Neal sure was fantastic tonight...hope his dad's not too hard on him...

This was the last thought Todd experienced before dropping off into an uneasy sleep amidst the empty dorm.

Empty...empty...like a blanket that leaves your feet cold...

Not two seconds, he was shaken awake by Knox. Or maybe it was Charlie. It was late, he didn't give a damn.

"W-What? Go away..." he mumbled sleepily.

"Todd," whoever it was insisted, prodding his shoulder firmly. Clenching his jaw in annoyance, he sat up and saw that it was indeed Charlie. And he was crying. Immediately, he sat up straighter, alert.

"What is it?"

That was when he noticed the other boys slumping in the doorway. Every last one of their expressions was morose. He found himself growing alarmed. He looked frantically back at Charlie, who was quiet.

Finally, he whispered, "Neal's dead."

The words punched him in the gut so violently, he thought he might be sick. He shrank back against the wall, away from the boy who had uttered them, staring in horror.

"No. He's not." But he knew this was no joke. "No, he's not. He's not!" He gasped harshly as if there wasn't enough air to sustain him, and collapsed facefirst into his thin pillow, sobbing. The world around him disappeared. Evaporated.

The next few days were a blur. There was snow. The guys and he took a stroll in it, where he commented on how beautiful it was. Beautiful.

Like a blanket that leaves your feet cold...it was the truth. But it wasn't beautiful. It was horrible, ugly, repulsive, gut-wrenching-

He retched, the truth punching him once more. If only he'd done something...anything! What could he possibly have done? He had no control over Neal and his impulsive decisions.

"NEAL!" he cried in frustration and sorrow when everyone else had gone back inside, leaving him be. It was best. The truth muffled is voice effectively.

He had awful, reoccuring nightmares about Mr. Perry. The madman outside his window. The last sound he heard was breaking glass. Oh, how he wished that had been what Neal heard! If he'd missed his target, and shattered a window to wake his family! God, what a madman! How was he supposed to survive this madman, who screamed TRUTHat him all the time, and left him shivering in the cold? How was he supposed to survive that woman with her jigsaw puzzle, and Puck with his wreath hat of twigs and berries, and...and...Neal? How could he survive without Neal?

He awoke once more, sweating and shaking, whimpering helplessly, and was greeted with the sight of the empty bed across from his own. He jammed his pillow over his face, turning red, and attempted to smother himself with it. There was just no point anymore! Then, he screamed and screamed because he wasn't strong enough. He hadn't eaten in two days or more, but there was no way to remember exactly, and he wished fervently that he had a gun.

Charlie came running, the door bursting open, and he yanked the pillow from his face.

"Todd, what the hell are you doing? You're gonna end up waking the entire building! Are you that upset that Neal's gone?" His tone was teasing, and Todd didn't understand. Why would anyone ever, ever joke about Neal's death? A friend, no less? Roaring like a barbarian, he hopped out of bed and began sinking his fists into an unsuspecting Charlie's stomach. "CARPE DIEM!" he yelled over and over once he was done roaring, and he never planned on stopping until someone else came running and pulled him back.

The others quickly arrived, and did just that, and soon after came the watchdog and his elderly, overweight owner.

"What is this racket?" he asked furiously after throwing Todd back onto his bed.

Todd sat there, red in the face, breathing heavily and didn't say a word, glaring at them all. Maybe they didn't have a problem with what had occured, but he most definitely was going insane because of it.

"Young man, if you don't explain this nonsense, you're going to have detention for a month!"

Todd flared his nostrils and remained stubbornly silent. He didn't owe anyone an explanation for ANYTHING!

"Alright, detention it is then. Everyone, back to bed. Now."

The other members of the Dead Poets Society all shot him curious, if not amused glances as they exited.

What was going on?

Absolutely positive that he was losing it now, he plopped down onto his back and stared at the ceiling until there was sunlight streaming in through the window, at which time he got up and got dressed for the day.

The atmosphere at the school that day was different than it had been. It was no longer quiet as people mourned, nor was it still with the sense of depression and loss. In fact, it was...cheerful. Boys laughed and ran in the courtyard throwing snow balls at each other, teachers stood around gossiping, the snow was blinding as the sun shone on it. It was as if the past two days had never happened at all. Todd chose to ignore this. He was going crazy after all. The madman had caught him, and he was going to be forever prisoner.

He knew they were going to sack Mr. Keating. But it wasn't his fault. None of it was his fault! This thought was the only one that kept him turning throughout the day. He longed to do something about it, for it would serve two purposes. One, that Mr. Keating was innocent, and two, that he was Neal's legacy. Neal had made him a stronger person, a more outspoken person. He was a different person because of Neal. A better person. But oddly, in Mr. Keating's class, his favorite teacher didn't seem very perturbed at all. He was his usual smiling, wonderful self.

At the end of his numbed day, he returned to his empty dorm, more confused than he had ever been. His life had so quickly transformed into the very jigsaw puzzle Neal had mentioned in the cave, but none of the pieces would fit.

