When the Heart is like Porcelain

Shimako x Sei/Youko x Sei. A retelling of S2, EP 6. Youko has plans for Sei, but Sei is tormented by Shiori's face in Shimako's eyes. Passion flares as Sei drives Shimako out of the Rose Mansion, Youko is nearly slapped, and regrets are laid bare.

A/N: A month ago I developed an interest in the Youko x Sei pairing. What do the graduates of Lillian do and how do their relationships change? I like exploring this through Youko and Sei. Unlike my last two stories though, this is just a retelling of one of the couple's more intense moments: when Sei discovers that the first-year Shimako has been invited to the Rose Mansion. Thanks for reading, and if you looked at any of my earlier Youko x Sei oneshots, thanks for joining me again – I hope you're not bored of this pairing. ;)

"Get out! Get out this instant!" Sei's voice rang across the usually quiet room, her silver eyes burning like a dying nova. She felt Youko and Eriko's eyes plastered on her, but she cared not. "I'm telling you to leave. Now!"

"But… but I," stuttered Shimako, her voice stumbling not in fear for herself, but for Sei. Her caring, angelic eyes met Sei's briefly, and to the latter's astonishment in stung. It was as if Shimako was too gentle, too tender to confront, and there could be nothing gained in attacking her.

Shiori… it was as if you died in my arms and were reborn in this beautiful girl's eyes. I can see your reflection in her pupils and lips. And I fear for her. I fear for myself.

Sei felt her hands clawing at the tablecloth. Her eyes had closed because the memories of the past and the propects of the future were too much. She couldn't bear to look at Shimako's lovely, adorable face anymore. "Please… dammit, please, just get out…!"

Rosa Foetida smiled, rising from her seat. She shot Youko a confident look: I'll leave you to deal with her. "Come on, Shimako. Let's go outside for a walk."

Shimako didn't take her eyes off Sei. She slowly stood and joined Rosa Foetida, who had opened the door. It broke Sei's heart to force Shimako to leave like this, but her guilt was matched by the relief she felt when she heard the door click shut.

Eriko and Shimako were gone.

Sei's entire body was slumped, as if she was exhausted from some kind of gruelling labour. Her shoulders were hunched, and her hands still gripped the table tightly despite the fact that Shimako was no longer in the room. Her heart was pounding loudly in her hot ears not only because Shimako now knew of this weak, cowardly side of her. It was also because Youko was now coming round to her, and she could just imagine the nonchalant expression on her face. She didn't need to look up and meet her eyes. She already knew how she would look.

"So, she's that important to you?" asked the Red Rose with infuriating innocence, as if she was testing the other.

As if you don't know! thought Rosa Gigantea, her throat growling out an automatic, angry response. "I don't know! I don't know anymore. Even if I have feelings for her – " she turned to finally face Youko, her hands balled into clenched weapons, " – it doesn't mean we should just pull her in here and make her one of us!"

Not when I'm like this… not when I'm such a wreck, when I'm too weak to even hold myself with dignity.

But Youko wouldn't back down. "Look – "

"No. No excuses. I don't want to hear any of your excuses!" Sei's reprimand reached a hysterical crescendo as her open palm flew at Youko, aiming directly for her face with a sharp swish. Rosa Chinensis' annoyingly neat hair shifted slightly as Sei's hand stopped a millimetre from her cheek. She didn't budge. She didn't even blink, which was admittedly quite impressive. Sei's resolve faltered as her hand hovered near Youko's head. The latter was too strong, and her courage was beautiful. There was no way Youko was going to lose a battle of wills.

"Damn it, don't be so stubborn, you obstinate…" Sei's voice trailed off. She lowered her hand, but not before subconsciously letting it linger by Youko's cheek. She turned her back on her peer, regaining her breath quietly.

How dare you… how dare you know me so well…

Perhaps she should have expected Youko to reach for her and put her hand on her shoulder. Perhaps she should have prepared for the inevitable, for the confessions and catharsis that followed her outburst. Youko's hand was so gentle, like a sheet of wind. "Sei. Believe it or not, your pain is hurting me too."

"Well, your nosiness is what's hurting me," muttered the other.

Youko couldn't help wincing inside as Sei's defensive reaction cut deep. It was just like when Sei had accused her of understanding nothing when Youko questioned Sei's reckless closeness to Shiori. "You know I invited Shimako here because I was concerned."

"You didn't look it when you were talking oh-so-happily with her," challenged Sei spitefully. "You were having the time of your life."

Youko stared at Sei's shoulder-length hair, her fingers wandering up to play with a few strands. "I was concerned for her, and for you."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"There are… moments that I do regret, especially about Shiori-san." Rosa Gigantea felt her heart skip a beat. Youko's breath felt warm against her bare neck. "Yes, I'm a meddler. You see me as nothing but one, no? But maybe I should have meddled more," continued Youko. "I should have insisted that you make her your souer. Perhaps she could have enjoyed her life here a bit longer. Perhaps she would still be here. Maybe she could be sitting here this very day, part of our Rose Mansion – "

"But are you telling me to pretend to be souers with Shimako?" asked Rosa Gigantea sadly. "Like how I should have pretended with Shiori?"

"No, you silly girl. I just want you to be able to share yourself with more people."

"You're enough," whimpered Sei, turning her head slightly. "I need no one else."

Despite her guilt, Youko could not help feeling pleased at those words. Still, she tightened her grip around Sei's shoulder as she sensed the latter's emotional insecurity. Your heart is really like porcelain, isn't it? "Don't lose yourself, Sei," whispered Rosa Chinensis, keeping her hold on the trembling girl. "There's no need to get carried away. I'm right here. No matter how many times you push me away."

For a few moments, they fell into silence, as if in silent agreement that Youko was the safest protector for Sei's heart.

Slowly, Youko released her. "But when you first mentioned Shimako-san's name, I saw that she could fulfil you better than I can. Because the look in your eyes was just like two years ago, when you told me about Shiori. And she also resembles – "

"They're not alike," cried Sei, looking at her fellow Rose with almost pleading eyes. Youko stared at Rosa Gigantea's trembling lips as they moved about passionately. "Shiori and Shimako are nothing like each other!"

Youko smiled triumphantly. "You didn't let me finish. I wanted to say that Shimako-san resembles you."

Sei stopped in her tracks, puzzlement overtaking her uncertainty. "What? Me? How?"

Youko continued to smile. "I'm not telling. Or else you'll really let loose on me."

Suddenly, Sei gave the slightest smile. It had dawned on her. "The resemblance is to my weaknesses, isn't it?"

Youko nodded. "Yes," she said tenderly. "But I'm fond of your weaknesses." You should know that after two years together. But you've never noticed me. You've never seen me like how I could be seen, she thought wistfully.

Sei felt her body slackening. How could she argue anymore? She had lost. Come to think of it, she always seemed to lose to Youko's commonsense, her reason. "But still, I hate your strong attitude," she muttered.

"I don't like it either," chuckled Youko.

They stood at a distance, separated despite their intimacy. It had always been like that. Would it ever change? Perhaps it did today, when Sei felt the need to move nearer for once. Perhaps it was when she closed the distance between them, unable to bear the empty space that reminded her of the lonely past. Perhaps it was when she grabbed hold of Youko in an angry but grateful hug, their need for each other's warmth overwhelming. Sei uttered only one word, because it was the only word that could express her feelings about the entire matter:

"Dummy."

THE END