Who thinks Itachi would make the hottest uke ever? Dude. Seriously. O/_\O - Love you, Itachi!

This story is based off of 'Koisuru Boukun,' if you people have ever heard of it...

'Atsui Nara Isso' means 'If You're Hot..."

I'll let you read on so you can see what the title's talking about.

~KASAI~

---

-OOO-

"You are lame, man. Lame, lame, lame."

"Hey, he wasn't wearing a shirt! How the hell do you think I would even talk to him without stammering?"

"Just look at his face!"

"Not possible."

"Stare into his eyes!"

"I'll wet myself!"

"Dude...no."

"Sorry."

"Seriously? He's that unapproachable?"

"...You have no idea."

-OOO-

~Atsui Nara Isso~

-OOO-

"So." Hidan crossed his arms, staring Deidara in the eye. "How goes it?"

Deidara stared at him, at first not processing what Hidan really meant.

"Wha- oh, you mean with my roommate. Badly. He's cold as usual." Deidara muttered, shifting his bag onto the floor of the sidewalk. He usually met up with Hidan after class, just to talk for a few minutes before lunch. It was a routine which both had fallen into over their first year- two newbies just trying to make their way.

Hidan didn't look like the type of person who would just stand around and chat, but Hidan surprised him on that one. He was an outspoken individual, and once you got past the rough exterior, his advice was really great. Deidara usually felt better after talking to him.

"You're fucking kidding me!" Hidan said in disbelief. "Even after you finally told him how you felt? What a douche."

"Yeah. It really sucks." Deidara shuffled from one foot to the other. "I don't think he takes me seriously, y'know?"

"I know how that is, blondie. In my case, Kakuzu can be a real-"

"Don't say it, dude. I hear it all too often."

"Sorry. Continue."

"And it being my birthday next week and all, I hoped we could celebrate it together. It doesn't seem like it's gonna happen, yeah." Deidara finished gloomily.

"Aw. Poor you. Although, you're such a lucky bastard, Dei, that I'm so nice. I bought a present for you." A wide smirk overtook Hidan's face, one that instantly put Deidara on his guard.

"A…present?" Deidara asked suspiciously.

"Here- a special bottle I bought just for you. It was the best present I could think of. Just view it as my way of supporting you." Hidan grinned, taking a brown paper bag out of his beat-up backpack and removing a bottle from it. He shoved it at Deidara's confused face.

"Wh…what is it?" Deidara asked warily, leaning in to see the green unlabeled bottle. "Wine?" He guessed.

"Its a little miracle-elixir…that will make even the most frigid sex-hater horny."

"…WHAT? You cannot be serious! I refuse to take it! REFUSE!" Deidara grabbed his one-strap messenger bag, beginning to storm out the door, a fierce blush across his face. "That has got to be, like, illegal or something! Besides, how do I know it isn't harmful to the body?"

"Because…" A dreamy look made its way across Hidan's face, remembering. "I tried it myself."

Deidara's blonde eyebrows knitted together. "R-really? So, uh, how was it?"

Hidan's eyes shone as he slowly raised a hand up to his cheek. "It was…oh, I can't even describe it…it was…amazing…"

Deidara watched his friend with wide eyes. "Really? Oh…"

-OOO-

I ended up taking it after all… Deidara thought dryly, gazing down at the brown paper bag he held tightly on one hand. Hidan was a tough guy to argue with. What would he use it for, anyway? Oh right, he's still going steady with Kakuzu…OKAY no more dwelling on that…yecch.

Deidara shook his head as he made his way up the stairs into his apartment, clicking the lights on once he'd unlocked the door and stepped inside. He walked over to the sitting-room. Ugh…I'm not really going to use this…I can't bring myself to use it…especially not on him. I'll lose his trust for sure. Jeez. Now what? I have to…I have to hide it…

His cerulean eyes lowered, and rested upon a cupboard near the side of the room. Aha! I'll hide the bottle in there! He'll never find it. Deidara made his way over, kneeling down and opening the cupboard. He placed the bottle inside, next to a bag of clay beads. Good. Now I just…have to forget about it.

Deidara closed the cupboard door firmly and got up. He eyed its closed door.

Sigh…what a needless temptation. I'm such an idiot.

-OOO-

Itachi brought a hand to his head, a steady flush across his aristocratic cheekbones.

"Aw…the booze is all gone."

Deidara stared at him, and sighed. "Really Uchiha-senpai, I think you've had enough. Sasuke will be fine, why are you stressing so much about him?"

