Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters as they all belong to Tess Gerritsen and TNT.

So here's my first attempt at writing any kind of story ever and I thought I'd just put it out there. I've been reading all of the amazing stories on here though, so I just thought I'd give it a try. Please bare with my English, I'm not a native speaker and haven't written any English texts since about 3 years ago.
This chapter is fairly descriptive, but I will try to make bring in more conversation and a lot more Maura if I'm to continue this. Comments and critique whether it'd be positive or negative is always helpful and appreciated. Let me know what you think!

Stop and stare

Chapter 1: Truth?

The feeling of not knowing what your life would be like the next day or if you were even going to have one, she is familiar with. It came with the job and that was usually the cause for the uncertainty. She had learned to live with it and really, it didn't bother her anymore. It didn't make her feel nervous. Now, however, as she is sitting by herself in her living room preparing for what was to come next, she is nervous. As nervous as she had ever been in her whole life, including all her graduations and the one time she had to sing a solo in front of the entire church community when she was six years old, which of course her mother had insisted on.

Jane Rizzoli is not the nervous type. She is comfortable when she is in control. It comes in handy that usually she is able to read people like an open book, but this time it was entirely different. With Dr. Maura Isles everything is different.
The detective is sitting on her couch reminiscing about the day it had all started; the day she was confronted with the fact that she is falling in love with her best friend. The only one she has ever had besides the guys from the neighborhood and of course her brother Frankie. It was Frankie and the boys, her ex-partner Detective Vince Korsak and her new partner Detective Barry Frost, who had first pointed it out to her.

It was a Thursday evening and the team had just solved a wicked case so now it was time for everyone to relax at the Dirty Robber. Kosak, Frost and Jane were in their usual booth when Frankie joined them. He had actually helped quite a bit on this case since he was the one to come up with the idea that the killer could have been the mail delivery guy, so they figured he earned himself a beer with the crew. Maura wasn't joining them this evening because she had insisted she attended the charity dinner to raise money for underprivileged high school students who could not afford to go to medical school. She had made it very clear that it was a matter important to her that the young adults, who wanted to follow the career path she had chosen and weren't as fortunate as she was, had the opportunity to do so, so they had agreed that if by the time Maura was done with her event they would call to see if she still wanted to come over.

Everyone was quite relaxed enjoying their time off, except for Jane who was still a bit restless. 'Jane, you okay?' Kosak asked, but Jane was lost in her own thoughts a slight smile on her lips. 'Jane?' Kosak asked again while Frankie was waving a hand in front of her eyes trying to get her attention, yet Jane did not even realize everyone had stopped talking to stare at her. Frankie, Korsak and Frost exchanged glances all knowing what it was that had Jane dwell in her own world.
A couple of weeks ago the guys had started to notice how Jane's behavior was different when she was around Maura. She was more relaxed, seemed more at ease and was genuinely nicer in every way towards her. Maura was allowed to do things and talk to Jane in a way that every other person on the planet would have probably lost their ability to speak or, in case they were male, to reproduce for. And then there was the touching. Both women were really touchy feely, which by itself would not have been a strange thing for women to do, but then it was Jane after all, which put things into a whole different perspective. It was just as strange as all the intense staring they participated in at the very oddest moments when they seemed to have a conversation with their eyes not involving any talking at all, which usually brought the same smile to Jane's face that she was currently wearing.
It was a smile Korsak knew all too well. He had worn it himself on multiple occasions. He knew it was a special smile that was only reserved for one person in the whole wide world. The one person that made your world turn and butterflies erupt in your stomach. It was the smile of love.
Korsak was sure that was exactly what Jane was feeling and so he had approached the two other guys a few days ago to hatch a plan to give Jane a little push for her own good to make her happy, because really that is all he ever wanted for his ex-partner. They had decided that it was up to Jane to act on her feelings or to not do so, but first they had to get her to acknowledge and accept her feelings for Maura. Talking to Jane about personal stuff was never easy so they had decided to get her at least a bit tipsy to make it easier for her to spill the beans and also lessen the chances of either of them going home with a broken nose.

