I finally managed to get around to writing some Kurt and Sam smut, which seems weird now considering I hardly ship it any more.
But I basically ship Kurt with everyone, so I felt like it needed to be done.

So this is just a totally random idea I had, based on the fact that Kurt and Sam had epic amounts of chemistry when they first met. That, and the fact that Kurt's gaydar is never wrong.

So... yeah. Reviews would be nice :)

Also, I don't own Glee. Obviously.
And there are a bunch of (frankly awesome) Harry Potter references in here too which - as I'm sure will come as a great surprise to you all - I don't own either.

The Untitled Hevans Smutfic

"Oh, sorry... I didn't realise you were, erm... sorry."

I had only come into the guys' locker room to talk to Finn. Trust me to walk in on Sam Evans in the shower. Again. This was starting to become a very awkward habit. He looked up in surprise, wiping his wet hair out of his eyes. Strangely enough, he didn't seem that freaked out that I was there. In fact, he almost looked kind of pleased, if how he was smiling was anything to go by.

"It's cool," he said, shrugging.

"I, erm... I was just looking for Finn," I said, trying to look at only his face. "I need him to give me a ride home."

"Oh, well I haven't seen him," he said, grabbing the shower gel.

Because that was exactly what this situation needed – for his naked body to be all lathered up. Oh yeah, that would totally make things less uncomfortable. That was defiantly my cue to leave.

"I'll just... I'll just leave you to it then..." I said.

But before I could make a hasty exit from the sexual frustration nightmare that was this shower room, he said "Wait!"

I turned around slowly. "What is it?"

"You don't have go," he said, looking me up and down. "You can stay if you want. I don't mind."

I couldn't help but scoff at that ridiculous statement.

"So what, you want me to stay here and watch you shower?" I said, looking at him quizzically. "As perfectly normal and not at all insane as that request is, I think I'll pass. I'll just walk home, and send Finn a rather angry text about abandoning his almost-step-brother."

Sam laughed, squeezing a generous amount of shower gel into his hand and rubbing it all over his chest and his arms, meaning that I couldn't help but look at his chest and his arms. They were perfect at the best of times, but now that they were all wet and covered in suds... there were no words. I realised I was staring just in time and quickly looked back at his face. But I think he may have noticed.

"Don't worry," he said with a smirk. "I'm not going to go all Shawshank on you."

I chuckled and shook my head. So now my own lines were being used against me. Fair enough.

"Not unless you want me to," he added quietly, so quietly that I almost didn't hear him.

I raised my eyebrows. Did he really just say that? Was he really suggesting...? No, he couldn't be.

"You're kidding right?" I said, looking at his sceptically.

"Sure," he said with a nonchalant shrug. "If you say so."

"Okay, I am so confused," I said slowly."Are you... are you hitting on me?"

He laughed again, washing all the suds off his body and brushing his soaking wet hair out of his face again.

"If I was hitting on you," he said, grinning. "I'd be using my best lines, like... 'If I looked into the Mirror of Erised right now, I'd only see your face.'"

It was my turn to laugh. "Oh my God, I can't believe you just used a Harry Potter pick-up line! You are such a dork!"

"Yeah, well you understood it," he said. "Meaning that you're just as big a dork as I am."

"Whatever," I said, shaking my head. "And that line was totally cheesy anyway."

He looked as if he was thinking, and then said "Well, how about 'I've got a Basilisk that's just dying to explore your Chamber of Secrets, but only your Parseltongue can tame it'?"

I rolled my eyes, successfully fighting the urge to laugh again.

"Terrible," I said. "Are you sure these are you're best lines? Because, at the rate you're going, no girl is going to want to polish your wand and you're not going to get to explore any Forbidden Forests any time soon."

"Is that so?" he said with a smirk. "Because they seem to be working pretty well on you."

"Actually I'm just marvelling at how much of massive dork you are," I said.

"Said the fashionable dork," he said, wiping water out of his eyes. "I guess it's lucky that I'm not interested in Forbidden Forests then, isn't it?"

"What?"

He looked at me with a really strange glint in his eye and said "Let's just say I'm more interested in riding broomsticks."

"Are you saying you're gay?" I said, narrowing my eyes. "Because, if you are, then I totally called it. Like, literally the day I met you."

He nodded. "Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying."

"But what about Quinn...?"

"She knows," he said. "She's cool with it. She gets that all the guys on the football team would give me hell if they knew, and being the new kid and in Glee Club I'd have enough crap to deal with anyway. Everyone's assuming she's my girlfriend, and we're just... letting them."

"So she's your beard?" I said simply.

"Pretty much," he said. "But she's really awesome, and I really like her. In fact, there's only one thing that's wrong with her."

"She doesn't have a penis?" I offered with a smile.

"Okay, two things," he grinned. "She doesn't get any of my awesome pick-up lines."

"No way!" I said in mock disgust. "I mean, it's bad enough that she insists on being a girl, but to not be swept off her feet by that Mirror of Erised line... ugh, that's appalling!"

He laughed and looked down, the water dripping off his nose.

