Whassup RA fans? Did you miss me? *ducks to avoid projectiles thrown by angry people* Whoa! Sorry...my laptop's busted...I have a whole bunch of stories planned and started, but I can't work on them because my laptop won't turn on, okay? So don't hate me, because I present this as a peace offering, alright? Oh, and I got this idea from reading, CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW: Owner's Guide and Manual.

John Flanagan presents: The Ranger Halt Owner's Guide and Manual!

Congratulations and thank you for purchasing the RANGER HALT unit! With proper use and care, your HALT unit will provide you with years of quality companionship and service (i.e. protection).

Disclaimer: Flanagan Inc. is not responsible for injury sustained through misuse of this product.

Activation: In order to activate you HALT unit, simply place a cup of hot coffee in the same room. If you do not have coffee, freshly made bacon will do, but coffee is essential for the continued function of your HALT unit.

Technical Specifications

Name: Halt O'Carric

Rank: Second in Command of the Ranger Corps

Nationality: Hibernian

Age: …he'd shoot me if I said

Height: Less than a Skandian or an Arulen, but slightly less than the average Hibernian

Weight: Same as the age thing

Hair Colour: Salt and pepper gray

Eye Colour: Dark brown

Accessories:

HALT comes fully equipped with:

2x Standard Gray/Green Ranger Cloaks

2x Ranger Green/Brown Ranger Uniforms

1x Long Bow (complete with quiver, full of arrows)

1x Saxe Knife

1x Throwing Knife

1x Double Scabbard

1x Set of Strikers

Other accessories sold separately, including:

ABELARD unit

*Note: Only compatible with the HALT unit. Do not purchase for individual use, or use with other models.

1x One Man Tent (for camping)

1x Ranger –style Brown Cloak (for use in Arrida)

1x Ranger-style Gray Cloak (for use in snowy areas)

Various Forgers Tools

Dried Beef (strictly for camping)

All of these products are available on our online store.

Modes of Operation

Sarcastic: Your HALT unit is always in this mode, even if he says otherwise. This mode is generally expressed by eye-rolling, rhetorical questions, and heavy sighs following questions HALT is asked.

Plotting/Planning: This mode is accessed by the need to get out of a bad situation, or the need to prevent a disastrous situation. This mode is indicated by mumbling, muttering, ands HALT seeming to be distracted.

Grim/Unreadable: HALT is almost always in this mode. In fact, it's part of the sarcastic mode.

Happy: This mode is difficult to access, but can be attained by repeatedly allowing HALT to have fun at your expense.

*Note: To access this mode, you will have to have owned to HALT unit for more than a year.

Proud: (locked) This is one of the hardest modes to access. It is accessed by present/ former apprentices doing something that saves life as we know it. This mode is indicated by a slight (or broad, depending on the situation) smile. Do not try to access this mode without the WILL, GILAN, or HORACE units. You will fail. Painfully.

General Maintenance

Your HALT unit requires one cup of coffee every four hours. HALT can survive without coffee, but he will go through vicious and violent withdrawal that you are unlikely to survive. HALT, despite his appearance, can consume a lot of food. He will eat almost anything you give him, but his favourite foods are bacon and rabbit stew. The only food HALT will not eat is shrimp. Do not, under any circumstances, feed him shrimp.

Compatibility With Other Units

HALT has four modes of interaction.

Friendly: In this mode, HALT will poke fun at other models, and will generally be a nice human being. This mode can be accessed by the CRAFTMASTER units, the RANGER units (especially WILL, GILAN, and CROWLEY), and sometimes with the ERAK unit.

Neutral: In this mode, HALT will be guarded and grim. This is his default interaction mode, and how he will react to you at first.

Irritated: In this mode, HALT will be tense and snappish. This mode is activated by anybody who doesn't quite believe that he is the legendary Ranger Halt and challenges that fact.

Angry: In this mode, HALT will become quiet and dangerous, and will use threats that he will eventually carry out. This mode is activated by enemies.

Security

HALT is very self-sufficient, and, once purchased, will stay with you forever. The only thing you should be worried about is Temujai, Genovesans, and fangirls.

F.A.Q.

Q: Whenever we go camping, my HALT unit stays awake for two hours, then sleeps for two hours, and repeats the process until sunrise. Is this normal?

A: Yes. If you want him to stop, tell him that you're just camping for fun. He may look at you like you're crazy, but he will stop on your next camping trip. At least, he'll stop if you're watching him.

Q: My HALT unit sometimes disappears for weeks. What can I do?

A: Don't worry. HALT is only going in missions assigned to him by CROWLEY, the head Ranger. There is no way of stopping this, but if HALT is missing for more than four months, please contact Flanagan Inc. so we can locate HALT or supply you with a new unit, if we fail to find yours.

Q: HALT drank all of my coffee in three days! How can I make him stop!

A: You can't. You simply have to buy more coffee. However, if HALT drank your favourite coffee, buy him a different brand and put his name on it. He should only drink the coffee with his name on it. If he still drinks your coffee, you'll have to change your favourite kind. Sorry.

Troubleshooting

Problem: HALT got an actual haircut, is singing 'Graybeard Halt', and is playing a flute! What did I do!

Solution: You tried to wean him off of coffee, didn't you? While this may seem amusing, this is the first stage if caffeine withdrawal. The second stage is far more deadly: HALT will see you as a dangerous enemy. To fix this, give him an extra-large mug of strong (I'm talking Starbucks strong here) black coffee with two spoonfuls of honey. If done in the first stage and early enough in the second, he will return to normal. If it's too late…say your prayers, and remember, he sees you while you're sleeping, he knows where you live, and he knows where you keep your food.

For answers/solutions to other problems/questions, write to us by clicking the review button. You know, the thingie with the thought bubble.

You likie? Review for the next owner's manual you'd like to see, 'cause I'm thinking about making this multi-chaptered.