This is a sequel to Friends, Family, and Food, Glorious Food, but it can stand alone. And anyone from the south, don't be offended by Virginia. I'm from Texas. I know girls like her. It's not pretty.

Kurt threw his weekend bag into the trunk of his car, humming to himself. An entire two and a half days to relax and catch up with the girls. They would all probably be there when he got home, carrying sleeping bags and makeup kits. Oh, how he missed his girls sometimes.

"Kurt! Hey, man, wait up!"

Oh, crap.

"Um, Wes…hi. I thought you were going out with Mia tonight." Wes pouted, adjusting his blazer.

"She canceled. So…I was texting with Finn…."

Kurt sighed. "No. Absolutely not. No freaking way."

Wes's pout deepened. "Please? We won't get in your way! It'll just be me and David and Blaine…and Justin…and Dan…and Ian…I think."

"No means no," Kurt said sharply, closing his trunk. "I have a gaggle of girls waiting for me to have a sleepover, and I will not subject them to one of your Call of Duty tournaments."

Wes fell to his knees, grasping at Kurt's hands. Kurt blushed, looking around to make sure no one was watching his friend's degrading spectacle.

"Kurt Hummel, look at this face. Look at it!" Kurt reluctantly looked at the ridiculous sad-face Wes was giving him. "How can you say no to this face?"

The smaller boy smirked. "Easily."

Wes did not give up easily. "Kurt, the guiding light in my life, the angel who graces my world, the perfect being ever to walk the earth – Kurt-fucking-Hummel, please, don't say no."

A laugh came from next to the car. Blaine eyed the two, an amused expression on his face. "What did you do, Wes? Propose?"

Wes's face lit up. "Blaine! You're his sort-of-boyfriend! Make him change his mind!"

Blaine quirked an eyebrow, then made an "O" shape with his mouth. "He said no to the Call of Duty tournament? Finn'll be so sad."

Wes sighed in exasperation. "Well, do something! Make out with him! I don't know…use your magical powers of charm and good-looks! Seduce him! Bribe him! Just whore yourself out to him so we can have our damn marathon!"

Blaine chuckled, stepping closer to Kurt. Sliding a hand into the boy's back pocket and resting the other on his cheek, Blaine whispered in Kurt's ear. "Just think about it…so many distracted teenagers…parents have gone to bed…we can be alone…just the two of us…"

Kurt's face flushed magnificently. Shaking, he whispered back, "But…the girls…they pay more attention…"

Blaine grinned wickedly, running his fingers down to the boy's neck. "We'll just have to be extra sneaky. It'll add to the fun."

The slender boy nodded, heart racing. "O-okay…text Finn and the others…tell them you can have your tournament. But I'm leaving in twenty minutes. Whoever isn't ready by then gets left behind. Got it?"

Wes slapped Blaine on the back, shouting praises to the sky and sprinting back to the dorms. Blaine pecked Kurt on the cheek before following after his friend.

"Oh, my…what have I done?" Kurt asked himself, leaning against his car. A message lit up his phone, buzzing quietly.

From: Dad
Hey kiddo. Grandma and Virginia are visiting.

And another:

From: Dad
I know you and Finn are both having friends over…

A third:

From: Dad
So…I'm apologizing in advance.

Kurt sighed, putting his phone away. Great. Just what he needed. Relatives.

Twenty-one minutes later, a car-full of boys sped towards Lima, Ohio. Katy Perry was blasting through the speakers, and – dear God – they were all singing. Kurt's mood was souring pretty quickly, and he hoped desperately that Santana was bringing Mean Girls.

Blaine looked over from the shotgun seat, brows furrowing. "You okay, beautiful?"

Kurt shook his head. "I got a text from my dad while I was waiting for you guys…"

The older boy looked sad. "He doesn't like me, does he?"

Kurt looked surprised. "What? No, no, he likes you fine. It's just…it's been a couple weeks since Thanksgiving, right? So you remember Grandma Maggie?"

Blaine shuddered. "Vividly."

"She's back."

