NAST- Chapter 17
Naruto and Hidan's corner
Naruto: It's been a while guys…ahehehee. What can I say, maybe when I said this story would be updated every two to three years it wasn't a joke after all.
Hidan:…
Naruto: Hidan has since died waiting for this fic to be updated.
Hidan:…
Naruto: How about that huh? Hana-01 and Inuyonas, are you guys glad that you managed to kill an immortal ninja with your lazy as hell story-writing and updating skills (Inuyonas is definitely 101% to blame)?
Inuyonas: In my defense...life happened.
Hana-01: ...Yea that did happen. We both grew up and had to start adulting.
Hidan:…
Naruto: I dont wanna hear it! In the time that you two took to update this, I married the woman of dreams and procreated with her not once, but twice! My son is literally a freakin chuunin. My daughter almost murdered me!
Hidan: That's right! My man 'Ruto got laid! Wooo!
Naruto: You're alive!
Hidan: Yes dipshit. I was just taking a nap. BTW if you forgot who the teams were then here you go.
Team Mad:
Captain: Fake Madara/ Obito-( So Obito Uchiha was masquerading as Madara Uchiha. who knew? -Naruto)
Sai-(I don't like him. -Naruto)
Sakura-(We don't like him. -Naruto and Hidan.)
Temari-(She has giant fuckin hair. -Hidan.)
Ao-(How the hell do you pronounce his name?-Hidan)
Nagato-(My distant uncle and or cousin! -Naruto.)
Jirobo-(Some fat Naruto cosplayer -Hidan)
Akatsuchi-(I wonder if he is related to the Akimichi -Naruto)
Samui-(Goddamn she's hot! - Naruto and Hidan)
Team High Voltage:
Captain: Ei The fourth Raikage. (Why the hell are all kumo ninja named after a goddamned letter? I mean really? Ei (A), Bee (B) I wouldn't be surprised if there was a See (C)-Hidan)
Shi-(apparently he's a guy.-Naruto)
Konan-(Nagato's secret f'kin lover that everyone knows about.- Hidan)
Choji-(A loyal fellow hungry leaf ninja- Naruto)
Gai-(LOOK AT THOSE FUCKING EYE BROWS! THEY'RE ALIVE!- Hidan)
Kakuzu-(My bastard partner who claimed to be immortal but yet...was killed.- Hidan)
Sakon-(The first Siamese twins that were ninja.- Naruto)
Karin-(The hidden Sound village's very own Sakura- Naruto)
Kirabi (Killer Bee)-(A cool ninja named Bee, who's like an uncle to me!- Naruto)
Team Awesome:
Captain: Mei Terumi The fifth Mizukage.-(Hey...she's kinda hot...Well I know what I'll be thinking about while I'm buried in the ground when the tournament is over.-Hidan)
Tenten - (Wishes she had a last name.- Naruto)
Kurenai- (One hot ass Kunoichi- Naruto and Hidan)
Kimmimaro-(Orochimaru's personal bone boy...if you catch my drift.-Hidan)
Zetsu-(The true definition of being black AND white. It would be awkward to say something racist to him...her...it...thing?-Naruto)
Ino-(One of the most beautiful Kunoichi ever to have lived.-Naruto)
Kurotsuchi-(Man if I was a pedophile...-Hidan)
Omoi-(The What If ninja.-Naruto)
Team Epic
Captain: Onoki, the third Tsuchikage.-(He was a like a teen when Madara Uchiha was alive...This guy must be old as DAMN!- Naruto)
Hinata-(Another gorgeous Kunoichi who I've just recently learned may have a slight crush on me...Who would have thought huh?-Naruto)
Chojuro-(Why does he have sharp teeth?- Hidan)
Tayuya-(A pretty red head with a mouth only a mother could love...a mother who was deaf...If only she were a leaf shinobi...-Naruto)
Kakashi-(PERVY SENSEI!-Naruto)
Darui-(That's another thing. A lot of Kumo ninja's names end with "i"-Hidan)
Itachi- (The second most powerful ninja with the Sharingan. And one of the most genuinely kind-hearted people you could ever meet.- Naruto)
