Disclaimer: Not mine.

Author's Note: Busy, busy Christmas! An eternal thank you to Sheilalein. If you are in need of a beta reader, she comes highly recommended. Thank you also to everyone who has been reading along - it's been a lot of fun! The term 'babyfic' usually puts chills up my spine, so I was surprised when I came up with this. But if it's a fun read, then that's all that counts. I'd like to be a little more involved with this community, so any kind of constructive criticism at all is appreciated - both the good and the bad. Thanks again!

Elaborate Lies, Chapter 5

"The Last Great Party?" Teddy asked, sipping the last of her water.

"Yeah," Ted said dreamily. "One of the most wonderful nights in all of our lives. Bad music, bad beer, expensive clothing that we all bought second hand because no one actually wanted to dress up…"

"It was kind of our last excuse to act like kids," Lily explained. "So the boys, at least, embraced it."

Teddy laughed. "I'm envisioning some kind of nineties montage that ends with all of you dancing together at the Hywet ballroom to 'Don't Stop Believing'."

"That's close," Ted said. "Except that we're not that old, dear."

Teddy grinned widely. "Okay, bring on the romance!" she said with a clap of her hands.

"Now, not so fast," Barney admonished. "We still have Dungeon Master Ted's evil plans to work around before we get to the part that everyone actually wants to hear."

"That's unfair, Barney! I never would have asked her out if had known that you had a thing of her," Ted cried.

"Really?" Robin said, her voice rising in volume, "So you only wanted to date me if no one else wanted to? Was that some kind of pity date?"

Ted sighed, and pointed at Barney. "Stop stirring up trouble."

Barney chuckled evilly.

"Barney, you do not seriously have your nephew in a Baby Bjorn carrier at a bar," Marshall stated plainly as he looked up at Barney from their booth.

Barney stood next to the table with Eli, dressed in a suit and cooing happily, strapped to his chest. He looked at Marshall quizzically. "What are you talking about? He's having a great time!" Eli giggled, as if on cue.

"Yeah, but that just seems…wrong," Marshall said, squinting in discomfort.

"Marshall, the Baby Bjorn carrier is one of the greatest inventions of all time," Barney exclaimed. "Not only am I free to use my hands, but the ladies are coming up to me in droves. The 'Single Dad' was never a move that I ever thought to try, but it works, my friends. Outside, I had four women with at least one hand on my person all at once. That hasn't happened since…well, last week, but today I had to work way less hard for it."

"I think it's sweet!" Lily chimed in, reaching up to play with Eli's feet, making him giggle wildly. "What all are you guys going to do today?"

"Well, we went to the zoo, and then to Central Park, then to get fitted for a new suit because the ones he has are getting too small, and now I think it's time for him to go home so his dads can come and pick him up," Barney said, leaning left and right to rock Eli playfully, eliciting more giggles.

"You're still upbeat. You must not have had to change his diaper yet," Marshall snorted, grinning evilly.

"Oh, I did!" Barney said enthusiastically. He paused. "But one of the girls I mentioned earlier was a big help," he added quickly.

"Barney! You're supposed to be practicing for when your own baby comes," Lily admonished. "Convincing hapless women to help you with the yucky parts isn't good practice."

"What? I'm taking her out for drinks later, that's like payment," Barney yelped indignantly. Facing Marshall and Lily's disapproving looks, Barney sighed. "Look, he's alive, he's happy, he's well dressed, and he got changed one way or the other. I don't think I'm doing so badly."

Lily stared for a moment, and then shook her head. "Maybe my hormones are just going bananas, but he just made a lick of sense."

Marshall patted her shoulder softly as baby Eli giggled loudly again. "So, are you going to the 'Last Great Party'?" he asked Barney.

Barney shook his head. "What's that?"

"Stewart and Claudia are having this big party tonight," Lily said, shrugging. "Since everyone seems to be having kids, they wanted to have one last hurrah before, and I quote the invitation, 'We All Get Lame and Fat'. They rented a ballroom and everything."

"That sounds…lame," Barney said with a sneer. "A group of has-beens dancing awkwardly around the end of their youth in bad dresses? No thank you." Eli took that moment to gurgle loudly, and Barney looked at him appreciatively. "See, he agrees with me."