The car seemed to explode. Wes and David both shrieked, causing Ian, Dan, and Justin to freak out. Blaine's face paled.

"Oh, sweet Jesus!" David yelled. "Not Grandma Hummel! Not her!"

"I think I'm going to cry if she makes me go shopping with her again! That was possibly the worst experience of my life!" Wes screamed, covering his face with his hands.

Ian and Dan exchanged worried looks. Justin spoke up. "What's wrong with Kurt's grandma?"

David snickered a little, pointing at Blaine. "She called him a hobbit."

Blaine glared. "And she called you a heathen."

Dan grinned. "Ooh, I like the sound of this woman already."

Wes gave him a weird look. "I worry about you."

As they pulled up to the house, Kurt saw a large group of girls waiting outside, bags and pillows in hand. Parking the car, he jumped out and ran to Mercedes, hugging her tightly.

"What're you all doing out here? My family's home," he asked, kissing his best friend's cheek.

Tina bit her lip. "Yeah. Your family. They scare us."

Rachel nodded vigorously. "Finn texted me and warned me prematurely about your Grandmother. And apparently your cousin isn't much better."

Kurt laughed. "That would be Virginia. Come on, let's go in. Boys! Hurry up!"

The other Dalton boys flooded out of the car, lugging bags and game controllers with them. Blaine followed Kurt, kissing Mercedes on the cheek. "Hey, pretty lady," he said to her, winking.

She laughed. "Why are all the cute ones gay?"

"Hey!" The straight Warblers all looked offended.

"My girlfriend says I'm very attractive!" Wes protested, crossing his arms.

Kurt smirked. "Is that why she canceled your date tonight?"

Wes smacked him playfully on the back of the head. "Funny, elf-boy. You're hi-larious."

"WHY IS THAT HEATHEN HITTING MY GRANDBABY?"

"Oh, shit…" Someone muttered. The group was silent, all nervously watching as Grandma Margret Hummel limped from the house, wielding her cane like a nightstick.

"Granny, it's okay. That cutie-pie didn't mean to hurt no one. He was just playing with our little Kurtie, wasn't he?" A busty girl came out, holding onto her grandmother's arm. "Kurtie! Kurtie! Come give yer cousin a big ol' huggie-wuggie!"

Quinn stared at the girl incredulously. "I think I'm going to puke."

"Ginnie!" He said half-heartedly, racing over to hug the girl. "You look…um…"

He scanned her curvy body, examining her Daisy Dukes, her bare midriff, her halter top, her dark roots sticking out from her bleached head and…

"Did you really have to wear cowboy books, Gin?" He asked, rolling his eyes. "You're not in Jasper anymore."

Virginia grinned. "'Course I did, cuz. They're fashionable."

The boy blanched. "In what country?"

She giggled. "Texas."

He considered it for a minute, then conceded, "Touché."

"KURT!" The boy turned around to find Grandma Maggie poking Blaine in the chest with her cane.

"It's you! The boy who hates his mother! Why are you back?"

Blaine backed away, terror in his face. "I-uh-I'm dating Kurt! He invited me over!"

That wasn't good enough for Margret. "You turned my grandbaby gay! Now who will give me great-grandbabies? Hmm?"

Kurt dragged Virginia with him, racing over to his grandmother. "Grandma! Look! A female granddaughter! Maybe she'll give you babies!"

The old woman huffed. "I'm not stupid, boy. I know that one day, when she has married a fine, Christian man, she will do her duty as a woman to lose her virginity and bear children."

Ian and Santana shared a look. Cousin Ginnie was anything but a virgin.

"Well, let's not stand around like idiots any longer. Let's get these parties started!" Kurt exclaimed, pushing Blaine and Quinn towards the door.

"This is gonna be one hell of a weekend…" David muttered, making Mercedes laugh.

"Welcome to the Hummel-Hudson family."

"OH YEAH! SUCK IT! SUCK IT HARD, WES!"

"BITE ME, DAVID!"

"OH, BABY!"

Rachel shook her head at the unruly noise coming from the basement. "Boys."

Kurt raised an eyebrow. "Honestly, they sound like a bad gay porno."

