Title: Know-It-All
Author:remuslives23
Rating:G
Word Count: 1224
Summary: There is nothing Remus doesn't know about Sirius. Nothing.
Notes/Warnings: Written for the wonderful vix_spes for the UK Meet Up. First attempt at this type of dialogue only fic. So horribly sweet you'll have to brush your teeth after.
Disclaimer: This fiction is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling and affiliates. No money is being made and no offense is intended. Characters are of legal age for sexual situations.

'Lupin, what's Sirius' favourite colour?'

'Blue.'

'Really?'

'I just said so, didn't I?'

'Moony, what's that bloody band Padfoot likes? I want to get an album for him for his birthday…'

'Muggle or Magic?'

'Er…'

'He's your best friend, Prongs. You should know this shit. 'Queen' or 'The Rampaging Hippogriffs' will do.'

'Cheers, Moony!'

'God, he's such a bloody prat!'

'Who?'

'Black!'

'What did he do to you this time, Lily?'

'He hexed Sev again. Why can't he see that it's not just Gryffindor – good, Slytherin - evil?'

'Because Sirius sees things in black and white. It's just the way he is, Lil.'

'How do you put up with him, Remus?'

'There are compensations. He's done a lot for me… he's a good friend.'

'Hmph. What's he done for you that's so wonderful that you put up with his crap?'

'He takes regular flea baths.'

'What?'

'Never mind, Lil. You wouldn't get it.'

'Um, Remus?'

'Mmm.'

'We... that is, Heather and I... were wondering what we could get Sirius for Valentine's Day?'

'Gods, I should put a newsletter out.'

'What?'

'Never mind. He drinks Butterbeer or if you're serious, Firewhiskey, his favourite flowers are orchids, he likes soft caramel or peppermint crème chocolates, hard candy is alright but nothing sour or chewy or you don't stand a chance.'

'Thanks, Remus.'

'That's okay. Could you pass the word around about what he likes, though? I'm trying to finish this essay and I can't work with all you girls asking me about Sirius.'

'Fuck!'

'I told you I didn't want to know about your plans tonight, Padfoot.'

'From your lips to Cheryl Brock's ears, Moony. Which shirt should I wear?'

'The blue one.'

'You didn't even look at the choices.'

'You've got two date shirts, Sirius. The black one makes you look like a vampire. Wear the blue - it brings out the blue bits in your eyes.'

'I… Do I have blue bits in my eyes?'

'Mmm. And green sometimes. In the right light.'

'I didn't know that.'

'Well, now you do.'

'Yeah. Th…thanks, Moony.'

'No problem, Padfoot. Have fun.'

'Mmm.'

'He's being an arse, Moony!'

'Yes he is, but just have some patience with him, Pete. He had a fight with his family.'

'How… Did he tell you that?'

'No.'

'So you don't know?'

'I can tell. His face goes all funny. He doesn't look angry; he looks… like a puppy that's been kicked. Just give him some space until he sorts it all out in his head.'

'Yeah, alright. Hey, Remus?'

'Mmm?'

'You… pay a lot of attention to Sirius.'

'He's my friend, Peter. Like you or James.'

'What's my favourite colour, Moony?'

'Huh? I don't know. Pink?'

'Hey!'

'What's your point, Peter?'

'Nothing. Just…saying, that's all.'

'There you are! I should have listened to Moony - he said you'd be up here.'

'How did he know where I'd be?'

'Thought you told him you were coming here.'

'No.'

'Well, I suppose he guessed. He… he knows a lot about you, Pads.'

'Yeah.'

'Does he know…?'

'No.'

'Are you going to…?'

'No.'

'I could…'

'Prongs, no.'

'Alright. I just… think he should know. He knows everything about you except for the most important thing.'

'And that's the way I want it to stay.'

'Are you going out tonight, Padfoot?'

'Nah, thought I'd stay here and snog you, Wormy.'

'Bloody hell - don't say things like that so loudly. Shelly will think you're serious.'

'I am Sirius.'

'Oh, har-de-bloody-har, Padfoot. Shit. Moony, is she looking at me strangely? Do you think she heard? If she won't go up to the Astronomy Tower with me now, Sirius, I'm going to shove your own dick up your arse.'

'I wouldn't need you if I could do that, Wormy.'

'Shit… Hey, Shelly...!'

'You shouldn't tease him, Padfoot. He's close to closing the deal with Shelly.'

'Everyone's closed the deal with Shelly.'

'Yeah, but Pete's not like you, Pads. He likes Shelly - he's not using her to prove his masculinity.'

'What's that supposed to mean?'

'What do you think it means?'

'Will you stop talking in fucking riddles? What are you implying?'

'That you have nothing to prove. No one who counts is going to care if you stopped being Hogwart's resident playboy and settled down a bit.'

'There isn't any girl I'd want to settle down with.'

'Hogwarts isn't a single sex school, Sirius.'

'…'

'Pads?'

'I'm going for a walk.'

'Sirius...'

'Alone, Remus.'

'Hey, Pads.'

'Hey.'

'You okay? You've been a bit distracted this week.'

'How you know so much about me, Remus? I don't think I know myself as well as you do.'

'Yes, you do. You just don't always like what you see.'

'Wish I knew you as well as you know me.'

'What do you want to know about me?'

'You'll tell me anything?'

'Course. All you ever had to do was ask, Sirius.'

'What's your favourite book?'

'Pride and Prejudice. Yours is Three Musketeers.'

'Correct. Your favourite food?'

'Baked potatoes from the kitchen. Yours is the beef casserole thing they serve on Thursdays.'

'Yeah. Favourite class?'

'Defence. Yours is Transfiguration.'

'Last thing you do at night?'

'Cheeky sod. Same thing you do, I'd wager, Pads.'

'…'

'Pads? You've gone all red...'

'Just… give me a sec, Moony.'

'…'

'So, er, Remus, what's the first thing you do in the morning?'

'I wonder what I'm going to learn about you today.'

'What about me? What do I do first thing in the morning, Moony?'

'Apart from the obvious wank… I… I don't know. You look so… soft in the morning. Contemplative. Are you thinking of pranks you're going to pull?'

'You are so far off you may as well be in Australia.'

'Well? Go on then. Correct me.'

'I found something you don't know about me? I might just keep it to myself for the moment, thanks, Remus. Next question. I bet you don't know who I fancy?

'Of course I do. I told you, Sirius. There is nothing about you I don't know.'

'There is one thing…'

'You fancy blokes?'

'H… how… Did James tell you?'

'No. I know you, Sirius. I know everything about you.'

'You… you don't know who I fancy, though.'

'I do.'

'You can't.'

'I can and do.'

'Well… who?'

'Me.'

'…'

'I was starting to think you were never going to tell me, Pads.'

'You… know…?'

'I told you, Sirius. There is nothing about you I don't notice. I was just waiting for you to see it too.'

'Do… do you fancy blokes too?'

'Yes.'

'Do you fancy me?'

'Yes.'

'Do you want me to kiss you?'

'Yes, please.'

An Hour Later:

'What do you think first thing in the morning, Sirius?'

'I see you walking around because you insist on getting up early and I think, "Merlin, Moony is beautiful".'

'R… really?'

'Every single morning.'

'Bet you don't know who I love, Padfoot.'

'Mmm… me?'

'You do know me as well as I know you.'

'So you know I love you, too.'

'I suspected.'

'Can you guess what I want to do right now, Moony?'

'There is a rather large hint poking into my side.'

'Want to learn some new stuff about me?'

'Absolutely.'

fin.