"So that's why you wanted me to stay," I said. "You did actually want me to watch you shower, you perv."

"Actually," he said. "I was hoping you'd join me."

Well, that was direct. I stared at him for a second. He looked up and stared right back at me.

"In the shower?" I asked incredulously. "With you?"

"Yeah," he said as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

"Sam, I am surprised at you," I said, folding my arms. "I thought you were a gentleman. You could at least invite me out to dinner first."

He smirked, looking me up and down again.

"Why don't we go crazy and break tradition?" he said. "I can buy you dinner afterwards."

I should have said no. I should have told him he was insane and went home. But instead I took off my bag and my coat and put them down on a nearby bench. Then I walked a little closer to the shower cubicle. He walked a little closer to me too, resting his arms up on the cubicle wall.

"So is that a yes?" he said.

I walked even closer to him, until the only thing between us was the low cubicle wall.

"Why not?" I said quietly. "Lets... go a little crazy."

We smirked at each other, before he filled the gap between us with a kiss. His lips were hot and wet from the shower and sent shivers down my spine. In what seemed like no time at all, I was just a naked as him and in the shower too. His big hands were roaming over my body as the warm water fell on us and left my skin all hot and rosy. His kiss was fierce and passionate, as if he'd been waiting to do it forever and didn't want to waste a single second. That large mouth of his soon found its way down to my neck, biting and sucking. That was defiantly going to leave a mark, but I didn't really care just then.

"H-have you... have you ever... done this before?" I stuttered.

He stopped attacking my neck and looked at me.

"I went to an all boys' boarding school," he said. "What do you think?"

He kissed me again, his hands sliding down my body and grabbing my ass, producing a rather undignified squeak out of me. I could feel him chuckle against me.

"Have you?" he said against my lips in between kisses. "Ever done it, I mean?"

"N-no," I said. I was glad the water had already made my skin rosy, because I could feel myself starting to blush.

"It's okay," he said quietly, looking right into my eyes. "I'll be gentle. We don't even have to go all the way if you don't want to."

I nodded, resting my hands on that oh so perfect chest. As much as I wanted him, I knew I wasn't quite ready for that just yet. He smiled, sweeping my dripping hair out of my face, and kissed me again. But this kiss was slower and steadier, gentle while still managing to be totally hot. It felt as if we were kissing in the rain, except that we were naked and the water was much warmer.

One of his hands was cupping my face and the other resting on the small of my back, holding me close to him. I could feel his erection burning against my thigh, and his hand slid down my chest and towards my own aching hard on. His large and slightly calloused hand wrapped around it, his thumb spreading pre-come over the head before he started rubbing back and forth. His hand moved faster and faster until I was whimpering and moaning into his mouth. I reached down to his cock and starting imitating his actions as best I could. It was like jerking myself off, only he was much bigger than me. I guess I must have been doing something right though, because he was soon letting out these deep moans that sounded almost like growls.

I don't even know how long we were standing under that shower – the heat and the steam and Sam all kind of clouding my mind. We were thrusting into each other's hands, moving faster and faster until we were both moaning so loud that our voices were echoing off the tiles. We both seemed to be holding on to each other for dear life, like we were the only thing stopping the other from falling over. I was clinging onto Sam's arm so hard that my fingernails were digging into his skin, but he didn't seem to care.

"Oh God, Sam... don't stop... don't stop..."

"Ahh... so good, Kurt... so fucking good..."

My whole body started trembling and my breath caught in my throat as I got closer and closer to the edge. I could feel the pressure building up inside me until I could hardly stand it. I wanted to beg Sam to go faster but I couldn't even speak. All too soon I felt my orgasm crash over me. I came hard all over his hand and his stomach, sinking my teeth into his shoulder to stop from screaming. Sam cried out about a second later, holding onto me tighter and thrusting into my hand until he was completely spent.

We finally got out of the shower once we'd gotten our breath back. Sam wrapped a fluffy white towel around the both of us and held me for a while, kissing the top of my head.

"So how about it, Kurt," he said. "You want to go to dinner with me?"

I chuckled against his chest. "Wow, Sam, this is all so sudden."

He laughed, holding me a little bit tighter.

"I'd love to," I said.

Sam took me out to dinner at Breadstix the following evening after school. It wasn't exactly how I'd pictured my first real date with a guy to be like. For starters, in my head I hadn't already had sex with said date in the school shower room the day before. But I think in some ways the fact that our relationship was so backwards was what made it work. It wasn't awkward because, well... it's kind of difficult to feel awkward around someone who has seen you naked and given you an orgasm.

In the end, we spent the whole date talking in great detail about Harry Potter – which House we think we would have been Sorted into, why Voldermort was an idiot, what form our Boggart and Patronus would take, why neither of us were surprised when it turned out Dumbledore was gay, and so on. We really are dorks.

At the end of the night, when he drove me home, he actually asked if he could kiss me. I looked at him like he was insane. As if he needed to ask.

Hope you enjoyed, Humble Readers :)
Don't forget, REVIEWS ARE LOVE.

xxx