„Ugh, where am I? "Asked Kotomine while getting up from the ground. A young girl, around sixteen years of age, approached him, her long dark hair swaying in the wind. "Let's hurry, Kotomine-kun. The teacher will get angry if we're late." His mind, still somewhat foggy, didn't register what she said at first and out of his mouth just came an uninterested "Yeah, sure." The girl grabbed him by his sleeve and made him follow her into a classroom full of children he never saw. An equal number of boys and girls, just sitting there, their eyes fixed on the blackboard. The girl sat down at one of the two empty desks, proceeding to do what all of the other kids were doing. Staring blankly, that is. Kotomine went to the last desk, which he presumed was intended to be his, and sat down. It was the desk in the last row by the window. Back in his school days he never sat in this seat. Slowly, his mind started clearing up and started filling itself with questions. "Did she just call me Kotomine-kun despite me being so old I could even be her father? Did she say teacher? Where is this place?" That girl apparently knew what was going on and she knew his name as well. His decision in this situation, that was abnormal even for his standards, was to ask that girl what was going on. "Listen, girl. I woul-" The bell rang before he could finish. A man, about the same age as Kotomine, came in and started by taking attendance. His name was called and he answered with a "Here!" like he used to back when he was a student. It was more of a reflex than anything.

Deciding to go with the flow, at least until lunch, the clergyman just sat there and didn't say nor do anything except for thinking his situation over. The hours in the classroom passed away really fast. It wasn't even worth mentioning. If Kotomine had been asked by somebody to tell if something noteworthy happened, he wouldn't even need three sentences to explain it. The bell rang and with that, lunch break could properly start. If Kirei was as fast as a gust, the unknown girl was as fast as a tornado. "Today's the seafood special at the school cafeteria! I have to hurry." She shouted. Baffled by her insane speed, he just stood there. When Kotomine realized what she said, he noticed how hungry he really was. "It can't be helped, I'll just go and eat something. My questions can wait." After asking one of his 'fellow classmates' for directions, he shuffled to the cafeteria. Buying a meal ticket shouldn't be a happy experience, but for Kotomine it was. Not because he was hungry, or because he loved to use meal ticket automats. He was overjoyed because something what normally isn't listed on those things was an option to buy. 'Mapo Tofu'

He casually put one hand in his pocket to get out some money to buy one bowl of deliciousness, but there wasn't anything. He tried his other pockets, but they were empty as well. Frantically, he tried searching again to no avail. On the floor there was a 100¥ coin. He picked it up along with some dirt. "I still need 200¥. I wish I had more money. Why aren't there three of these in my hand?" Opening his eyes, he realized, that there were 300¥ in his hand for no apparent reason. Happily, the coins were put into the machine and a mapo tofu meal ticket came out. Kirei didn't question the 200¥ that appeared without a reason. The important thing was mapo tofu. That was what occupied his thought processes completely at the moment. Getting his food, he sat at an empty table without further ado. He ate a spoonful and remembered just how hot this dish actually was. The aftertaste was godly though. Not even his Chinese friend from the restaurant he liked to eat the most in could make such a wonderful mapo tofu. It was like he was in heaven, when he suddenly remembered everything. He fought against Emiya Shirou to give Angra Mainyu enough time to be born and died because his time ran out. Just where was he? If this is the afterlife, then why does he feel hunger and pain? Why is it a school? Why aren't there more people here? Even with all these questions lingering inside his head, he never stopped eating his tofu until he ate every last bit of it while savoring the taste he thought he would never experience again.

With his mind and body completely functioning now he went to the girl he met this morning. He went up to her and said: "Young girl, I need you to tell me where I am" with a serious look on his face. "Oh, Kotomine-kun, you joker. You're talking like an old man. Well, to answer your question, we're in the cafeteria, "she replied. "I can see that, but what kind of world are we in? What is this school and wasn't I supposed to be dead?" She's either pretending to not know anything or seriously hasn't got a clue. Casually mentioning death should provoke a reaction from her. With that reaction he should be able to perceive which one it actually was. "WH-What? Dead! Why would you be dead Kotomine-kun? Did anything happen?" Kirei saw that it was most definitely the latter and decided to find out everything about this world by himself. "It's nothing mention worthy. Just ignore what I said." He left as fast as a party guest after the booze and food ran out, with his goal being to try some experiments in this strange world. Unexpectedly, the world had a boundary, like an invisible wall, along the fence surrounding the school. There was one path leading to a garden and a lake, but there wasn't anything of interest except a few fish. "It's just like in those video games Gilgamesh always loved to play, "thought Kotomine. In fact, sometimes he watched the King of Heroes play. He never tried doing it himself though, because it didn't appear to be interesting.

