CAN I HUG YOU?

9. Things to tell you when we meet again

The difference between each brothers' way of mourning is plain to see for those who know the impact she had had in their lives. And Sesshoumaru is just relieved that nobody actually knows, except Inuyasha and himself (well, perhaps Jaken). And if he can speak for himself, he is sure his brother's suffering only looks greater because physical contact seems to be of importance to him; maybe the long time the miko stayed by his side is the reason why. The hanyou has grown accustomed to her presence, her scent, her voice, and so suddenly, it was all taken from him. It is obvious the pup only finds peace – even if it is so little – being near her, being able to touch her and confirm she is not entirely gone yet. However, after six days since Sesshoumaru punched Inuyasha out of her mausoleum, after ten days since the miko died, even in this maddened state of mind Inuyasha himself knows to stay away. They both know Tenseiga has slowed the body decomposition considerably, but it is certain that after all these days it is impossible for them to go in there. It had already been difficult three nights ago. Sesshoumaru found that out himself.

He has not slept since.

The skin was not pale – it was ashen. The cheekbones were protruding so much he had to close his eyes for a few seconds in favour to brace himself better. The lips and eyelids were dark purple. The hair were lifeless and weak, without the usual shine it used to have. But none of these things have made his mourning worse like it has to Inuyasha's. The pain Sesshoumaru feels now is the same he has been feeling from the moment her heart went still. And this is because Sesshoumaru has done something Inuyasha has yet to do.

He accepted that what lies in that mausoleum is not Kagome.

Not anymore.

"Uh… My lord?"

Sesshoumaru blinks, his eyes refocusing on his subordinate. "Yes?"

The council member sighs as he confirms his lord has not been listening to him again. It's been happening with more frequency lately and it doesn't take a genius to figure out why. Then, in respect and consideration for his master's mourning, he starts again from the beginning as though it were the first time. "We have been studying our image, Your Highness, and would like to remind you about the importance of taking a mate."

…

…

… Sesshoumaru blinks and when he opens his eyes, he is glaring at the council member with wide, furious eyes, watching the stupid plant youkai flinch and swallow hard. His eyes follow the seductive movement of the Adam's apple.

Maybe he should cut right e.

And maybe, the blood rain will make him feel something.

Thanks for listening

He closes his eyes, trying to sigh his rage away, but to no avail. He's still furious.

Sesshoumaru lets his hand fall from his hair (when did he move it there?) to his throne armrest and pins the plant creature with a homicidal glare, raging fire roaring behind his golden irises. "For as long as I am King of the West," he growls low and slowly, leaving no room for questioning. "This land shall meet no queen."

Thanks for listening

He only wishes her voice would cease the talk. Her voice distracts him too much, as if the void inside him were not enough already. Trying to swallow him whole.

And succeeding, little-by-little, day-by-day.

"Having a mate is important for our people to know you have something really worth protecting, Your Majesty. It will strengthen their faith in you."

… Sesshoumaru is trying. He really is. Finding a suitable, trustworthy demon to be a counselor is the most bothersome task a lord has to do and he sincerely does not want to make the need for one arise. But the plant seems determined to make this difficult.

Now all he wants is to bury his claws in the mongrel's stomach and pull everything upwards just to see just what will coat his fingers and paint the floor; blood or aloe? Sesshoumaru can even feel his muscles swimming under his skin and his bones cracking to accommodate his bigger form to make it all the more enjoyable.

Thanks for listening

By the time he opens his eyes again, his hands are shaking, begging him to slaught something to make it all s t o p. It is a clear sign of lack of control, but Sesshoumaru crossed the line of giving a damn the instant the most precious heart to grace this earth stopped beating.

So he stopped caring too.

Sesshoumaru calmly cracks his knuckles first and then his neck in an attempt to give the plant another chance.

The. Fucking. Last. One.

"I will not repeat myself.", he murmurs, looking up at the ceiling and eyeing the paintings there – the sky, with four gigantic dogs flying among the clouds: his great-grandfather, grandfather, Father, and finally him. Each of them has a mate on the ground, watching them. His great-grandmother, grandmother, Mother, and… blank spot. Each of them, except him, he is alone in the painting.

Sesshoumaru has a feeling that it will now remain this way forever.

Now he seriously wants to smash the place.

Starting with that ceiling.

The taiyoukai hears the plant bastard take a breath to speak again. The taiyoukai keeps his eyes on the blank spot and cracks his fingers. Loudly.

"Enough you lowly leeches!" Jaken barges in hurriedly and panting, shooing everyone out with his two-faced staff. "Stop pestering His Highness with whatever trivial matters and get out! I need to speak privately with his lordship."

