Lost

Chapter 6

Kaidan sat in the cabin of the ship that would take him to Horizon, another colony that could be a target of the mysterious wave of disappearances. The Alliance had decided to provide all such colonies with GARDIAN lasers in the hopes that they would actually protect them from whoever or whatever was out there. The lasers were being installed but there was a problem with calibrating them and he had been sent to make sure they actually worked. He wasn't looking forward to it. Most of the colonists he'd encountered had been openly hostile towards the Alliance and any of its representatives. He didn't know why. Whether it was disagreement with Alliance policies, or working with the Council, or plain old xenophobia, he couldn't work it out. No doubt, if Cerberus were behind some of the funding to start up these new colonies, the Alliance wouldn't be getting shown in a good light. He wondered if they'd be so quick to dismiss the Alliance if Cerberus turned out to be the ones behind the disappearances.

He thought back to his date with Dr. Meg Flannery, if it could even be called a date. They had met for drinks just to introduce themselves to each other, neither of their schedules allowing for anything else. He had felt awkward and unsure of himself, but they had made plans to see each other again when he returned to the Citadel, so he couldn't have made that bad an impression on her. He'd never even had a date with Shepard, unless you could call all the time they spent together on the battlefield watching each other's backs dating.

Shepard. He could think about her now without breaking down, although the constant rumours were disturbing to him. Maybe getting away from the Citadel to the colony on the Horizon was a good thing despite his reservations. It would allow him to put his life in perspective and go further forward without the constant mention of her name everywhere he went. Maybe it would prove to be the final step in getting over her.

He'd only been on Horizon for a few days when he felt like his insides were breaking into jagged pieces of glass. The day had started out as usual, trying to calibrate the lasers which was becoming an increasingly difficult task, and dealing with the hostility and distrust of the colonists. He was glad that at least Lilith was prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt and she had become his liaison with the other colonists. He thought she might have been attracted to him in some way. He laughed out loud. Yeah right Alenko. One sort of date and you think you're irresistible.

He'd intended to go to bed but decided to check his messages before getting some rest to wrestle with the targeting systems again tomorrow. There were a few messages but he ignored them all in favour of one from Howard. A message that now he was wishing he'd never opened. Attached to the message was a video stream and he felt a strange sense of foreboding as he started to watch.

"Shepard." The name was torn from his throat as he watched her speaking. She was on the Citadel, reciting the names of the Alliance ships that had been lost in the battle against Sovereign, and staring irritably at the camera. He stared disbelieving at her. Apart from the glowing scars on her face, she hadn't changed. Same attitude, same confident stance and tone of voice. In an instant all the emotions that he'd experienced over the last two years burst into life within him and threatened to overwhelm him. Everything he thought he'd known shattered around him.

He only just made it to the bathroom where he threw up and slumped to the floor. Kaidan had no idea how long he's sat there, unable to take in what he'd learnt, unable to sort out the jumble of his emotions. His head throbbed as a slow burning anger blossomed inside of him.

Shepard had betrayed him, betrayed his trust. Part of him hoped that he never saw her again. He didn't know how he would react to her, didn't know who the hell the woman he'd fallen in love with was anymore.

A few days later he found himself watching the video again. It hurt to see her, but he couldn't control the quickening of his heart at the sight or sound of her. He thought he'd finally started to move on, but obviously he hadn't. Sighing he lay down on the bed. He wanted answers from Anderson, he couldn't shake the feeling that the Councilor had known about her all along. The only thing he was certain of anymore was that they needed to talk, but the chances of running into Shepard out here were pretty remote. He needed to get this job done and then he'd worry about finding Shepard.