Shortly after he collapsed onto his bed, he fell asleep. Or, he must have, because when he awoke, a familiar tall boy with shiny brown hair was talking to him.

"Todd, get up. You're gonna miss dinner!"

Opening one eye, he shot upright, gasping.

Neal Perry was standing in the doorway, his hands on his hips, grinning at his obvious alarm.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. C'mon, sleepy head." With that, he disappeared, his footsteps echoing down the hall.

Todd sat, frozen. He was losing complete control of his brain. When he recovered, he got up and sprinted to the door, peering down the hall just in time to see one of Neal's feet before he turned a corner. He shook his head violently, and retreated, shaking. He seated himself on the floor, in front of his dresser, and accidentally rammed the back of his head into it.

And another truth slammed into him with such force that he nearly repeated his actions. The change in atmosphere, the way the guys had looked at him the night before, Neal standing in the doorway.

He'd gone to bed the night of the play with the bed across from his empty. When had he woken up? When Charlie had told him that Neal was-? No. When Charlie had stolen the pillow-? The bed had still been empty. Because Neal had gone home with his father. It suddenly made sense why the past...two days had been such a blur. And why everyone was acting so strange. Why they had all been shooting him odd looks. But it had been so real. Until he saw Neal again, Todd was refusing to believe it had all been a dream. Dreams were not that realistic. But had it been realistic? A little. Not much. Charlie had showed him the bruises on his stomach this morning. That actually did make sense. He must have woken up from the dream, thought it was still continuing, that it was surely happening, and taken his rage out on him.

Todd thought so hard about this, that he barely noticed when twenty minutes had passed. Soon, he heard the sound of footsteps once more, but didn't register that they were coming toward his room.

The door opened, and he jumped.

Neal, unmistakably, stuck his head inside.

"Hey. I was finished so I thought I'd see how you were doing. The guys said you've been acting weird all day. Charlie showed me the bruises you gave him. What'd he do?"

Todd was frozen again. "I-I-I-"

Neal frowned, and stepped all the way into the room, closing the door behind him.

"No-no, don't. I-I can't-" he stuttered, having no idea what he was trying to say.

"What's wrong?"

Frightened, Todd glanced up into Neal's concerned expression and squeezed his eyes shut.

"W-Was the play l-last night or the n-night before?" He knew he had to be talking to a hallucination.

"Last night. Why-?"

"Oh, God-tell me where y-you've b-been." Todd was positively vibrating with the feeling of nausea and fear.

He felt, rather than witnessed Neal crouch down to his level and feel his forehead.

"Don't-don't do that!" he said harshly, jerked away from his touch, and slamming his head against the dresser once more. "Tell me where you've b-been!"

"I've been at home, Todd," Neal told him, sounded seriously concerned now. "My father returned me about an hour ago. What's the matter with you? Are you feeling sick?"

"Yes...yes..." Todd groaned, clutching his stomach. "Neal, you c-can't-"

"What? Can't what? Tell me what's wrong."

"Oh, it was so real..."

"What was real?"

Tentatively, Todd opened his watering eyes, and peered into Neal's face, which had gone very pale. His lip trembling, his breathing ragged, he reached out and laid his hand on Neal's cheek just to make sure it was warm.

It was. As his fingers made contact, he burst into tears, and flung himself at the actor.

Neal nearly fell backward from his weight, but managed to catch them both, wrapping his long arms around him.

"I was only gone one night," he said, uncertainty in his voice.

"No, no, it was more," Todd replied, burying his face into the side of Neal's neck. He sniffed. "Y-You were dead!" He began to sob louder.

"What?" Neal grabbed his arms and held him away, his brown eyes searching his blue in bewilderment.

"I h-had a dream th-that you k-killed yourself!" he sobbed, nearly in hysterics, clutching the sleeves of Neal's sweater.

"Oh, Todd, I would never do that!" he assured, pulling him back in. "Carpe diem remember? I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...it's okay..."

Neal held onto him as he shook and sobbed and sniffed, and mumbled words to him that were mostly unintelligible, in attempts to calm him down. But he was in no position to be calm.

"It-it was like I was sleep walking! I could have s-sworn it happened! All day, I d-dragged myself around w-wondering why everyone was being so chatty and ch-cheerful, because you were d-dead, and nobody cared! I dreamed, but then I w-woke up last n-night and saw your bed e-empty and thought it had b-been real, and tried to sm-smother myself with my pillow, but Ch-Charlie came and teased me about being upset that you were g-gone, and I l-lost it! I g-got detention for a m-month."

"Shh..." Neal said soothingly, rubbing his back. "It's alright, you were delusional. Too much stress maybe? Feeling stressed lately?"

Todd shook his head against Neal's shoulder, sniffing and hiccuping occasionally.

"I-I thought I could take c-care of myself...but I can't."

"Sure you can. I'd be upset too, wandering around thinking one of my friends was dead all day."