Sesshoumaru doesn't know what keeps him from kicking the toad out as well, if it is the minute gratitude for being spared of looking for a new counselor or the desperate anxiety in his eyes.

Jaken never interrupted a meeting before.

"My lord," the toad wheezes and, after he locks the door, he rushes through the enormous room and throws himself before the throne. "Please, summon Inuyasha. I believe he will be of good use to you on this matter."

That pathetic waste of space and oxygen that has been sitting by the tomb for days? Doubtful.

"It's about that miko. The undead one – she's appeared in the village looking for Inuyasha.", he continues, looking at his lord warily.

Waiting for a reaction.

Sesshoumaru mentally sighs, mentally relaxes all his muscles, mentally turns his throne into mere splinters on the ground. For a second there he thought the news were about this miko… His. Not the other one. So his interior crumbles along with his hopes, but his exterior betrays nothing.

"Do you want to listen to the rest, milord?"

He just wants to crawl back in bed and waste away… "Hn."

Jaken gulps and refrains from drying his sweated paws on his robe. Here goes nothing. "She's been sighted and, uh…", he gulps again. "She lives, my lord."

…

…

It takes him five seconds to do the math.

Then Jakes gets the reaction he's been waiting for.

x-•°•°•-x

There could probably be a grand number of scenarios where Sesshoumaru would be hesitant to approach the village and demand the wrongs to be made right, for different reasons each. Kagome was the most selfless being he has ever known, therefore it is most likely she would not agree to this. Or, perhaps, the hanyou would be against it and would mourn the results – yes, because it matters little if Inuyasha supports his methods or not; this is happening – and Kagome would never wish to cause the hanyou suffering of any kind. In short, it all comes down to what she would want him to do.

And she wouldn't want him to do this.

The thing is, whilst the miko is indubitably selfless, selfless is one of the adjectives that has never been and never will be associated with his personality. He wants what he wants.

And he wants Kagome.

Therefore, there is no other scenario than this truth. He does not hesitate; in fact, he hurries up. The moment he lands on Inuyasha's forest grounds Sesshoumaru chases down the sweet smell of bellflowers like a demon after a soul. Which is not far from the truth whatsoever.

Sesshoumaru finds her outside a hut – newly built – by a small, but beautiful creek and he halts, frozen. Of all the things that could happen here that he considered capable of startling him, the landscape was not even on the list. There is a large tree behind the hut. A willow tree, right by a body of water… If Sesshoumaru had doubts about his theories – which he had not –, he definitely doesn't have any now. And he wishes he had had more time to dwell on this new discovery (why? Why has her soul searched for a place that looked like his home?) and its possible explanation (does she feel…? No…), but the not-undead finally notices his presence and takes two steps back.

So he takes three forward.

"What brings you here?", she demands more than she asks, voice full of herself, so it is possible she is not aware that he knows.

Sesshoumaru finally takes his eyes from the willow tree and freezes her with a glare. "You."

Her now real brows crease in a confused frown. "Me?"

He tilts his head, rephrasing, "Her soul."

Now, a lesser man – even a lesser demon – would believe this confused state the wench is interpreting, but Sesshoumaru sees her; sees her mask crack in a minuscule frown of her lips. "I don't understan –"

"Yes, you do.", he warns her, in a raise of his voice, that she should not attempt to trick him. He is not his brother to fall for it. And speaking of which… "Is Inuyasha aware of your doings?"

The woman visibly gulps, but is able to hold her grounds. "I wouldn't know.", she answers. "I haven't seen him in over a month."

Sesshoumaru replies with a nod, making his conclusions. The hanyou doesn't know.

The acrid smell of fear graces his nose and he is suddenly aware of what he is about to do: kill his brother's former lover and the pre-incarnation of the woman he wants alive. Sesshoumaru is no hero, not even a good man; if he kills someone, he will still be able to sleep perfectly at night. However…

For her… His her, he can be gentle about it.

"I've come to collect it.", he tells her from across the stream, but in a blink he is staring down his nose at her, easily towering her medium height.

Kikyou staggers back, startled but intrigued. "You? What is in it for you?", she asks.

'What is in it for you?', his mind repeats to him. In a very teasing tone… with a much sweeter voice.

Sesshoumaru thinks of a hug… Nevertheless, he doesn't answer her. He does, however, take a threatening step forward. "You stall."

Kikyou scoffs. "Why would I stall?"

The urge to roll eyes is strong. For a miko that everyone used to seek out for help and guidance back in the day she can be quite slow. He takes in her body language and he almost smirks. "You seem to be under the impression that you have alternatives out of this situation.", he says. "I warn you, you do not. I'm merely being polite."

