Written With the Hand of Mr. Castle

Summary: Once you read something, it can't be unread. Kate accidentally reads what wasn't meant to be seen. Caskett, extended oneshot.
Rating: Meh. K+ish at the very most.
Disclaimer: I have nothing but an unhealthy love for the fictional character Richard Castle. I don't own him. I wish I did. Le sigh. No profit from this story, blah blah blah. You know the drill.

Kate's eyes opened slowly, heavily. She felt dizzy, not so much lightheaded as unbalanced. Groggy. Like she'd slept for a week covered in heavy quilts.

What happened?

Her memory started to come back in a blur of fractured images and sounds. The chase. The murderer clearing the fence in front of her. His jacket falling away, hitting the ground as he kept running. The abandoned office building he'd run into. So close. Following him, just on the edge of her sight. The pounding of footsteps on the pavement as she heard Castle and Esposito calling out, telling her to wait, they were coming. The sudden darkness of the old building. His face, taut with desperation. The pinpoint of metal in front of his hand. A deafening bang. Hot pain. Silence.

She only vaguely remembered a few things after that. Pain so intensely agonizing that nothing else registered. Voices calling her. Castle's face above her, tense with fear. Trying to tell him to go away, to let her breathe. Not being able to speak. Sirens, sounding warped and blurry, like they were underwater. Darkness blurring the edge of her eyes. Then blackness.

Looking around slowly, she discovered that she was, in fact, in a hospital room. The soft beeping of the heart monitor was the only sound. Pale sunlight streamed in through the half-shut blinds, casting a soft glow over the blank walls. Lanie was dozed off in the chair next to her, but twitched awake, saw Kate watching her, and smiled in visible relief.

"Kate! Oh, thank God. You're awake." She handed Kate the big hospital sippy-cup of water, which Kate accepted gratefully. "You've been out for a while. We've been taking turns sitting with you."

Lanie quickly filled her in on the missing pieces. Seconds after she'd been shot, Castle and Esposito had gotten to the abandoned building, where Esposito managed a flying tackle to catch the murderer while Castle had run to her side, calling hysterically for help as he tried to stop the bleeding. The whole crew had trooped to the hospital and set up camp in the waiting room, ignoring the hospital staff telling them it would be a long wait. Kate smiled. Not surprising. Apparently even Alexis and Martha had come in and sat with them, so the whole troop was there when the doctor came out and said she was going to be all right. As gunshot wounds went, this one was thankfully not too serious.

"As soon as you were in post-op, we divided into shifts to make sure there'd be someone here whenever you woke up."

"Really?"

"Absolutely. Even Castle took a turn. I saw him. He was just sitting here, staring at you with this haunted look on his face, scribbling away on some noteboook paper."

"He stayed with me?"

"We had to force him to finally go home. He hadn't left since they brought you. Writer boy does look damn fine scruffy, but he needed a shower."

Kate chuckled.

"You just get some rest, hon. We're all glad you're gonna be okay."

When she woke up later, the chair beside her bed was empty. She could hear Esposito standing outside talking quietly on his phone. No, she's going to be fine. She's asleep right now. She couldn't tell what time it was, but it looked like night or early morning.

Esposito poked his head in, smiled, checked that she was doing okay, and apologetically explained that he'd been called back to the precinct to talk to the investigating officers. She told him to go on, promising to call if she needed anything. He hurried out, promising to call Martha and see if she could come by if they were stuck at work for long.

The rest of the day passed quietly. Kate dozed in and out, catching scattered minutes of TV shows, waking once to listen dazedly as Martha treated her to a heartfelt reading of Heat Wave. That put her back to sleep fairly quickly.

She woke again to find herself alone. Apparently, Esposito's statement and report were taking a while. But though no one else came through the door, on the table beside her bed, there was now a piece of folded paper with KB neatly printed on it. Opening it, she recognized the handwriting, of course, though it was more uneven than normal. She read through the scrawling lines.

