I have no excuses. My interest in this story is almost non-existent.

If you have any questions or ideas, tweet me annashedevil (#AAL (( AnAssassin'sLife)) )

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A/N: The other chapters are still being edited. I saw I've made hell loads of mistakes and I'm trying to fix them. Thank You for sticking with this story.

It's moments like these when you really see a person for who they really are. They can be strong and guarded, but when the time came could be compassionate and understanding. That was this moment.

As Eddie fell the couple of feet towards the spikes my heart stopped. I can't kill my friend… can I? It was as if time slowed down, everyone moving at super slow speed, Eddie barely falling but my heart racing uncontrollably. I could barely breathe. Little shock waves pinged in my head, shocking my nerves and making my eyes flutter fast. I felt dizzy, wanting to fall to the ground and not wake up. This isn't me, I don't act like this, not anymore.

Time started to go to normal speed again and before I could even press the button to lower the spikes back into the ground it was almost too late. As I hit the button and the spikes descended into the ground while Dimitri had flung himself beneath Eddie, grabbing him around his waist and pinning him against him. Just as they hit the ground the ends of the spikes had disappeared into the ground. I didn't even notice my uneven breathing, sweaty palms that were fisted up so tightly I could have drawn blood.

"Good." Was all I could think up before I stormed out into the hall, running out into the parking lot. This place wasn't that far from our base, but I couldn't go back there, not now.

With no destination in mind I slowed down my pace, jogging towards the road. When I reached the road I stopped and collapsed onto the ground. I was breathing heavily, closing my eyes and sucking the darkness from Lissa. I need power, I need anger. I burst off running, running faster than I've ever ran in my life.

I don't know where I'm going, but I do know one thing. I cannot face my friends like this, or at all…

xxx

I ran in no particular direction, just following the road until its end. I was running towards the outskirts of the area, where no human, dhampir, Moroi or strigoi ventured, far past our base. It was said to be cursed. Upon a hill in the distance laid the broken down rubble of a castle. It was really old and said that the 'king' of that castle who once had 5 wives who all committed suicide right after their wedding night. We usually joke around at the thought of that, making jokes about how the man probably had some mental issues and drove the women mad after one day of marriage. We have never been to the remnants of the castle, not because it was cursed but because every time we plan to go something comes up. Andre likes to think of it as a sign to never go near it. As someone who is shadow kissed and seen some strange stuff this didn't bother me. A cursed castle? Sign me up!

I didn't even realise I was 2 miles away from it when I stopped, looking up to the rubble. There was still some sort of castle like structure, though if you didn't know about it, it would look like your normal flattened house that had one too many families living there.

I could feel the darkness within me pulling towards the dark matter on the hill and my feet moved without my command, running up the hill fast. Something was pulling me, drawing me closer to the darkness. Is this what it felt like? Drowning in so much darkness that you couldn't breathe?

My body moved with the wind, closer and closer to the dark. I guess it didn't help that it was night and pitch black, not even a bit of moon to help me see. Trusting my instincts I allowed my body to be pulled up until I was met with the broken gates of the castle. In the distance I could hear thunder roaring, making it look and sound airy. I stepped over the fallen gate, following the cobblestone path around a deconstructed fountain. It was probably beautiful in its original state. I came to a holt next to a decapitated statue of a man. He had a sword in one hand and the head of a man in the other. It looked surprisingly beautiful yet sickening at the same time.

His head lay at the foot of the structure, right before my feet. Eyes with nothing in them stared back at me. How could someone be a maybe hero with blank eyes? His features were very masculine, like those of a soldier during battle, though no battle scars.

My phone beeped in my pocket, shaking my out of thought. "Come back." It was from Andre, probably worried sick.

With a sigh I looked up further to the castle. "One day I will come back and find your secrets."

On my way down the hill I could have sworn I heard a voice reply, "I'll be waiting."

xxx

Walking into the main entrance of the building I was met with a very worried Andre and a white Eddie. The rest were sitting on the stairs, talking to Dimitri and Alberta. Stan was off to the side, kicking at some rubble.

I walked up to Eddie and Andre, stopping a bit away. I looked into Eddie's eyes. They weren't mad, or sad. They were hopeful.

"I hope me almost dying meant I'm in?" He asked, tilting his head back and giving a soft giggle.

I couldn't talk. The darkness in me was still there and I'm afraid of what I might do or say. I just nodded my head, telling him he is accepted. I glanced at Andre seeing him looking at me strangely.

"You okay?" He asked, coming closer.

Again I just nodded my head, stepping back out of his reach. His hand fell down to his side while he gave me a questioning look. I wasn't doing this, not now. I walked over to the others and tried to keep my voice calm and controlled.

"Congratulations. You made it." I crossed my arms and swayed on the balls of my feet waiting for their reply.

I was met with cheers of you from Dimitri and Alberta. Stan, being his snarky self, commented, "Well of course we did. You little games are nothing compared to the real world. We've been outside sweetie, we know how to handle ourselves and kill strigoi…" he continued on with his stupid remarks of being more experienced than us. All of us treating this as a game with no idea of what being a guardian is really about.

My feet moved on its own again, walking, stalking closer to his. I was angry. I don't know why. I know how Stan feels about us and what type of man he is, saying all those things just to boost his ego. I'm used to it yet now I'm extremely mad for no reason. In my head everything seems clear yet my body is responding in a way which you would if you were mad with anger. And I couldn't control it. My body was moving by itself, walking closer to Stan who was still going at it. I couldn't see anyone but him, not even the hands that were around my arms, restraining me from moving. No. I had one target and that was Stan Alto.

I pounced, dragging the person behind me with me into Stan. The hands around my arms let go, giving me space to move. I rolled on top of Stan, my hands going straight to his neck. In the background I could hear murmurs, more hands at my back but I couldn't see. All I saw was the red tinge around my hands from the pressure of the squeeze on his neck. I tilted my head, looking at my hands. The hands that had worked so hard these last few months to build a new life and start fresh. The hands that had gone through so many battles to get to this stage, to help others. But now? Now those hands are a weapon. A weapon that will be used to kill, to fend off, to injure.

I kept squeezing, seeing my knuckles go white with the force. I looked up into Stan's eyes. They were bulging, little red veins popping in the white. I was killing him.

I was killing him…

xxx

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