"I don't know, it could be fun," Lily said with a shrug. "I mean, we're going to have a baby within the next six months, and it would be nice to have one great bash before we settle into full time parenthood. Oh, we could get dressed up!"

"Only girls get excited about that," Marshall snorted. "And Barney."

Barney shrugged. "Nah. I think the Lusty Leopard has a special show tonight, anyways." He then looked around, puzzled. "Hey, where are Ted and Robin?"

Marshall jumped nervously, and Lily and Barney turned to look at him. "Sweetie, are you alright?" Lily asked.

"Are you still worried about that Bigfoot sighting I made up last week? Because seriously, that was a joke." Barney stated. He then grinned evilly. "Or was it?"

Marshall stared aghast at both of them before his eyes finally settled on Lily. As if in slow motion, she batted her eyes and leaned over seemingly seductively in her low cut shirt. "Oh, I'm in trouble," he murmured quietly to himself.

"Wow, Ted, this is…really nice," Robin stated uncertainly.

Ted beamed. "Do you like it? I hope it's not over the top."

The restaurant was flooded with red roses at every table, with waiters dressed in tails. The tables were small, and the portions, it appeared, were even smaller. The only patrons were couples, in which the men were dressed in suits and the women in expensive cocktail dresses. Robin smoothed her own dress over her bulging belly and sighed uncomfortably. "No, it's just fine," she finally choked out.

The waiter led them to their table and pulled out Robin's chair for her, then, after she had sat down, awkwardly placed her napkin in her lap for her and fetched it for her when it inevitably fell onto the floor. He tried to place it again, but Robin grabbed the napkin from him and, kindly but sternly, sent him away, as Ted, oblivious to the scene, tried to pick out the best sparkling wine for from the extensive list.

"So what do you think? Red or White? God Robin, this is just blowing my mind. I don't even know where to start. You and I have such a history. Maybe we should…"

"Ted, I've been sleeping with Barney for the past two months," Robin blurted suddenly.

Ted stared at her, mouth agape. "I'm sorry, you're what?"

"Was. I was sleeping with Barney. We just…stopped…last week."

"And, what, that's when you decided that you wanted to go out on a date with me? Robin, that's…"

"I know, Ted, and I thought I did want to do this, but now I just…"

"It's just…seriously, Robin? This kind of sucks."

"I'm so sorry, Ted, I just…"

"Are you in love with him?"

Robin paused for a minute, and stared at Ted aghast. "Oh, come on Ted…"

"Just answer the question."

"No…no. I'm…not in love with him," Robin stuttered uncertainly and with false bravado.

Ted looked at her critically. "You're a bad liar, Robin Scherbatsky."

"Ted, it's Barney! I've been there, I've done that, and I have run the hell away. He likes boobs! He has a scrapbook of all of the women that he's slept with! And we were just sleeping together, that's all."

Ted stared at her, his face softening. "Robin, if…"

"That's all, Ted," she interrupted him sternly.

Ted sighed, and placed the wine list on the table. "Well, just so you know, I'm not paying for your dinner tonight."

Later that night after James and Tom had picked up Eli, Barney opened the door of his apartment to find none other than Ted Mosby, dressed in a suit and carrying a dripping yellow umbrella, looking serious.

"You suited up!" Barney said, beaming.

Ted shrugged. "I figured if we were going to have a bro's night out, I'd better dress to impress," he said, walking into the apartment. "Plus you said if I didn't you would steal my flail and hide it in the house of the next girl that you slept with."

"The means doesn't matter. That you suited up in the end, that's what matters," Barney said, patting him on the shoulder.

Ted smiled weakly at him. "So where are we going tonight, bro?"

"I feel like I'm at my high school prom all over again," Lily whispered to Marshall and Robin. "Only with more swanky music and slightly better beer selections."

The trio walked down a long dramatic stairwell, dressed in the nicer parts of their wardrobe, looking over the Hywet Ballroom with a kind of shared dread. People, dressed to the nines, were dancing to the blues band that was set up in the corner or loitering around the bar, already having drank too much for the night. Claudia assaulted them as soon as they made it down to the ground floor.