"It's all because of that- that- Uzumaki kid! Taking my precious little brother off to the States and now…now because of what San Francisco has put into law…" Itachi's eyes filled up with tears.

"What, the gay marriage thing? So it's allowed, so what?"

"Now what'm I sp'ossed to do? All alone here in cold Japan…"

Deidara felt a serious headache coming on. "It's okay, I'm sure Sasuke will be fine…"

"No! He won't! That Uzumaki bastard…" Itachi began muttering to himself, his perfectly arched eyebrows scrunching together and making a dent in his flawless forehead. "M'gunna gets him one day…just you watch…! If he hurt my brother, he's going to get such a bitch-slap that even his toes will feel it. I'll kill him! I'll-"

"Okay, okay. I get it." Deidara exhaled slowly, gazing around at all the empty beer cans scattered around his sitting-room. On the floor, on the round table, everywhere…jeez.

"I'll run out and get more. Just wait here, okay? Don't do anything stupid!" Deidara called out behind him as he made for the exit, nearly tripping on a can as he shut the rice-paper door. "I'll be right back!"

The front door shut from the other room.

Itachi gazed blearily around at his surroundings, waiting for a couple minutes.

"Oi…where's that slacker, already? He's taking forever…"

He slowly picked up a beer can from the table, and turned it upside down, shaking it. "Damn…there really isn't a drop left. Maybe he's got a stash hidden somewhere…for sure he has one…"

Itachi stumbled as he crawled over to the closet, searching through the folded clothes and dumping out socks from a drawer. He pulled out a bright yellow shirt, and grimaced. "What the hell is this…? Pisses me off…it's so fucking yellow…" He tossed it aside, and continued looking for a while, muttering the entire time.

He made his way around the room, until he reached the last cupboard, over by the corner of the room. He pulled it open, and a smirk crossed his face.

"Aha! Found a bottle! He thought he could hide it from me…hah! Uchihas…are too clever for that…!" His hand gripped the bottle, and he wrenched the stopper out. Itachi raised it up, and took a long swig. "Ugh. It tastes strange, though."

Just then, the door swung open. "Senpai, I'm back."

Deidara stepped into the room, holding a six-pack of beer. His gaze fell upon Itachi, and saw what he was holding in his right hand. Deidara stepped back in shock, pointing wildly at the familiar bottle. "Senpai, you…! Did you drink from that?"

Itachi frowned, gazing at Deidara through half-lidded eyes. "Found your secret stash! It didn't taste good. You have to store these things properly, y'know."

Deidara stared at Itachi with wide eyes. "Um…Uchiha-senpai? Are you…feeling okay? Does your body feel…uh, funny?"

Itachi glared at him balefully. "What are you on about? Yeah. I'm fine. Pass the beer." He held out an expectant hand for the six-pack.

Deidara handed it to him warily, discreetly picking up the stopper he saw by Itachi's feet and gently taking the bottle from his senpai's hand as well. Itachi didn't look as though he minded, what with the new stock of alcohol in his hands that Deidara had just brought in.

Deidara watched him a minute. Itachi cracked open a fizzing can, and hiccupped.

Huh. Perhaps Hidan was only pulling my leg.

Even so, Deidara felt slightly guilty for feeling as disappointed as he did right then.

-OOO-

Later, in Deidara's room, Itachi rolled over on his futon, waking up. The blankets shifted as he moved. His eyes cracked open, slowly beginning to get used to the dimness in the room. Ugh. My head is killing me.

Itachi winced as he sat up, supporting himself with his hands. He glanced over to his right. Deidara was in his own bed, sleeping soundly. Deidara must have moved him to the futon.

Itachi lowered his eyes, raising a hand to feel his throat. Water… He thought hazily, furrowing his brows. I drank so much, why am I not full to bursting right now…?

Suddenly, he felt it. His surprised dark eyes lowered to the area between his legs, and his mouth pressed into a thin line. What? I'm drunk off my ass…so why am I feeling like this?

Itachi threw the covers aside, viewing his problem and contemplating what to do. He couldn't wake up Deidara. He didn't want him, of all people to know. He knew how Deidara felt about him. There's no other way…I have to get to the bathroom…

Itachi wobbled as he tried to stand. Once he was upright, he took one shaky step forward…and promptly fell on his face.

With the loud thumping noise that he heard, Deidara stirred, waking up. "Hunh?" He gazed around, and looked down at Itachi's form with a confused look on his face. "S…Senpai, are you okay?"

