Never forget what I lost

He's gone whispers all the time through my mind every time I walk into the room. He can't see you anymore. He can't see the upset he caused after his own death. He can't see you crying everyday for him back. He can't see how much you hate Brad and your mother now. He can't see the two friends who change everything after his death.

I want to see him grow up in my life. I wanted him to see me become the man he used to be. I wanted him to know I loved him more then his own wife. That I would be the one to be anything he wants me to. He had to die though, didn't he?

Everyday I was stuck with him. Alone but I didn't care. Right now, nothing matter but my figure in my life, dying at his deathbed. He could stick around, couldn't he? "Breathe" I whispered, grasping his hand.

"John," he tried to talk as his vocal cords were dying more and more.

Tears were slashing down my cheeks. Eyeliner under my eyes was finally ruined. "Don't leave me," I whispered. "I can never subsist existence every again with you gone, daddy."

"Johnny," he coughs a bit. I started crying, just listening to how deadly everything was. "Johnny, boy, I'll still be here. I'll never let go of you. You're everything in my life." I clasp his hand harder. He holds it up to his heart, "Don't let go, Jonathan."

I bit my lip harder as his grasp became weaker. I felt two hands on my shoulders, but I didn't have the courage to look up. I just knew it was in a heartbeat like the ones I hear….every second….as my father loses one. "I would never, dad."

"John, please know, I love you. I love you more then your mother. I'll always be here."

I couldn't respond back. My voice was gone as many breathe as he takes now. I finally heard a long beep and gasped. My father was finally gone. "No," I whispered. "No, you promised me….You promised not to leave."

"Johnny," I heard low tone say….It was Will. "Johnny, come here, buddy."

"Will…" I mumble, "I can't leave. He couldn't…"

He kneels down beside me. The thrust of his hug leads me into crying, "Sh, I know. It's gonna be different now. We are here for you." I felt Tunny's touch down my back.

"We could never let you down," he mutters. "Never in your darkest nights."

"They haven't," I said as I'm lying in my father's bed. His room has never changed ever since those 8 years. "They can't ever leave my side. When they did, all the shit started. Now, it's gone."

Is it though? Why isn't Brad gone then?

Home alone; good. Home alone; great. Every second of it, tuning my guitar, writing new songs. Nothing came to mind and it has been the same for these past 3 weeks; 3 weeks after his death; 3 weeks of depression and anger setting in; 3 weeks of aloneness; 3 weeks of suicidal. "Summer has come and pass…" I harmonic by myself.

A knock came to my door. "John," I heard my mother's ringing voice. "John, come out, please."

"MAKE ME, BITCH!" I yelled, "I NEVER LIKED YOU ANYWAY!"

"Jonathan!" she yelled, "Come out right now! DOWNSTAIRS!"

I groaned, "You left me with her?"

Finally, I saw a reason to runaway. I saw why I was never meant to live with my mother. The worst enemy; even worst then the Jimmy guy I would have met in a couple years. "John," she whispers. "This is your new stepfather, Brad."

"ALREADY? I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN!" I scream, but it's not like she's listening. "I KNEW RIGHT AFTER DAD DIES, YOU WERE GONNA HAVE A NEW GUY ON YOUR ARMS! FUCK YOU MOTHER! DID YOU EVEN CARE FOR HIS DEATH? YOU WERE NEVER THERE! ONLY ME AND WILL AND TUNNY!"

"John—"

"SAVE IT!" I ran upstairs and grab my phone. I automatically texted Will and Tunny.

Where are you fucking idiots? I need a place to stay.

I started packing up everything. My guitar fell on my back. Will texts back.

Tunny is here. Come over, dude. I always have room.

I did so as I heard my mother yelling. "JOHN! JOHN, COME BACK HERE!"

"Fuck you, bitch. I'm Jesus."

"Jesus of what!"

"Jesus of Jingletown. I'm Jesus of Suburbia!" I shot back at her, "in a land of make believe, then don't believe in me, 'mother'."

I ran down to Will's house. "JESUS!" Tunny yelled.

Will tosses a beer, "come on, and drink up."

I grabbed it, dropping my bags. "Everyone's so full of shit…"

Will nodded and Tunny pumps his fist in the air. "Cheers!" we all yell, "To the Jesus of Suburbia!"

"I guess I did fuck my life up…" I whispered, tuning up my guitar. I lightly played the chords. "I remember playing this song them."

Final day of seeing him.

Her ugly ass shouldn't have shown up. She acted like she loved my father; I knew the truth though. If she truly loved him, why did she get re married? No one but me could see that ring from a mile, shining. She covers up a lie, saying it was their engagement ring. "Why haven't I," I said to her during the mass, "seen it?"

She gulped and got nervous. I knew it was the 1st thought. Tears still ran down my face. Will goes up to speak, along side with Tunny. Will gestures me to come to his side. I started walking to him; he starts his speech. "John's father was not just anybody to me," he started. "He was like my own father. He was easy to talk to. He had the sweetest soul anyone could find. Once he found out he was dying, he ran to me and Tunny at 7-11. He told us to stay by Johnny's side." They both look at me, "We told him 'we could never abandon a friend'."

I started tearing up. They both grab me for a group hug, "I could never leave you guys, either."

I let my mother speak about how much she "love" my father. I shook my head and couldn't stand there anymore. I bolted out of the church, running back to Will's house. I ran up to where I was staying. I keep hearing knocking, "JOHNNY!"

"JESUS!"

"COME ON, JOHN! OPEN UP!"

"WAKE ME UP WHEN SEPTEMBR ENDS!" I yelled back. Finally was another thought in the back of my head, "That's it."

After a couple hours of writing and playing, the song was created. I unlocked my door to find Will and Tunny sitting across from it. They jolt up as soon as I walked up. "You alright," Will muttered.

"Come in," I whispered. "I finally wrote something."

Reality set back, I'm here alone. A knock came to the door. Will and Tunny pop up. Jimmy was right behind them. Will starts, "I knew to find you here, Jesus."

I looked down at my guitar, "Ya, where else would I be on September 12th?"

Tunny and Will sit down by me. "Play it," Tunny whispers.

"For Jimmy," Will said.

Jimmy shrugs, "I-I'm sorry, Johnny." He grabs me for a hug, "I never knew this much…"

I looked down, placing my hands on one of his shoulder. I leaned down to kiss him. He starts touching his fingers against my cheek. "You're here," I whispered. "That's all I need right now."

Will moves aside, letting Jimmy sitting next to me. I started playing Wake me up when September ends. At the end of it, Jimmy looked at me. I leaned on his shoulder, and he puts his arm around me.

"Jimmy," I supposed. "You, Will, and Tunny are 3 guys I never want to leave now."

"Trust me," he mumbles, "we never will."

I finally found myself lying back in his bed. Tears fell and I found myself quietly saying, "As my memory rest, it will never forget my lost. I love you, daddy."

A/N: Aw, two fics in one night! Merry Christmas! Review please. And don't turn my reviews into something like Rage and Love Secrets….please.