"You guys! I'm so, so, so happy that you could come!" she squealed in her best overwrought hostess's voice, lacing her arms into Lily's and Robin's and leading them over to the bar to sit down on the bar stools. "Got to get you girls seated, don't we?"

"Not really," Robin said, but Lily shot her a deadly look.

"So we have everything here that you can imagine, beer, liquor, wine, whatever. There's soda or whatever for you two if you want," Claudia said, referring to Lily and Robin. "Okay, have a great time!" she called over her shoulder as she ran back to the stairwell.

"Well, I feel loved," Marshall growled.

"Oh, she has a room full of people that I don't even think she likes," Lily said, waving her hand. "I bet it's like reliving her wedding. Let her be kind of a bitch."

Marshall ordered a beer and two sodas, and the three listened to a swanky rendition of Al Green's "Can't Get Next to You" by the band. Marshall finally sighed and threw his arm around Lily's shoulder. She smiled and settled into the crook of his arm. After a minute, he stood up and pulled her hand gently towards the dance floor.

"Marshall? You want to dance in public with me?" Lily asked, surprised. "I thought you said never again after that night with the tequila."

"Well, I'm feeling a little nostalgic tonight, and I'm willing to work past that," Marshall said with a grin.

"Well, we shouldn't leave…" she said, turning back to Robin.

"Don't mind me, my feet hurt too badly to get up anyway," Robin said, waving her hands. "Just go and dance."

They swayed together slowly for a few minutes before Lily looked up at him, squeezing his hands. "I think you are going to be a great dad," she said happily.

"And I think you're going to be a great mom," he said, pushing a piece of hair behind her ear. "But tonight, I am Marshall. Lover extraordinaire. Lightest man alive on his feet. Most dashing man on the dance floor."

"Yeah you are!" Lily said, encouraging. "And I'm Lily, the…girl who dances with the lightest man alive on his feet." She smiled. "I miss stuff like this. Where it's just you and me, having fun."

"Me too! And as excited as I am for the baby, I get tired of talking about it sometimes. I like it just being you and me every now and then. And I think we should totally try to do this more," Marshall stated emphatically.

"Deal. To having more fun," Lily agreed. She glanced quickly over to the bar, and her brow furrowed. "Wait…where is Robin?"

"I cannot believe I talked you into this," Barney shouted over the loud music, putting on his laser tag vest. "I mean, it's undeniably awesome, but you're usually…I don't know, asleep or something at this time of night."

"What can I say, Barney, I'm ready for carnage," Ted shouted with a shrug, pretending to cock his gun.

"Now the trick is to stay together, and to duck behind the wall in the very center of the place. Those evil munchkins can sneak under the outer walls, but you can see them coming from a mile away…"

"FREEDOM!" Ted shouted, and ran into the laser tag room haphazardly.

"TED! NO!" Barney shouted, running in after him.

Barney lost Ted around the first bend of laser tag maze. He slowly slid along the walls in the thick of the synthetic fog with his guns up, alert. He shot at one, then two small opponents, before he found himself in the corner of the room, tucked behind a column. He peaked into the main floor and, seeing the cacophony of shrieking children, remained in his station.

Suddenly, from the darkness of the maze out of which he had just walked, he heard the Predator noise.

"Ted?" Barney hissed. The clicking noise got louder, and Barney's face went white. "Ted, stop hunting me."

The noise continued until Barney could feel breath in his right ear. Barney didn't turn. Instead, he slowly brought his gun up to his chest and pursed his lips.

"No sport," a heavily accented voice breathed into his ear. Suddenly a shot vibrated in Barney's chest and he turned quickly to find Ted right next to him, his arms raised in victory.

"Dude, what the hell?" Barney shouted.

"No, what the hell, Barney? How could you have possibly thought it was a good idea to sleep with Robin for the past two months? What were you thinking?"

Barney stared at him, his mouth agape, both of their vests now vibrating with the shots of cackling pre-teens. "I…I…don't know! Come on, Ted."

"No, you come on! Barney of all of your hair brained, ridiculous schemes to get women into bed, this is the absolute worst."

