How can I ease the pain?

The music started and the double doors of the church opened wide revealing the couples lined up in the door way. Castiel stood in the back watching the procession, it was a glorious occasion, a happy occasion, and yet Castiel felt sadden by it all; the deep alto of the women's voice, the violins and piano playing in complete and perfect unison. It didn't seem real.

….Pride can stand a thousand trials; the strong will never fall….

He watched as the first couple walked in, seeing them smile with tears of happiness in their eyes,

….But watching stars, without you…. My soul cried…..

He watched couple after couple walk in, watching them as they parted ways at the altar, it was there he caught Dean's eyes. Dean smiled at him, winked and gave him a small thumb up. Only thing Castiel could manage was a half smile. …..Heaving heart is full of pain…. Hearing that line in the song Castiel turned his gaze towards Sam. Sam could only stare back his eyes saw more than what was currently displayed on Castiel's emotionless face. He could tell without asking that the angel was in love with his brother, and had been for a while….oh, oh, the aching…. Sam mustered up a smile and turned back towards Dean, and mouthed congratulations to his brother.

…..Cause I'm kissing you…. The angel continued to look at Sam as if trying to command him to stop the wedding and help him express his feelings towards his older brother, the whole congregation stood up and turned towards the doors of the church as the bride walked in, she was so happy, it felt as if happiness radiated off her in waves as she passed each pew. Castiel could no longer take it he sat down and buried his face in his hands, willing tears to come, wanting them to come. He knew they wouldn't but he knew of no other way to let out his sadness and anger.

…..Touch me deep…..pure and true….give me to me forever…. On that last word the bride had made it to the altar, the music had faded into the back ground and there she was standing in front of Dean and the preacher, hand in hand. Castiel watched them say their vows and he waited, he watched them say some of their own vows as well and he waited, he waited for the question he knew was about to come. Then it came,

"Is there anyone in this church, who believes that these two should not be wed in Holy Matrimony? Speak now or forever hold your peace."

Sam looked at Castiel and he knew that this is what he was waiting for. The angel got to his feet slowly and stepped out into the rose cover aisle, he looked at each and every persons face as he walked towards Dean and his bride-to-be. He met everyone's eyes with the same emotionless expression he wore every day, he could hear their thoughts of wondering what he was doing or who he was. Castiel finally stood in front of the happy couple, he put his hand of both of theirs, and he looked at Dean and his smiling face glowing with love for this woman, and the sadness was becoming too much to hold in. He stared at the bride, looking deep within her eyes trying to see what it was that Dean loved so much about her.

"Cas," Dean said, "What are you doing?"

Castiel looked at Dean, then Sam, and Sam saw it clear as day, the pain in the angels eyes, the hurt; but the only thing he did was shake his head no ,telling the angel not to ruin this day for his brother, for his bride, for him because he so desperately wanted to see his brother happy, for once.

Castiel dropped his gaze and breathed in deep, looked at Dean and his bride and said,

"I wish you nothing but happiness, for as long as you both shall live."

Dean stared for a moment and his smile faltered for a minute then he told him thanks. Sam let out a sigh of relief and watched as Castiel strolled out the church, with his head lowered, and Sam was sure if the angel could cry, that's exactly what he would be doing.

Castiel walked slow enough to hear 'you may now kiss the bride' and the clapping the followed before he completely walked out of the church.

Later on that night….

Castiel stood outside the apartment they shared watched them as they got packed and ready to go on their two week honeymoon, and for once he wished a demon would pop up, just to slow their departure. Dean came to the window to close the blinds and he saw Castiel standing there, and Castiel just turned his back. He left and walked with no destination in mind; his eyes were glued to the ground as he rounded corners and crossed streets. He finally came to a stop and breaking the trance that he had been in since he had left Dean's apartment and looked up he was at a motel in front of room 210. Despite knowing who was already in there, he knocked instead of just popping like he normally did. He quickly lowered his eyes when the door swung open revealing the youngest Winchester.

"Cas? Why didn't you just come in?" Sam asked trying to study Castiel's body language since he couldn't see his face.

"I don't…I don't know." He replied as he narrowed his eyes in confusion.

"Well come on in, don't just stand there." Sam watched as the angel shuffled his way into the room, watching him look around. Sam saw how Castiel's body or his vessel's body tense up when it saw Dean's favorite gun lying on the table.

"So Cas-"

"I would appreciate it if you would refrain from using that name." Castiel said still staring at the gun.

"Okay," Sam said making his way to the table that the gun was on picking it up and tossing it to the floor on the other side of the bed, "what'd you come here for?"

"I don't know, I'd just been walking and found myself here." He said sitting down on the bed and looked frozen in that position.

Sam stared for a while, before the angel turned his way and he coughed and looked down, then Castiel spoke,

"You knew didn't you?" he looked hard at Sam as if trying to see through him.

Sam bit his lip and sighed aloud, "Yea." Refusing to look Castiel in the eyes.

"You knew and you did nothing?" said Castiel getting and walking up to Sam staring him in the eyes.

"It wasn't my call to make, I'm not the one in love with him." He said backing away as Castiel continued to walk forward.

"You could've prevented this…this pain that I feel right now. Yet, you do nothing. I've helped both of you on numerous occasions." Castiel said pinning Sam to the wall and inching closer to his face.

"Cas-tiel, it's not the end of the world, he's not dead you can still see him." He said as he tried to push the angel away, finding that he wasn't easy to move.

Castiel looked down at Sam's hands on his chest and notice the small distance between his face and Sam's. He remembered what Dean had told him about personal space.

"I'm sorry." He said backing away from Sam feeling ashamed but unable to express it. His vessel's body began to shake again and Castiel fell to his knees. He felt angry, enraged, heartbroken, but had no means of expressing it other than words. He looked up at the water damaged ceiling of the motel room and closed his eyes. He prayed to God, to take away this pain. To remove it from him completely, but he got the same answer he always got lately: nothing.

Sam got down on his knees with Castiel and put his hand on his shoulder and shook him till he opened his eyes, "That bad huh?" he said looking into his pain stricken eyes.

"Sam, you've dealt with this type of feeling before, how do you get rid of it?"asked Castiel looking more desperate by the minute.

Sam took his hand off his shoulder and told him simply, "You never do, you just get used to it being there, and it becoming a part of you."

He stood back up and held out his hand to Castiel who looked at it curiously, then grabbed it and let Sam help him to his feet.

For the second time that night, they were face to face, only centimeters between their faces.

Castiel put his head down and said almost inaudibly "How can I ease the pain?"

Sam reached out with his other hand and put it to Castiel's face, and kissed him.

"Like this," and he removed Castiel's trench coat, then his jacket and while kissing his neck unbuttoned his shirt, then his took off his own t-shirt. He put one hand on the angels face and pulled him to the bed and deeper into the kiss. Castiel's heart raced with pleasure as Sam began to undo his belt and climbed on top of him, the lights began to flicker as Castiel got lost in Sam…..