Well, I'm back! How long's it been? Over a year, I think. Here's a story that isn't one of my normal CAM fics. I got the inspiration for this fic a few hours ago. I was chewing on it, not really sure if I should write it or not, but then I found this song. "Why" by Rascal Flatts. I highly recommend downloading that song and listening to it while reading this.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, trust me. Except the idea for this fic.

I knelt down beside the shiny, perfectly placed casket. The brilliant grey-blue tint of the steel was identical to the once lively blue eyes it sheltered. A cool breeze swept the dark brown hair from my shoulders and swirled around me, sending me a silent message that I knew only I could interpret as such. You were still with me, weren't you? You told me you would be, no matter what happened. Somehow, I thought to myself as tears poured down my face, you saw this coming way before it happened.

You must've been in a place so dark, you couldn't feel the light reaching for you through that stormy cloud. Now here we all are gathered, in our little home town. This can't be the way you meant to draw a crowd.

"Why?" I whispered under my breath. Why did this have to happen? Why did we have to end up here in this old cemetery like this? We played here as kids, as sadistic as I found it to be, but I never dreamed I'd be coming back here years later alone...without you...for something like this. You said you'd always stay right by my side, and here you are. Except this time I'm by your side and I'm crying uncontrollably and you can't comfort me. You can't hold me and run your small, rough fingers through my hair and promise me that everything will be okay. Because it won't be, not this time. My life has been turned upside down and I have no idea how to start picking it back up again. I'm staring down at the one person that meant the most to me; she's lying in a padded, metal coffin about to be put six feet into the ground because life, everything and everyone in it, just wasn't good enough for her anymore.

"Why?" That's what I keep askin'. Was there anything I could have said or done? I had no clue you were masking a troubled soul. God only knows what went wrong and why you would leave the stage in the middle of a song.

Should I be upset? Should I scream at her lifeless body about how selfish she was for doing this, and how much she hurt everyone that cared for her? There was no point. It was just so unlike her. She was the type to push though her problems and persevere in the end, not give up and clock out. Not like this. This is all wrong. This had to be some kind of sick joke. She wasn't in that casket, she wasn't...dead. The headstrong, confident, tough, blonde-headed girl that had always been my unbreakable rock was not the same person that the medics couldn't revive, that the news paper posted an obituary about, that I stared at earlier in the funeral home while the un moving body in front of me, through closed eyelids, stared back and reminded me that anything is possible. That sometimes it's just not worth it; sometimes things become too unbearable and you feel you have no other choice but to get away. But it was her, and she took her opportunity to get away from here. She went away on a permanent vacation and didn't invite me. Didn't even tell me or hint to me that she was going. I wondered to myself what could have been so bad that this was the end result. I wondered if there was anything I could have done to prevent this. Why didn't she let me in? Why didn't she let me help her? Surely she knew that I would have done whatever it took, I would have sacrificed anything to bring her happiness, even my own.

It still feels like she's here; like she's standing beside me while I gaze upon her final resting place with tears still freely flowing from my chocolate brown eyes. Eyes that could never again gaze into her perfect blue pools. I can almost feel her hand on my shoulder, her blonde locks brushing against my face, the smell of her Dove body wash flooding my nose and making my heart drop down to my feet. My chest was tight and burning as I stood up and said my silent final goodbyes. As I touched my fingers to the cold steel, I imagined her voice in my head. I would never hear it again. Why? Because her life was too overwhelming; because she was too prideful, too afraid to ask for help; because, in the end, nothing was worth enough for her to stick around.

A hand rested itself on my shoulder and for a split second I imagined it to be her. I spun around to find Spencer, face streaked with tears much like I knew mine was.

Oh, why? There's no comprehending. And who am I to try to judge or explain? Oh, but I do have one burning question. Who told you life wasn't worth the fight? They were wrong. They lied, and now you're gone and we cried. It's just not like you to walk away in the middle of a song.

"Come on, kiddo. Let's go home." He pulled me into a tight hug that I was too burnt out to resist. Instead, I collapsed into him and wrapped my arms tightly around him and let my tears fall. My fingers curled in, taking in fistfuls of his shirt. I was nearing hyperventilation, I could feel it, but I didn't care. All that mattered to me at that moment was that you were gone. You weren't mine anymore.

"Why? Why, Spencer? Why did this happen?" I beat my fists into his back.

"I don't know," His voice was broken as he released me from the hug and grabbed my shoulders, "but everything will be okay. I'm here for you if you need me. You know that." I looked up at him, hoping that he could somehow help me start the closure process. I just wanted to skip to the end of all of this; to the part where things really were okay, and normalcy would begin to set into my shattered life.

"It's okay to cry, Carls, regardless of what anyone tells you. Always know that I'll still be here. I'll still be by your side, just like I promised I would be. This isn't your fault, it isn't anyone's fault but my own. I chickened out; I gave up on life. But I didn't give up on you. I'll never give up on you. I'll miss you, Cupcake. Don't ever forget that I love you."

Wow. I've been on hiatus for so long. It's nice to finally be back! I brought a nice tear jerker with me, too. Hope you guys liked it. I teared up just writing it, so I hope at least one of you had that reaction as well. I'm probably going to turn this into an entire multi-chapter story, but I don't know when or if I'll have time to write any more on it. We'll see.

Please review! Love you guys and thanks for sticking with me!