Suigetsu-(He's made of Water. If he ever pisses me off, I'm gonna use him to cook my ramen.-Naruto)
Sasori-(Another fake immortal who yet again "Died"-Hidan)
Team Troublesome:
Captain: Tsunade Senju, the fifth Hokage.-(SUPER OLD GRANNY-CHAN!-Naruto)
Shino-(I swear he never sleeps without his shades and something with a high collar.-Naruto)
Kiba-(You guys have to promise not to tell anyone but...Kiba has a hot sister and mother.-Naruto)
Shikamaru-(This is the pineapple shit headed jack fuck who decapitated me and threw my head into a hole! That's why I killed his stupid fat bearded Sensei. The cigarettes almost beat me to it though.-Hidan)
Rock Lee-(Lee once told me that he wants his great great great great great great great great great grandchild's name to be Bruce. I don't know why though...-Naruto)
Kankurou-(How did all of a sudden he go from barely competent puppet comedian to badass platoon leader in the joint shinobi war?- Naruto)
Juugo-(Who the hell is this? They say he is the originator of the curse mark but that filler was never made so...yeah-Naruto)
Sasuke-(Another fellow Sakura Hater.-Hidan and Naruto.)
Kabuto-(So...He merged with Orochimaru's body? But Itachi sealed Orochimaru in his Tatsuki blade. SO I don't understand...-Naruto and Hidan)
Team Sakura...F'KIN SUXXX!:
Captain: Gaara of the desert. The fifth Kazekage. (This guy ...is f'kin awesome!-Hidan and Naruto.)
Naruto-(Konoha's future Orange Hokage a.k.a The number one hyperactive knuckle head ninja a.k.a Mount Myoboku's youngest Toad Sage a.k.a The third Jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi no yoko a.k.a THAT BADASS NINJA THAT F'KIN FARTED IN KIBA'S FACE!-Naruto)
Hidan-(The only REAL immortal of Akatsuki a.k.a Jashin's most devout follower a.k.a THE SECOND MOST AWESOME NINJA ON TEAM SAKURA F'KIN SUXXX!-Hidan)
Matsuri-(She ...really wasn't useful at all...which is a major symptom of the Sakura Syndrome-Naruto)
Kidomaru-(Why the hell does he have six arms? That's six times the masturbation time!- Hidan)
Deidara-(Looks just like Ino-chan...Maybe Ino's mother wasn't as faithful to Inoichi as everyone thought...-Naruto)
Yamato-(Unlike Orochi-fuckface, I would not want to go anywhere near his wood.-Hidan)
Neji-(The second best Hyuuga in the village a.k.a Taijutsu master of the old Team 9 a.k.a THAT NINJA THAT I UPPERCUTTED THE SHIT OUT OF DURING THE CHUUNIN EXAMS BITCH!-Naruto)
Asuma-(Hey this is the fat bearded bastard that I killed. hehehe serves him right for smoking. Jashin-sama hates smoking so I passed judgement on the non believer.-Hidan)
Naruto: And now you guys remember whose on what team.
Hidan: But before we go you guys have to remember one key thing.
Naruto: And what's that Hidan?
Hidan: That SAKURA F'KIN SUXXXXXXX
Naruto: Now let's take a trip back in time to when the last time this story was updated.
A graying hand protruded from the ground, long fingers feeling around. The crowd went silent and everyone was backing away slowly. A dark-haired figure in robes slowly ascended from the cracks of the earth, as rain droplets began to fall.
"I'm back bitches!"
From the ridiculously, long, big and spiky hair, elaborate clothing and uppity airs, one could conclude that this was an Uchiha clan member. He was clutching a sack of big red balls under his arm.
Obito looked demoralized at the sight of the newcomer. "I told you I could handle this! I don't need you here, you old goat!"
The elder Uchiha just looked smugly at all the Ninja's that were in disarray around him.
Kakashi was openly weeping, while Hinata was trying to console him.