Santana smirked. "And you would have experience with this?"

He winked at her, raising his strawberry lemonade to his mouth. She raised her eyebrows, looking intrigued.

"OH, YEAH! YES! OH, FUCKING HELL YES!"

"OH, COME ON! I'M ALMOST THERE! DAMN IT!"

Brittany looked confused. "I thought they were playing video games."

Mercedes nodded. "They are, sweetie."

Her face lit up. "They have sex video games now? Artie never told me about those!"

Tina choked on her brownie and Quinn fell over laughing. Brittany just smiled, fantasizing about sex games.

"OH! OH! OH!"

"I'VE GOT IT! I'VE GOT IT!"

"I'M GONNA-! I-I-I! YESSSSS!"

Rachel looked towards the door, a little perturbed. "Maybe we should check."

Kurt laughed. "You have nothing to worry about, Princess. Your boyfriend will never, ever, ever be gay. Wes and David…well, I always suspected them."

The girls laughed, ignoring the movie playing on the TV. Quinn was the first to speak.

"So, where's your family?"

Kurt shrugged. "I think Burt and Carole took Grandma Maggie out to dinner and a movie. The brave souls," he muttered, a hand over his heart. "And Virginia 'had to go out for a bit,' which means she's out getting drunk and/or laid."

Santana scowled at her popcorn a bit. "I wish I was out getting drunk and laid."

Brittany linked pinkies with her. "Listening to the sex video games is making me horny."

The dark-haired cheerleader smiled deviously. "C'mon, Britt. We'll be in my car. Be back later."

The others watched them leave, awkward blushes on their faces. Tina cleared her throat, and Quinn tugged at her hair uncomfortably.

Mercedes spoke. "So, um…truth or dare?"

"OH, BABY, BABY! SUCK MY DICK! HA!"

"UUNNNGGGGGG!"

"OHHHH YESSSSS!"

The group glanced at each other, faces bright red. Kurt swallowed. "Maybe I'll go ask them to quiet down."

Quinn shook her head. "You're a brave man, Kurt Hummel."

Tina snickered. "Or a horny one."

Rachel nodded. "Give Finn my love. NOT IN THAT WAY!" She clarified, eyes widening.

Kurt laughed and opened the basement door, peering below. The boys were crowded around the TV, pushing each other over and shouting whenever something happened on the screen.

"FUCK ME!" David yelled, pushing Blaine out of his seat on the couch. "FUUUCK!"

Justin let out a loud moan, throwing the controller down on Finn's bed. Kurt felt his pants tighten.

Unable to face the boys head on, Kurt settled for shouting down to them. "BOYS! SHUT UP! It sounds like a gay orgie down here!"

The guys laughed. Ian shouted back, "Is Blaine our harem leader now?"

Blaine's laugh carried above the others. "I knew you came in here for some reason!"

Kurt blushed. "Just, keep it down. Finn, Rachel sends her love. Disgusting couple."

He left them laughing, heading back towards the living room. The girls were in a circle, giggling madly.

"Okay, Tina. Truth or dare?" Mercedes asked, grinning.

"Um…truth?" Tina said, biting her lip.

"Was Brittany really Artie's first, or did you two…?"

The goth girl blushed. "Well, we never…went all the way…but some things could have considered sex, I guess…"

Rachel and Mercedes squealed, and Quinn tried to look appreciative. Kurt sat down next to the blushing girl, patting her hand. "The boys promised to be bit quieter. I think."

"Kurt, your turn!" Tina sang, smiling. He rolled his eyes. "Truth or dare!"

"Dare." Quinn and Mercedes "ooh"-ed. "Hummels never back down from a challenge."

"Dare…dare…ooh!" Tina snapped her fingers. "I dare you to kiss the next person who walks through that door!" She said, pointing towards the basement door.

"Anyone except Finn!" Rachel protested. Kurt nodded in relief.

"Fine. Not Finn. But anyone else."

Kurt bit his lip. "Oh, fine."

