12-13-10

9:06pm

Summary–Ryder's first date with a girl (ever) causes unwanted attention. And even more, unwanted advice.

Disclaimer–I do not own Melissa & Joey, which belongs to its respective owner(s) and is only being used in a fan-made, fictional story.

xoxo

Title–Guidance

By–Moon Prynces

xoxo

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Mel walked through the kitchen door after her nephew. "Where are you going? Dinner's gonna be ready in like twenty minutes."

Ryder glanced over from the front door, hand already poised over the knob. "Uh, I was gonna meet some friends to finish this project," he said.

Though not casually enough to prevent his aunt from stalking over with folded arms and an 'oh really?' expression.

All it took was a pointed look before he cracked, turning around to face her and defend himself.

"Okay, so it's just one friend. But there is homework involved!" Ryder responded, trying to redeem himself.

A confused look crossed Mel's face. "Then why didn't you say anything earlier? I mean Joe made a delicious meal and now your portion's gonna–" Here she stopped and glanced over her shoulder. Then she turned back with a pleasant smile. "I'm sure we can find somewhere to put your portion." And she muttered, "Like in my stomach."

"So I can go now?" he asked in confusion, pointing at the door.

"Oh, yeah!" the blonde spoke abruptly, having snapped out of a daydream involving last night's amazing chicken dish.

"Uh, Aunt Mel, you're drooling," Ryder said before making his escape.

She swiped at her face while walking back to the kitchen, just in time to see Joe rushing up the stairs.

"Don't you people hear anything?" he asked while pulling a lid off a pot on the stove. "I've been yelling for someone to check the–"

"I'm sorry, what was that?" Mel shook her head. "The shine off your head momentarily blinded me."

Which was true. His head was looking particularly shiny today.

Joe didn't bother with a comeback, just shaking his head and trying to make sure dinner wasn't ruined. "Lennox, Ryder!" he called while spooning something out of the pot and onto a bigger dish.

"Oh, Ryder's over at a friend's place," Mel supplied while dropping tiredly into a chair at the kitchen table.

"Which friend?" Joe asked, walking over to put down the dish and setting the plates. "You mind helping out here?"

Mel grabbed a fork and knife before smiling. "Ready."

Lennox traipsed her way down the stairs as Joe sighed and rolled his eyes. "What's for dinner?" She sniffed the air. "Smells burnt."

Joe gave the look he always did when he had no response – a sort of blank, can-you-frickin'-believe-this face.

He went back to arranging the table as Mel and Lennox sat there expectantly, and not helping.

"So where'd you say Ryder is?" he asked again after finally sitting down to eat.

Mel glanced up with a forkful of linguini in her mouth already. "Huh?" She hurriedly choked down what she could. "Oh, I don't know."

"You didn't even ask?" Joe questioned in disbelief.

"Ryder doesn't have friends," Lennox quipped, and then kept eating.

"Thanks, for that ever so helpful comment," Joe told her mockingly. "Burke, you're supposed to know what's going on with these kids. What if he just left to–"

Before he could finish there was a slam as someone entered through the front door. Ryder then came through the kitchen door, pushing it open and throwing himself onto the nearest chair.

There was a moment of silence as eyebrows were raised (and Lennox was coming up with her best material yet).

"Uh, you're home early," Mel commented while Joe got up to get another place setting.

"Yeah, she canceled on me," he responded while grabbing the plate Joe handed him.

As Ryder was helping himself to the food there were looks exchanged around the table.

Finally Lennox said sarcastically, "What a shock." And then she went on eating.

"Who's she?" Mel asked carefully.

Ryder managed to drop his fork with wide eyes. "Uh..."

Too late. Mel was already singing, "Ryder's got a girlfriend, Ryder's got a girlfriend."

"I do not!" the poor boy shouted.

Lennox looked at her aunt. "How much you wanna bet she's as much of a loser as he is?"

"Ten says she's a bigger loser," Mel responded, both females completely blocking out sensible thoughts.

"Hey, hey!" Joe started, trying to break up their unfounded giddiness. "She's not a loser."

Ryder looked up, ready for his own defense.

Joe glanced over skeptically. "Right?"

There was a sigh. "I don't have a girlfriend. She's just a friend. We were supposed to do this project but she had to make sure her mom doesn't take any more pain meds."

"For what?" Mel asked before thinking.

"Some piercing infection," Ryder said casually, grabbing the dish of pasta to serve himself.

"Oh, mid-life crisis. Gotcha," his aunt noted before digging in again.

"See, I knew he didn't have a girlfriend," Lennox added.

Joe looked around at the not-quite-dysfunctional family before him. Everyone just went on eating even though Lennox just insulted Ryder and Mel made a not-so-great comment on Ryder's (maybe girl)friend's mom.

Well, he was gonna get to the bottom of this.

Was it worth seeing Ryder's face – a cornered animal – as he sat on the couch watching that beautiful TV? A little.