With this new realization, he went slowly back, planning what to do next. If this is the afterlife, then it won't matter even if you die, or maybe you get reincarnated. He just had to try it. The first sole person he met was told to follow him into the tool shed, which Kotomine inspected earlier. Kotomine asked the same questions he asked the long haired girl and got unsatisfying responses again. "This person isn't human," he thought. Are they like puppets, or like those random villagers in a game? It may also be that this is a personal afterlife. Whatever, he thought, and broke schoolmate A's neck with a swift move of his hands. "Now let's just see what happens, " he said, with a satisfied undertone in his words. After an hour, the boy slowly arose and just walked away without saying anything or looking any different than before they met each other. Kotomine, not knowing what to feel, just stood there. "The neck of that boy was broken for sure, but he didn't die. This really is the afterlife." To really be sure, he should break his own neck. Only a mad man or a dead man would do this kind of thing, but luckily, Kotomine was both. He just did it without ifs or buts and just as planned woke up after some time. He felt some pain, but that was it. He couldn't die, nor could he escape anywhere. Then just what was the purpose of this place? Is it endless torment for doing things considered evil by the thing that trapped him here? Was it God; was it Angra Mainyu or something different? This only being a waiting room for the real afterlife or reincarnation to sort out your thoughts and regrets was also a possibility. With these thoughts in mind, Kirei walked in circles around the school ground.

Suddenly, a woman, presumably a teacher, came running from the school building and screamed that the principal was taken hostage. "Sounds interesting," was Kirei's immediate reaction. "Woman, tell me where the principal's office is." He got the directions and went off, as fast as the wind, to the principal's office. Into the room he went, only to be greeted by a boy, not older than 16, and the principal, who had a shortsword held to his neck. "Who are you, old man? Don't come closer or the principal's getting his head cut off." "What is it that you are trying to achieve with this, young boy?" Even if a part of Kotomine's sleeve was missing, and it looked somewhat stupid, it couldn't lower his menacing aura while doing his favorite pose one bit. The boy was unimpressed though, because he thought that he had the upper hand. "I want freaking answers, and this guy has to have them for sure. I mean, where the hell am I? I remember driving home with my family, falling asleep and waking up here. I'm here for two days already, this can't be a dream." Should he tell the boy everything? Not now, first things first, he has to get information out of him.

That shortsword was what bugged Kotomine; there shouldn't be one in this school. "Boy, where is it that you got your weapon from?" "I wanted to have it and it appeared." Kirei was shocked. Was this child a magus? That sword looks like it was well made, but he's too young to be an expert in projection magic. Come to think of it, he did the same with the money back when he bought himself that meal ticket. With his questions answered, Kotomine told the boy everything in detail with joy. He really liked exposing stuff to an ignoramus. At first the young man didn't believe him, but he changed his mind fast. "W-w-what? I'm dead? I-I finally did it! I escaped that boring life. This happiness is overwhelming." A single tear ran down along the boy's cheek and when it reached his chin, he vanished into thin air. Did he just vanish? Maybe he reincarnated. Is it that Kirei's words made him disappear somehow? Maybe knowing that you are dead makes you reincarnate, but why is it that Kotomine was still here? Does God want him to help guide lost souls to reincarnation? He decided to just go with that until anything else happened. His next destination was the teacher's lounge, to get the number of the room he was supposed to stay in, and finally, going to the dormitory to rest.

Going for a stroll the next morning, he spotted a girl lying on the ground. She was pretty small for a high school student and her long, silver hair really stood out. She stood up slowly, looked at Kotomine, with her puppy eyes and asked him with a trembling voice: "E-excuse me, Mister. Could you tell me where I am?" This question was just what Kirei waited for. Now it was finally time to execute his new task. "This is the afterlife. Sort out your thoughts and return to the living." Opening his eyes, he expected to find an empty spot where she just stood, but that wasn't the case. She didn't disappear; she just had a very sad look on her face. Her face is telling him that she believes it, but why isn't she disappearing then? Maybe she was just like him, chosen by God to help people reincarnate. With some training she would make a fine ally. There could be lost souls who need to be subdued first. "Rejoice, young girl. You are to help me guide dead humans to reincarnation. First things first, Kotomine Kirei is my name. Care to tell me yours?" The girl was confused, but nonetheless replied out of reflex. "Ta-Tachibana Kanade is my name."