The miko grinds her teeth and seethes. "You sh –"

"The same way I can merely not be polite about this.", he cuts her with the beginning of a growl. "Like I would normally favor."

He watches her throat bob with a swallow and senses her palms clamming. And he enjoys it. She opens her mouth to speak but a gust of red wind stops her cold. Sesshoumaru is not surprised that Inuyasha is here (Jaken must have informed him); what does surprise him, though, is the fact that the hanyou's eyes are back to gold while still maintaining his jagged, purple stripes on his cheeks.

Inuyasha stops right in front of him, his back blocking his view of the priestess. That is why his first thought is that the fool is here to protect her, but the second, after studying the stance he has taken the moment he arrived, is that he was mistaken. Inuyasha is anything but protective right now. He is hostile.

"You know…I thought I'd come here and say 'See? I told you she wouldn't stoop so low', but the rosy cheeks and lack of stench says it all.", the hanyou snarls, making his words almost incomprehensible.

But, Sesshoumaru notices a change in the woman's behavior since Inuyasha's arrival, as though now she feels more confident, now there is someone here that answers to her. As though now she knows she will live… It makes him wonder who is being deceived here, her or him.

The priestess raises her chin and fixes the hanyou with an icy stare. "You speak as if I did something on purpose." Even her voice has changed, dotted with authority.

Sesshoumaru feels less compelled to be gentle by the second.

She starts, "One moment I was walking, then there was light and I appeared here in this place. Alive.", she explains heatedly. "I did not steal the soul from the girl."

"That we already know.", he clarifies coldly.

"What we also know," Inuyasha continues. "Is that you haven't given it back."

This time at least the confused frown on her brows are genuine. "If you know, then it means…", her eyes widen, not necessarily in shock, but curiosity, Sesshoumaru notices. She does not feel sorry at all. "How?"

"It doesn't matter how!" the hanyou explodes and advances, cornering her on the sidewall of the hut. "Sesshoumaru used Tenseiga on her so why the fuck isn't she here yet, huh?" He slams a fist on the wooden wall right beside her head, making the planks crack and splinters fly. "Answer me!", he roars, but Kikyou ducks under his arm and trips out of the cage of his body, backing a few steps from them.

Both demons take a few steps to her.

"If I relinquish this soul," her voice quivers now, long gone is the courage she had found earlier now that she has seen Inuyasha's fury. "I die."

Sesshoumaru shrugs one shoulder. "If you do not relinquish her soul,"

"You die either way", Inuyasha finishes.

Kikyou stares at him in shock, shaking her head in disbelief until the moment it falls to look at the space between them. "I… don't want to die."

Crossing his arms, Inuyasha gives Kikyou a hard look. "You died more than fifty years ago, Kikyou. How can you be so selfish and hypocrite?", he spits. "You lived your life! This soul is not yours!"

"This soul is mine!", she screams back, pushing the hanyou away with a blast of white energy. Inuyasha loses his balance, but not by much. "She is my reincarnation, she is me!"

You know, Sesshoumaru remembers, her voice clear in his mind. Sometimes I wish I was dead.

Thanks for listening

No matter how hard he tries, no matter how alike they look – even before befriending his miko – Sesshoumaru has never been able to see this foul creature being anything like Kagome; so humble, so bright, so gentle.

Why can't you just hug me?, it echoes in the breeze, causing pain to echo through his being almost like something physical.

… He never hugged her…

This newly unleashed ache he feels in his bones makes him pull Tenseiga from its sheath, the noise of the metal capturing the others' attention, but Sesshoumaru can't bring himself to even look at the woman, choosing instead to close his eyes and picture his miko on the back of them. Smiling on a silver gown and golden obi, black hair cascading along with purple ribbons.

Gods, he misses her scent. He misses her.

I'm sorry

You don't have to hug me

And it s.

So maybe, thinking of her so visually was a mistake. It doubles the pain and makes him just as desperate. He breathes deeply, eyes still closed. "She is no one. – Not human or miko." Not even youkai can do what she has done. "She is no one but herself. Only a girl with powers, one of a unique kind. And a soul better than anyone else's." His eyes fly open and pierces the woman's violently. "Especially yours."

It's pointless to ask, right?

Her voice comes so suddenly, so real that he almost answers her. 'Anything. You may ask anything.' His hand tightens around Tenseiga, desperately willing it to show him when to cut.

You'll never hug me, she laments and he feels lost.

'Anything.'

"What shall it be?" Sesshoumaru asks, trying to hide his anxiety behind and impatient growl. "Will you surrender or do you want it to hurt?"