So far everything was going according to plan. Jane had already had four beers in the past hour and was starting to stare wholes into the air obviously thinking about Maura. Becoming quiet before the phase of babbling and excessive behavior started was typical for Jane so the guys knew they were getting there. They ordered tequila shots to help move their plan forward. When the waitress placed their drinks, salt and four slices of lime on the table and laid a napkin right in front of Jane conveniently brushing against her toned arm she was snapped out of her day dream.

Jane felt irritated for a moment until she realized that the guys had ordered her favorite; besides beer of course. 'Hey, how come you're the only who's got a napkin, Rizzoli?' Frost said as Frankie snatched the red paper napkin away from Jane's hands. 'Ohhh, Janie's got a secret admirer!' he teased pointing at the number and the little note saying 'call me…?' on the napkin. 'What?' Jane retorted confused. 'She left her number. You must've made a hell of an impression on her, Rizzoli. She's hot, too, nice work.' Korsak pointed out earning one of Jane's patented death glares, which if you received one everyone knew better than to keep talking. 'First of all it's not secret when everyone knows who it's from, dumbass, and second you better watch your mouth if you still want to leave being able to use it later on.' 'Oh come on Janie, you know I'm just kidding. I know your heart is reserved for someone special anyways' Frankie challenged, but Jane just looked at him with a what-the-hell-expression written all over her face while she was wetting the space between her thumb and index finger with the lime and poured some salt on it. 'You gonna shut up now and do your shot or what?' Raising an eyebrow in and wearing a challenging smile, which the guys knew couldn't possibly mean anything good, Jane threw back her head knocking down the shot and biting the slice of lime. Still, they followed suit and drank up their liquor.

After a while of joking around Frost, who had been rather quiet this evening challenged the gang to a game of truth or dare to initiate the second phase of their plan. Jane was stunned that the young detective, who usually did a good job at keeping his private life separate from his job, suddenly suggested such a game, but the several beers and tequilas she had consumed already made her oblivious to his motives so she went along with it.
Since Frost suggested they play he went ahead and dared Korsak to go up to the waitress that had just given Jane her number and tell her that he was already involved with a couple of women and that his schedule wouldn't allow any more intimate relations with anyone at this point of time. Korsak of course accepted and left to fulfill his deed. All they heard was a loud slap and he returned with a red cheek, which made the group laugh lightening the mood quite a bit. Next up was Frankie. Korsak, who had never been good at coming up with funny dares or questions, dared Frankie to do three shots of Tequila in a row, which of course wasn't a huge deal since Frankie had been holding back with his liquor consumption. Now it was Frankie's turn to come up with something and since Jane was the only one that hadn't done anything yet he directed his next question at her. The guys of course knew what he was about to ask and scooted away from Jane just a tiny bit in order to get a head start on her should their plan backfire. Frankie decided to make it quick and painless. 'I'll choose truth.' He cleared his voice clearly nervous about the next step when Jane raised her eyebrows expectantly. 'Are you in love with Maura, Janie?' he asked bluntly.

Jane choked on the beer she had just taken a sip of and started to cough violently. As soon as she recovered she started laughing thinking she surely must have misheard what her brother had just asked her. It sounded a lot like he just asked her if she was in love with her best friend, which obviously was ridiculous. Was it really? Stop it. Once she realized the guys were just staring at her expecting an answer, neither of them with an amused expression on their face, she comprehended that they were actually trying to get an answer out of her. 'Really, Frankie? Out of every little fact you want to know about me this is what you chose to ask? Of course I'm not in love with anyone' was her immediate response. Even while the words were spilling out of her mouth she knew she didn't sound very convincing.
'The truth, Jane. You know you'll have seven years of bad sex if you lie' Frost reminded her giving her a kind smile. She looked to Korsak for help, but all she got was another encouraging smile as he placed his hand on her elbow. 'Why would you even ask me that, Frankie? It's not like…' I have ever loved a woman before was what she was going to say, but Frankie cut her off: 'Oh come on Janie. The way you behave around her. You know you always used to smile whenever she entered a room and lately I've seen that smile coming out when she's not even around, which can only mean that you must be thinking about her. So since you're pretty much smiling like that all the time I would assume you're thinking about Maura all the time. You really want to tell us that you don't have deeper feelings for her than just friendship?' Jane looked at each colleague dumbfounded not believing that they were actually having this conversation and that really, there wasn't a way out for her.
Jane struggled to find the right words for a while. 'So that's what you meant when you said my heart was reserved for someone special earlier' she stated hoping they would just accept the answer or that it would at least give her a bit more time to think about what to say next.