Chouji, Jirobo and Akatsuchi somehow found a cart of hotdogs and were devouring them with no care whatsoever that probably the world's most dangerous ninja was in their midst. Karui was looking hungrily in their direction, but not for the hotdogs.
Temari was fanning herself while gazing at Shikamaru's sleeping form.
Kurenai and Mei were swapping tips for contoured makeup looks.
Lee and Gai were feverishly doing push ups in anticipation for whatever was coming next. It was youthful to be prepared.
Shino and his insects were literally buzzing with excitement.
Kiba was playing fetch with Akamaru and Sai was looking at Ino intensely.
Ino felt his stare and turned to look at him. His gaze made her blush.
Gaara's sand fizzled around him in anticipation of the trouble that the new – or should he say, old Uchiha was going to cause.
Asuma was chain-smoking up a storm.
Sasori went inside his Hiruko puppet to take a nap.
Kakuzo was taking this opportunity to rob the distracted ninjas.
Nagato and the paths of Pein were still scoring against Kankuro while Onoki was still keeping count.
Deidara remained dead…or unconscious, we're still not sure at this point.
The other Kage's, minus Mei and Onoki, looked very perturbed at the situation.
Even more worrying, was that Itachi Uchiha, the king of cool himself looked like he was about to lose it.
"Oh no, who is this? We might die. Scratch that, we're definitely going to die," Omoi panicked.
"Do mine eyes deceive me!" Orochimaru screamed into the mic, "It simply cannot be! The real Madara Uchiha!"
"I'm Madara Uchiha yes the real Madara Uchiha, all you other Madara Uchiha's are just imitating so wont the real Madara Uchiha please stand up." said the smirking ancient Uchiha.
"I feel like that was aimed at me." Obito said.
"Madara-sama!" Black Zetsu exclaimed, and tried to bow, while the white half still tried to remain upright. This resulted in both of them losing their footing and rolling down a steep bank.
"What's so great about this guy?" Kisame asked.
"Where do I even begin to start?" Orochimaru sighed dramatically as he reached under the table and pulled out a massive tome entitled, 'The life and times of the Uchiha Clan: tales through the ages' by Orochimaru.
"Y-you wrote an entire biography on the Uchiha's?" Kisame stammered, "You're even more obsessed with them than I originally thought!"
"I am both a scholar and a lover," Orochimaru declared, looking proud of himself.
Kisame backed away slowly and soon enough, the sound of retching could be heard from the bathroom.
Madara cleared his throat and cast his gaze upon all the ninja's in his midst. He smiled benignly at them, like the way a grandfather would while watching their grandchildren play. "For years I have dreamed of this moment, to promote peace and international cooperation among ninja's. And I thought to myself, how could I achieve such a thing?"
"Stay dead and stop meddling?" Itachi volunteered.
Madara didn't look upset at this comment, instead, he looked thoughtful, "Indeed. I could do that, but then that wouldn't be any fun for me, would it?"
"I daresay these Uchiha's are even more narcissistic than I am," Orochimaru commented.
"Could I achieve it by using the moon to cast a genjutsu of eternal peace among us all? Probably. But there came a point when I visited another time and place… another dimension if you will. I observed these people, it appeared that they used sports to channel their lust for fighting and blood, into something less destructive. Many nations came together to compete in these sports, it filled them with pride and joy…why, even the people that were not competing seemed to enjoy it very much and they were overcome with happiness, or sadness when their teams won or lost. And that gave me an idea for the ninja world, instead of letting our hate, emotions and overload of testosterone lead to wars, we could just have these competitive events to promote cooperation, unity and peace."
The ninja's pondered over his words, but Obito seemed to be very upset. He strode over to where Madara was standing, hands on his hips, but then turned to face the rest of the ninja's. "This old man right here is such a liar. He didn't realize all of those things. I did! All he did was complain about the other dimension!"
"Enough with the sad stories Obito. I'll have you know that it was I, Uchiha Madara that orchestrated your entire heartbreak in order to get you to do my bidding," the old man, who was apparently the real Madara said, "I did enjoy my time in the other dimension. And there was one sport in particular that I became really fond of."