"So," Joe started, plopping down on the sofa and throwing an arm over the top of it. "Ryder. My man. Buddy." He lightly punched the kid's arm with his other hand.

Ryder could only stare in confusion and suspicion. "Whatever it is, I didn't do it."

"Nah, just wondering," he went on, "how's the game?"

He may have been a bit slow, but not stupid.

"Just spit it out."

Joe gave a frank look. "Aright, I'm just gonna say this once. I mean, if you ever need someone to talk to...you know, about girls and that stuff, I'm here."

"I don't really have anything to talk about."

And so the two turned to watch the television.

"Except I have a date tomorrow."

Unfortunately this admission was made just as Mel walked through the kitchen door and Lennox came skipping down the stairs, so they both heard and immediately zoned in to make Ryder feel like a slide under a microscope.

"Ooh, what does she look like?" Mel asked excitedly, shoving Joe off the couch and sitting in his spot.

"You're kidding," Lennox started. "Some girl actually agreed to go out with you?"

Joe watched from the floor as Ryder held his own.

"Hey, she asked me!" He turned to his aunt. "You know, she looks the same as every other girl. Dark hair, brown eyes, nice smile." Then he glanced at his sister. "Well, not every girl." And he made the cross, as if warding off some kind of evil.

Lennox made the 'oh, ha-ha' face.

"Ah, I can't believe you're growing up so fast," Mel said, supposedly getting teary eyed and stroking Ryder's hair like a pet. "Wait, is this your first date?" Everyone could practically hear the record stop as she came out of her happy mood and asked this.

"Uh...well, yeah."

"Ha!" Lennox said before he could finish. "I can already see this is gonna end badly. Anyone wanna wager?" she challenged.

Mel glanced over.

"Hey, hey, hey," Joe said while finally standing up. "Why don't you two go...fix your hair or something? Go, shoo." He ushered to two into the kitchen, back up the stairs, anywhere that just wasn't there.

Unfortunately, this included Ryder saying goodbye ("Zapatos!") and heading to his room as well.

But was it a coincidence that as he came bounding down the stairs the next day to leave for his date, that all three of his housemates were sitting neatly on the couch as if waiting for him?

Maybe not.

But then the creepy smiles that lit up all three faces when they spotted him...yeah, that wasn't right.

He was literally just a foot away from the door, listening to them breathe and smile (encouragingly, nonchalantly and snidely).

"Well, don't you wanna ask anything?" Mel jumped up from the sofa, stopping him in his tracks.

Ryder looked up, asking lightning to strike – them, strike them. He turned around. "No, not really."

"Okay, look," she said, jumping right in. "My only advice is..." She cringed, palms together in front of her mouth. "Don't kiss on the first date. Ever."

"Like he's gonna get that far," Lennox said and grabbed the remote while Joe was distracted.

"Wait a minute. What are you talkin' about?" the older male questioned as he stood up and walked closer to The Situation.

Mel looked at him for a second before turning back to her nephew. "Seriously. It'll end in disaster if you go for it and she's not really ready for it." Her face scrunched up while delicately describing her reasons.

"Look," Joe offered, speaking to the blonde (instead of her nephew). "If she agreed to the date then that's not gonna be the case."

"Uh, she asked me, remember?" Ryder tried to interject, a finger poised in the air in an attempt to get due attention.

It was a waste of energy.

"Psh, what do you know?" Mel said. "When was your last first date?"

Joe sputtered for a moment before settling with, "Excuse me. I think I've been on enough first dates to know what I'm talking about." He cut off Mel before she could say something snarky. "Yes, dates when I was a teenager. And what about you? How did all your first dates go?"

The blonde put a hand on her hip and the other on her chin while glancing upward. "Well, they weren't so much dates as us in the back of a car..." She trailed off and looked at Ryder quickly. Then some relief passed over her features before she sighed and said, "That's right. You can't drive yet." A pause. "Then again, that didn't stop me," she mumbled.

After this enlightening moment (and as Ryder tried to subtly sneak out the door, with no luck) Joe shook his head and turned to the boy.

"Don't listen to her. If the moment comes up then go for it."

"And how am I supposed to know when that moment is?" Ryder asked back with raised brows.

Joe and Mel looked at each other.

"Oh, well," she started.

"You know, she'll–" he said while scratching the back of his neck.

Lennox, who had been fairly quiet up until this point, glanced over to shoot her aunt and nanny a strange look. "Aren't you gonna be late?" she asked her brother.

Ryder started at the statement and glanced at the clock.

"Okay, well...thanks for the advice and everything. I'll see you guys later," he said while grabbing the knob and yanking open the door.

"Right, have a good time. Don't kiss her!" Mel started off with her indoor voice and escalated to shouting as Ryder made a run for it and left the house. Her eyes widened. "Does she have a car?" she continued shouting.

"Burke. Give it up." Joe coaxed her back inside, sparing Ryder the embarrassment as he kept walking down the block in the middle of the day.

