I have had this little quote-poemy thing for a while and have meant to write this. Then I asked my friend to pick a quote and he picked this one. So this is for him, as a present.
"What's said is said
What's done is done
I can't undo who I've become
How wickedly life has made a lesson out of me"
Note: I also use "You are my sunshine" and some lines from the television show Bones. The lines "When….are the risks" and "You see…us to fly" are not mine.
The Risk
He knew from the beginning it wouldn't work out. Well, not exactly. He had hoped it would. Every fiber of his being had said that this was good, this was right. But good never lasts. He should have known
"Please give me a chance. I'll prove to you that I love you."
He should have known. He has done things that don't deserve happiness. Why would he ever think that he could change? He couldn't change.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine."
He couldn't change. He was who he was. Life had done enough to him to make sure that he was never happy. He didn't blame life. Oh no, what he did was his own fault. He had done things that he regrets, but nothing more than how they ended. If he could change anything….
"I'm sorry. I was wrong."
If he could change anything…. He saw him sometimes, doing what he does. It hurt every time he smiled. It was like a hole in the middle of his chest, gaping and bleeding. It went away sometimes, but when it came back it was larger than ever before. He never got used to it.
"You make me happy when skies are gray."
He never got used to it. He never thought he will. And that was okay with him. He deserved the pain. His self-loathing would sometimes consume him and he wouldn't talk to anyone. Those who claimed to be his friends looked on sadly as he slowly sank within himself. But he had no friends. He didn't deserve them.
"How could you?"
He didn't deserve them. He had always been someone who preferred to be alone. Alone was good, alone was easy. Just look at what happened when he tried to be with someone. He was so tired now. He was tired of people and just plain tired.
"You'll never know, dear, how much I love you."
He was tired of people and just plain tired. When you love someone you open yourself up to suffering; that's the sad truth. Maybe they'll break your heart, maybe you'll break their heart and you might never be able to look at yourself the same way. Those are the risks.
"Good-bye."
Those are the risks. You see two people, and you think "they belong together," and nothing happens. The thought of losing so much control over personal happiness is unbearable. That's the burden. Like wings, they have weight, we feel that weight on our backs but they are a burden that lifts us. Burdens that allow us to fly. Even for only a short while.
"So please don't take my sunshine away."
It took me five hours to write this. I guess you can say it was a special one. This is for Orion, my friend who picked the quote. I'm not sure if I'll even let him read it. So I hope you like it.