Smurf Village, le Pays maudit, Belgium

[I stand before the Smurf Village and gaze at what's left of this once thriving community, some of the mushroom buildings were either damaged to some degree or destroyed altogether. A smurf gone by the name of Chernov Reznov sits on top of his mushroom house as I sat with my legs crossed, he stood about 10 centimeters tall and his skin was grass green. He also wore camouflage, I could see brown hair sticking out of his smurf hat. Unlike other mushroom houses, his house has this really tall smoke stack pipe that stood 60 centimeters tall and has what appears to be a radio tower that stands 40 centimeters tall standing side by side from each other. The look on the smurf's face says it all, he's been through hell and back several times.]

We were all just an ordinary happy family mankind know and loved, We smurfs help each other out, we give, we share, we take care of each other. We were all led by a Papa Smurf, you could say that the Papa Smurf is our father. He goes around the village on a daily basis and keeps an eye on the other smurfs, just to make sure their working and not fighting each other.

I'm different from all the other smurfs, they both fear me and respect me. This is probably due to my hot temper and from being grumpy all the time, even Papa Smurf fears me. I'm not even a real smurf, as you can tell.

Then what are you?

I' am not at willing to discuss that detail.

Could you tell me how were you different from the other smurfs?

Everyone in the whole smurfing world believes that all smurfs are nice and cute, they think that being a smurf is great since we're free and we can live for hundreds of years. They've could have been more wrong. To me, being a smurf is terrible.

Why would you say that?

Isn't it obvious?

[He gave me a cold stare for a moment before he sighed.]

I suppose your not a scientist on evolution, allow me to explain. We've been hunted down by predators, either from the forest right here or mankind. Our main predator is humans, I recall one human who wants to turn us into gold. Sometimes he wants to eat us, at times he want to destroy us. His name was Gargamel I believe, he got his wish but destroyed himself in the process.

He spent his entire adult life looking for the Smurf Village, at times he were to capture a smurf but it always ends with the same story as he was soon defeated and humiliated. One time he created a female smurf we call, a "Smurfette", in order to win the hearts of the smurfs so he could destroy them. It didn't work, as she wanted to become a real smurf. Papa Smurf helped her get her wish, I wasn't there when it went down because I hadn't existed at the time.

She didn't win my heart, unlike all the other smurfs who loved her. I don't, I hate her. It's not about her personality, it's because she doesn't love the person who brought her to the world. Me and Gargamel get along just fine compared to the other smurfs, we share similar traits even though we were very different in every way possible.

Love, it's something that I never feel. Yet I still care, even though I don't love Smurfette I still care. Smurfette you see is the only female in the village, aside from her Smurfling sister Sassette and an older Smurfette named Nanny. She never won my heart and I ignored her, yet I won her heart somehow. This tug and pull action you see, all the Smurfs love her and even asked her on several occasions to marry her. Get this, Smurfette asked me to marry be one time but I declined.

My relationships to other smurfs were vague at best, especially when they come around to ask me for some help on something. I simply replied "Yes", and helped them without expecting no reward. Even though I'm that stubborn, I still care for my blue buddies. They're all that I've got, and now they're gone.

So why are you stubborn and angry all the time?

I was wishing you wouldn't go there.

Because?

[Chernov went silent and stared at me, he looked down at his feet for a second before resuming eye contact with me.]

Unlike all the other smurfs, I was brought to the world by a Smurfette instead of a stork. The Smurfette, my mom, died giving birth to me. My father, even though he cared about me, left me here with the Smurfs. It was very devastating, so devastating that every time my birthday comes around I couldn't celebrate it because my mom died that fateful day.

I'm sorry to hear that.

You have no idea how glad I' am to hear those words, friends, like the smurfs, are alright but family is more important. And I have no family, and now I have no friends. The Smurfs weren't smurfy any more, in their own words. They became monsters in smurf form when the zombie virus hit, it literally pulled the entire village apart.

I recall it was a sunny day as I was working in my garden when I saw this smurf with a bandaged arm, he was crying as Smurfette takes her into his home which happened to be next door from mine. My instincts began to tell me that a storm is coming, that storm is hell. No, it was worse than that.

The next day, I went next door to check on the unfortunate smurf. I only heard him moan, does that seem to scream zombie? At the time, it didn't for me. It took awhile until the nightmare became reality, later on in the day zombies began to come out of random mushroom houses. They had gray skin instead of sky blue skin, all of them had either scratch marks or bite wounds. It's a clue on how you become one of them, and it's also a clue on what they eat. They were slow, yet everyone panicked as I pulled out a Kalashnikov.

You have guns?

Being 10 centimeters tall, you would understand how life was difficult for me. Where I got the guns are classified, but my use for them isn't. I set my smurf size weapon to semi-auto before firing at the zombies, I fired a few shots into their torso. The zombies didn't go down, I know that would happen. I just show all the other smurfs that they are already dead, but when I shot them in the head they are now "fully" dead.

"You gotta get them in the head!" I screamed, "Whatever you do, you gotta get them in the brain!"

The Smurf's skull is the strongest part of the Smurf's body, it's three times more stronger than a human's skull and it has to be. If you were to step on me when you first came here, then you'll understand why we must have a strong skull.

It was so strong that Hunter Smurf's arrows bounce off their skulls like pebbles, it's only when he places a careful arrow through their temple where they could easily penetrate.

