A/N : actually i've had this idea, quite sometime back, it was hard to write, especially the first chapter, as it was very physcological and depressing as well. So my mood right now is rather depressed and blue as i write this story. Nevertheless this is only the first chapter, there is alot more to come, and i hope that as the story goes on, it becomes more and more interesting as well ^_^. please enjoy and review Rated M for future lemons XD

Disclaimer : if i owned naruto, I WOULD HAVE AT LEAST ONE SHOUNEN AI COUPLE XD

Just above the grey clouds, splashes of light were peeping over, lighting the rims of the dull clouds. A silver lining.

The sky was showing its final streaks of sunlight as the sun slowly set behind the horizon. He wandered aimlessly through the streets, glancing here and there, walking to no apparent destination. In the hustle and bustle of the crowd, no one spares a glance at a boy, especially him.

His face is emotionless, his eyes looking downwards as he swiftly trots down the lane to a more secluded part of the village. After walking a comfortable distance away from the main square down a series of lanes and dirt roads, he reaches an expanse of forest. He deftly climbs up a tree and perches himself on a tree branch. The fading sunlight glinting in his blue eyes as he turns to face the direction of the setting sun. He stares into the sunset that seems to be stretching endlessly over the vast horizon of hills. The bright sunlight glints over the hilltop crenulations, and streaks of vermillion and cadmium beam endlessly.

Like always, his thoughts would go back the same thoughts, that would always appear in his mind ever since he was a child, the same thoughts that would constantly urge him so persuasively to escape. Drops of golden sun splash across his skin, tinting his skin with a creamy tan as he remains motionless, deep in thought.

'Somewhere where the grass is greener' he thought as he looked nostalgically at the green pastures across the rolling hills that seemed to continue on and on and on without end.

'Somewhere where the light is even brighter than the sun' ... He thought as he looked directly to the sunset, his eyes squinting as the blinding red tints of light reflected in his azure eyes.

'Somewhere where there is warmth all around...' he thinks as the warm rays of sun shine on his skin, but are unable to warm his unnaturally cold body.

There is actually a way... that i can escape this, thinks the little boy as his mind floats to another place. A place far away from here... where the light does shine brighter than the sun, where maybe the grass is greener and perhaps where there may even be warmth. A place where i can finally be at peace he concludes. This somewhere is where i want to be.

And he closes his eyes, and tries to imagine this better place...

Night falls and the darkness covers the sky like a never ending shroud, the black canvas is dotted up with little twinkling stars. The full moon, a fluorescent gray piercing through the darkness, radiating a cold glow, reflecting perfectly in the water. The wind is nothing but a calm zephyr right now, slowly sweeping through the fields that sway in unison the harmony of the trees. A still lake lies in front of him and the field, and although the wind is blowing, it remains still.

The meadow is filled with white daffodils, luxuriant and beautiful, so delicate and pure. The grass is dotted with regular spots of white flowers, adding contrast to the dark ebony green. In the midst of these, the small boy lies, staring up into the endless sky. Countless of constellations light up the sky, decorating the dull black backdrop, and rarely, a quick small dash of light streaks across the sky.

He reaches out, and grabs, if only he could actually catch a shooting star. He would wish for his escape. He sighs and rests his hand on his chest. Right now, more than ever, those thoughts would constantly seem more tempting and evident. To just get away from here...

He had always been alone. Surely he was able to graduate as a ninja but, still he was a mere weak genin. He could not do what others could do, executing high level ninjutsu, performing with speed and dexterity, agility and skill. Being a low rank ninja, he was often given D rank missions, which were hardly considered missions at all. A more suitable term would be free labour.

His sensei's hardly spent time on him, rather more focusing on other students, and he was barely taught the basics of ninjutsu, let alone taijutsu and genjutsu. No one really payed that much attention to him, he was just a clumsy knuckle-headed idiot after all. This spiral of depression just took him lower and lower, a vicious cycle that continued until now.

He lacked the motivation and the vigor, the spirit, the want to improve. He tried to be recognised and tried with all his heart to improve but it was futile. He could not perfect it on his own and his sensei's were just to busy, or couldn't be bothered. So in the end, he lost his dream, of being the hokage, he lost his hope, of ever becoming a good ninja, and he lost his faith in the world and its people.

Everyone would always treat him as if he were a monster, giving him cruel harsh stares, sometimes spitting behind his back, and the occasional glare. He was inclined to receive all of this. He wasn't sure what was wrong, or what did he do to deserve this... but no one would tell him... and he was eventually gave in to this lonely fate.

The blonde sighed and closed his eyes, as he felt a tear trickle down his cheek. Something is missing... he thought, he knew. Something was missing.

Crystal coloured tears rolled down his cheeks, slowly, his face, still the same expression. It felt as if something was taken away from him, something so beneficial, and so crucial that it was his very lifeforce, that was taken away.

Extending out to the middle of the lake, a boardwalk stretches out for about five meters before abruptly coming to a sudden halt. Now the boy finds himself slowly walking over to that wooden bay, coming closer and closer to the edge.

He stands up and slowly hobbles to the lake by the pasture. Its sparkling waters shimmer under the full moon. Its deep mesmerizing look draws the boy slowly to the river's edge. He walks towards the river, heading to the boardwalk, completely transfixed on the deep blue waters. He slowly ambles to the boardwalk with shaky strides, without turning back.

As he steps on to the quaky wooden board, he hesitates, before quickly resuming with his steps. He is in a trance now. There is a force that is pulling him towards the still lake. A feeling, a surge was dragging him , all these years, built up inside him, a desire to escape.

He trembles and shivers as he walks unsteadily, every step with more reassurance. Finally he reaches the end.

Have you ever danced with the devil at night under the pale moonlight?

He took his last step. He took his last breath and the last tear drop fell. He let go and bent forward, crashing down suddenly. In the calm and darkness of the night, falling down, interrupting the peaceful silence of the lake...

Meeting the water's surface to give it a kiss.

Chapter 1 : Death Wish

A/N: haizz~~~ depressing right? Sorry had to make it depressing, but let me assure you, it will be much more angsty and romancy later on XD SO PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP ON MY STORY ARIGATOU GOZAIMAS XDDD REVIEW PLEASE XD
spottishdress~