"It's not like that, Ted!" Barney said angrily. "Besides, if you knew about that, then why were you taking Robin out on a date? You're my best friend, Ted, I at least thought you'd learned something from the Bro Code after all of these years."

"I took her out on a date because I thought there could be something between us again! And I didn't find out about...whatever was going on between you two until I took her on the date. Plus, I cleared this with you! You said that you had no feelings for her."

"Well, I lied," Barney said, exasperated.

"Barney!" Ted shouted. "Come on! You've got to deal with this, this, inability to build adult relationships! You are going to be a father, and it's time to grow up."

Barney's lips pursed, and he raised his gun, raining shots on Ted's vest. Ted raised his hands, aghast. "Dude," he seethed evenly.

"Has it ever occurred to you that I want to try?" Barney shouted angrily. "Look, Ted, you may be the expert on hand holding, cold cut picnics, picking out china, not having sex, telling boring stories and pretending to listen to someone else's boring stories, watching Gossip Girl, eating tofu, decorating for holidays, and hiding your porn, but here is something that you don't know," He took a deep breath. "Becoming a father is the most terrifying and life changing event you will ever experience."

Ted shook his head. "Look, Barney, I know that you didn't plan on becoming a father…"

"No, you don't know, Ted," Barney said firmly. "Because it's never happened to you. And believe me when I say your life will change, and that you will have to make choices. Like you can continue to be awesome, with gadgets and secret identities and one, maybe four bimbos a night, or you can be slightly less awesome so that you can try to be with someone who may, in fact, be more awesome than you." He took a long breath. "And…I'm in love with Robin. And I would be willing, for the first time in my life, to be slightly less awesome in order to be the type of guy that she deserves. So…everything's changed. And it is terrifying. But I think I want to…try."

Ted stared at Barney incredulously as his friend took another deep breath. "And so, what?" Barney asked, his eyes glancing around the room as he shifted back and forth uncomfortably. "Are you guys, like, together now or something?"

Ted looked at Barney quizzically, and then dropped his gun, his lips pursed in understanding. "No, dude," he said. "I'm not going to steal the girl that my good friend is into."

"Best Friend."

"Dude, right now? Good Friend," Ted said with a sigh. "But it's pretty clear that's she's into you too, so you have to tell her, because you know she'll never be the first to say it."

Barney looked up at him, surprised, and then pulled him into the tightest hug that he could get with their laser tag vests on. Young hoodlums suddenly ran past, shooting at them in plain sight and trash talking, and Barney and Ted pulled away from one another quickly. "I suddenly feel the need for carnage, too," Barney growled at the pre-teens' backs. Ted nodded solemnly, and both pretended to cock their guns.

"Robin, sweetie, are you in here?" Lily called into the women's bathroom. She found her leaning over the sink, brushing away tears falling down her cheeks, and Lily ran over to rub her back supportively.

After a moment, Marshall followed, throwing the scarf he had had tied around his head into the corner and rushing to Robin's side.

"What's wrong?" Lily asked her.

"Just that I'm an idiot, Lily," Robin said sadly.

Lily and Marshall exchanged glances. "You're an idiot?" she asked softly.

"God, yes!" Robin cried, exasperated. "I mean, come on, what was I thinking? Just because I'm going to be a mom and I think that I'm ready for a committed relationship doesn't mean that I stop wanting the things that I want! And I don't want to get married. And I want to live in places other than New York. And I want to be a network news anchor. God."

"Okay, sweetie, I'm not following…"

"I mean, there's responsible, and there's insane. And going out with Ted and thinking that I could be the type of person that might live with him, help him fix up his run down house and be a wife is insane. That's not me. That will never be me. And pretending to be someone that I'm not is just…"

"Insane?" Marshall supplemented.

"Yes!" Robin cried. "And I let the one person who is always there for me, exactly the way I need him to be, the one person that doesn't want me to be anything other than me, the person that I…" she stared into the sink and sighed.

"Are we still talking about Ted?" Marshall asked, looking blankly at Lily.

Lily sighed, and rubbed Robin's back. "No, we're not," she said soothingly.

