A/N: I have mixed feelings about this chapter. Mainly because the writing process was long and excruciatingly wonderful. :) Oh and I want to make this abundantly clear: This story is not over yet! I know it's all mushy and sentimental, but trust me Cor and Aravis have a lot more to go through. Plus this is a 100 word challenge, which I am ideally going to finish and have 100 of all my prompts done. Good luck, me. :P

Song for this chapter: Gah there were too many, but I feel obliged to tell you guys that the main one was "All Good Things" by Nelly Furtado because I just had to keep replaying it.

Chapter 17: Memory

"After all…what is the past but what we choose to remember?"

-Amy Tan

The thoughts came incessantly like ever-expanding bubbles, gently bouncing around the corners of her head. You know what separates us from them, don't you Aravis? Her father's voice asked her. We know better than that. We know what's good for them. At some point she had asked what exactly was good for them, the ordinary citizens of Calormene to which her father was referring. It's your rule. Only under a firm hand can a household or a country truly be established. And yet Cor had opened his hand and shook Archenland out, leaving it to fly into the vicelike grip of the Telamarines. Once they had something they would not give it back. Not without a fight. That was something that neither of them had prepared for. Well, Cor had, in a sense. But both of them knew that studying war and fighting a war were two different things. Aravis had heard war stories peppered all throughout her childhood with honor and glory of the Calormenes, who always fought valiantly. After all, to Calormenes, storytelling was an art. They used it and often to their advantage.

"What is war really like?" she had asked his brother when he was still a little weathered from his first battle. Aravis's brother didn't buy into the practice of storytelling, where stories became as real as the actual history of the event. All he told was the truth.

"It's different," he said, hesitating, wondering how much he should protect from his little sister's innocent ears. "I'm not sure if I understand it yet." She had asked him what he meant by that and he continued, still not wanting to reveal too much about the horrors of the world. "War is…chaotic. Everyone is rushing at you and you're still checking that all your armor is intact and you haven't lost any necessary appendages while trying to fight some supposed enemy from a nation you've never heard of.

"But of course they are our enemies," she had said eleven, and sure of all the things she knew.

"The problem with war is not all of the people we fight are bad. A lot of them are like us. The same sort of people. But they have a job to do, just as much as we do. It is our job to defend our country, even if that means killing someone in the process. So we do it. Aravis understood many things, even at ten. But in her mind war was more synonymous with glory or fame, not with death. She knew that this generally resulted from wars, but receiving awards for bravery or cunning seemed to happen far more than casualties. At least, that is, it did in the stories.

Why do you speak so much of death? That's not how war is supposed to go, she wondered aloud.

Stories don't always tell everything, Aravis he replied, his expression stony and faraway. It was the last time they had spoken of anything of note, before he was defeated, by the same enemies that he had almost agreed with. Now at seventeen Aravis was confused about her stance on the whole war. Yes, the Telamarines were wrong, evil even. But how many were just doing this, the whole fighting thing, just to get by?

"Do you think any of the Telamarines are innocent?" she said, turning to Cor who was planning how they would re-enter Archenland. At first Cor was disinterested, not looking up from the parchment on which he was thinking. Then her words reached him.

"You heard what that girl said. Her father died in that war; they killed him—a good man. And then drafting Northerners? You know they're putting them in the front lines. There is no one among them that is good."
"But you don't know them," Aravis said. "I know Caspian is unforgivable, but...I don't know if all of them are the same."
"Any sort of people who let themselves be led by sadist like him are not the sort I can waste my sympathy on," said Cor, getting slightly annoyed at Aravis's reluctance to see everything that was right in front of her.

"People aren't always so cut and dry as you make them out to be. You know a man like Caspian would just seize control and suck the life out of our country. Not all of the men who follow him are loyal to him or even remotely similar," Aravis said shaking her head.

"That's nice to think," Cor replied with a great deal of exasperation. "But we're planning an invasion. Like it or not those men will have to die. And we will have to risk our lives for our country. It is hard enough for me to go in there alone but I will if I have to. Are you still in?"
"I don't want to stand and watch them destroy our home either, but there must be some other way we could-."
"I thought there was," Cor said sharply. "I thought that we could wait it out and somehow Archenland would be okay, but we don't have that luxury. Not while people are dying. I've tried to solve this without fighting, believe me I have. You think I want this? I don't. But if I'm supposed to be king I've got to make sacrifices. That's what this is. We know we have no chance. But we're going to go in there anyway because anything is better than seeing them die and villages starve because we can't do anything about it."
"This is the South, Cor," said Aravis slowly as if Cor was incredibly stupid which he probably was changing his mind and then charging in to see psychopathic Caspian without a hint of a plan. "It's technically Calormene's domain."

"And who do you think is cutting off Calormene's supplies?" Cor asked darkly. "Calormene may only be working against them out of self preservation, but as long as they keep them off…they're still helping us. The Telamarines, however, are helping no one but themselves." Aravis stood there taking it all in. For once, her country was on the good side. Arguing against them would do no good. But then there was Cor. Strong and stupid and bumbling and incredibly good-hearted Cor. They were still friends even if nothing else would come of it.

