I The List

"Zack?"

Angeal had just gotten home from a long mission, and found his apprentice Zack Fair, SOLDIER Second Class, hanging upside down from the couch reading a book.

"Yeah?" he said not bothering to look up.

"What is this?" Angeal asked holding a piece of paper that was on the floor.

"Just an on going list I'm making of things to do when I'm really bored"

1. Dance with a stick of celery

He got stared at a lot that day at ShinRa.

2. put a lampshade on your head and do the hula

Angeal could only stare silently at the young SOLDIER and wondered why he had agreed to take him as an apprentice in the first place.

3. Drink two gallons of chocolate milk while hopping on one foot and holding a pickle

After already seeing the hula incident Angeal just walked away and pretended he didn't see anything.

4. take some sidewalk chalk, draw a rainbow, and run around the yard 3 times. then pray to the goddess for a motorcycle.

"You talked him into doing this didn't you Genesis?" Angeal asked his old friend as he watched another one of Zack's antics.

"I told him if 'he asks the goddess then he shall receive' "

5. Draw a mustache on a paper, cut it out, put it on your wall, draw eyes above it, then go tell your mentor that the wall is watching you while you were eating your shirt

"Zack, are you on drugs?"

"What? No! They mess up your brain and stuff"

I believe your brain is already messed up... He thought.

"Then why were you eating your shirt?"

6. Put on a ninja headband, go to clothing shop, hide in the clothes...don't breathe

He broke the world record for not breathing and was disappointed that it couldn't be made official because no one witnessed it.

7. Go to the bathroom, lock the door, jump out the window, break into you neighbors place and eat their food

Angeal got up when he heard a knock at the door, and when he opened it he was a bit surprised to see it was their neighbor Sephiroth, but he didn't look pleased.

"I believe this," he said holding up Zack by the back of his shirt. "is yours" he finished before dropping him on the floor and turning to leave.

"Keep him out of my apartment from now on"

8. Claim that the voices in your head told you that you are the King of Gaia and take over the country!

After that incident Angeal took him to get tested for any signs of a mental illness, and was rather shocked that they all came back negative. So he took him to another doctor to get a second opinion.

9. Take cheese and a banana...throw that at your wall and run like hell before the wall kills you for making it smell like a cheesy banana

"RUN!"

Angeal had just opened the apartment door when suddenly his apprentice came charging past him and continued down the stairs until he was outside. His SOLDIER instincts kicked in and he immediately searched the place for any monsters, but all he found that was out of the ordinary was a block of cheese and banana on Zack's bedroom floor right by the wall.

10. Steal things and hide them in a bush. No one will suspect a thing.

And suddenly Angeal knew why it seemed his socks were slowly and mysteriously disappearing...

"...Did you say on going list?" He asked him in horror.

"Yep"

As Zack took the piece of paper from him and sat down on the couch with a pen Angeal paled, muttered something about going to lay down, and locked himself in his room.

Author's Notes

Alright this is all thanks to my con friend Shelby who came up with the original list in a facebook note that I edited a bit to fit FFVII and turned into this fic with her permission. There will be more to come, but I don't know when, but I am completely open to ideas from either experience or imagination (I will credit you here in my AN's).

If you like this story, then I strongly suggest that you check out Diaphanous's fic "Mr. Funny" and for any FullMetal Alchemist fans there's iTorchic's "333 And More Ways to Get Kicked out of HQ
" and "Winry's Automail Designs".

Please review!