A/N-Have fun reading. Review if you want. That's it...unless you want a speech? I don't have one prepared so just pretend I said one if it makes you happy.

Disclamer:I don't own SVU or any of the characters. Thanks for not suing me or publicly embarrassing me while I play with your characters, NBC/Dick Wolf.

Elliot couldn't help feeling the way he felt. It wasn't fair for her to be so…everything and nothing all at the same time. She always understood his needs so perfectly that it almost revolted him. There were times where he wanted to strangle her just to get some reaction out of her to match his own feelings but nothing ever worked.

How could Olivia be comfortable doing this with him? How could she not see the guilt that ran down his face every time they did this? She used to be concerned seeing him cry so readily when they first started doing this but somewhere between the furious late-night fuck in the cribs and the quick oral session he delivered to her in the precinct's bathroom, she stopped asking why.

Even now, he could feel the attraction just simmering underneath the surface between them. Ever since that first time several months ago it was getting harder to focus on anything other than the sex between them. In interrogations with suspects or perps he would walk by her and smell that fresh smell that was uniquely her scent which just ended up reminding him of the showers they had took with each other on those occasional weekend overnight stays at her apartment. No shower would ever be the same after having the feel of her tanned thigh running up his leg while he watched as she desperately tried not to groan too loudly. It never worked. He even distinctly remembered the strain in his legs from the forceful shove against the shower wall that released the floodgates of animalistic sounds from her throat. She had tried so hard to keep them closed but he knew that Olivia couldn't keep quiet with him.

It was these thoughts that made it next to impossible to focus on the suspects' various tales of how the kiddie porn wasn't theirs but their father's or mother's. He had to ask Cragen to step in for him because it was next to impossible for him to focus on anything but pushing the perp out of the room and fucking Olivia senseless. Walking toward the cribs, Elliot realized he didn't care a rat's ass if anyone saw. He had to get rid of the constant burning in his heart before it consumed him whole. Fucking Olivia was the only thing that could soothe it anymore and even that was hardly working anymore.

And Olivia noticed the difficulty he was having focusing but instead of calling him on it she just wandered around him like he prone to unexplainable rages and when she wasn't wandering he could feel her sympathizing him. She was even borderline pitying him at times, which just fucking pissed him off. How could she pity him like he was the victim? If anyone was the victim in this thing it was her. Elliot had his wife that he could go back to while Olivia had no one. She would be the lost puppy after he ended this and not him.

But…something just didn't feel right with that statement. Elliot couldn't even think of ending things with Olivia without cringing in distress. If he didn't know any better he would have thought his dick shriveled up at the idea of leaving her also.

"Damn it, Olivia," As the blood flowed outward onto his knuckles with each punch against the wall, Elliot couldn't help but feel more frustrated. Hitting something used to always make him feel better but it wasn't working this time. If anything the bloody knuckles just seemed to magnify the pain he felt in his heart at the idea of having to leave Olivia. They had known each other for over a decade and were practically emotionally joined at the hip. The idea of establishing the same rapport with someone else just so him and Olivia could go public with their fraternizing was downright frightening and debilitating. And their relationship together was hardly anything but a fling. Elliot tried telling himself that all he needed was another couple of weeks to get this out of his system and then everything would go back to normal but…he knew that was a lie. A fling wouldn't make a person feel this shitty.

"El. Elliot, stop it. Hey, come on now, stop it Elliot. It's me, Olivia," He could feel Olivia grabbing his arms trying to hold him back from more self-inflicted pain but it hardly helped. His fists had stopped but now his mind was working overdrive trying to process anything other than her breasts firmly pushed up against his back, the feel of her warm breath against his neck as she struggled with the effort of holding his arms back, and that scent…it was too much.

He couldn't stop the motion of his hands as they went to grab her hands. Elliot just couldn't help himself. Her fingers were like magic to his skin; equally frustrating and teasing him with her soft caresses and all he wanted was more, more, more.

"Elliot, stop…we can't do this here…please," Olivia turned her head to his neck with a groan. "Please stop, Elliot. It feels too good and you know when I feel good I have to return the favor."

Why was she trying to confuse him by telling him to stop when she clearly wasn't putting in any effort herself to do so? It was next to futile after feeling her hands drop to massage him though the fabric of his pants. Fuck, she wasn't wrong about returning the favor. He had to put his hands out to hold his weight against the wall with each intimate pattern she began tracing on his covered erection. If he couldn't focus before Elliot knew it would be next to impossible to focus now.