Ted and Barney walked into the Hywet Ballroom and stood at the top of the stairwell, shaking off from the downpour they had plowed through outside, scanning the room. Ted pointed towards the bar. "Oh, I think I see Lily and Marshall and Robin over…"

"Oh, look Ted, hot girls there and there and there! You go warm them up and I'll be right behind you," Barney shouted as he began to rush down the steps.

Ted sighed. "I'm not going after Robin!" he shouted, but Barney was already halfway down the stairwell. Ted began to walk slowly down the stairs before he bumped into a woman in a blue dress, slightly mussing her perfectly coiffed blonde locks. He stared at her for a full minute before speaking. "Zoey?"

"Ted?" she said, incredulously. "You know what? No. I'm having a great night, and I was here first. You should leave."

"Zoey, I…"

"Come on, Ted! You're just..." She spotted the umbrella in his hand and hissed. "And you stole my umbrella!" she cried. "Just the icing on the cake, Ted."

"This is not your umbrella! I've had this for years!"

"Who is this?" Marshall asked, pointing to the speakers as the DJ started to play music and the band began to pack up.

"This is the Crash Test Dummies," Robin said, rolling her eyes. "Seriously, do you guys ever watch my show?"

"It's kind of awesome," Marshall said, excitedly, beginning to jive back and forth and pulling Lily with him.

Robin smiled at them and turned back to the bar with a sigh, sipping on her soda.

"Daddy's home," a voice whispered into her ear.

Robin smiled to herself wider, and turned, cocking an eyebrow at Barney as he looked her up with a big, goofy smile on his face. "Yeah, that's wrong on so many levels now," she shot at him, trying to suppress a grin.

Barney shrugged. "It was either that or 'A hundred bucks says when you turn around I'll say wow', but I've already pulled that one on you by accident like ten times."

"Ten times on accident," Robin supplemented. "Then purposefully twice more as a part of plays for the girl sitting next to me at the bar."

"Wow," he said appreciatively. "And wow," he stated again, looking he up and down.

Robin blushed for the first time in years. "I'm fat, my feet hurt, and I had to get this dress altered since I bought it a month ago and it didn't fit anymore. Your taste in women has declined severely."

Barney beamed. "I think you look beautiful," he said simply with a shrug. "Except for the whole gut thing…"

She shoved him playfully, and he laughed. "Come on," he said, pulling her to the dance floor. She looked at him quizzically, and he sighed. "Look, I'm not going to leave you sitting here all alone. It's pathetic and beneath your level of awesome. Leave no man behind, remember?"

Robin sighed, and pulled herself off of the stool to join him on the dance floor.

"Robin!" Marshall cried, running over to them as they began to sway slowly. "Did this song just talk about UFOs?" She nodded, and Marshall did a fist pump. "I'm loving Canada right now!"

They continued to sway before Robin cleared her throat. "Look…Barney…I…" she began, but Barney interrupted her by leaning down to kiss her softly. She sighed as he pulled away, and twisted uncomfortably in his grasp. "Come on, Barney, we just talked about this."

"Look, I didn't mean it like that, okay?" he said quickly.

"Then what did you mean it like?"

He stared at her lips for a moment before slowly cupping her face with his hands and kissing her deeply, taking his time, lingering. When he finally pulled away, Robin had to catch her breath, and she stared into his eyes, smiling.

"Oh," she said simply.

"Yeah," he said, suddenly staring down towards his feet. He then turned to give her a smile. "I've been giving what you said to me careful consideration, and, if I may, I have come up with a list of personal attributes, all of which I think you would be interested to hear." She looked at him quizzically, and he grinned again. "I'm glad you asked. One. I have, in fact, taken out your garbage before."

"Okay, when have you taken out my…" Robin began.

"Two. While I have never taped a hockey game for you, I have, in fact, attended a hockey event with you on the premises."

"Yeah, that was just to hit Brad…"

"Three. I have in fact made you dinner before. And Canadian dinner, at that."

"What is Canadian about crab legs?"

"Because Canada is entirely surrounded by the ocean, Robin. Keep up. And four. I have had awesome, mind-blowing sex with you before. Up top, Sherbatsky," he sang out, slapping her hand awkwardly. "So if you were looking for someone who is capable of doing these things, I would have to say, with my excellent qualifications, that I more than deserve the job," he stated with a knowing smile. "And not Ted," he added quickly.