Even though Hunter Smurf was a good shot, it didn't take much for the zombies to swarm him and eat him. Speaking of cannibalism, Sassette happened to be killed and eaten alive. She was ripped in half before her organs were eaten, Smurfette couldn't bare to watch.

During this entire nightmare, I managed to shelter about more than a dozen smurfs inside my house here before I went out to search for survivors. Since I was the only one who was brave enough to face the undead, there was another brave Smurf, a strong one named Hefty, \the zombies were stronger than him and he was overpowered and killed.

After searching for survivors and supplies for two days, I went back to my home and debriefed the surviving smurfs on what I found. Just more bad news and suspense, not what they want to hear. Do you know how to break bad news to Smurfs who aren't used to being unhappy and frightened? I don't, so I have to twist the facts a bit. Then I gave the whole story to the village leader in private, the look on Papa Smurf's face says it all. We're smurfed.

Just as things couldn't get any worse, the zombies came knocking on my front door. Literally. I told all the Smurfs that I was going to sacrifice myself in order to save them, so I led them all out an emergency exit I wisely made through the back. Once all the Smurfs escaped, I watched them through a window until they got to a certain distance. Then I set off an explosion in the center of the village, which I placed to make a distraction.

What was the explosive for?

To make the Smurfs think I'm dead.

Why?

There's no smurfing way I'm handling a group of 16 Smurfs, regardless on how close I am with them. I'm not trying to be mean, it's 100 percent fact. I hid in my attic and removed the retractable door, basically staying quiet as I listened to them moan. I knew zombies will never get tired and never give up but for some reason they pulled back, I heard their moans decrease slowly. I begin to wonder if there might be other surviving smurfs still in the village, then I began to hear a dog yelping. Crying for help, what was that mutt's name? We all call him Puppy, but he has another name...

Anyway, I got down from my attic and went outside to find Puppy being eaten alive by the zombie smurfs. It was literally a mess, they were tearing him apart. So I did what I have to do, I took out my hunting rifle and put the dog down. He lived a thousand years, I hope he lived a good life despite a bloody end.

Were you that good with animals?

Now don't get me wrong, me and animals don't mix very well. When a smurf see's a squirrel, they see them as a neighbor – a friend. But when I see a squirrel, I see dinner. Unlike my vegetarian blue buddies, I include meat in my diet. I may have a few smurfberries and some plants but meat is my main diet, I can't live without it due to my unique metabolism. I would surely starve to death without eating meat, I burn a lot of calories you know.

Would you... you know. Under extraordinary circumstances, would you eat a smurf regardless on how it died?

Yes, without hesitation. But only and ONLY for a last resort, cannibalism doesn't sit well in nature you know. Tell that to Gargamel for a piece of change.

So what do you think that kept you alive this far?

I don't assume anything, that's for sure. I don't assume that I'll make it, I don't assume that I won't make it. I took suspense out of the equation, I got burned the last time I felt uncertain for something. I think it has to do with electrolysis of salt, Chlorine sure does sting once expose to the element.

I personally think that I managed to stay alive this far by having the heart to take lives, a lot of people will get sick when they kill one of their own kind. I recall someone slipping into depression after they killed a bird, that was going to die anyway. Don't ask how I know that.

What do you mean by having the heart to kill?

Life is cruel, its suppose to be. Evolution and Adaptation depends on death, a lot of people die young at the dawn of mankind. Most never made it beyond their first year of life, due to decease or something else just as bad. The Smurfs had found a way to live hundreds and hundreds of years, something called the Long Life Force Stone. It ensures an extended lifespan up to several hundred years. It may sound like a blessing, but it's also a curse and the smurfs are too blind to see that.

What do you mean about their lifespan?

The sad thing about being a smurf, which is why I really hate being a smurf but I must respect, is that we smurfs don't live till we start growing old. Just like humans, some smurfs die when they were children. But 50 year old smurfs are children and 100 year old smurfs are young adults, I recall a gazillion close calls for everyone nearly dying either one by one or all at once. Looking back at those days, they seem pathetic compared to the outbreak that finally put the little smurfs out of their misery.

The longer you are able to live, the chance of you living a full life is slim because it increase the chance on someone or something to come by to stop it. An accident that can cause injury for example, decease, war, and environmental factors are on the list.

So what does this have to do with the zombie outbreak?

It mostly have to do with Evolution, the food chain, and the danger. Would you imagine spending a thousand years of life trying to survive a zombie outbreak? I bet the smurfs wouldn't make it till year 10.

Their world changed dramatically, they failed to adapt. Not only that, they were kicked out of their home. But the zombies followed them, smelling them up to a kilometer away. Those smurfs I sort of, "rescued", I never heard from them again. I don't know if they're alive, I don't know if they're dead, or both – in a form of a zombie that is. Believing that they're not coming back, I purge this place from zombies. A lot of bodies had been burned, took me all night. Slept with an eye open ever since.

Now all of that was only about two weeks ago, luckily I could go about 9 weeks without food but the zombies have chased off all animal life from le Pays maudit. Seems ironic that, just like the zombies, looking for a living being to kill and eat. The zombies do it backwards, as I made sure my victim is dead.

By the time I'm done with this interview, I'm getting out of here and live my very short life to it's fullest. If you can only understand what it's like to be in my position, I might be able to live long enough to...

[He pauses for a long time, as if he forgotten what he was about to say]

Damn, there's no way that's going to happen.

[He sighs]