As if on cue, the door creaked open. Kurt panicked. Please be Blaine, please be Blaine…

"Hey, male entering room! Cover up!" A voice shouted, and a figure lumbered into the room. Kurt's heart sped up.

"Oh, Finn!" Rachel squealed, running to her boyfriend. Kurt exhaled, falling backwards.

"Hey, boo. Is…um, is Kurt okay?" Finn asked, cocking his head.

Mercedes laughed and explained Tina's dare. Finn laughed awkwardly.

"Oh, man…that would've been…something…well, let's hope Blaine comes up next. Where are Britt and Santana?"

The others shared a look. "They went…out…for a bit…" Quinn said, biting the inside of her cheek.

Finn nodded, not understanding. "Oh. Cool. I just came up for more chips. Wes and Ian eat more than I do!"

"Hey! I resent that!" Kurt paled again. "Maybe Ian, but not me!"

"A bet's a bet, Kurt," Tina said giddily. "It's that, or you have to spend seven minutes with Brittany in a closet."

Kurt bolted up, grabbing Wes by the shirt. "Sorry about this," he said, sighing. Wes tried to say something, but was cut off by Kurt's lips against his.

"KURT? WES?" They broke apart to find a hurt-looking Blaine standing there, mouth open.

Wes pointed at Kurt, and the small boy cried in frustration. "You couldn't have come up five seconds earlier? Jesus, Blaine!"

Wes looked confused. "Wait…did you do that on a bet?"

Kurt nodded, pouting. "They said to kiss the first boy who was not Finn to walk through that door. Five seconds, Blaine. Really?"

Blaine looked disgruntled. "Great. Now my boyfriend's macking on other guys. Come on," he grumbled, pulling Kurt by the arm. "We're gonna go remedy that."

At that moment, Burt, Carole, and Grandma Hummel walked in through the font door. "We're home!" Carole called. "Are you all having a fun time?"

"Some of us more than others!" Wes shouted back. Kurt smacked him on the back of the head.

"Don't give us that ungrateful tone, you devil child!" Maggie snapped at the boy. "Burt ought to kick you out for being so unappreciative!"

Kurt smirked. "Yeah, Wes. Don't be so ungrateful. I had fun."

Finn chuckled. "Of course you did. You stole his boy-kiss virginity."

Burt raised an eyebrow. "I don't wanna know."

"You! Frodo!" Grandma Maggie ordered. "Help me upstairs!"

Burt moved to her side. "Mom, I can-"

"Did I say you? No. Frodo! Now!"

Blaine blushed, letting go off Kurt's hand. "Yes, ma'am."

They hobbled up the stairs, Maggie's voice carrying down the others as she lectured Blaine on appearances and respected his mother.

"So, um, where's Virginia?" Burt asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

Kurt shrugged. "Out."

"Oh."

"Yep."

"Alright, well, I'm going to bed. Make sure she doesn't puke on anything when she gets back." He said, heading up to the master bedroom.

"Night, kids. Don't stay up too late!" Carole said, following her husband.

"Night!"

"Later, Mrs. H!"

"Goodnight!"

"Love you!"

"G'night!"

"Well…I'm gonna go back to play video games. Come on, Wes," Finn said, grinning.

Wes pouted. "But I wanna play Truth or Dare with the pretty girls!"

Kurt snickered. "Remember Mia? Your girlfriend?"

He shrugged. "Like she's not out ogling guys at her sister's bachelorette party."

"Touché. Come play with us." Wes sat down and Finn left.

Kurt cleared his throat. "Okay, Wes. Truth or Dare?"

Wes contemplated. "Truth."

"Was I really your first boy kiss?"

The dark-haired boy blushed. "No."

Quinn and Tina gasped, scooting closer. Mercedes and Rachel giggled, munching on popcorn. Kurt flicked back his bangs. "Spill."

Wes sighed. "Okay…so I was drunk…and so was David…"

"I KNEW IT!" Kurt shouted in victory. "You two are gay for each other!"

"IT WAS ONE TIME!"

"I KNEW IT!"

"You didn't tell him about the Halloween incident, did you?" David poked his head into the living room, frowning. "Because you totally attacked me."

