"-are celebrating the return of Captain Hammer. Since the tragedy of losing what's-her-name three months ago, it's good to see he's back on the streets again, and defending all of us."

I rolled my eyes at the television. Since I joined the ELE, reporters had done nothing but complain how rotten life was without Captain Hammer. Frankly, it was pathetic and childish. But, the helplessness of humanity brought me a twisted sort of satisfaction. Since Captain Hammer was back, things would be a little harder for the ELE. Or at least for me. He was my nemesis after all. But first, may I ask, what did I do to deserve such a…dumb nemesis? I sighed. Things had been going so well. Leave it up to Captain Hammer to ruin everything.

"Can you believe he's up and kicking again?"

I turned to the voice. It belonged to a slender, slightly muscular, ominous looking raven haired woman. I recognized her. She had been accepted to the ELE several years before me, but she was still considered a newbie.

"Oh, Empress Nefarious! Hello," I greeted awkwardly. Let me be honest, speaking to women has never really been a strong suit of mine. I mean, I'm okay if she wants to talk about dastardly plans or poisoning- …No, I just suck at talking to the opposite sex. Nefarious walked to my side, keeping her eyes glued to the television screen.

"Man, I had really hoped you got rid of that guy for good," she sighed.

"Yeah," I muttered. "Me too." There was probably nothing on this godforsaken planet that I wouldn't give to not have to stare at that dope for five more seconds. She glanced at me from the corner of her eye. I wondered if she had heard me, so I added:

"Well, everything went according to plan, I mean, he was supposed to bounce back so that I could… defeat him. Again. And again." Empress Nefarious gave me a half smile. I could feel my cheeks flush slightly, which made me feel incredibly stupid. Members of the ELE do not blush. Well, except for me, but, never mind. I'm working on it, okay? I turned my attention back to the TV.

"-swears revenge on Dr. Horrible. Perhaps this time, Captain Hammer will actually stand a chance."

I scoffed. Captain "Tool" thinks he has a chance? Heck no! I'm bad! I'm a member of the ELE, for God's sake!

"Ooh, a challenge," Nefarious said. "I remember when my nemesis used to challenge me," she sighed. I guess that was a happy memory for her. But then again, her nemesis wasn't Hammer. "But that was before I killed him," she added, looking at me.

"Oh," I laughed nervously.

"Don't worry, I'm sure Captain Hammer will be no problem for you." She winked at me and walked off. I let out my breath when she walked away. There were only a few people around this place that made me edgy, and she was one of them. Of course, since I'm a badass now, I can't wear my feelings on my sleeve. So I just try and be cool.

I walked home. I walked home dressed as Billy. Except, I wasn't really Billy anymore. I mean, yeah, I guess he'll always be a part of me and all that, but Billy isn't…bad. So I just have to suppress that part of me.

I passed the Coin Wash. Without realizing, I stopped in front of one of the windows. Subconsciously, I was searching for red hair in the crowd. Then, I remembered. Penny wasn't here anymore. Tears clouded my vision for several seconds.

'Oh, grow a pair of balls," I found myself thinking. Why was I moping around? I blinked the tears out of my eyes. Penny was the whole reason I was admitted into the ELE. And now I was going to make her precious little boyfriend look like the moron he actually was. At least, that's what I hoped I would do. Somehow, every time I battled Captain Hammer, he made me look like the idiot. Which was far, oh so very far, from the truth.

I squared my shoulders and continued my walk home uninterrupted. Moist was crashed on my sofa. He waved when I walked in.

"I grabbed your mail," he said, pointing to the dripping stack of letters on my desk. Note to self: One day, I need to pick up my own mail. Most days the letters were so soggy I couldn't read half of them. I picked up my mail and filed through it.

"Oh my God," I groaned. "If Johnny Snow sends me one more letter, I swear!" I vented out loud. If there was anyone I hated more than Captain Hammer it was Johnny Snow. Stupid poser.

"Did he complain about your lack of courage to do battle again?" Moist asked, still seated on the couch watching the television.

"Don't know, don't care," I replied, tossing Snow's letter into the trash. I shuffled through my other letters, not really caring what they were about. I set them back on my desk, and turned to face Moist.

"Hey!" he said, perking up. "Did you hear about Captain Hammer?" He pointed eagerly to the TV screen. I walked into the living room, and glanced at the news report before I sat on a couch adjacent to Moist (to avoid the whole water-stain-that-looks-like-a-pee-stain thing).

"Yep," I replied. "Captain Douchebag is done with therapy. And he's issued a challenge." Moist sat up straighter.

"Well, how are you going to defeat him? With your improved freeze gun?" he asked, eagerly. I sighed, and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"No, not with my freeze gun. It's not exactly…improved as of yet. Besides, I don't even know if I'm going to accept his stupid challenge. What are we, five now?" I asked. I wondered if there was a form you could fill out if you wanted to disown your nemesis and file for a new one.

"What?" asked a shocked Moist. "You can't just not accept his challenge! You're a member of the ELE! You have to instill fear into the hearts of mankind!" he hit the arm of the couch with his fist for emphasis.

"I know!" I said, slightly irritated. "But challenges are so tacky." I was basically fishing here. I didn't want Moist to know I didn't want to fight Captain Hammer for petty reasons. Yes, I am a member of the ELE, but I don't have any of the cool equipment. I don't have status. I'm a noob. And everyone knows you stay away from the noobs if you want to live. So right now, I was treated like a bubonic plague victim. And I didn't want to fail. Not again.

"Well, technically, he didn't challenge you. It was more of an 'I'm-going-to-avenge-my-dead-girlfriend-by-combating-my-nemesis' statement." He paused, satisfied with his reply. But he added, "I guess it really wasn't an option, though, was it?"

I hadn't taken that into perspective. If Captain Hammer was determined to fight, and I didn't fight back, I would look like a HUGE pansy. Great.

"It doesn't matter," I told Moist. "I have something particularly horrible planned." I just hoped I could think of some evil sounding plan before Moist asked me what it was.