She sniffled. "They grow up so fast."

When she turned to glance back at him, he just made a face that asked 'are you kidding?'

Four hours passed by. Fast. At least for some people.

But for Mel and Joe, they spent the time waiting anxiously, listening for the faintest sound of Ryder arriving home.

He had missed dinner, which wasn't really cause for concern but the two just needed something to make a big deal of. Lennox made faces and kept quiet, but also wanted a full report.

Now obviously Ryder was not up for reliving his date...with any of them.

So he did what teenagers do. Tried to sneak in the house as quietly as possible, jog up to his room and lock the door. Hopefully fall asleep before anyone realized he was home and then he wouldn't have to deal with the questions.

"So how was it?"

Unfortunately, Mel was hyperaware of everything and he didn't stand a chance.

"Mel, it's not like asking about school," Joe said from where he sat at the couch, apathetically flipping channels.

"Uh, it was...good?" Ryder responded uncomfortably. Damnit. If he didn't watch out he'd get "the talk" soon.

"Good as in, you guys sat around in awkward silence most of the time or good as in...someone lost their shirt?" she questioned with a hopeful look, although it was unclear which option she was rooting for.

Ryder's eyes widened and Joe got up to intervene.

"Maybe you should just go upstairs. Do homework or something," Joe waved him off.

Mel jumped in, repeating a word so fast it blurred together. "Wuh-wuh-wuh-wait," she commanded. "Was I right? I mean, you didn't kiss her, did you?"

Joe laughed, hands in his jeans' pockets. "What'd you think they did that whole time?"

She turned and gave a look that said 'shut up'.

Then he asked, "I was right, right? I mean, you saw the moment and went for the kill."

Finally, the harassed boy spoke up. "Look, I didn't kill anyone." He shook his head. "And you were both wrong. Things were fine. I just didn't know what the 'moment' was supposed to be like so I didn't do anything because I wasn't sure when or how or–"

The two adults watched in fascination (and mortification, perhaps remembering some of their own youth).

"But whatever, it's okay," Ryder admitted with a shrug, and something close to a smile. "I'll know what it looks like next time."

Mel folded her arms with a suspicious look. "How's that?"

He started up the stairs while saying, "Because I didn't kiss her."

It took a few moments (which meant Ryder was long gone) before the remaining two realized what he meant. Then they followed his path with widened eyes, open mouths, and amazed minds.

"That was...pretty badass," Mel admitted later, as she rummaged through the fridge for some after dinner snack while Joe stood around and watched her. (Because he knew there was nothing in there she'd eat and he would enjoy her pain.)

He folded his arms and leaned back against the counter. "What, like you didn't do that all the time when you were his age? You probably made all the first moves," he laughed.

She turned around a second. "When you put it like that it sounds...so true." And then she refocused on the food. "But that was such a long time ago." She waved a hand at him dismissively, not even paying attention.

"Okay, yeah," he agreed. "That was first dates back then. What about now? What's your first date like now?" Joe asked.

Mel gave up the search and turned to him. "I don't know," she started slowly. "I mean it would depend on the guy and how much I like him, I guess."

For an awkward moment she glanced up at him and he was still raising a brow at her.

At last she followed up with, "I would ask you the same thing but...it's been a while, hasn't it?"

Joe's mouth dropped open, caught off guard at the insult. He unfolded his arms and grinned. While shaking his head to himself he said, "You already lost the waffles, you really wanna keep that up?"

Then he turned and went to his...basement, while Mel gaped with her tummy grumbling in protest.

xo end xo

This story is born from these lines from the show: Ryder: "I'm gonna learn a lot from you, aren't I?" Joe: "Damn straight, boy." (End of episode 2, "Moving On")

Somehow though, it became more than that. Around a third or halfway through I got tired and distracted and I just wasn't enjoying it anymore. Too much detail, trying too hard, too much extraneous information that just wasn't relevant (in my opinion). I found my footing around the time Ryder was leaving for/coming back from the date.

Still though, this wasn't that good to me. Maybe the ending makes up for the waste of words at the beginning and middle? I really, really had to push myself to finish – to work on this and only this. I knew if I stopped I just might not want to get started again. It might just get left on the backburner for weeks and months. I don't want to leave any more stories unfinished.

I rewatched the first ten episodes for some specific information (that I will probably write about soon) but really there are so many amazing lines you can work with or expand on. The hard part is getting the description of the scene and characters' actions down. The dialogue itself is difficult to write because it's so good in the show.

12-15-10

2:28am

Ah, tell me what you think? It should have been shorter and more to the point, right? Yeah, I know. Let's hope I can write something better soon.

12-15-10

10:58pm

Damn. That's what I came up with for a title. The hell? Anyway I'm thinking to write a better story I need to evolve past the basic plotlines we see in the show. Shit would need to happen huh?

12-16-10

12:19am