Wes rolled his eyes. "Psh. Liar. No one can resist these good looks for long. Even Kurt gave in tonight."

David sat down in the circle. "Really? Way to go, my man!" He hi-fived Kurt, stealing some of Rachel's brownie.

"Ooh! Cookies!" Justin was suddenly there, plopping down next to David. "Yummy."

"Thank you," Rachel said, beaming. "I baked them myself."

"Why do they say 'Sorry' on them?" Wes asked.

"They only taste good if they're made in apology."

"Ah."

The front door banged open, and a very inebriated Ginnie stumbled in. "Ku-u-urt! There…there are nekkid girlsss….nekkid gurls…in that car…"

Justin and David exchanged a look. Kurt huffed. "Yes, Gin. That would be Santana and Brittany. Now let's get you to bed."

Virginia stumbled away from Kurt, onto David. "Hey, there…good-lookin'. You wanna help me to bed, too?"

Rachel looked like she was going to Puke. Quinn patted her arm, biting her lip.

"Um…no thank you. Ask Justin." She rolled onto Justin's lap, placing kissing along his jaw line.

"Mmm…you taste like…porn…" Justin's eyes widened. "Mm…I wonder what you taste like down ther-"

"Alright! Ginnie! Time for bed! NOW." Kurt pulled the girl up, staggering under her weight. "Ugh. FINN!"

The tall boy burst through the door, eyes wide. "What? Who's hurt? Who died?"

Kurt groaned. "Carry her to her bed, will you? She's heavy."

Finn sighed, scooping up the drunken girl like a rag doll. "If she pukes on me, you're cleaning it up."

As they ascended the stairs, Blaine descended, looking disgusted. Kurt rushed over to him, brushing some hair from his face. "What's wrong? Where were you?" He asked, biting his lip.

Blaine pouted. "Rubbing your grandmother's feet. Her bunions are terrible."

Kurt kissed his nose, frowning. "I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have had to do that."

Blaine smiled. "Anything for you, beautiful."

"Even responding to the nickname Frodo?"

"Especially that."

Kurt's lips were on Blaine's quickly, warm and soft. A cacophony of catcalls and gagging noises sounded from behind them, and it seemed that all of the boys had found their way into the girls' circle. Even Santana and Brittany had found their way back, looking disheveled and tired but very, very happy.

Finn came back down the stairs, noticing the full circle and the blushing Kurt and Blaine. "Hey!" He said, pouting. "Who started the real party without me?"

Carole snuck down early the next morning to start a pot of tea for Grandma Maggie and some coffee for Ginnie's hangover. After putting the water on, she peeked into the living room, smiling.

The group of friends had fallen asleep together, curled up in their circle. Finn was sprawled on his back, Rachel tucked in against his side. Wes was using David's stomach as a pillow, and Quinn and Tina were cuddled against the same pillow. Brittany and Santana were curled up against Dan and Ian, and Justin had Mercedes' head on his shoulder. Kurt and Blaine had snagged the sofa, and were snuggled together perfectly, covered with an afghan.

Carole snuck back into the kitchen; she didn't possess the heart to wake them.

Grandma Hummel, on the other hand, did.

"WAKE UP, YOU HEATHENS! Are you going to sleep the day away! Boys! Right side of the room. Girls! Left side. All of this canoodling has to stop! Waiting until marriage is the holy thing to do! Just look at little Ginnie! A perfect little angel, with nothing between her legs but a promise to Jesus to wait."

"Grandma, that doesn't even make sense!"

"Shut your mouth, Kurtis! Don't tell me that hippie boyfriend of yours hasn't gotten you in his bed yet!"

"Not to be rude, ma'am, but-"

"Frodo! Does it look like I'm talking to you? Go fetch me my tea. NOW."

Carole chuckled, pouring the tea for Blaine to pick up. They might not always have the quietest mornings in the Hummel house, but they never failed to be entertaining.

"You! Blue-hair! Do you hate your mother?"

Please, I'm so sleep deprived now. PLEASE REVIEW!