Title: The Uchiha Snowball Massacre
Characters: Sasuke, Itachi, Shisui, Mikoto, un-named Uchihas
Genres: Humor/Crack
Setting: Non-massacre AU, as requested.
Summary: Sasuke was promptly hit with a ball of ice cold snow in the face. "Better luck next time, dude!" Shisui giggled (yes, giggled) and ran off, trailing after the culprit: Sasuke's 13 year old brother Itachi, recognizable only from the long ponytail and those ridiculous fuzzy black earmuffs. To use the mother of all cliches, this meant war.
Rating: K
Notes: Based off of a prompt at naruto_meme: the Uchiha massacre, but as a snowball fight. I tried to sort of play off of the massacre and the Itachi vs Sasuke arc in writing this...I tried to reference it as much as possible, but didn't make it exactly like the massacre was, maybe because I wanted Shisui as Itachi's sidekick. :) Oh, and Shisui is fifteen in this fic. Thanks for all the support from my readers, and everybody who reviews. Happy holidays everyone.

Sasuke's heart was racing - his fingertips were numb from the cold, and snow had wet his calves above his boots. He could sense an impending doom. Something looming, coming closer...something deadly.

Tensing, ready to jump from his hiding place and run for his life, Sasuke counted to three. 1...2...

On the count of three, Sasuke jumped -

And was promptly hit with a ball of ice cold snow in the face.

"Better luck next time, dude!" Sasuke growled a feral growl as he saw Shisui giggled (yes, giggled) and ran off, trailing after the culprit: Sasuke's 13 year old brother Itachi, recognizable only from the long ponytail and those ridiculous fuzzy black earmuffs.

Shakily, Sasuke wiped the snow from his face. He vowed to get back at Itachi for this - everyone else was already down and out for the count. Sasuke had actually resorted to hiding, because no where was truly safe.

It was the first Uchiha Snowball War, but now it looked like the Uchiha Snowball Massacre: snow was strewn all over the walls from misdirected snowballs, sleds were upturned, and an eerie kind of silence filled the streets of the compound.

It was the Older Uchiha versus the Younger Uchiha, younger kids versus older siblings and cousins, along with a few carefree adults who happened to join in and fight for the kids' side. But really, it was all the younger kids against the driving force of the opposing side: Sasuke's older brother.

There were bodies of the other snowball fighters all over the street surrounding tiny snow barricades and walls for cover - kids lying in the snow, who'd grown too tired to go on any further (or maybe some who just felt like quitting and making snow angels). It resembled a bloodied battlefield.

Most of the kids were either too cold, too bored, or had been too pummeled to go on, and besides a few others he couldn't locate, Sasuke was the only one left. But Itachi and his insufferable cousin Shisui were already on the move - so what if they'd gotten to the other survivors already?

It was well known that Uchiha Itachi was a prodigy, but not just in the aspect of battle: he was infamous for his snowball throwing skills. It was like he wielded balls of snow like shuriken. And everyone knew that Itachi was the best at shuriken jutsu (especially Sasuke, much to his chagrin).

This made Itachi a threat on the snowy battlefield, one that could send kids screaming and crying in the other direction. In fact, Itachi was so good that he took out most of the adults right off the bat. Mumbling about bratty kids, they'd limped back inside, full of snow and slush.

Sasuke balled up his mittened fists and scowled. He ran back to the house, rolled out his red wagon from the yard, got on his knees and started packing snow. To use the mother of all cliches, this meant war.

Shisui stood beside Itachi, blowing on his damp gloves. "Oh, come on Itachi, let's just call it quits already!" Shisui begged. He was tired, dammit. He wanted to go inside! Aunt Mikoto always made the best dark hot chocolate. And wasn't A Charlie Brown Christmas on soon?

Shisui shivered, another chill wracking his body. He wasn't immune to the cold, unlike his robotic younger cousin. Though for a fifteen year old, Shisui could be a tad immature when subjected to the horribly 'tortuous' cold. "Itachi, I really wanna go inside."

Suddenly Shisui was pelted with a snowball - a HUGE snowball. Actually, it felt like a snowball that was made with a rock.

"OW! Who the-" Shisui was cut off when he turned around, and was hit smack in the face with another ridiculously weighty snowball. Moaning and clutching his bloody frostbitten face, the noble (or ridiculous) Shisui fell onto his knees, crying out in pain for a warm blanket and his Auntie Mikoto. (1)

Itachi was unfazed. "If you're going to be a liability, you are worthless in my fight." He stepped over Shisui and approached the culprit.