Deidara stepped out of his bed, kneeling down to Itachi's level. Itachi groaned from where he lay. What…is this? I…I can't move my body, for some reason… "I'm fine. Go away."

Deidara frowned. "I will not. Do you need something, yeah? I can get it for you, whatever it is." He held out a hand as Itachi struggled, forcing himself into a kneeling position.

I just have to get Deidara away from here for a while… "I…need some medicine…I don't feel very well…"

Deidara's concerned look didn't fade. "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that…it's good that I have all of the usual medicines…is it an upset stomach…?"

Itachi glared at him. Ugh! "I…also ran out of cigarettes."

Deidara smiled. "Oh, I just picked up a new pack when I went out to buy the beer."

Damn this over-attentive man!

"Then just go out on a fucking walk for thirty minutes!"

"Wh-what? Now? I'm not going to randomly go out walking in the middle of the night!" Deidara protested. "What is it, really? Just tell me!"

Itachi shot him another death stare. "Nothing. I need to just…go get some…water…" He began struggling to get up once more, ignoring Deidara's hand.

"Let me help you, Uchiha-senpai!" Deidara objected, placing his hands on Itachi's shoulders.

"Dammit, I already told you-!"

Itachi stood up straight in one sudden movement, pushing Deidara's hand away. As he did so, he inevitably lost his balance. "Ah!"

Deidara drew back, startled. Itachi fell forward, stumbling over his tangled blankets on the floor and knocking Deidara backwards onto his bed. Both of them fell in a heap. "Hey, what the hell?"

"That wasn't my fault! I told you I could do it myself!"

"You're drunk, Uchiha! As you might have noticed from the way you just fell on top of me!"

Itachi breathed hard by way of response, his head to the left of Deidara's, and buried his forehead into the pillow. "Urgh…" He clamped a hand tightly over is mouth, feeling sick.

"Don't you dare hurl on my covers, senpai! Just…let me…get you off…" Deidara, despite being pinned under Itachi's deadweight, grabbed Itachi's shoulders and prepared to assist him in sitting up. His left leg, which rested between both of Itachi's legs, bent upwards.

Itachi stiffened as Deidara's leg began moving, right where the inescapable problem was.

Deidara froze. He felt something hard. And he thought he knew what it was.

"S-senpai…?" He breathed.

Itachi placed one hand on either side of Deidara's head, and pushed himself up with a huge effort. "Hah…get me…to the bathroom…" He shifted himself so that he sat on the edge of Deidara's bed, until he lost his balance once more and slid down, his back against the side of the bed.

Deidara stared down at him, and stepped off the bed, kneeling down before Itachi. Itachi's head was down, his eyes were closed, a bead of sweat running down his temple. "Why are you…?"

And then Deidara remembered. "Oh…it must be the effects of the drug…" He mused without thinking.

"WHAT?" Itachi's head snapped up, and he grabbed Deidara's shirt front with a fist. "You drugged me?"

Deidara held up his hands. "No! I just had the bottle in my cupboard, you were the one who drank it without knowing what it was!"

Itachi stared into his eyes, still breathing hard. "Ugh…" He unclenched his grip, slumping down once more. "Now do you get it, numbskull? I need to go to the bathroom and-" Itachi brought his hand to his throbbing head, trailing off. He reached down, beginning to unbuckle his belt. "Uh…it's too tight…"

Deidara watched this in fascination. "Um…senpai…don't just start unbuckling your belt in-"

Itachi began unbuttoning his pants.

"Senpai!" Deidara panicked. "Stop!" Heat rose to his cheeks as the band of Itachi's navy boxers were revealed. Itachi glanced up, his eyes narrowed and annoyed, his face flushed. "You can't do it yourself, look at you! You can barely unbutton your pants!"

It was true. Itachi was still struggling to undo the button, and when he finally accomplished that small feat, his zipper was proving impossible.

"You're going to fall down in the bathroom and hit your head and it's going to be pathetic."

Itachi glowered at his underclassman. "I have to."

Deidara's eyes grew into a hazy, azure blue. "No, you don't." Watching Itachi struggle with his pants was proving too much for him. His own pants were tightening, his head filling with thoughts he definitely shouldn't be having.

"I'll do it." Deidara reached forward, placing his hand gently between Itachi's spread legs.

He rubbed the bulge firmly, causing Itachi to let out a strangled gasp.