Madara took one of the balls out of the sack and bounced it up and down menacingly while grinning "Dodgeball."
"Dodgeball?" Naruto asked.
"What is that? Like dodging … balls?" Gaara asked.
"No we have to dodge fucking dinosaurs." Hidan deadpanned as he rolled his eyes at the fifth kazekage.
"I hope we don't have to dodge his balls," Sakura muttered in disgust, looking at the old Madara Uchiha.
"I wouldn't worry, Sakura, no man is going to want to come near you with their balls, especially an Uchiha," Sasuke told her.
Sakura looked at him angrily, "What is your problem Sasuke? Why are you such a stuck-up, mean asshole? I've just realized that you're not even that great. Everyone and their tenth cousin knows that Naruto is a better man and ninja than you!"
Bitch better stay in her lane, Hinata thought angrily, Naruto is my man.
Not that great? That's the same Sasuke that defeated Orochimaru, defeated Danzou the freaking temporary hourkage, whooped Deidara's ass, had killer bee on the run, and attacked the summit of the 5 Kage. This is bitch makes it sound like just ANYONE could do that? Karin thought.
All of the ninja's collectively gasped. Was Sakura really insulting her one true love. Even Sasuke looked taken aback at the rage emanating from Sakura.
"I am sick to death at being bashed by everyone in this fic! I am not useless! I am not good for nothing, and I am certainly not UGLY!"
"I also am not ugly."
"Shut up Kisame. Simply just being ugly for you would be a compliment."
Faint crying could be heard over the microphones at Orochimaru's response to Kisame.
"Damn Sakura," Hidan said, looking mildly impressed.
"Whoa whoa whoa, calm down," Sasuke told her, "I am just mean to you because I am too afraid to show you my real feelings."
Sad violin music began to play.
"Adds dramatic tension," Orochimaru said, playing a violin which was tucked under his chin.
"What are your real feelings?" Sakura asked hesitantly. Every ninja was hooked on this particular conversation now. Even Madara and Obito were now looking interested.
"I want to rebuild the Uchiha clan," Sasuke said.
"You know I'm still alive right? Perhaps I would be better suited to rebuilding the clan than you," Obito said, not wanting the attention to fade away from him.
"Since I was brought back to life I'm still in the running to rebuild the clan. I can get a girl pregnant just by staring at her," Itachi said.
Tayuya fainted on the spot.
Sasuke just ignored them and carried on talking to Sakura, moving closer towards her and grinning sexily. "So what do you say Sakura?"
"I…uh…" Sakura stammered.
"Shall we get married and have a baby together? One who will inherit my looks and both our beastly strengths? One who will be as annoying as you are but with my coolness? One who might have some vision problems, need prescription glasses which could possibly cast some suspicion and confusion as to who her mom really is?"
"Wow, that's oddly specific," Suigetsu said to Juugo and Karin.
"Y-you w-want… w-with…m-me?" Sakura was reduced to Hinata levels of stuttering.
"Yes," Sasuke replied huskily, "We'll make a baby together, and then I shall leave you to raise it on your own while I go off and do my own thing."
"Oh Sasuke! Put a baby in me!" Sakura shouted with glee, she was on the verge of collapsing from happiness, even disregarding all the smack she was talking about Sasuke earlier.
Sasuke shrugged.
"Damn you are desperate for me. I thought me saying those things to you would literally make you die of shock, but I guess not."
Sakura turned red…with rage, "Shannaro!" Before Sasuke knew it, he was lying on his back, dazed and confused, in a crack inside the earth.
"I've had it with you! Let's start this game. I am going to beat the shit out of everyone who gets in my way! Shouldn't be too hard, I mean all I have to do is dodge balls right?"
"No we have to dodge fucking roller coasters."
BOOM!
Hidan's head exploded from the force of Sakura's punch.
"Not in the mood right now for your shit!" Sakura screamed.
"HIDAN!"
"Sakura has had enough apparently. I don't blame her. Hidan's face is definitely punchable." said Kisame.
