AGAINST THE SKY
Here's the day you hoped would never come
Don't feed me violins just run
With me through rows of speeding cars.
~Imogen Heap; Speeding Cars
When Sakura knocks on the Godaime's door to ask for an apprenticeship, her thoughts are situated on one thing only: Naruto, and his promise to bring Sasuke back home. She is single-minded and confident, unshaken in her belief that the legendary Tsunade-sama will be able to mold her into someone who can stand tall and straight beside Naruto, Konoha's number one "surprise" ninja, and Sasuke, the last Uchiha. In her thirteen-year-old mind, that goal consumes everything else in its intensity. They are her precious teammates – friends, brothers, soul mates – and she will stop at nothing to reunite their team. Kakashi-sensei – well, he's Kakashi-sensei, the strongest and most brilliant ninja she has ever encountered on the battlefield, and she knows him enough to know that he can pick himself up and move on.
What she doesn't know is that the day Naruto leaves with Jiraiya, Kakashi waits four hours for her in the blazing heat on the bridge they – Team 7 – normally meet at for training. While Sakura was getting her first lesson from the Fifth, Kakashi is hurrying through the bustling Konoha market, searching high and low for his remaining student. It is only when he overhears Shizune tell Tonton's veterinarian that Tsunade-sama had taken in a new, pink-haired apprentice (which was apparently the reason why she sent Shizune to get the little pig vaccinated in her stead) that Kakashi realizes Sakura never expected him to hang around.
It's a little sad, Kakashi thinks, when your own student leaves you behind to chase their own dreams without telling you first. And yet, Sakura – Sakura was supposed to be the grounded one, the realist underneath all her pretty dreams, and the one who knew when to cut her losses and just go. Sakura was supposed to be the one untouched by tragedy, untouched by the ugliness the world of ninja was made of and untouched by grief.
Still, she leaves. The ground isn't enough for her, and she's going to make the seas and skies answer to her broken heart. Kakashi knows a lot of things – a lot of things that Naruto and Sasuke will never listen to, and he knows better than to try to chain her down.
Late in the evening, he goes home – sealed scroll in hand – and unearths an old uniform from his reckless teenage days. He hasn't changed much in ten years, and the metal still fits snugly around his lean frame.
Kakashi has failed each of his three students in turn – first Sasuke, and then Naruto, and now Sakura – and he has no intention of wallowing in the mistakes he has made. There is no place that he has learned faster at than with ANBU, and back to its shadowy arms he will return.
Two and a half years later, he returns to the regular jounin ranks of Konoha. The day he returns, Tsunade puts him back on a team and tells him to have a little fun before she sends them off into the field. Kakashi returns to find things have changed more than he expected. Naruto has always been a wildcard, predictable in his unpredictability, but his third genin student had always been easier to grasp. He had heard that many from the Rookie 12 had gone on to become chuunin, but-
"I've found you, Kakashi-sensei!"
The ground breaks from above his head, and even with the dust and debris flying everywhere, the only thing Kakashi can see is a pair of triumphant green eyes.
Sakura goes home after training. She fixes herself a snack of origiri from day-old rice and polishes her kunai and senbon needles while her bath water is running. She takes her time in the bath and misses two telephone calls, presumably because of her loud (and off-key) singing. When she emerges from the bath, her skin is damp and her hair hangs in pink spikes around her face; she arranges her wet locks in a practical ponytail and grabs her house keys before heading out.
Kakashi knows this because he follows her after their training session. He is curious. The Sakura he saw successfully working with Naruto to get the bells from him is very different from the Sakura he remembers. Kakashi isn't blind – he has always known that Sakura was a wellspring of untapped potential, even from the early days of their team's formation, but he always assumed that Sakura's silly and boy-crazy temperament would severely hamper any efforts to train her to become a better ninja. For the most part, he found his assumption correct during Team 7's early days.
The Sakura he remembered lacked confidence, was up to her eyeballs in girlish fantasies, and was whiny and liked giving up.
So lost Kakashi is in his thoughts that he nearly misses a step when he hears Sakura say – in front of the teahouse he has tracked her to – "Table for two, please."
And then she turns, and looks straight at him. Wordlessly, she turns back and enters the teahouse, extending to him a silent invitation.
He pauses for a moment, and then follows her through the door.
They don't talk as they order. In fact, they don't talk as they eat either. Now faced with the girl he left two and a half years ago, Kakashi has no idea what to say. Or maybe, he just doesn't know where to start. Sakura herself doesn't seem to have any inclination of initiating conversation with the way she shovels food into her mouth.
