Arizona's POV

Of all the things I was told growing up, one thing I was never told was that the most important lessons in life can be learned in the most painful ways. The night I walked away from the love of my life, I learned the most important and painful lesson of my entire life. The whole plane ride to Africa my thoughts drifted back to Callie and all the times we shared. Our first kiss. Our first date. Our first time making love. The way she smiled at me every morning and made me feel like the only girl in the world. All the little things she did for me. The smallest gestures, that I knew I would be missing the most. I had only myself to blame. In between my thoughts I kept looking to the empty seat next to me where she should have been. Seeing the empty seat was a reminder of the fact that I had just made the biggest mistake of my life and brought on a whirlwind of emotions every time.

Once I arrived in Africa, I tried to jump right into the medicine to keep my thoughts from drifting back to her. I guess I was hoping that if I had found enough distractions and tasks to keep myself busy, I would eventually be okay. Unfortunately it never worked out. Every day and night no matter where I was or what I was doing, she was on my mind. When I had a bad day, I missed the comfort that she would be providing had she been there with me. On the good days I found myself turning to either side of me to share the excitement with her. Every time I noticed she wasn't there, I was brought back to the harsh reality of that night. The worst night of my life. and every time, tears began to form in my eyes.

Every night I would lay on my bed and cry after crying on and off all day. Whether I would actually fall asleep or not was always up for question. Some nights it happened and other nights it didn't. Many nights I was awake all night, stuck inside my own head. Battling my own thoughts. On the nights that I actually did fall asleep I either had nightmares of tiny coffins or bad dreams about the night that I left her alone, in the airport. One night in particular I had a nightmare about the tiny coffins. Still in a daze when I woke up, and out of force of habit I reached over to what should have been "her side" of the bed only to find it cold and empty. Once again, I was reminded that I was alone.

I have always had nightmares of the tiny coffins. But, they haven't always been as hard to deal with. I would constantly think of the many nights I laid wrapped securely in her arms while she was whispering soothing words into my ear, trying to keep the nightmares at bay. She would talk me to sleep, and keep me wrapped in her arms. I had never felt so loved and protected as I did when resting in her arms.

That same night, I decided that sleep was out of the question so I decided to check my email. Little did I know that what I was about to see would break my heart all over again. I open my email to see that Teddy has written back. I had been writing to her when I could. She was my best friend and I missed her and our little talks. In my last email I had rambled on to Teddy about how much I missed Callie, and how I still loved her with all my heart. I also had told her that I had missed my girl so much that I had oftentimes thought of coming back. I ended the email with asking how things were going with her, hoping she would answer with what's going on in her own life and I would be able to take my mind off Callie. Thinking and hoping maybe whatever she had to say would take my mind off of Callie, I opened it right away. What I saw next brought on a new flood of tears that I wouldn't be able to stop if my life depended on it. It simply read..

Arizona,

I really don't know how to tell you this, and I'm sorry I have to be the one because I know this is going to hurt. She is moving on.

-Teddy

After reading it, my heart broke even more. Which, at that point I didn't think was even possible. Then again, did I have the right? I mean, she was no longer mine anymore. Who was I kidding? I would ALWAYS consider her mine. After spending the rest of that night crying so much that my eyes were bloodshot and my voice had become hoarse and raspy, I made a choice that I had hoped I wasn't making too late.

It was a choice that brought me to where I am now. Pacing around in front of Callie's apartment door, trying to gain the courage to knock. Which I've been doing for the last 20 minutes or so as I am still going through a million thoughts in my mind. What if she really has moved on? What if she won't listen to what I have to say? What if I can't even find the right words to say? What if she hates me? Deciding it was now or never, I raised my hand to knock softly. Getting no response I knocked again. Once I was able to shut my mind off for a minute, I realized there was music playing in her apartment and she probably couldn't hear me knocking. I figured I'd open the door slightly and say a simple "hello?".

Knocking softly again as I tried to crack the door open, noticing it was unlocked, I called out for her "Calliope? Hello?". What I saw next broke my heart yet again. She was sitting on her couch, looking very cozy with Mark. He had his hand on her face softly stroking it with his thumb before brushing stray curls out of her face. Stray curls from her new haircut, which by the way was incredibly sexy.

