Hello! These two pieces were written for the same prompt - an expansion of Lestrade's List that is mentioned in my fic Pavlov's Remote. You don't have to have read PR for this to make sense, but I wouldn't object to you checking it out.

Please note: the two chapters here are separate continuities. I started doing a 5 + 1 and I came up with so many list points that I ended up just making a straight list as well, and the prompter wanted a certain pairing that I hadn't worked into the list, so I put it in the 5 + 1 instead. So you get two fics for the price of one. Hope you enjoy.

30 Things Lestrade Really, Really Didn't Need To Know, No Really, Please Stop.

1. He is working with someone who has actually tasted brains. As an experiment.

2. Brains taste like sardines.

3. That guy with the umbrella has the power to make you disappear so thoroughly that your own mother would deny you exist.

4. Lestrade just pissed him off.

5. Sherlock has been solving cases whilst off his face. And he's still better than Lestrade.

6. The mobile he's holding had been found in the victim's rectum.

7. There are surveillance bugs in every room in his house. Including the bathroom.

8. There's a reason that door was locked.

9. That wasn't sugar.

10. Anderson really likes dinosaurs.

11. Those weird girls who follow Sherlock sometimes have written erotic stories about him.

12. There's a couple with Lestrade in too.

13. Sherlock knows a lot about fetishes.

14. Those noises he'd heard before were probably Sherlock and John having sex.

15. Having BDSM sex.

16. John is doing something kinky to Sherlock that involves a remote.

17. Sherlock can't stand up right now.

18. That was Sherlock's orgasm noise.

19. Sherlock wants Lestrade to do that again. On purpose.

20. Sherlock has a Ten Point Plan for seducing Lestrade.

21. It's the same plan he used on John.

22. Sherlock has replaced all of Lestrade's DVDs with videos of himself.

23. That's what Sherlock looks like naked.

24. Sherlock is very flexible.

25. Sherlock keeps lube in his coat pocket. For emergencies.

26. John is up for a threesome.

27. John and Sherlock have had a threesome before.

28. With Moriarty.

29. But that's OK, because they didn't realise who he was.

30. The hotel they've booked is used to this sort of thing.

...And The One Thing He Totally Did.

1. Sherlock is very good at that.