When they finish, Kakashi wordlessly pays for the bill. Sakura seems slightly surprised, but doesn't try to argue. She simply wraps her hands – fingernails painted a nude shade of pink, Kakashi notes – around her steaming cup of tea and watches as Kakashi slides gloved hands into the pockets of his vest. Their neighbours switch and eat and switch and eat, but they just continue to sit. Kakashi stares down at the table, but he is trying to figure her out.
The Sakura sitting in front of him now seems sweeter. Sweeter, calmer, and infinitely sadder. He can see it now – there is sadness at the edge of her smiles and in the corners of her eyes. He wonders when the change happened, because the Sakura he left behind had never been touched by grief. The Sakura he left behind was selfish and whiny, but she was also essentially good-natured and obedient, and heartbreakingly innocent. He had liked that about her. She was entirely untouched by darkness – something that had already begun to eat away at Sasuke and creep into Naruto.
Kakashi surprises Sakura – and himself – by breaking the silence first. "You know, I waited for you."
Sakura's eyes narrow in confusion.
"The day that Naruto left," Kakashi clarifies. "It was a Tuesday. A training day. I waited for you, but you never showed."
Green eyes widen in understanding, and then fill with something Kakashi struggles to identify. Is it surprise? Happiness? Guilt? He is slightly frustrated at his inability to read the Sakura in front of him, because the Sakura he left behind was never so difficult to understand.
"I-I…" she begins, fiddling with the cup in her hands.
"Didn't think I'd stick around for you after Naruto and Sasuke left?" The sheepish silence after his interruption confirms it, and Kakashi can't help the self-deprecating smile that climbs onto his face behind the mask.
He looks up for the first time in their conversation. "I'm sorry, Sakura."
Her eyes shoot up to meet his mismatched gaze. "Sensei…"
He wonders if she knows what he's apologizing for. He wonders if he even knows, himself, what he is apologizing for. For neglecting to nurture her talent? For never being around for her? For telling her everything would be okay, even though things fell apart the very week he uttered those words?
"But I'm glad. I'm glad you went to Tsunade-sama. You're a lot stronger than I ever gave you credit for, Sakura."
The girl lowers her gaze again, a small smile playing upon pink lips. She sighs softly, and rests her chin against the palm of her hand, looking out the window of the teahouse. It is well into the evening now, and Sakura can see the lights of the various eating establishments through the glass. She imagines for a second that she can see Ichiraku Ramen, and the blond teammate that would undoubtedly be there.
Yes, the Sakura sitting across from Kakashi is infinitely sadder. Sadder, older, and wiser. Maybe not by very much, but still. Kakashi sips his tea and watches his ex-student with his hooded gaze, wondering what her life was like during the two years he was away.
No other words are exchanged that night.
Konoha's Rookie 12 actually become chuunin in three successive batches. Last to pass the test, and also promoted merely weeks before Naruto's return were Kiba, Tenten, and Lee. Six months beforehand were Shino, Hinata, Chouji, and Ino. First to pass the test – which occurred only half a year after Sasuke's defection from the village, and Naruto's subsequent exit – were Neji and Sakura.
It comes as a surprise to everyone except Tsunade – but then again, the Godaime Hokage was possibly the only person in the entire Fire Country who understood Sakura and the motivation behind her determination to become strong.
The night Neji and Sakura are officially promoted to chuunin, the Rookie 12 celebrate together at Ichiraku Ramen. The next day, Tsunade gives Sakura a puppy, mangled beyond recognition, to heal. Sakura stands at the operating table for five hours and expends three-quarters of her chakra in trying to save the silently heaving animal, but fails.
Sakura is devastated. Her hands shake as she finally removes them from the puppy's slowly stilling form, and she turns her tear-filled gaze upon her teacher.
"Sakura." Tsunade's voice is uncharacteristically soft and gentle, the permanent crease upon her forehead smooth. "Sometimes, no matter how hard we try and how much we cry, we just can't save them."
As her teacher leaves the room, Sakura thinks of boys who become men much too early and men who never had a chance to be boys. Later, as she scrubs the dried blood out from under her fingernails, Sakura can't help but think about the faces carved out on the Hokage's mountain – especially the last one, with her fierce temper and strong hands and broken, broken heart – and despairs.
One month before Sasuke's 17th birthday, Naruto and Sakura have their worst fight ever. It's horrible and there are more words left unsaid there than the day back when they were 12 and on the rooftop of the hospital when Naruto tells Sakura not to interfere with the rivalry between Sasuke and himself, and Kakashi is – for a moment – afraid that their relationship will not be able to survive. It is a frightening thought.
