Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own Harry Potter but wouldn't the world be a lot more fun if I did? I think so! :)

Warnings: Vague references to slash, sex and I guess language? But not too bad! :)

Okay, this drabble has quite a random and long story behind it but as it's one of those 'you had to be there' things, here's the short one. It began with a dream one of my friends had which turned into a drawing which led to a conversation in my art class which spawned this. So yeah... Enjoy! :)

Harry paused outside the door to Dumbledore's office. He could vaguely hear a conversation between Dumbledore and someone else. A portrait maybe? It was something about meeting him and... Was that a sex joke? Intrigued, and slightly worried, he pushed open the door to see Dumbledore standing in his office, apparently alone, wearing...

"Oh, hello Harry!"

"Hi sir. Um. Sir?"

"Yes?"

"Why the er..." Harry motioned above his head, wondering why the hell Dumbledore was wearing what appeared to be a helium-filled giant giraffe hat. Which was causing him to hover a couple of inches off the ground.

"What, this old thing? Oh, I thought it looked quite nice..." Dumbledore trailed off, blue eyes twinkling. "What do you think Brian?" he continued, turning slightly to someone behind him.

"Oh indeed," said a suggestive (Harry shuddered, he didn't want to know) voice behind Dumbledore, "You look very... nice... indeed." The mysterious voice came into view and Harry had to stifle a gasp. The figure was a dwarf or gnome of some kind, wearing a striped t-shirt and had hair to rival Dumbledore's.

"Um... sir? Who's uh..."

"I'm Brian, the mythical man with the massive moustache." Harry couldn't argue with him there. The man was tiny, his moustache was at least two times as big as he was.

"Oh um... pleased to meet you?"

"Albus hasn't mentioned me?" he said, in a mock-offended tone, glancing towards Dumbledore who appeared to be blushing. "No, perhaps not. I'm his bitch." Dumbledore snorted and the two shared a glance which was all together a little over-friendly for Harry.

He decided he really didn't want to know.

"Sir, I've uh... I've got to uh... Hermione, Ron... uh... I've got to go."

"Very well my boy. Some other time?"

"Yeah..." said Harry, "Um... Have fun?"

Brian smirked. "Oh we will, don't worry..."

Harry turned tail and fled. He did not want to know.