"Come out," Itachi deadpanned. A tiny figure revealed themselves, coming out from the shadows behind the corner.

Itachi frowned. "I knew it was you...Sasuke."

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. Behind him was their little red wagon, filled to the brim with dozens of enormous snowballs.

Itachi quirked an eyebrow. He was almost impressed at how Sasuke could throw something that heavy.

Nevertheless, they were the only two left standing, as his own comrade was now rolling about in the snow like a wounded animal, having been taken down by an eight year old. Itachi was not one to lose. It was evident that Itachi, unlike most mature children his age, was not one to just give in and lose on purpose.

No, Itachi took everything extremely seriously, almost to a disturbing point. Even games of Connect 4 could get a little out of hand, considering how Sasuke would end up throwing his chips at Itachi and running crying to their mother because Itachi would 'never let him win'.

Now it had finally come down to this: younger sibling versus older sibling. Sasuke versus Itachi. The ultimate showdown...though that was a bit dramatic, considering it was just a snowball fight after all. (Then again, pride is everything to an Uchiha.)

"Let's finish this", Itachi said. Sasuke smirked.

In an instant, Itachi was scooping up snow, forming a snowball in less than three seconds; Sasuke grabbed the heavy snowballs from the wagon, one in each hand, and kicked over the wagon to use it as a shield.

Snowballs whizzed back and forth, though Itachi's were thrown more quickly and precisely than Sasuke's. Sasuke growled, having to continuously duck and take cover from the dozens of snowballs being hurled at him, while still trying to throw snowballs of his own. Some curious grown-ups watched with interest and amusement from indoors.

Crouching behind the wagon, Sasuke threw snowball after snowball at Itachi; he should have known that his older brother was the greatest shinobi in his age group, and he easily dodged or deflected almost all of Sasuke's attacks. Reaching for another snowball, Sasuke froze - he realized there were none left. The tiny mountain of snowballs he'd made were gone.

Suddenly, Itachi appeared, glowering above him with a snowball in his hand. "Foolish little brother...if you wish to defeat me..."

Then all at once Itachi lurched forward, a muted look of surprise on his face. Sasuke's eyes widened. What had just...had Itachi just been...

"Heehee! That's what you get, Itachi-kun!" It was none other than their mother, Mikoto, standing giggling in the snow with her scarf and pink plaid hat, another snowball in her hands.

So the great Uchiha Itachi was defeated in a snowball fight...by his own mother.

"Hah!" Laughed Shisui, as he rolled over in the snow, cackling with vengeance.

"Oh Sasuke...I was worried that you might catch cold from being out in the snow." Mikoto cooed as she stroked Sasuke's head, wrapping another blanket around his shivering body and going to fetch his hot chocolate as Shisui looked on rather jealously.

Itachi sat at the table, completely silent. "Aw, don't be such a bad sport," Shisui said sympathetically, but nearly flinched when he saw a sort of miserable aura had enveloped his baby cousin. Or maybe Itachi was just being Itachi.

"Nii-san?" Sasuke said, after clearing his throat. Itachi looked up. "I...I'm sorry that you lost. 'Cause I wanted to be the one to defeat you," Sasuke said with a bit of a pout, taking a sip of hot chocolate. "But - But maybe we could go out and have another fight, Itachi-nii!" Sasuke said enthusiastically.

Shisui went off into the kitchen, asking if Auntie Miko could please make him a cup. Itachi sighed and got up to sit beside his little brother on the couch.

He smiled quietly, flicking Sasuke's forehead. "...Forget it, Sasuke. Maybe another time."

Sasuke rolled his eyes and frowned in response, curling into the blankets as Shisui came back out to fiddle with the TV.

"And besides," Itachi said beneath his breath, his competitive nature coming out, "You wouldn't have won anyway."

**fin**

(1) I made the shout-out to ronsard, because as readers of her fiction know, she writes Shisui perfectly and makes him have a crush on Itachi's mom. :)

[End notes: Well, I do know that Charlie brown is a little AU, but hey, I wanted them to have one holiday special to watch, and there's nothing wrong with cartoons. Writing this made me think of my snowball fights as a kid, which I drew definite inspiration from. They were epic...we'd really get into it. For the ending, I can see Itachi doing this. I've seen how competitive siblings can get. I'm glad I'm an only child, you know?]