Usually, their fights are rather one-sided, with Sakura pulling out fists and Naruto stammering out apologies, but this time their disagreement is not about some mere petty issue – Naruto is going to look for Sasuke again, and it kills Sakura because even if she has always been a little useless compared to Naruto and Sasuke, she's always had a little more brain matter than the two of them (combined) and she knows that there will be no happy ending if the two of them clash again. Naruto is obstinate in his belief that he can change Sasuke – make him see the light, grab his hand and force him out of the darkness – but Sakura is equally staunch in her belief that only Sasuke can save himself now. It hurts too much to think about it. Sakura is sick and tired of running after a man who simply doesn't want to be found – if Sasuke had wanted to come home, he would have done so long ago. With Madara dead and the old council decimated, there was no reason for him to remain a missing-nin.
They are barely out of the Hokage's office – a sealed scroll clutched carefully in Naruto's large hands – when the dam breaks. Sakura cannot understand why Naruto has to continually do this to himself (to her, to Kakashi-sensei) when there is already plenty that he needs to protect and live for within the village itself. She just cannot understand and it makes her upset because each time Naruto returns from another fruitless search it takes a little bit of his smile away.
When they have exhausted themselves yelling at each other, Naruto slumps, back against the wall, and whispers, "Sakura, I have to find him. I have to bring him back. I promised."
Green eyes narrow dangerously and she slaps him across the face. It's not one of her strongest hits, but the venom in her gaze is enough to make it sting more than usual. Sakura's voice is deadly calm when she answers him.
"Don't use me as an excuse again." Her eyes are twin mirrors of ice and for the first time in his life, Naruto is frightened of her. "If you're going to try and bring him back, do it of your own accord. Not because of some childish promise we made a lifetime ago."
And then she is gone, and Naruto wonders how he didn't notice that the little girl he called "Sakura-chan" had quietly stolen away and been replaced by a woman who no longer believed in fairytales. Had it really been a lifetime ago? He gives his head a little shake to clear the prickling sensation creeping up his nose, and grips the scroll tighter.
This time, he will not fail.
Sakura throws a kunai (as well as a pair of shoes, four hardcover medical textbooks, a flowerpot, a framed picture) at Kakashi when he knocks at her window at two in the morning to ask her whether or not she's going to see Naruto off the next morning. She rains curses down on him and rages for half an hour but she doesn't say no, and Kakashi isn't surprised to find her pushing through the crowd just as Naruto is about to turn and leave through the gates of Konoha once again.
Her lips are pinched in a thin line and her fists are clenched already, but her eyes soften at the sight of Naruto – flanked by Neji, Hinata, and Lee, the ones who have never stopped believing in everything he stands for – and she enfolds him in what must be a rib-crushing hug.
"You better come back alive," she growls, more ferociously than Kakashi has ever thought possible (and you better believe he has seen his fair share of Sakura's temper tantrums), and in the split second where the embrace breaks and Naruto is off, he sees that the blonde's eyes have watered up again.
Sakura and Kakashi stand and watch the four of them leave, and continue to stay long after the last villager has left.
"Hey, sensei?" Sakura finally speaks, softly. "Why are boys so stupid?"
He remembers a similar question she had asked him on that fateful day on the hospital rooftop.
Sensei…what's going to happen? What are we going to do?
Kakashi turns toward her and finds that sweetly sad expression on her face again. It breaks him – just a little – and for once, he doesn't lie to her.
"I don't know."
True to Sakura's prediction, Naruto returns to Konoha two months later with no prodigal brother by his side. Still, if Sakura's unpredictable temper is her weakness, then her unshakeable ability to forgive is her greatest strength, and Kakashi watches as she waits by the gates to welcome him home. They both know that for Naruto, this will be a wound that will never heal – one that he will never let heal – but that's okay, as long as he doesn't give up on life and the people around him. They know they don't have to worry about him, because giving up is something that Naruto just doesn't do. He will always bounce back with, twice as enthusiastic and three times as quick as the previous time, and just a little bit wiser to top it off.
He has the recognition and love of villagers and ninja alike now, and Kakashi can't help but smile underneath his mask every time a random person runs up to Naruto to tell him that he's their hero. Because really, Naruto was always meant to become someone important and altogether too large for life – it's in his blood. Naruto looks more and more like his father with each passing day, and each time he is reminded of that fact, Kakashi feels more strongly that his life has been worth something.
Sakura, too, is becoming a success story – although her success can hardly be attributed to him. She has just turned seventeen and is already the most sought-after medic-nin in the entire Fire Country. It's a far cry from the little girl who beamed down at him from the tree he had taught her to climb.
