked me upside the head again, and it hurt. Again.

"Neither my cousin nor my best friend would do any such thing, because they're not as desperate as you. Now you, we're not so sure of, especially since it's unlikely that you'd ever get any girl for the rest of your natural life."

"That's alright. They'll all see how cute I am and come running over to me unable to resist my natural charm."

"Sure. Then you'd have to demorph and they'd be running away as quickly as possible in the opposite direction," Jake sniped. I think he was still feeling bitter about not being able to enlist Ax's help.

"I'll have you know that I've definitely heard someone call me "cute" with my own ears before."

{Who was she comparing you to? Frankenstein?}

"I wouldn't comment if I were you. I heard that a half-boy half-bird came in third."

{Yeah, well, thankfully my ability to be in a relationship doesn't depend on my looks, because you still wouldn't be getting anyone anyway.}

"Rachel and Tobias sitting in a tree…"

{I believe that was number two on this list.} Tobias pointed out matter-of-factly.

"K – I – S – S – I – Ahahahahahehehee JAKE! HEahahaheSAVEME!" I screamed as I started rolling around on the floor again.

"I think 5 minutes would be a sufficient punishment this time, Rachel."

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Review! All constructive criticism is greatly appreciated!

I got stuck with a mental block after writing myself into a corner. At the same time, I'm working on another plot bunny that refused to get out of my head, so I'm kinda splitting my time between both now. The other story's called "Matchmaking", and it's currently my only other story on, so PLEASE go check it out if you have the time.

Chap 3 of Matchmaking is done, but I won't be uploading it just yet. Still trying to make it flow together more smoothly with Chap 4. I beg for your patience and understanding as I try to resolve this problem. :)