Jane had known for a while that her feelings for Maura weren't entirely just feelings of friendship. Of course she loved Maura as a friend, but lately she had started to feel her stomach contract and her skin prickle whenever Maura was in the room. When they touched, and they really did do that quite a bit, her skin felt as if it was on fire and as soon as the touch was broken, she caught herself longing for the feeling to return. It hadn't escaped her attention that her seeking refuge from anything that was bothering her always made her end up in Maura's guest room. It was unlike any friendship Jane had ever had, but then again Maura was the only real female friend she had ever had. She also knew that most people she met assumed she was a lesbian, probably because of the way she chose to live her life. Her job, the way she dressed or maybe it was just a general feeling one got when being around her, as someone had once explained to her.
Sure she had experimented before. Everyone does, don't they? But it was never like this. It was always just making-out-on-a-couch-at-a-bad-party type of encounters. Nothing was ever serious, but then again she never saw the objects of her then current, but short-lived affection again so there wasn't even the slightest chance of anything more developing and she was fine with that. Her relationships with men were usually short lived and she didn't really care about that either. To be honest she only dated those few guys to please her mother, who was always nagging her about settling down and starting a family.
With Maura everything was different though.
Even though she had come to terms with this it didn't mean that she wanted to reveal her most inner desires to her colleagues and her brother. She was scared that if she admitted to falling for the beautiful medical examiner she would have to face the consequences. Jane knew that once she admitted to it, and especially in front of the guys, she would eventually have to talk to Maura, which bore a grave chance of rejection and that was something that scared Jane to death. Losing her friendship with Maura was something she was incredibly afraid of and it seemed to her that the chances of Maura ever feeling the same way about her were less than unlikely, because she couldn't for the life of her imagine why anyone would want to spend their life with a cop – let alone her with all the baggage that she carried around.
Despite all of that she also knew the guys wouldn't let go that easily. After an internal debate she decided to just give them a half truth. Maybe it would earn her 3.5 years of bad sex, but since she currently wasn't getting any she figured it didn't really make a difference anyways.

The guys waited patiently while Jane was lost in her own little world again. As she seemed to get to, they all got some more liquor knowing she'd need it if she was ever going to live up to being truthful, more so towards herself than towards them.
'I guess…you know, all my life I have always been kinda tomboyish…' Jane started rubbing the back of her neck with her hand. Frankie was surprised that this actually seemed to be working as he saw an equally surprised look on Frost's face out of the corner of his eye and decided to just keep his mouth shut in order to let Jane finish.
'…and I've never really hung out with girls. I was always part of the guys, you know?' motioning quotation marks with her fingers. 'I felt and still do feel most comfortable like that. So really, Maura is the first girl friend I have ever really had.' She rolled her eyes as Frankie choked on his beer at the innuendo. 'This friendship we have is the most important thing to me, so I would never for the life of God dare do anything to jeopardize that.'
She had a serious look on her face trying to get her point across by not actually having to say it out loud. When she shifted her gaze from her hands fidgeting with her napkin she realized that a look of utter panic registered in Frankie's eyes, who was sitting directly across from her. The detective opened her mouth to ask her brother what was wrong when she felt an all too familiar hand touch her arm and a bolt of heat immediately shot through her nervous system, her body stiffening as the bare skin registered the small, slender hand of Doctor Maura Isles.