A two-chaptered RyoSaku fic. Something went wrong with my style. Care to point it out?

Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis

" I may have been dreaming, but if this is really a dream…then I wouldn't want to wake up. It's better to live in fantasy anyway."

Dear Ms. D,

Hell…in four days, it will be my birthday. And well, as a gift for myself, I'vejustdecided to free myself from the chains of these senseless feelings.

And do you know how? Well, I, Ryuzaki Sakuno, will just go straight to Ryoma Echizen and do something like…tell some things he should know. The things that I've been carrying for how many months? 12…24…12 x 6. Oh yeah, 120 months!

Do you believe that? A hundred and twenty months, in short, six years! And really, they make me feel sick every time I fail to speak them out or at least show them. But then, actions are never for him to notice anyway. Especially those kinds of lame actions like mine. You know those stuff– blushing hard when speaking like in any moment I'll be the next one to be squeezed for a new brand of tomato sauce; fidgeting so much that I seem to have lots of insect bites that I just resist to scratch out; and other sort of things that are just too humiliating to mention.

To make it simpler, I'll go straight to him and c-o-n-f-e-s-s.

And after that, well I'll be having the perfect harmony for my life. No more downs when rejected. And after that, I'll be breathing in and out easily. No more suffocation. Lastly, after that, I'll taste life. No more pain.

Tch. As if life were only a matter of happiness filled only with pleasurable things.

So, ending remarks? Good Luck to me. Hope I can get well soon after this.

PS: 9998th entry concerning him. Anyway, every little thing scribbled in this diary concerns him.

I heave out a heavy sigh and close my almost ancient diary. Then, there he is sauntering the hallway like he always does. He's coming my way. Is he going to greet me? I hope so. This will be the second time. The first time was when I was with grandma. Of course he greeted her. She's her coach. But then, she was with me so I think he had the urge to greet me as well or else that would clearly show his disrespect for me which I'm sure he never wanted to show unless he wanted his name to be stained.

But whether he greeted me because he wanted to, or just because of my grandma's presence, I know I shouldn't care that much. In fact, I should be grateful for I received two magical words from him , " Good Morning". That was a once in a blue moon scene in my life.

Still, as soon as he walks past me right now, .I could only wish grandma were here. In that way, he could have greeted me, too.

Right. This is one of those days I can't help feeling crestfallen every time I come to nothing. You see, all I want is to be a part of his world. I'll definitely be contented even if I'd only be occupying that 0.05% of his life. Yet, how could it be when he never casts his eyes on me even for once! Too much dreaming for a fan girl like me.

Before I lose my sight of him, I just shout, " Good Morning! Ryoma-kun."

Greeting him with the same vim and vigor has been a permanent and probably the major part of my routine every day. And if I won't be able to say those four words, then my day's completion will be curtailed.

I expect a 50% chance of him looking back , at least for trying to find the source of that voice...of my voice, but I guess, he's too preoccupied to even hear me.

I hate this part of me making such fuss over a small thing. And so what if he doesn't greet me? Would I die? Yeah, I wish this part of me would die. I'm already a grown-up lady. I should be focusing on my studies more than bothering about silly things like this. I should be thinking of my own future…of what will become of me as the present Sakuno instead of dreaming my future with him. Even in my wildest dreams, as the cliché goes, that defines a great impossibility.

So, I better stop slacking off and instead get myself to work! That's right...study and study like a genius.

My favorite pastime is sleeping under a tree. I don't mind whatever tree there is as long as it has its umbrella of leaves of course. And currently, it's what I am trying to do, waiting for drowsiness to come over and visit me.

I've decided to take a break after that bunch of tests. I did review my lessons, but I think , the questions earlier were just too out of normalcy for my age. They were the kinds of questions that my mind couldn't really handle no matter how much effort I exerted.

" I don't know that you have this habit, too," a voice suddenly rings to my ears me. Yeah...a what?

I open my eyes after inhaling the fresh, pallid breeze. Then my whole system recognizes his presence . Right. So he's just seen me dozing? Hell.

" Ryoma-kun! Uhm…not really…just…well…I think…yes...I don't know."

Of course, I am greatly startled that I suddenly don't know what to say. I can't simply say that it really is my habit. It's a shame. But then, I can't just speak and say no! This is the first time that we will have a conversation. So, I mustn't waste any effort or word. If I will say no, then that's being conclusive. I should somehow say some sensible words. I should try making sense.

" Ryoma, how are you? How's life? How's tennis? Hope you're fine. I'm fine here, too."

Oh my, did I just overdo things? But isn't that sensible? I mean, what else can I say aside from those? I think these are the side-effects of daydreaming and drooling over him. Crap, they're kicking in at the wrong time.

He cocks an eyebrow and pulls his cap down. Did I just make him annoyed? He might leave now. Tch. I wasted it all. What an idiot.

Yet, he stays. Silence begins to envelop us. There are no tangible movements except for our breathing. Mine is deep. His is shallow.

I gaze at him and observe every feature of his face. This is one of the two things I can do when he's here beside me like this. The other one is saying nonsensical words like what I had just done.

Finally, I've mustered the courage to spill it out already. This could be the last time of us being this close. It's all thanks to coincidence who paved a way for us to talk and for me to end this feeling now.

" Ryoma…I…do you know...that…I…I…" I start uttering the introduction.

He breaks in.

" Tennis is my priority," he says straight at my face. I haven't even continued my statement yet but I've already obtained an answer.

I don't know what else I could do if I were to stay here. The ambience is no longer welcoming. It wasn't even friendly to begin with. But I stood up against it. This is what I get.

I simply walk away fast. I've been expecting this. Hell…why do I still bleed?

I reach our home and grandma isn't here. Great!

I run upstairs and lock myself.

I pull my diary out and doodle every word describing this torture he's unconsciously giving me. I'm at least hoping this will alleviate the pain. I'm even trying to be an optimist. I'm telling myself that it will be just fine...that this is what I want. After this, there will be no more regrets or sorrow. I can live my life peacefully. I can forget about everything.

However, it's no use. Why does it seem to be hard for me to mend my own broken heart? Does it require somebody else? Hope not. That would take too long or perhaps forever. Because this heart beats only for him.

Right now, all I am wishing for is to live in a world where everybody loves me...including him.

Stay tuned! I'll be adding twist like what the title says. I used a line from Paramore's My Heart because I love the song. Feel free to leave a review. I love you. :)

*I'm utterly disgusted with the way I've written this story. I'll be revising it further when I get the chance to do so.