Robin smoothed her fingers over his cheek. "No, it's…not Ted." She smiled at him sadly. "You're right, and I'm sorry. I was a jerk."

Barney laughed. "Oh, sweet, naive, Robin. Have I ever told you about the time that I think I sold a woman?"

The swayed for a moment longer as Marshall began to sing drunkenly to Lily along with the song. "When I'm swimming in! When I'm swimming in your ocean! Floating on…something…and scented lotions, well. I can get pretty sidetracked, I hope you'll understand!" He made some kind of awkward dance move that had Lily laughing hysterically. "We are buying this off of iTunes as soon as we get home," he cried.

Barney and Robin exchanged smiles and danced for a moment more. "So," Barney stated, clearing his throat. "Do you want to go have sex in the bathroom now?"

"Absolutely," Robin said.

Barney beamed and began to lead her off of the dance floor. "This is going to be legen…wait for it…"

"Dary!" Barney shouted triumphantly, beaming at Teddy, raising his glass. "The…triumphant…end."

Teddy frowned and shook her head. "That was…lame."

"What?" Robin cried. "No way."

"Yeah, that was epic!" Barney agreed.

Teddy shook her head. "'Oh,' 'Yeah,' Discuss garbage. How is that anyway to end a love story? I rule that it was not That Moment. No Lifetime movies for you two."

"Oh, come on! Why does all love have to be like that?" Robin said. "With…orchestras and love at first sight and marriage in a big white church and happily ever after? Sometimes it ends with… an 'Oh', 'yeah' and sex in the bathroom."

"Yeah, it's not always something that people can point at and 'There's love!' Sometimes it's not a sickening, emasculating romance like Lily and Marshall or Ted and Zoey have…it's an awesome, legendary bromance." He grinned at Robin, and took her hand in his. "And that can be perfect."

Robin smiled at him and gave him a chaste kiss that put a warm smile on Teddy's lips.

The bartender made a last call, and Teddy looked at horror at her watch as she began to get out of the booth. "Alright, family, you've successfully uprooted all of my stable upbringing and now have me rethinking my entire worldview the day before my marriage. Thanks a lot for that."

"No problem," Barney said, toasting his drink to her.

"Anytime," Robin echoed.

The group exchanged hugs and kisses, and Teddy walked out of the door of MacLaren's and stood out on the street, waving for a taxi. Tears suddenly threatened to run down her cheeks and she swiped at them quickly.

"Hey," a voice came from behind her. She turned to see her father standing there, hands in his suit pockets, looking at her sheepishly. "Do you still love me?"

Teddy looked at him as tears ran down her face. "Of course, Daddy," she cried, as she rushed over to hug him. He held her tightly, cupping the back of her head for a moment with his hand, mussing her hair. "You're not such a bad guy, Barney Stinson," she murmured into his shoulder, and he laughed and pulled away. "That's of course assuming that this story is true," she said with a shake of her finger.

"Of course!" Barney said. Then he paused, considering. "Well, mostly." As she sighed at him, he laughed. "Come on, don't I look like the kind of guy you can trust?"

Madison Mosby and Jason Erikson rushed into Teddy's dressing room the day of her wedding, shutting the door fast behind them.

"Oh my God, please tell me you guys brought the scotch," Teddy cried, smoothing down her dress quickly and pulling her veil away from her face.

Jason pulled out a flask from underneath of his suit coat and Madison pulled three glasses from her purse. "Only one shot, though," Jason murmured as he poured the glasses. He then handed her a small tablecloth he had undoubtedly stolen from the dining room. "And put this over your dress!"

Teddy draped the cloth over her and grabbed her glass quickly as Madison and Jason burst out laughing, pointing at her. "God, I wish we brought a camera, Teddy! Just look at yourself right now," Madison choked out between laughs.

Teddy glanced in the mirror, snickering for a minute at herself wrapped haphazardly in a cloth, veil poofed awkwardly over her hair. "I don't care," she said finally turning back to the other two, raising her glass higher. "Just drink with me. It's my wedding day."