A few days later, Kirei and Kanade got used to this world. In the beginning, Kanade cried a lot and regretted dying, but in time she got over it. Kirei didn't waste this time at all and experimented with the summoning ability this world bestows upon humans who are sent here. He learned that another material is needed to create something; you also need to know how it is build and how it works. The good thing was that you could even use dirt. It was like alchemy, with equivalent exchange and everything. Meanwhile, Kanade attended classes every day. She is a good student, and she won't change that no matter what happens. Kotomine also told her to keep watch for humans, so she was two times as attentive as usual. Nothing unusual happened and morning classes ended so that lunch break could begin. This was Kanade's favorite time of the day, as it was the only time of the day she got to talk to the nice man that kept her happy in this time of distress. They would always meet in the cafeteria and he would sometimes tell her about the progress of his experiments and other things. It was also really funny to watch him eat that spicy mapo tofu. She didn't even know how he could eat that, because that one time she tried to eat it, it was like her mouth was on fire the whole day.

Kotomine arrived, with mapo tofu on his plate, like every day. Even the content of their conversation didn't differ much from yesterday, except one thing. "Girl, get ready. Today we are going to train your body. Come to the dojo after school is over." With those words, Kotomine left immediately, not even waiting for Kanade's reply. She was scared, but she couldn't just ignore this command. Maybe she couldn't ignore it just because she was scared. As expected by Kirei, the girl arrived, just like he told her to. "Catch it," she heard him saying when a sword flew into her direction. She ducked and held her head with her arms. "Why did you do this? That's really dangerous, you know!" As she said this, tears welled up in her eyes. That was just what the man anticipated. That what she is about to experience today isn't only to train her body, but her mind as well. "Pick that sword up fast, girl. You are to parry my attacks for today's training."

As soon as she picked it up he attacked her with a black key. That weapon wasn't made for close range combat at all, but it should be enough for training purposes. She parried it with all her might, but her arms took most of the force of the blow. They ached all over; she was trembling and had 'anguish' written all over her face. Kirei enjoyed that, but he couldn't show his emotions now, and so he just kept attacking the sword in her arms without time for her to rest. She wanted to cry and tell him to stop, but judging from the stern look on his face he wouldn't stop, no matter what she said to him. Ten minutes passed and she just wasn't able to hold the sword anymore. Kotomine, noticing that, stopped with his assault. "Girl, never show your emotions. They make you wide open. Girl, don't talk out of your own will, only when asked something or the situation demands it." Before she could answer, he sent her flying into the wall with a kick. "Bring your own weapon tomorrow. The best would be something that you can use like an extension of your body as your reflexes aren't half bad and you're really flexible, but you clearly lack strength and endurance. You also have the option to back out, if this is too harsh for you." With everything said and done, he left. Kanade didn't have any strength left, her entire body hurt and she had trouble breathing. She had to sit there for a whole hour to even be able to walk back to the dormitories.

The next day, Kotomine was waiting for her at the same time in the same place. He saw her walking in, and a smile formed on his lips. It was unexpected for her to come after what she went through yesterday. "You came without a weapon. Should I presume that you are going to fight me empty handed?" No words left her lips. She just continued to glare at Kotomine while a hand blade grew on her arm. She was confident that she could win with this; it was her whole pride after all. She sat the whole night at her computer, modeling her weapon with the Angel Player program and later brought it into reality by using the summoning that Kotomine explained to her. She charged straight at him, only for her attack to be parried. She didn't expect that attack to be blocked, so she was defenseless to Kirei's counter. It was so strong that it nearly broke her arm. It felt like it being broken three times over though. The rest of the training after that went the same as yesterday, with only one difference. It was that Kotomine repeated the two sentences before his kick yesterday again and again. At the end of the training, Kanade was sitting on the floor again and her instructor left just as he did yesterday.