"I wonder if Hidan could make my head explode."
Jiraiya vomited at Orochimaru's double meaning.
"Wait, why did you vomit?" Kisame clearly didn't get it.
"You know, I think I also want to have a child of my own," Orochimaru said, putting his violin down.
"How? And more importantly, who do you think is going to willingly procreate with you?" Kisame asked in horror.
Orochimaru looked at him with an evil grin, "I might have to science the shit out of it."
"Kisame, Oro, and I are still the tournament judges right?" asked Jiraiya, who was looking slightly worn out after his transformation in response to Sakura's earlier henge.
"Of course, of course. But I will also be a judge." Said Madara. "I prefer to talk in bold."
"Figures. You Uchiha's love being authority figures."
It was Obito who said this.
"But – " Naruto began.
"Shut it," said Obito.
People began to get even more confused.
"OOOH I GET IT NOW! IT FINALLY MAKES-" Kisame then vomited.
"I shall now teach you the rules," Madara said, spinning the ball on the tip of his finger, "Two teams at a time will face off against each other. The rules are simple. Just don't get hit with the ball or you will be eliminated."
"Ah I see, so we must not let the ball hit our balls," Sai said.
"This shouldn't be that hard to understand Sai you moron... I mean all we have to do is dodge balls right?"
"No we have to dodge fucking attack helicopters."
Karui glared at Hidan's sarcasm.
"Hidan! Bro your head is back! I didn't know you could regenerate!" Naruto shouted happy that his best bud was okay.
"I can fuckin regenerate?"
"Any part of your body. The balls will be placed in a line in the middle of the court and when the whistle is blown, team members rush to the middle to grab balls and start throwing them at their opponent. If you get hit, you're eliminated. If you catch the ball, the person who threw it is eliminated."
"Ok I'm with you, I'm following, but do we get to use jutsu?" Kiba asked.
"Now what fun would ninja dodgeball be if you couldn't," Madara said with that patented Uchiha smirk.
"Time to show em like All might, The other teams are gonna fall twice. We got victory in our Jaws tight. I mean all we gotta do is dodge balls right?" Kirabee rapped.
"No we have to dodge fucking lava lamps."
The Kumo rapper deadpanned a stare at Hidan's Sarcasm.
"Team leaders, gather your team members. You have five minutes to plan and strategize. The teams who will face off against each other will be chosen randomly," Madara said.
"Ok Team listen up. There is only one way to win this." Obito began. "We need to rely on people who have the most experience with balls."
"Well I got two hefty balls hehehehe."
"Yeah but yours are little Jirobo. Let a real man handle this." Akatsuchi rebuttled.
"I literally have 14 balls." Nagato stated.
Team Mad looked at him confused until they realized all 6 paths of Pein were standing behind him.
"He makes a compelling argument." claimed Sai.
"I'm a medical Ninja. I've dealt with more balls than anyone of you could imagine." said Sakura arrogantly.
"Well I'm just a proud whore so all my dealings with balls were voluntary on their part unlike someone who has to go to the doctor." Samui said smirking at Sakura.
"I vote we listen to Samui. I make her vice captain. She's amazing."
Temari rolled her eyes at how simple minded men are.
"Vice captain? Now she's the Zoro to your Luffy, Obito-san." Ao said.
"Bah. I prefer the King to my Kaidou. After all Kaidou one shotted Luffy even with Luffy's plot as armor." responded the former fake Madara.
"Sanji is the best though. No matter what anyone says." Temari threw in her 2 cents.
"Pfft what? Whole cake island made him look like a bitch. Sanji out here catching feelings for three eyed hoes and then crying over them. And on top of THAT he couldnt even knock Luffy down with a full powered kick while Luffy was not even blocking. Sanji is awful." Obito was clearly bothered by Temari's opinion.
"Pfft hater."
"Buggy is gonna find one piece first. On accident i bet." Nagato also added his 2 cents.