"D-Deidara! St-stop!" Itachi tried to push Deidara's steadily moving arm away, trying desperately to stop him as Deidara's hand moved up and down, up and down, unyielding, just the right amount of firm. "Gh…ah! Nngh…" Itachi closed his eyes tightly as the sensations overrode his senses, only feeling Deidara's strong hand.

Deidara breathed along with Itachi, eyes half-lidded and misted over, his mouth slightly open.

Suddenly, Itachi's eyes opened wide as he felt the creamy liquid spray from him, coating the inside of his boxers. It stained the material a dark color, leaking through to soak Deidara's hand. A second later, Deidara looked down. "You didn't last very long, senpai…"

Itachi flushed crimson, his dark eyes narrowing. "Shut up, I was aroused for a while!" He shot back. He was about to say something else, when he realized that he was getting hard again, feeling that stirring feeling in his stomach, all the way down to his toes. "Wh-what…?"

Deidara glanced at Itachi. "It seems you're just horny tonight, senpai…it happens."

"You know full well that it's not- ah!" Itachi was cut off as Deidara leaned down between Itachi's bent knees and pulled his throbbing member out of his boxers, pulling the boxers down a bit to accommodate Itachi's size.

Deidara slid Itachi's hard member into his mouth, tasting the natural slick wetness. Itachi clenched his teeth. "Deidara, stop it." Deidara began to move his tongue, making Itachi fist his hands into Deidara's long blonde hair and forget why he should even be protesting in the first place.

"Sorry, senpai." Deidara said, pulling away and dragging his tongue across the tip. "I have to use my teeth, I can't reach all the way down…"

Itachi moaned before he could stop himself, feeling Deidara's teeth on his heated flesh. "I…want you to…stop…!"

Deidara pulled away completely, sitting up to look Itachi straight in the eye. Itachi turned away, moving his body so he angled more towards the bed. "But I don't want to stop, senpai. You don't want me to stop." Deidara reached up and began softly undoing the buttons that trailed down Itachi's white button-down shirt. Itachi's back arched as he tried to move away, placing his hands on Deidara's cheeks.

"No! No, I do want you to-"

Aha, look here. It seems like I'm not the only one who's aroused… Deidara thought wryly as he caught sight of Itachi's exposed nipples. It seemed like Deidara's actions upon Itachi's body from before had made them erect. Itachi's chest was heaving, his abdomen flexing as he squirmed.

It was the hottest thing he'd ever seen.

He squeezed a nipple between his thumb and forefinger, rolling it. As he did, he elicited a cry of pleasure from Itachi, who was placing a hand over his own forehead, cheeks completely scarlet. "Uh….hah…."

Deidara leaned in slowly, and ran his tongue up the side of Itachi's neck. Itachi, now stretched out on Deidara's bed, cried out. His eyes shut in ecstasy.

Itachi covered his mouth with his hand in a feeble attempt to stop the embarrassing sounds issuing from him, his next words coming out muffled. "A-ah! Dei-!"

Deidara worked Itachi's slick member, running his thumb over the head and succeeding in eliciting more pre-cum. The liquid ran down the sides of Itachi's length, making it easier for Deidara to move his hand and turning Itachi on even further.

Deidara was spooning Itachi now, rubbing Itachi's right nipple with one hand, and running his fist up and down Itachi's member from behind, with the other.

"Senpai…" Deidara breathed as he slowly stopped his ministrations, viewing the dark-haired man. Itachi was inhaling air as if he'd never done so before, the crook of his arm over his eyes, his hair haphazard as it was almost all out of his ponytail.

Strands of dark hair stuck to Itachi's forehead with perspiration. Itachi's button-down shirt was pushed to the sides of his muscled torso, which was glistening with sweat.

Deidara had never seen a more arousing sight in his life. He gently pushed Itachi's dark hair from his sweating forehead, turning his body over and sliding one hand down to the band of Itachi's pants. Itachi stiffened as Deidara slipped his hand down, pulling the sweatpants down along with it, removing the boxers and the pants to discard them on the floor.

Deidara ran his hand along the smooth curve of Itachi's rear, massaging it. Itachi gripped the comforter. "Deidara, stop…please…"

Deidara moved his index finger along Itachi's tailbone, until he reached the top of the crack. He ran his finger down…down…until the pad of his finger rubbed along the puckered pink hole with a wet sound.

Itachi arched backwards. "Gh…" Deidara slowly rubbed, stretching it, until he turned Itachi to face upwards again, still lying down. He wanted to see Itachi's face. Deidara slowly lubricated Itachi with his own essence, until he entered him with a push from his index finger.

