A/N: So this the first installment of a drabblish series for Dissidia. It's mostly to vent all my crackier thoughts =) So if you've ever had a crazy/sexy/ridiculous idea for Dissidia, but never got around to it: Lay it on me! Think of "DP Chance" as your personal kink meme.

Mine

"Hey Cloud! Can I hold your sword?" Tidus asked excitedly. A good portion of the 'Heroes of Light' froze, turning to look at him oddly.

Bartz and Zidane snickered, the latter commenting lowly, "I don't think you could handle Cloud's 'sword'."

Cloud merely kept walking, choosing to ignore the sunny boy in favor of addressing such a ridiculous question, no matter the connotation.

And as Squall passed the puzzled blitzball star, he glared and shoved him into the nearest cliff side, "I don't share."

Dirty

The 'Heroes of Light', minus one, all sat quietly in their boxers. Simply waiting; not much they really could do.

"I knew we should have taken those random outfits we found a while back!" Tidus exclaimed. Cloud nodded, having liked the sweater-like trench coat he'd come across.

"No way!" Bartz argued, crossing his arms defiantly, "Those clothes were fruity and made me look gay."

"Hey guys, guys!" Zidane suddenly spoke up, looking very much like he was in the middle of a lifesaving epiphany. The rest watched him expectantly.

"Terra is off washing our clothes…which means she's washing her own as well…" he grinned lasciviously and concluded, "Which means she's naked!"

All of a sudden Zidane's face was smashed into the ground before him, the Warrior of Light looking innocently in the other direction. "You shouldn't think of her in such a manner," he admonished firmly.

But the damage was already done, and Zidane wasn't the only one thinking anymore.

Uptight

"You know, you're pretty uptight and serious for a kid," Bartz observed.

"Yeah, you should lighten up," Zidane grinned, nudging the Onion Knight.

The boy in question scowled, "I am not a kid! And it's not my fault if the situation calls for me to be serious. It's not easy being a genius, then again…you wouldn't know."

The older boys gaped at how rude this 'child' really was. Then Zidane smirked at the other, as if to say, 'Punishment?' And Bartz nodded along, even though he had no idea what the other was referring to. Zidane smiled with faux sweetness, dragging a finger down the Onion Knight's neck, "Not a child you say? Well, that sure does change some things, doesn't it Bartz?" The genome knocked the youngest warrior's hat off so as to run his fingers through the blonde hair, "We may not be as smart…" he breathed into his ear, noting the shiver that resulted and chuckling at the curiousity glowing in his eyes, "but we have a few things that we could teach even you."

"Really?" he asked warily.

"We do?" Bartz asked, looking almost as confused.

"Oh yes," Zidane winked, pulling him down some unused trail, a route that the youngest noted was in the opposite direction from camp. After a moment clarity shone in Bartz's puzzle expression -as he finally understood what was going on- and hurried after Zidane and his prey.

Of Opportunities and Questions

"Would you stop that?" Bartz snapped, swatting Zidane's tail away irritably. Those around the meager fire turned to check on the two rowdiest of the party.

"Sorry, it's got a mind of its own." Zidane mumbled offhandedly. The mimic rolled his eyes and, like the rest, went back to eating. Only a full minute must have passed before Bartz spoke again,

"I told you to stop hitting me!" Bartz snapped.

Turning in the direction of the noise again found a nervous looking Zidane, his tail held tightly in his friend's grasp. Zidane nodded furiously as he fidgeted in his seat, his extension twitching in its confinement. The mimic sighed and lessened his grip. Zidane yanked his tail free, but not without having to choke back a surprised moan as he did so, his cheeks flaring a brilliant shade of scarlet. The group fell silent and Bartz slowly grew a wicked grin, "Excuse me? What was that?"

"Leave me alone." Zidane muttered.

Bartz chuckled and quickly grasped the furry appendage again, ever so slowly moving his hand up the length. Zidane bit his lip sharply in a failed attempt to keep silent. Firion choked slightly on his potion.

"That's it!" the thief snapped, growling as he pounced on the boy next to him, sending them both tumbling to the canyon ground behind them. "Don't touch my tail!" and before the shocked mimic could react, Zidane had his wrists pinned to the floor, the previously abused tail sliding sensually up the boy's thigh.

Squall didn't even look up as he flatly stated "No foreplay at the fire." Cloud's lips twitched slightly in some sort of a smirk from his seat next to him. The two on the ground froze, having forgotten that they had an audience.

"Hey Zidane…" Tidus began, watching curiously as the tail in question kept sliding teasingly up Bartz thigh, higher and higher, "Have you ever used your tail for s—"

"All right, I think we should all be getting some sleep! Busy day tomorrow and all that." Firion interrupted, his cheeks' complexion matching that of his precious rose.

P.S. Don't even lie...we've all wondered about that last one