Title: What Makes a Man?

Genre: CSI MIAMI

Disclaimer: Not mine, their creators have all the rights. (Lucky Buggers)

Timeline: Earlier Seasons

Spoilers: None really.

Rating: M - Mild

Characters: Horatio.

Author notes: I' not really a CSI Miami fic writer, but this one wanted to be written… So I humoured the muse.

Summary: Horatio's thoughts after yet another trying case. DuCaine if you squint.

Word count: 897

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These cases were always hardest on him. The crimes committed against the innocent, against those who should be protected the most. He'd spent years battling the demons, seen every possible horror that the underbellies of society could throw at one. But it was this the crimes against the innocent that drove him to his knees, and lately it had gotten worse for him.

The crimes some would commit to rid themselves of their responsibilities and consequences of their actions, their ability to take a life often two, left him astounded. He'd seen too much death and destruction for him not to appreciate the miracle of life. He'd spent hours watching people, especially children interact. To find validation for what he did on a daily basis. He's years spent fighting crime… Making people take responsibility for their actions, or for them to be punished for the crimes that they so thoughtlessly commit against society and mankind. But it was during his personal low times, like now, that he wondered if it ever made a difference.

Having spent his life fighting for others he's somehow managed to loose sight of his own. The innocent victims that these crimes were all too often committed against, was something he longed to have for himself. How could anyone hurt a child, a baby, a helpless and innocent life. How sick does one's mind have to be? To think that it in some way would make things better. That by not having that responsibility their problems would go away. That a life wasted was a chance to better things.

What he would not give to have that opportunity in life. To create a life and to watch it grow and develop, to see it take in the marvels of everyday life, that which adults have come to take for granted. To see life through the eyes of a chid, to once again believe in the good and wholesome. To have a chance at something so simple and jet so meaningful, but he knew it could never be.

The demands of his work left him with little time to indulge in relationships, and to have that dream would need a solid relationship, one which often takes years to build. His never tended to last long. Work, his frequent bad moods at the injustice of it all, rendered them short lived and all too often non-fulfilling.

He could see her so clearly in his mind… a little girl with streaming hair and green eyes, racing about as careless as the wind as she explored her world. Investigating the world around her and her findings, with a sharpness of mind. The innocence of youth, the unconditional love both given and received. He knew the reasons why people had children, knew the reasons why they should have. But to him it would be one of his greatest fantasies come to life.

He allowed his mind to drift… Before a child could be created, there was another matter that needed addressing, which was just as important. Finding the one you could see yourself creating that life with. The one you could see yourself spending the rest of your life with, raising and educating the child…

He knew her, had know her for some time now. His body was so in-tune to her, to her presence. She could enter a room and he would be aware of her. Her standing next to him at times could he pure pleasure and torture combined in one. Her words, her voice could soothe him in moments of almost binding frustration. He could see himself fathering her children, if given the chance he would father as many as she liked. It wouldn't pain him.

The thought of her skin under his touch, her body braced against his as their essence combined, was enough to unglue him completely. Just the thought of loosing himself there, the opportunity to share himself with her on such an intimate level could leave him breathless and fully aroused at times. He could almost feel her arms around him, her lips against his skin as he held her close, so close to him.

His eyes closed as he allowed his mind to drift. His fingers twitched at the thought of running them through her hair. Down her back… Being allowed to breath in her scent as she moaned her pleasure and encouragement. He could think of hundreds of different ways he would make love with her, to her. He knew would never grow tiered of her. She grounded him, was the reason that he could get up every morning and face another day, with is inhumane contributions to society. She danced before him like an elusive prize, one he knew he had little chance of truly obtaining. Friendship was all they could ever have, and risking that was unthinkable. But in his heart he could see them together, he could see the manifestation of the love he felt for there. The completion of his soul… The creation of a life he would value above all other, because it would be theirs. A life they created, together.

Then he feels her presence behind him as she comes to stand next to him. Taking a deep breath he waits for her to make her presence known.

"Hey handsome, you okay?"

Yes Calleigh, as long as you're here, Im okay. "I'm okay."

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