old one shot on my ipod that i decide to edit and upload because i'm sick of working on my million page essay that i've been spending god knows how long on /tears

if i remember correctly it was sort of based off someone making fun of me for going on cosmo's website too much which was totally justified because i can be a dork to the greatest degree

There's Just Some Things...

Antonio chewed on the end of the pencil. He still didn't know which letter to choose. This test was hard.

"Ughhh." he moaned in frustration.

He was Spain. He was the god damn country of passion, yet this fifteen question quiz had completely stumped him. He was really close to just ripping it to shreds, and sending it back to Alfred, and tell him that he could go take his stupid chick magazines and shove it up his own ass.

And that was the state that Lovino found him in, as he walked into the kitchen room for a late breakfast. He saw Antonio sitting on the counter by the stove, half-eaten pencil in one hand and a glossy magazine folded in half in the other.

"What's that?" He asked, as he opened the refrigerator to get some milk.

Antonio did not reply. Instead, he just hummed and continued to mull over the questions, getting more frustrated at each question.

"Yo, stupid. I asked you a question."

"I know, I know." Antonio said, sounding very absent-minded. And still didn't answer to what Lovino asked.

Shaking his head, Lovino pulled out the jar of milk and some butter.

"Want something to eat?" He asked, but Antonio was still silent. Well, if Antonio was going to be in one of his little moods, he might as well leave him there.

As he was getting bread to toast, Antonio finally decided to speak up.

"Hey, Lovino?" He looked up at the other. "Wanna help me with a question?"

Lovino turned away from the toaster to look at him. "Uh, okay?"

"Alright. So, do you remember our first date?"

Lovino blinked.

"We've known each other for a couple of hundred years. I don't think we've ever had a 'first' date."

"I know, I know, but see, the question here is about you and your partner's first date."

"What the hell?"

"This question here asks about the first date, and see what it says here. It asks how much information I gave away. So on our first date, how much information did I give away?"

"Uh..." Lovino went to his default expression, a small frown. "That's kind of the most stupid question I've ever heard."

"But I need to know if I keep my partner guessing!" Antonio held the magazine up and shook it in Lovino's direction.

"...What the flying fuck, Antonio?"

Across the shiny page, in bold letters, was written

ARE YOU SEXUALLY/ROMANTICALLY INTRIGUING?

and Lovino couldn't figure out which urge was stronger, to hit his head against the counter or laugh really hard.

"Alfred and his brother lent me this magazine," Antonio replied. "And it's actually really helpful. They have all these cool quizzes and stuff in them, but this one is so hard."

Lovino walked over to where Antonio was sitting, and took the magazine out of Antonio's hands. He flipped to the cover, ignoring the protest of "Hey, don't lose my page!", and decided that his urge to laugh was stronger. And so he laughed. Well, it was more of a taunting cackle, reminiscent of that second potato bastard that he didn't like all too much.

"Holy shit!" He said, in between the laughter. "Are you serious?"

It was Antonio's turn to frown. "What do you mean?"

Lovino shook the glossy hot pink cover of the magazine in Antonio's face. "Are you seriously taking the advice of this?"

"Well, Alfred said they worked..."

"And when was the last time Alfred got laid?"

"Uh..." Antonio thought about that for a second. Should he really be knowing the answer to that question? "He's a world super-power, so shouldn't he..."

"Yeah, right." Lovino snorted. "That doesn't mean he's good at getting any. And do you know why?"

"Because he's too busy?"

"No," Lovino tossed the magazine onto the counter. "Because he reads shit like that."

"But it's helpful!" Antonio protested, and Lovino stopped his laughing for a second.

"Wait a second, does that mean you've used this stuff before?"

Antonio paused for a second, then a sheepish smile spread across his face. Lovino narrowed his eyes, and scowled. But by now, Antonio was so used to the other looking permanently pissed off, he couldn't really tell what the other was thinking. They were both silent for a few seconds, and Antonio decided to speak up again.

"Ah, Lovino, it's not something to get hassled over, right?"

Lovino shook his head in slight disbelief. "Honestly, bastard? We've known each other for how long? And you have to read a magazine to help with our relationship?"

"Well... It's got some good suggestions?"

"Like what?"

"Uh...you know how I did the whole breakfast in bed with Italian food a couple of days ago?"

"Okay?"

"And how I got you that tomato shaped night lamp?"

"..."

"And then how I serenaded you from the garden when you were in the balcony?"

Lovino didn't know what to say, so he picked up the magazine. He turned to the page that Antonio was on, and his eyes skimmed over the quiz again. He sighed as he finished, and looked at Antonio. Then, raising the magazine up, he thwacked Antonio on the head with it.

"Ow-that hurt!" Antonio whined, rubbing his head. "So mean so early in the day."

"Don't read these. They're fucking magazines." Lovino said, hitting Antonio on the head again to emphasize his point. "They're stupid. You don't need any help. These are for people who suck, like the potato douche."

Antonio was silent again then-

"So I'm already really good?"

"Tch, don't push it." Lovino scoffed at the mildly juvenile question. "Of course you're decent, dumbass, otherwise I wouldn't have stuck with you for so long."

Antonio beamed at him, and Lovino rolled his eyes. Only he would get happy over a slightly back-handed compliment.

"Just... If you're going to read these, don't let other people know you're reading these, okay? I don't want people thinking I'm with a complete moron."

Antonio laughed, and leaned forward to ruffle Lovino's hair.

"I'll try." He said, smiling. "And if anyone finds them, I'll just say they're yours."

Lovino glared at Antonio, then walked out of the kitchen with the magazine and not another word. Antonio, while cleaning their bedroom a few days later, found out why Lovino didn't protest, as he pulled out a cardboard box hidden in their closet. On the inside flap of the box, written with a black permanent, was

HERE'S THE MAGAZINES YOU ASKED FOR

I HOPE THEY HELP YOU

~ALFRED

And at the top of the pile was the one that Lovino had snatched from Antonio.

Reviews are supe-de-duper appreciated :D