And here come the cavalry, right on time. Those watery soldiers who loved to come between him and her, the tears.

Was it guilt or was it the overwhelming sadness of knowing this thing between him and Olivia was just a Band-Aid on a mortal injury of being in love with this woman other than his wife? Kathy hardly deserved this but he just couldn't stop himself. Each fuck between him and Olivia was like cocaine. One hit was all it took to get hooked and it became next to impossible to leave the addiction even if you knew it was going to kill everything around you, including yourself, in the process.

But that hardly made him feel better after he had deposited his seed in her welcoming crevice every couple of weeks. During the act he always felt like a worthless piece of shit but afterwards he felt…nothing, absolutely nothing. When Elliot was alone after their various rendezvous he felt exhaustion, anger, even panic but never the overwhelming feeling of guilt that came over him when he was fucking her senseless. Why? Was it just him being a brooding idiot or something else entirely?

But Olivia was needy and hardly could stand for him to be thinking about anything else while fucking her. She had turned the tables on him and managed to flip their bodies so he was on top of her while her back grazed the wall of the door. When she locked her legs around his waist he knew there was hardly any want to stop on her part anymore. Her first concern was her pleasure and he had every intention of giving it to her.

He needed to make her feel the way he felt so she could understand why something had to change between them.

He pushed her up against the door and heard her gasp turn into another exasperated groan. Her clothes were the next thing to go and soon her skin became his next target. The taste of her pebbled nipples was almost too exquisite even after all of the times they had been together but the salty sweat forming over her skin wasn't enough for him. He needed more. He needed her to be on fire for her to feel.

Her moans were becoming too loud and he was worried about Fin or even Munch coming up to check on them. Leaning toward her neck, he bit down hard hoping it would calm her down but if anything it made it worse with the scream she answered out with. Shaking his head in annoyance, he threw her on his shoulder toward one of the beds and hoped being on a mattress would silence her. Once he had her on the bed though he couldn't help but be equally enthralled and disturbed by her ability to become solely focused on his every action concerning her body.

He had to do something about those fucking endless moans of hers, "Olivia could you…calm down a little bit? This isn't like the last time we were doing this up here. It's the middle of the day and people are downstairs. And I've got five kids and a wife to support so I can't afford to lose my job or my pension."

Olivia's answering moan of frustration at the mention of his wife and kids came out despite her efforts of trying to keep quiet. Elliot was forced to place a hand over her mouth before it got too loud and he couldn't help but feel a strong urge to kiss her at that moment but he just couldn't do it. Kissing Olivia would connect them even further to each other and would be impossible to explain to Kathy when all this came to light. If he just continued fucking her senseless everywhere he could always say to Kathy that it was just a physical response to the stressful situations they saw everyday but if Elliot kissed her then the charade that he was constantly perpetuating would collapse upon itself. He couldn't let that happen…not yet.

"El, come on…please, just…finish me off, please," Her needy brown eyes captured his own eyes and he knew that there was no point holding her off anymore. If they were doing this anywhere else she would have been keening by now. He had to let her go; holding her pleasure off anymore would be considered cruel and unusual punishment.

Finally Elliot had reached his goal.

"Liv, do you feel like you're going to explode if I don't let you cum? Do you feel like your soul is on fire?"

"Yes, god, yes, Elliot," Olivia turned her eyes away before he could see her own tears running down her cheeks. "I'm going to die if you don't finish me off…just do it already please, Elliot."

With one last sweep of her body with his hands, Elliot unzipped his pants and began to disrobe himself of his pants and boxers. His erection was ready and willing and with one swipe of his fingers near her moist folds he knew she was just as ready as he was.

"Olivia?"

"Yeah, El?"

"When we do this with each other it makes me feel so...so many things. Guilt used to be one of those things but now…all I feel is this insurmountable hate for myself for allowing you to be my weakness. It's not fair to you or me but I still can't stop feeling this urge for revenge against the way you've made me feel," Elliot rolled a condom on and moved toward his goal. "I want you to feel the same way that I've felt. I want you to hurt in the same way that I have been hurting."

With one firm push, he found himself surrounding in Olivia's warm folds and he realized that for once it wasn't just his tears mixing with the sweat coming from her body. Tears were flowing down her face like a rainstorm was just unleashed from her eyes and Elliot smiled to himself.

Finally, she understood. Finally, she could empathize. He had finally gotten his revenge.