The three took a shot, and slammed the glasses back onto the table. "My folks told me that your folks finally told you they're not married," Jason said, coughing. "That has to be ridiculous."

Teddy glared at him. "We'll discuss how you knew this and never told me at the reception. And yeah, in some ways, it totally was, but in some ways…it was better than the story they had always told me. The subject of how to sneak out of your folks' bathroom window came up, though."

Jason's face went white. "You didn't tell them how to do it, though, did you? They would murder me if they knew about that."

"Nah," Teddy said, taking off the table cloth to give herself one last look over in the mirror as she heard the music start in the ballroom. "I played dumb. Leave no man behind, right?"

Twenty-Four Years Earlier

"I thought sitting around in suits in a hospital would be awkward," Ted said to Marshall, shifting slightly in the waiting room seats, holding pink balloons in one hand and a bouquet of flowers in another. "But it's not really."

"It's kind of awesome, actually," Marshall said in agreement, balancing a basket on his knee. "People look at me and whisper like I'm super important. I kind of like it."

Lily walked up to them, handing each a cup of coffee, sitting down slowly with one hand over her large belly. "Well, I finally filled up the card on my digital camera. You can pay up whenever you want, Marshall."

"You seriously filled up that whole thing?" Marshall looked at her in disbelief. "The baby has only been here for a day, Lily, how did you take so many pictures of her already?"

"She's our first niece, Marshall. And we both know Robin can't use a camera to save her life. It's up to the auntie to capture the moment."

"And you did. Over and over and over," Marshall growled.

Barney suddenly rushed in to the waiting room, wearing a tuxedo and brandishing a video camera and a bag of butterscotch in one hand, a tiny dress suit in the other, and speaking loudly into a hands-free telephone receiver. "Just do it…Yes…No, she was just born a few hours ago, so no, she doesn't have a name yet. Why does that matter? Look, remember the time I saved your ass when I kept that disagreement between North Korea and Monaco from...I'm just saying that you might owe me. Great. Great. We'll keep in touch." He hung up quickly and ran over to the group. "You all suited up! Fantastic! Look, I got it altered," he said, showing them the small dress suit. "And I got another tape for the camera. What up!"

"Oh, I'm going to need to take more pictures!" Lily squealed. She turned to Marshall. "Sweetie, do you think you could run out and get another card for the camera? Oh, that can be how you pay off our bet!"

Marshall glared at Lily as Ted laughed. "How is Robin?" he asked Barney.

He began to chuckle evilly. "Let's just say the apparently LSD type magic of the epidural can and should be shared by all, my friends. Especially by those on YouTube." he cackled, fumbling with the camera. "But she should be fine," he finished more seriously.

Lily started to laugh. "Oh, that's not an epidural thing. That's a Robin thing." Everyone turned to stare at her questioningly. "Robin's really sensitive to pain medication…most of it makes her super loopy. How did you guys not know that?"

"Barney, dear!" Loretta, Barney's mother, called as she walked out of the maternity ward and into the waiting room, giving Barney a kiss on the cheek. "You must be so excited! I just left Robin with someone who was going to fill out the baby's birth certificate with her. What are you going to call the little sweetheart?"

Barney stared at Lily, who stared back in horror. Then, the entire group ran awkwardly to Robin's room.

They found Robin sitting up in the bed, tucking a blanket around the baby as she slept in the bassinet next to her bed. "Guys. Oh my God, you guys." she called emphatically, grinning goofily. "Meet…Theodore Scherbatsky! After the man that made all of this possible!"

Barney stared at her in horror. "Do you think the birth certificate woman is still here?" he whispered hoarsely to Marshall.

"She's already gone for the day," Robin's nurse whispered to him as she walked out of the room.

Marshall turned to Barney. "Look, the procedure for doing it sucks, but people change their names all the time. I can help you out with that once Robin is doing a less convincing impression of Mick Jagger."

But Ted walked up to Robin, his hand over his mouth. "You guys named her after me?" he choked out, moving his hand over his heart. "That's just…you guys."

"Well, maybe you could call her Thea," Lily whispered to Barney. "Or Teddy! That's cute."

Author's Note: Thanks for reading!