Kanade got slightly better with each passing training sequence, but it didn't help her much because he was still in no reach for her. When at her room, she always tried to invent something new to counter Kotomine's insane fighting abilities, but it was no good. Even Delay, creating afterimages by bending the light to fool his senses, was useless. She even was so sure that it would work after happily developing it straight for three nights. After training another day and listening to those sentences over and over, Kanade went crackers. "Just how can I hide my emotions? You're demanding the impossible! I would explode if I could never let them out." Kirei thought for a second and answered in his usual tone. "Alright, I'm going to make it easier for you. You are allowed to let out your emotions whenever you eat a bowl of mapo tofu. Oh, you should also become the student council president. That would make things easier for information gathering." She was stunned because of him casually mentioning something like that. There was no way she could eat mapo tofu, it was too spicy. While she sorted out her thoughts, Kotomine returned to his room.

"I never thought that this would be so enjoyable. Teaching things the one taught doesn't know anything about." Watching his student struggle, time and time again, only slightly improving. The sad look on her face whenever she failed was the best though. It made his heart jump and let him feel all tingly inside. In terms of enjoyment, it was comparable to an orgasm while eating a bowl of mapo tofu. He loved every second of it. And so, time passed away. It was already two months ago that they died and wound up here. A new school year started, and Kanade got the position of student council president. She even got used to the training and improved greatly in fighting. So much in fact that Kotomine had to change to a better weapon, because she could even cut through the black keys now. Yet, she never could land a blow on Kotomine, let alone win. They ran out of stuff to do eventually, because not even one human arrived and because of that little fact, they weren't able to fulfill their jobs. Suddenly, one normal day, it being like any other without any announcement whatsoever someone took the principal as hostage again. Kanade rushed to his office and saw three students and the principal standing in the room. The male student who had the principal in a headlock, and held a gun to his head, all of a sudden directed the gun at her and started firing. Every bullet missed her, due to her sensing where they would fly to and dodging appropriately. When he stopped shooting for a second, she charged at him, pinned him to the ground with her hand blade and pressed the arm, in which he had the gun, away. He kept shooting, but it was futile. She kept him pinned to the ground until he fainted which ended the fight. Teachers came in, carried the male student away and the principal resumed his work. The two students only watched, dumbfounded.

Kanade was really scared, but she gave it her best not to show it. After the commotion, the young girl went to buy herself a bowl of mapo tofu. She wasn't hungry or anything, but she just had to inform her teacher about what happened today happily. She went to the dojo, with the food in her hands, hoping that he wouldn't attack her while she still ate. "It's okay as long as you eat mapo tofu,but only this time." he said. Kanade joyfully told him everything that happened, ending it with "Thank you for the training, Kotomine-sensei. It really paid off." He didn't know why, but it made him really blissful to hear that. He, who enjoyed nothing more than other humans' unhappiness, was overjoyed by hearing someone thank him out of the bottom of their heart. She was just like a cute puppy after getting a biscuit it particularly liked the taste off. Grinning, jumping around and waggling its tail. Not even this battle-hardened clergyman could stay emotionless after witnessing this much cuteness. And yet, somehow Kotomine could because he had to. After all, the training would begin now. "You are done with eating, right? We are starting now." Looking him directly into the eyes, she said "alright, teacher." Their blades clashed again and again, but Kirei wasn't really paying attention to the fight. He was conflicted. "Maybe it isn't me that should help humans move on." Kanade aimed at his right arm as she thought that he showed an opening there. He parried the attack just in time. It almost twisted his arm off, but he couldn't be hit. He couldn't allow her to hit. "It could have been that girl, and only that girl, right from the start." Another barely blocked hit aimed at his left side. This time he felt his lower arm bone break. He didn't dare show it. That much pain could be brushed off for maintaining the girl's image of something insurmountable. It probably would come in handy someday. "The time I spent here was really enjoyable. It is thanks to this little girl, that right now is attacking me relentlessly like a madman, that I've realized it." With this hit, she broke through his defense, yet not hitting him directly. "I realized that I should've become a teacher." Just as she was about to land her first hit on Kotomine, he vanished right before her eyes. Thinking that he evaded the attack somehow, and escaped from her view, she looked around, frantically. He was nowhere to be seen. "Teacher, where are you?" She searched quite some time for him until she realized what really happened. That day, Kanade ate another three bowls of mapo tofu.

Fin

Author's note: Hello, and welcome to my first story that made it on the internet. I had this sitting on my hard drive for quite a while. Since the fifth episode of Angel Beats aired to be exact. I don't even know anymore why I wrote it, but I know I had fun writing it and I hope that you had as much fun reading it. Tell me what you think if you have the time. I am also sorry for any inconsistencies if there are any.