"What about Go D. Usopp-"
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU IDIOTS TALKING ABOUT?! STAY FOCUSED ON THE GAME WE ARE ABOUT TO PLAY!" Apparently Sakura isn't a pirate fan.
"I can't move passed the way Jirobo laughed. What the fuck is 'hehehehe?" Temari just HAD to have the last say
"Alright team." Any ideas on how to-"
"YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR DAMN MIND! CLEARLY APPLE JACK IS THE STRONGEST!"
Gaara was interrupted with a random shout.
"No way tebayo! Rainbow Dash would totally demolish Apple Jack in a fight!"
"Fucking impossible! Rainbow Dash couldn't even beat Sprinkles!"
"Blaze would totally knock Apple Jack out!"
Naruto and Hidan were having a very serious discussion.
"What are those dumbasses doing?" Deidara deadpanned.
"Clearly they are having an important discussion." Yamato said irritated at Deidara for calling Naruto a dumbass.
"Important? I doubt those two could even fathom the word important."
"This coming from the guy that blew himself up cause someone disrespected his art?" Matsuri added in.
"...Your point?"
"You're an idiot. By the way aren't you suppose to be unconscious? or dead?...or both?"
"Eh. At this point I'm just glad to have lines."
"Deidara is right." began Gaara. "The discussion is nonsensical."
"Sorry Gaara." Naruto apologized.
"Yeah, our bad." added Hidan.
"As Kazekage I have extreme faith in my abilities to Put such a ridiculous debate to rest. Clearly Rainbow Dash is the strongest."
"HA! IN YOUR FACE HIDAN!"
"Fuckin Kazekage..." Hidan shook his head in disappointment.
"I'm surrounded by morons un."
"Now that we have established Rainbow Dash is the best pony, how do you all propose we go about conquering this Dodge ball game?" Gaara asked.
"Well all we have to do is Dodge balls right?"
"No Deidara, we have to dodge fucking hippos."
Deidara glared at Hidan.
"Leave this to me. My superior Byakugan is most valuable in a game of dodge."
"Didn't I almost kill you with your so called Superior Byakugan?"
"True...however, didn't I actually kill you with my superior Byakugan?"
Kidoumaru glowered at Neji's remark.
"Hey a loss is a loss. Own it young man." added Asuma.
"Yea. listen to the guy. I killed him after all."
"Hidan you asshole 'tebayo. Stop being mean to Asuma sensei."
"Sorry fam."
"Guys lets get back on topic." Matsuri tried to bring the conversation back to dodgeball.
"Well its not that hard to win. I mean all we have to do is dodge balls right?"
"No we have to dodge fucking boats."
Kidoumaru glared at Hidan's sarcasm.
"Alright Troops. The sure fire way to victory is too listen to me and heed my every word. I don't like repeating myself so listen up."
"Huh what'd you say? Sorry I wasn't listening."
"I said I..."
The Raikage stopped mid sentence and glared at his younger brother's antics.
"THIS GAME WILL SURELY LIGHT THE FLAMES OF YOUTH WITHIN YOU ALL!"
"I have no idea what the freak with the mega eyebrows just said but I've got this game in the bag."
"Freak? You literally have 2 heads coming out of one body."
"And you're so fat you bleed bacon grease. Wanna keep stating the obvious?"
"Id like some bacon. My tummy is A-quakin.'"
"I'll sell you some bacon for the cheap price of 300,000 ryo." Kakuzu commented to Kirabi's quaking tummy.
"300,000 ryo?! That pig better cure fucking cancer." Choji added.
"That's very expensive Akatsuki-san." Shi added.
"I'd pay that much for one night with Sasuke-kun."
"Such desperation is unbecoming of a female." Konan chided.
"Pfft whatever. Its 2019. I'll pay for dick whenever I freakin' wanna, paper lady." Karin was unbothered by Konan.
"Enough With the foolishness!" Shouted the Raikage. "We must focus. Even though this game seems very easy we have to put all our efforts in strategy. It shouldn't be too hard. I mean all we have to do is dodge balls right?"
"No we have to dodge fucking boxes of oatmeal."