This is all nice and good, but Kakashi doesn't realize the extent of his attachment to his students – every single one of them – until the missions start flowing in again. Team Kakashi has been in high demand for a while now, but then Sakura gets a sealed red mission scroll – handed to her by a grim-faced Tsunade – and Kakashi realizes that Naruto isn't the only one who has been to places far away from home. Sakura is insanely strong and kind and may be the best medic-nin-who-is-not-Hokage for miles around, but when it comes down to it, Sakura is young and beautiful and a kunoichi.
Naruto throws a temper tantrum and complains that it's not fair that Sakura-chan gets to have solo missions when he doesn't and can't she just give him a little tiny eentsy weentsy peek at the inside of the scroll because he promises that he won't tell anyone about it, but Sakura simply cuffs him on the head and accepts the scroll from Tsunade, smiling in that sad sort of way that she did the very first night Kakashi comes back from ANBU.
That night, Kakashi sits in her windowsill and watches as Sakura packs. She natters about her day at the hospital as she shoves kunai and senbon into a pack, and earrings and hair pins into another, and sighs as she looks into the mirror, wondering out loud whether or not she should part her hair down the middle or off to the side. Kakashi realizes that he has never seen her with her hair – long again, reaching down to the middle of her back and curling slightly at the ends – parted to the side. Most days it is up in a sensible bun and out of sight, but Kakashi notices that she has a habit of letting it down when training for the day is done. He starts the first time he realizes this, because it turns out that Sakura really still is a girl – just half as silly and ten times as dangerous as when they first met.
Still, she is only seventeen. Seventeen. Seventeen is the age for discovering alcohol and boys, not suiting up to seduce dirty old men on behalf of villages that won't ever acknowledge the sacrifices made to keep their houses safe. Kakashi himself is no stranger to these types of missions and something inside him clenches at the thought of his sugar-spun and wide-eyed student having to play the part of a simpering courtesan.
Packing completed, Sakura walks over to the window and rests her head upon hands that are held up by elbows perched on the edge of the ledge that his feet do not occupy. If Kakashi looks closely, he can see the moon reflected in her large green eyes, and all of a sudden he is overcome with a sudden, gripping desire to burn her mission scroll and lock her in the room. He even has a plan formulated in ten seconds flat for getting the scroll off of her belt, but then Sakura looks at him – as if she understands – and smiles.
"Don't worry about me, sensei. When I finish this mission, it will be the third one of its nature that I've completed."
All shinobi children grow up too quickly. Konoha is a flourishing village within the borders of a grand country, but everything comes with a price.
Kakashi looks away from the girl (woman) standing beside him and tries not to think about a girl he once knew, so very very long ago. She, too, was a medic-nin, but titles like that don't matter much in war. She, too, took her first red scroll mission before she was seventeen, but by the time she was twenty she could no longer look him in the eye when they talked. Two weeks before she should have turned twenty-one (and she was almost two years older than he had been, he remembers), she fills her backpack with rocks and walks into a river on the outskirts of Konoha.
Rin had always wondered whether or not all rivers eventually emptied into seas. Team Minato never had the chance to embark on missions that took them to the ocean.
Kakashi watches as the pink-haired chuunin dissolves into the inky shadows between apartment buildings and tries not to let the long-forgotten feeling of helplessness overwhelm him.
When she returns, Kakashi notes with relief that she is still wearing a small smile on her face. A ninja's body is a tool, and Kakashi accepts that she has been taught well. Still, the elaborate silk kimono she is wearing flows over her body like streams of crimson lava, and Kakashi feels himself falling into something a little bit like a dream. And then the feeling is gone and Kakashi is so overcome with shame that he has to turn away.
Sakura reaches out and grasps his sleeve lightly, eyes wide with concern. When he doesn't turn around, she bites her lip. Her small hand – nails carefully painted a deep, blood red – retreats back beneath the folds of her voluminous sleeves. She steps away.
a/n: Hey everyone! It's been ages since I've uploaded ANYTHING to this account, and probably with good reason too. Either way, the idea for this monster of a one-shot (and yes, it was written as a one-shot but I'm breaking it up into chunks; it's clocking in at about 10,300 words right now) was conceived around April of this year, but it took a long time to get thoughts into words. Anyways, this fic is a little darker than anything I've ever written, but oh well. I haven't written Kakashi or Sakura in a while, so I hope I got their characterizations right. Or at least, believably right. There will be a happy ending though. Darkness laced with humor. Yes.