A/N: Well, I finished English last semester, and I'm still not done writing this. but here's act 2 scene 3, where we meet friar laurence! what joy!
Disclaimer: for real.
Warning: CONTAINS DRUG ABUSE as a joke.
Act 2 Scene 3
Friar Laurence I have a basket on me, jsyk. It's filled with children's tears. (from mobile)
Friar Laurence IMHO, the skies are so…cloudy….and there's so much light everywhere, like that kind of light you see when you get a hangover…it's totally awesome, man…holy shit, the light is burrrrrning my eyes out…duuuddeeee…I need a drink… (from mobile)
Friar Laurence Maann…these weeds here…they smell soooo nice, it reminds me of my mom when he was buried in her womb, man…it was weeeiiiirddd…they did spray lavender parfum everywhere tho (from mobile)
Friar Laurence I feeelll sooo FREEEE and kinda sick….you know kids, never eat herbs, plants and whatever that you see…drug abuse is bad…remember that kids…it'll poison you and you'll die from poison…LOLOLOL I can't say this with a straight face…DRUGS ARE AWESOME AND YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE WALKING ON SUNSHINE! Heeeheee (from mobile)
Mercutio likes this
Friar Laurence added, Don't do drugs – YOU'LL GET CANCER AND NOT IN THE LUNGS BECAUSE THAT'S SMOKING, That awesome feeling after smoking pot, and Not practicing what you preach to his interests.
Friar Laurence joined the group We're so fly like Jesus! We be all brothas from anotha motha. Remember kids, even old men who spend everyday picking herbs and making candies can be gangster like you!
Romeo Today's a great day! I'm gonna see if Ol' Laurence has some awesome advice for me! (from mobile)
Romeo wrote on Friar Laurence's wall: Morning, Popsidoodle!
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Friar Laurence: Ohhh maan…Romeo…it's so frigging early, calm yourself, dude, like caalllmmm, and go back to bed or sumthin, you gotta take things slooooowwww, y'know…if you're up so early…it's like you didn't sleep last night…heeehee
Romeo: You're stoned again, aren't you? *facepalms*
Friar Laurence: Nuuuuuu course not! Heehee…you were with ROSALINE! Heeheehee
Romeo: Rosaline? LOLNO, who the fuck is Rosaline?
Friar Laurence: Good boy, I see that you're taking those aawwweeesomme amnesia pills…they taste like…well not goblin piss that's for suure. Where were you then?
Romeo: That's for me to know and you to find out!
Juliet likes this
Friar Laurence: ROTFLMAO. But seriously, I don't understand. Teeellll meee whoo you like! Teelll meee! PLEASEEE! Who do you like who do you like who do you like? I wanna knowww!
Romeo: My pity for you makes me give in. You live a sad sad life. It's Juliet. And we're gonna get married. By you. Today. After I met her yesterday. Oh yeah, and here's the kicker, she's the Capulet's daughter. I'm totez rebel.
Friar Laurence: LOLWHUT? Not cool, maann, totally not cool. Weren't you sobbing your heart out yesterday for Rosaline? Didn't you buy out Basken Robbins because she didn't love you back? You have issues, like, dude, you need help. There's a word for this..
Romeo: You mean like, fickle or whatever? I thought you'd be happy, cause you hate me for loving Rosaline…
Friar Laurence: No…not fickle, that's pickle…AHA! You're a MAN-WHORE, Romeo! I got it! You're a MAN-WHORE! MAN WHORE! WHOREMEO!
Tybalt likes this
Romeo: Okay…. PS: TYBALT GTFO
Friar Laurence: WHOREMEO, WHOREMEO, YOU ARE WHOREMEO
Tybalt: LOLNO WHOREMEO YOU GONNA GO DOWN LIKE THE TITANIC ON THE ICEBERG.
Romeo: jsyk, your metaphor was a classic pick up line. Are you suggesting something, Tybbie? Perhaps some dark closeted secret? Eh? Some twinkle of gayness and sparkles in side your over-compensating buffness? Anyways, Friar, you can shut up too. It wasn't funny the first time, and it's still not funny the next four times
Tybalt: STOP BULLYING ME I'M GOING TO TEXT MY HOBBIT BOYFRIEND I MEAN WHAT
Friar Laurence: WHOREMEO. It's funny now, right? Hee hee
Romeo: Well, a bit I guess.
Friar Laurence: Good. Okay go on, Whoremeo.
Romeo: Anyways, I love Juliet now, and since I never get anything I want, I would greatly appreciate it if you could just organize a teensy little wedding for us. Nothing big, because I'm not greedy at all. You give the other kids candy, and all I want is a quiet little wedding! Just a wedding, nothing big at all!
Friar Laurence: Coolio Whoremeo. This will probz make add onto the head-honcho's current stage of blossoming bromance.
Romeo: Seriously, stop calling me Whoremeo, okay?
Friar Laurence: ho ho ho, this is just the beginning. I'm friends with Bill Gates, so just you wait! Wait in a non-hasty manner, because that's cool
A/N: yeah im never gonna finish this later dudes