Kate, this is one of the worst days of my life. I thought my life ended when I saw you there on the floor. All that blood. And you were so still. You're always moving, always busy, always in a whirl. But you weren't moving. And I thought you were gone. I thought I'd lost you. My heart stopped. I couldn't think. When they pulled you into the ambulance and I heard them say you weren't breathing, I felt sick. I wanted to die myself. I'm not religious, but I prayed. And I cried. And right now I'm still shaking, even with you right here beside me, these machines reassuring me every second that you're still breathing, still glowing, still beautiful.

Kate, I'm a selfish man and I don't treat you the way you deserve. But you are everything beautiful and noble and strong, and everything you do inspires me. I spend every moment of every day trying to figure out how to make you smile, and then when you do, it's like the whole sky opens up in sunlight and beams at me. And I wish it hadn't taken this terrible scare to make me realize just how much you mean to me, and just how much of my heart is yours. You're not mine. I know that. But I've been yours for longer than I even know.

I look at you right now, silent and still, all in white like some soft angel. You're beautiful. And so much more fragile than you should be. You're so delicate. My whole body aches for you. If I could take every thing that hurts you, everything that threatens you or gives you pain, I would suffer it in a moment, without complaint, if it meant I could see you smile every day for the rest of my life.

You have to get better. I would pour my life into you if I could. I would hold you close and kiss you awake and never, ever, ever let you go. My perfect Sleeping Beauty. I would battle a thousand dragons if one kiss could bring you back to me. And then kiss you a thousand more times just to be safe.

I'm sorry, Kate. I didn't mean for this to turn into a love letter. I just can't help myself.

All my love – what a relief to say it, even if it's just here, where you'll never see it – Rick

By the time she finished, her eyes were stinging, her hands trembling at she folded the letter, not realizing that Alexis Castle had just walked in.

"Hi Kate, Dad said you – Oh my God, Kate, are you okay? Is something wrong?"

Her eyes blurring with tears, she just shook her head, putting a hand over her mouth, and finally she simply handed Alexis the letter. Confused, Alexis opened it, scanning it quickly. Her eyes got wide. "Oh, Kate. Did he leave this?"

"I don't know. It was there when I woke up."

Alexis stared at it, considering. "It must have been Gram."

"But it's your dad's handwriting."

Alexis thought for a moment before comprehension dawned. "He came straight here from the scene. He was writing when I stopped in earlier. He didn't have his computer. This must have been what he was writing. Gram must have found it."

"So it's real."

"He writes everything. It's how he organizes his thoughts." She looked down. "He never thought anyone would see this."

Kate shook her head. "I feel so terrible. I don't know what to do."

"Kate, you had to know he loves you. Everyone else knows."

"That's not true."

"Gram has already decided what she's singing at your wedding reception." Seeing Kate's shocked expression, Alexis smiled. "Don't worry. It's a very tasteful rendition of 'Wind Beneath My Wings.'"

"Well, that's something."

Alexis sat down, scootching her chair a little closer to the bed. "When you got shot, I was at school. My phone buzzed, but I was in class, so I didn't pick up. Then the principal came in and said Dad called the school and needed to talk to me right away. I was afraid it was Gram. But then Dad said it was you."

"I'm sorry, Lex."

"Kate, Dad was hysterical. He was crying. I could hardly understand him. He told me which hospital and I came right away. But I've never seen him so scared." Alexis stared at her, those big blue eyes so much like her father's. "He cares about you so much."

"Lexie? Sweetheart? Is she awake yet?"

Kate had only enough time to meet Alexis' eyes in panic, as the girl clasped her hand, before Castle appeared in the doorway, his tired face lighting up as he met her eyes.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

His brow furrowed – he could see something was up – and then she saw his gaze fall to the letter on the table beside her. His face went pale, and he swallowed. "Oh, God. Kate, I – it's not – I can explain –"

Author's Note: SO MUCH LOVE for Castle. So. Much.

Chapter 2 on its way.