"Kikyou, please." He could be beside himself with anger, could have lost that feeling that used to make Kikyou special to him due to all that going-to-hell shit she kept pulling and now to deliberately keeping Kagome dead, but he still remembers how she used to be when she was still alive. And she wasn't like this. "We'll take the soul anyway, but there ain't no need for you to suffer."

Inuyasha is rendered speechless when her eyes immediately hardens with white-hot fury, her nostrils flaring with every angry breath she takes.

Now you angered her – I told you to leave her be

'And I told you I can't have you dead.', the hanyou answers. 'So shut up and let me do this.' "Suffer? No need? – I am suffering!", she screams. "I was dead, then that witch resurrected me, but I was still dead! No heat, no cold, no happiness or even sadness!" Her eyes water from ager as she hisses, feeling her face and neck redden with burning emotion, and it feels marvelous, amazing. "And now that I can breathe, that I can finally feel, you want me to give this up – for the girl who stole my role, my you from me?

Inuyasha's never wanted to hit a woman before (the ones who hit him first don't count), but the things Kikyou is saying are causing his hands to itch. It's clear that he won't, he would never, but she's being such bitch, so unfair to Kagome.

I thought I said not to worry about me, Inuyasha

He has to bite his cheek to keep from smiling. Although he is painfully aware it's not really Kagome talking to him, just his mind trying to cope with the pain, it's still her voice, her wit, and he loves her voice so much, misses her so much. He needs her and he needs her now! "When people die, they don't belong in this world anymore – she didn't steal anything, Kikyou, you lost it and that's natural–"

"Well, she's dead now." The priestess looks at both demons defiantly. "Naturally, she doesn't belong here anymore either."

It is then that Sesshoumaru deems it enough. He's listened enough, they've argued enough, he's been gentle enough, and he sure as hell has passed enough time away from her.

Although he thinks 'too much' defines it much better.

"Tenseiga allows me to be the judge of whether one remains dead or raises alive once more. – Considering the amount of outrageous sentences that have just poured out of your mouth, the verdict isn't hard to find." His voice carries very little self-adoration. The power comes from the sword, after all, not from him. However, it is full of determination and warning. Sesshoumaru raises the blade and points it at the woman. "She will live. You will die."

He narrows his eyes to slits of gold that travels her form in search of a sign of where the soul is tied.

"Have you thought about how she will feel about this?", that vile woman taunts, trying to dissuade him from following through with his plan. Good, it means that she knows there is no escape for her, even if she fights. "That her heart will beat because mine will be dust on the ground?"

A long snort mars the seriousness in the air and his eyes stop their search mission to glare at the hanyou, who bears a vicious smirk and a pointed stare. "You see, that's the thing.", he chuckles. "We don't care."

"Now, will you surrender her soul or do you want it to hurt?", he murmurs , his withering patience showing in his tone.

Kikyou's eyes dart between the demons, but they do stay longer on Inuyasha; likely because she assumes she might still have a chance of persuading him to assist her in escaping. Sesshoumaru highly doubts he will. His musings startle to a halt when the woman begins to glow blue, the breeze around them gathering at her feet, making her clothes and hair sway weightless.

At first, he is relieved that he will not have to strike her to get what he wants. Then, for just two seconds, he feels guilty. But only because he is about to go against what Kagome had always stood for. However, the moment Sesshoumaru feels lightning cracking around his senses and then is thrown back with a strength he would not expect from a miko like her, he doesn't feel guilty anymore.

Actually, he is pissed.

Because he suddenly knows she's just this strong because of what she now has inside her.

Her.

'Thanks for listening' echoes in his mind as he grits his teeth and stands up.

What he sees the shocks him into freezing.

Inuyasha tightens his grip on Tenseiga and pushes it deeper in the miko's left side, growling at the burning her sacred aura causes on him. His craze red eyes pierce hers with anger, disappointment and I'm sorrys.

Kikyou coughs and chokes, blood spilling from her lips and tears from her eyes. Her eyes weakly stagger up to Inuyasha's. Of all the ways she ever imagined dying, this had been the last one: death by a conscious Inuyasha. "Ho-how coul—y–?"

The growling intensifies and fangs are bared. "How could me? How could you?!"

"S-she…" She starts, but she doesn't finish.

Inuyasha watches the light fading out of her eyes and for a split second, he wishes he felt bad about all this. Because he doesn't. As his eyes follows the swaying of that blue orb that will bring Kagome back to them, the hanyou can feel nothing but eagerness.

The same can be said of Sesshoumaru, Inuyasha thinks, given the fact that, when the orb gets out of his sight and he finally looks back to his brother, there's no one there.