"You know what will happen if Caspian finds you," she said softly. "And still you want to go back? He's going to kill us both." Cor stared at Aravis long and hard, the visual equivalent of a sigh, before he spoke.

"I'm trying to fix something," he said, looking away from Aravis, not wanting her to see what emotion was rolling around in his thoughts. "If he kills me then…at least I will have tried to save my country. Both my countries." This is only a partial reason, Aravis knows. It is the reason that looks good on the surface, the one thing that brave men say before battle. But this is not all of why Cor suddenly wants to face what could only be termed as the cold hand of his fate. Once she could have asked him what the real reason was behind all this talk. These days, however, talking with or was like looking for something in the dark. Aravis was always feeling her way through the unknown bits of Cor, occasionally alighting on something real and solid; but more often touching empty space—a pretense of solidness and depth.

"Quite a noble purpose," she said, uncharacteristically close-lipped; matching his comments which did not tell anything. And then she remembered that as his friend she was not entitled to everything anyway.

"Are you seriously annoyed that I'm doing the right thing?" Cor said, now facing her full on eyes blazing with exasperation and ire. "I'm trying to do the best I can to save Archenland. I'm surprised that you are being a bigger help."
"Fine," said Aravis, in an angry tone all her own. "Let's hear these plans then. While on the day of your little battle, while you are off playing the hero and defeating the villains, where am I?" Cor broke out of his anger, his mouth opened in a helpless retort that had not come out quite yet. He closed his mouth and his eyes, breathing in and out. Then he opened them, earnestly looking at Aravis.

"You're wherever you want to be. You know you can come and go as you please," his angry tone deflated into the serious discussion of battle plans.

"Just admit it," Aravis said spitefully, not letting go of her raw, burning, healthy anger. For with it she was strong. "You don't care where I am. You couldn't care about me at all."
"That's not it," Cor said. "I think of you very highly, you know that—."
"I know, I know," she said letting the words spill out, letting the consequences fall where they may. "I'm a good friend. Reliable and faithful, like your dog." Part of Cor's mouth twisted up at her response. He looked down as though something she had said was funny.

"You're wrong," Cor looked at Aravis, as if he was trying to memorize her face. Aravis was shocked at the intimacy of this one look. She didn't want to give him that pleasure, not right now, not when he wouldn't define what exactly they meant to each other.

"Or are you being noble?" Aravis smirked, almost shocking herself with the amount of pained sarcasm in her tone. "Are you trying to save me from yourself? Haven't you heard the millions of stories of star crossed lovers, Cor? That is complete and total bull-." Her words were cut off as Cor pressed his lips to hers. For that one moment Aravis was stunned. It felt like all the nerves in her body were suddenly alive. Cor stepped back, breaking the contact.

"I didn't want to lose you," he said. "It's stupid and cliché, but I thought that if we were only friends then whatever happened—to me, to you—it would be easier." Aravis's mouth moved soundlessly as her mind tried fruitlessly to grasp on words. What had happened to the awful scenario she had played out in her head of being let down not-so-easily?

"I get that," said Aravis, her anger beaten into submission by surprise. "But that was a really dumb move you pulled. I thought it was back to square one with us. And what are we going to do tomorrow? I know you have to be brave and all, but…" Aravis trailed off not wanting to voice her doubts.

"Somehow, insanely enough, I think that things are going to be okay. Whatever happens; we'll be prepared. Or ready enough in any case." Aravis let gratitude wash over her in a wave of warmth. She knew Cor was just saying that to wash away his own doubts and her misgivings, that he didn't mean it. Aravis tilted her head up to kiss him on the forehead.

"At least something is right," she said her voice hushed from their nearness. Cor stayed close for a moment before taking a slight step back and becoming serious again.

"And if the Telamarines are dissatisfied with Caspian we are giving them the perfect chance to fight back, to distance themselves from a sadistic ruler."

"A double hit," said Aravis smiling slyly at Cor. She knew they had very little chance of their plan—if it even existed yet; she wasn't quite sure—working. They had even less chance of making it out alive. But it was nice to pretend, for a small space of time, that everything was okay. She had always known war was complicated, and then later on that it was more complex than the stories could ever begin to describe. Somehow, though the war and all the weight it held was put on hold. It was the eye of the storm, a period of calm before things truly began to take shape and actions led to sharp, irrevocable consequences. But this—there would always be this moment, this togetherness, the closeness of her and Cor. This was a new memory, as half-tangible and incandescent as a falling star caught in her palm. It was the sort of moment that she would keep in a box locked away in the hidden corners of her mind, taking it out to polish once and awhile and admire its far-away shimmer.

"We'll be ready," he echoed, this time with an almost sleepy calm.

And so will they, thought Aravis, but she didn't voice this, only smiled as if she took him for at his words, letting his relaxed tone lull her into a small sense of complacency.

A/N #2: I KNOW it's a shut-up kiss, but it just seemed to fit there. Plus they DO have a sort-of love-hate-ish relationship if you think about it, but that's probably just my take on it.