"...Hidan what are you doing here?" Konan broke the silence.
"I don't know myself."
"Get out of here Hidan. Popping up randomly is weird."
"Oh I can't pop up randomly but Nagato can pop up inside you randomly?"
"What even- how does- the hell- Just get the fug outta here!" screamed Konan with a face that a tomato would be jealous of."
"Whatever loser's. I'm gone like the Yellow Flash." Hidan said as he shunshined away
And now let the games begin!" old Madara chimed in.
Suddenly he was hit in the face with one of the glaring red dodgeballs. Hinata was slightly red and looking in another direction, whistling innocently.
Madara regained his composure and prepared to draw team names out of a hat.
"Hey old man Onoki, where's your hat gone to?" Deidara asked.
Onoki glared at him.
"And the first two teams who will be dodging each other's balls is – " before he could finish, he was hit in the face again.
Naruto and Hidan dabbed.
Madara was starting to lose his benign grandfatherly composure. "- is Team Sakura Fkkn Sucks! Against…" As he was unrolling the paper to read the next team name, another ball came his way but this time he dodged it.
"Darn it!" Sakura said.
"- against Team Troublesome!"
Naruto and Sasuke looked at each other. This was going to be a dodgeball battle for the ages.
BLOOPERS:
Madara emerges scene take 1:
A graying hand protruded from the ground, long fingers feeling around. The crowd went silent and everyone was backing away slowly. A dark-haired figure in robes slowly ascended from the cracks of the earth, as rain droplets began to fall.
"YOHOHOHOHOHO!"
"BROOK YOU'RE IN THE WRONG FIC!" Kisame yelled.
The skeletal pirate bowed apologetically. "Sorry I got lost on my hunt for panties."
"You went looking for panties and ended up in a different dimension?" Naruto asked.
"Hey that's not uncommon. One time on my own hunt for panties I ended up in my moms closet."
"I was today years old when I learned Pervy sage was in to incest."
SASUKE FLIRTS WITH SAKURA SCENE TAKE 1:
Sasuke just ignored them and carried on talking to Sakura, moving closer towards her and grinning sexily. "So what do you say Sakura?"
Naruto dabbed.
"I…uh…" Sakura stammered.
Hidan dabbed.
"Shall we get married and have a baby together?"
Naruto dabbed.
"One who will inherit my looks and both our beastly strengths?"
Hidan dabbed.
"One who will be as annoying as you are but with my coolness?"
Naruto dabbed.
"One who might have some vision problems, need prescription glasses which could possibly cast some suspicion and confusion as to who her mom really is?"
Karin dabbed.
"Wow, that's oddly specific," Suigetsu said to Juugo and Karin.
Naruto and Hidan dabbed.
"Y-you w-want… w-with…m-me?" Sakura was reduced to Hinata levels of stuttering.
Konohamaru dabbed.
"Yes," Sasuke replied huskily, "We'll make a baby together, and then I shall leave you to raise it on your own while I go off and do my own thing."
"Oh Sasuke! Put a baby in me!" Sakura shouted with glee, she was on the verge of collapsing from happiness, even disregarding all the smack she was talking about Sasuke earlier.
Naruto and Hidan dabbed.
"WHY DO YOU IDIOTS KEEP DABBING!? ITS DISTRACTING!"
Naruto shrugged.
"Damn you are desperate for me." Sasuke tried to stay in character. " I thought me saying those things to you would literally make you die of shock, but I guess not."
Hidan dabbed.
"FUCKING STOOOOP!" roared Sakura once again.
"Chill Gorilla arms...won't happen again." Hidan assured.
Sakura continued.
Sakura turned red…with rage, "Shannaro!" Before Sasuke knew it, he was lying on his back, dazed and confused, in a crack inside the earth.
Hinata and Ino dabbed.
"RAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Sakura saw red.
Author's note: Are you Team SFS or Team Troublesome? Review now and let us know! Maybe your reviews will influence the outcome… maybe we will update this story in less than five years… until then, stay on the edge of your seats and watch out for flying balls!