Itachi's head leaned back, his eyes widening and tearing.

"It's all right, senpai…just wait a moment…" Deidara began moving his finger, soon adding another, and another.

Itachi tried to stifle his moaning, but what Deidara was doing to him made him so… "Ah! Dei…dara…it feels…unh…good…."

Deidara rubbed, curling his middle finger inside Itachi right at the perfect moment, as Itachi raised his hips involuntarily. The resulting flash of white that spread across Itachi's vision made him sob in pleasure. "AH…Dei…!"

Deidara smiled, leaning over Itachi. Itachi's eyes grew wide. "Know what I think, senpai? I think…you've stopped resisting. I think…I found it."

Itachi flushed, grunting as he turned his head to one side. "Wh-what are you…? A-ah!" He cried out in a wavering voice as Deidara hit that spot again.

"Whether you like it or not…that's where it is…"

Itachi's cheeks went hot. "Y-you don't have to point out every little thing!"

"Uchiha-senpai…you're wet."

"St-stop it!"

"And- ooh, the pre-cum is still dripping out…" Deidara whispered in Itachi's ear, making Itachi raise his shoulder, shuddering from the smooth vibrations of Deidara's voice.

"Unh…dammit, stop teasing me…" He narrowed his eyes hazily as Deidara, too far gone to retort, removed his own shirt and pants. "Hey…"

Deidara positioned his own length at Itachi's entrance, rubbing himself against it and making Itachi groan through gritted teeth. He held Itachi's hips, and slid himself in one smooth motion.

"U-ugh…" Itachi saw stars, his body burning from the split-second pain…until Deidara started moving. He thrust into Itachi mercilessly, making Itachi clench the covers and raise his legs higher.

Deidara took hold of Itachi's thighs and spread them more. Itachi, through the blinding sensations taking over his mind, raised a hand and pushed it hard against Deidara's forehead. "I-idiot…what do you think you're doing?"

Deidara, his eyes heavy with desire, let out a moan. "You…you're so…tight…"

Itachi gasped, his lower region throbbing, as Deidara began slamming into the spot that made Itachi feel ecstasy the most. "S-senpai…" Deidara moaned, feeling his own cheeks, flushed from exertion, burn crimson. "Uh…nngh…"

"Dei…AH! Uunhh…uh…" Itachi moaned as his pleasure took to new heights, beginning to make him rise higher, and higher…

Deidara felt the skin of his heated member rubbing up and down within Itachi's tightness, causing a delicious friction that only made him clench Itachi's thighs more. Seeing Itachi's curled toes by the sides of his head, his perfect jawbone, and his bent knees and chiseled ab muscles flexing with every thrust…it made his stomach clench.

Itachi watched, through the slits that his eyes had become through his pleasure, Deidara thrusting in and out of him with a force that made Itachi wonder. How long has Deidara wanted this? Itachi had always thought of himself as a very perceptive person. So why had he never noticed this before, this pent-up sexual frustration that Deidara seemed to be holding within him this entire time?

Either way. Watching Deidara, his long blond hair waving as he thrust into Itachi, his contracting muscles and deep blue eyes that were fixed only on him…it made Itachi think things he didn't really want to dwell upon, or believe.

Suddenly, he felt himself reaching his peak. "Deida...!"

Deidara shuddered, feeling his whole body seize up with the ripples Itachi was sending up his member. He felt himself beginning to come. "Itachi…uh…ah…"

With that unexpected groan of his first name, Itachi came hard, releasing all over Deidara's contracting stomach, body shaking with pleasure.

Deidara watched Itachi's face as his orgasm over took him. His mouth was slightly open and his half-lidded onyx eyes were fixed on the ceiling. A blush was spread across Itachi's cheeks and nose. Deidara felt his own body responding to the sight, feeling the warm liquid as it gushed out of him and into Itachi.

Both lay there for a moment, both lying there after the last waves of their highs had faded. Deidara's arm was clenched tightly around Itachi's chest, gripping his shoulder.

Itachi's fingers ghosted over the hand that was on his shoulder.

"A-are you angry at me?" Deidara whispered into Itachi's ear, worried that now their desire had ebbed away, all that would be left was disgust and irritation on Itachi's part. And Deidara didn't think he could bear that.

Itachi turned to gaze into Deidara's cerulean eyes.

"Yes. Next time, I top."

-OOO-