Just as he was about to move in close to kiss her, I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding. Which finally brought her attention to me. Springing off the couch and pushing Mark onto the floor in the process "Arizona?". The look on her face said it all. I mean, I expected her to be shocked to see me. But, this was an entirely different kind of shock. The look of shock that one has when they've been caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

"What...how..." she trails off. I guess I'm not the only one who does not know what to say.

Immediately following her response Mark is able to get himself into a sitting position. Rubbing his head in question and pain he says "Robbins? Callie am I seeing things? I mean I know I hit my head but..." he trails off, still rubbing his head and squinting.

Before he could speak anymore, Callie cuts him off, still looking directly at me. "Shhh Mark, Stop talking" before lowering her voice and speaking to me "Arizona, w-what are you doing here?"

Not knowing what to say or how to stop the tears that I know are coming, I quickly turn around and leave the apartment. I can't let them see me this upset. As I head down the hall to the elevator to leave the building I hear her apartment door slam. Thinking the worst, I figure 'okay maybe she doesn't care and she just wants to pick up where she left off with him. Maybe she does hate me, and I shouldn't have come back.' Pulled out of my thoughts just as I'm about to reach the elevator I hear her call out to me "Arizona, wait. Please" she pleads.

But, I don't wait. I do the only thing I can think of doing right now which is continuing to go as far away from her as possible because I cannot let her see me break down. Not after what I have just seen. Callie gets to the elevator just as the doors are closing and doesn't make it in. Now, I am hoping for the fastest elevator ride of my life, so I can be alone and do some more crying because it is seemingly all I know how to do these days.

As soon as the elevator doors open, I move as quickly as I can hoping that she didn't decide to take the stairs and continue to come after me. I cannot face her right now. Not while I can't get the image of him touching her out of my head. Just as I set foot outside I hear her foot steps as she calls out to me again "Arizona!".

She sounds do desperate. Before I know it, I come to a sudden stop just as she steps in front of me and tries to get me to look her in the eyes. I can't do it. As much as I'd love to look into those beautiful brown eyes that I have missed so much, I just can't. Not when just moments ago, he was doing the same thing. Looking at her like I used to. Touching her like I used to. Laughing with her like I used to.

We both remain silent for a few moments as I continue to look at the ground. A wave of nausea hits me as she begins to speak.

"It's not what you think...I mean...we were just...It only happened..." is all I am making out of what she is trying to say.

I don't even hear half of what she is saying. At the moment I'm not sure I want to. The last few months without her have been hell and now I am going through even more hell. Every day I kept imagining what it would be like to see her and hear her voice for the first time since I left her. Never in a million years did I imagine the first conversation I'd have with her would be her trying to explain to me that she slept with Mark only once, and whatever else she was trying to say.

I cannot speak. I cannot move. All I can do is let the tears that are forming behind my eyes causing blurred vision, fall freely. Dammit, just when I stopped crying. I said I was not going to break down in front of her and here I am. I can't stop the tears. I need to get out of here so I can break down. I know she is watching me intently and I can't break down in front of her. Because if I do, I'll have to hear about how sorry she is and how she never meant anything by it, how Mark doesn't mean as much as I do to her. I can't hear any of it, I need to get away and clear my head. For two months all I wanted to do was see her once again, and now I can't even look at her.

She continues to speak off and on but I do not hear her. I am too focused on the intense feeling of nausea building up inside of me, and the hot tears that I can't stop from pouring out of my I realize that she has stopped talking, we stood there for a few moments. Neither one knowing what to say. Until finally, she begins to speak again "Arizona, I..." she trails off as she takes a tentative step toward me and tries to put her hand on my arm.

I am able to speak in just above a whisper "p-please don't" as I pull away from her, turn around and begin to walk away from her. This time, she does not follow me as I go to the one place I know I can always go. To see the one person who I know won't cause me any more pain right now. My best friend.

Does he watch your favorite movies

Does he hold you when you cry

Does he let you tell him all your favorite parts

When you've seen it a million times

Does he sing to all your music

While you dance to purple rain

Does he do all these things

Like I used to

-A Rocket To The Moon