"But you're not j-just o-one of my friends, Neal."

Neal responded by threading his fingers through Todd's quivering hair. "Oh..." he said softly. He paused. "You really look up to me, don't you?"

There wasn't pride or arrogance in the question. Only genuine curiosity and awe. Todd held a strong belief that Neal could proclaim himself king of the world, and still sound modest. Even so, he didn't answer because he more than just simply looked up to Neal Perry.

"Todd..." Neal said in that same soft tone as before. "You're really sweet. Possibly the sweetest person I've ever known."

"I'm not-" he began, but quickly stopped due to what he knew Neal's reaction would be if he continued. He bit his lip instead and exhaled, his breath blowing across his best friend's neck. "I'm not trying to be s-sweet, I'm trying to tell you that if this is another dream, and i-if I'm going to wake up any t-time now to your empty bed again, I d-don't know what I-I'll do."

"Hmm. If this was a dream, would I be able to do this?" Neal asked in a suspiciously teasing tone, reaching between them to attack Todd's stomach with his fingers without warning.

"Argh!" he cried, twisting away from him in vain. The suddeness of the act caused the tears that had been falling without intermission to cease completely as he was forced to laugh. This only served to enable Neal, who grinned wickedly and used both hands.

"Neal! Stop! Stop, this is serious-" Todd laughed, twisting every which way to avoid those quick fingers that jabbed him in the pit of his stomach, his ribcage, and just under his arms.

"No, no, nothing is serious!" Neal yelled back over his laughter, and tickled him so hard that he fell over from trying to escape. That didn't stop him. He leaned right over and continued mercilessly, until Todd finally regained some strength and pushed against him. They struggled, and with a triumphant shout, Todd managed to pin him back against the foot of his bed by his upper arms. Caught up in a rush of emotion, both of them grinning and breathing heavily, he said, "Neal-I love you. I really do."

Looking taken aback only for a brief moment, Neal laughed and replied, "Well, I love you too, Todd. Jesus, that must have been some dream."

Upon hearing these words, Todd sat back. "You do?"

Neal raised his knees and rested his elbows on them carelessly. "Is there a reason I shouldn't? You're my friend."

He glanced around shiftily. "Well-no, I guess. Sorry, I just...don't hear that a lot. It sounds odd."

Neal pulled an expression that clearly said, Oh yeah, I forgot you come from an ignorant family that doesn't appreciate you. Then he proceeded to whip out his mischeivous grin once more. "Hey, Todd?"

"What?"

"I love you. And, Todd?"

Todd laughed. "What?"

"I love you some more."

"You're funny."

"And you know what else?"

"Can I have a guess?"

"I love you again! Good God, boy, what great powers doth thou possess to make me love thee so!" Neal yelled in mock-wonder, throwing his arms into the air.

Todd smiled, absolutely reassured to hear that speech in exactly that tone, coming from exactly that boy. It sounded like Neal. To think that he might not have ever been able to hear his wild voice ever again...well, he was going to put that from his mind forevermore.

"The play was fantastic, by the way," he complimented, crossing his legs Indian-style to get more comfortable. "You were fantastic." An unbelievable feeling of giddiness was coarsing through his very bones.

"I was, wasn't I?" Neal acknowledged with a nod of thanks.

Todd chuckled. Well, he had always imagined Neal to be modest. Then again, Neal was unpredictable. It was part of his charm.

"Yes. You should have heard everyone after it was over. We were raving. Mr. Keating said he'd hardly ever seen talent like yours-at your age especially. But your father-"

"Todd?"

"-seemed to be really-what?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

Amazed, Todd asked, "Why not?"

"My-my father wasn't happy. He almost had me transferred into military school, but I managed to talk him out of it. Thanks to Mr. Keating of course."

"Wow," he said, whistling. "I truly might have died."

And without warning, Neal's lips crashed down upon his, hands gripping his shoulders so tightly that Todd emitted a little whine into his mouth.

His very system was going to need rebooting after all he'd gone through that day.

But he didn't want Neal to let go, and he didn't dare try and pull away - he couldn't - because in the next moment, the two of them were lying flat on the hardwood floor.

If at any other time this act should have occured, Todd would have laid there, motionless, his bones having turned to rubber. But now, given that Neal was perfectly alive, and perfectly, solidly, real - he thrust his tongue into the thin boy's mouth, emotions still devouring him like he was their last meal.

Neal initiated a battle with his own tongue while straddling him almost painfully, and grunted when Todd accidentally bit the tip of it.

They blew furious breaths out of the corners of their mouths whenever possible, but Neal soon broke the habit when he detached their lips and headed down Todd's throat. Todd clutched at his back and his hair, swallowing a gasp and then the groan that followed.

"Neal - "

"Shh," Neal told him sharply, continuing his mouth movements. This caused Todd to bite back the words he had been about to say - that the others would be coming back any minute, that they would almost certainly walk in and find them in this controversial position, that they were both losing their minds perhaps. But he couldn't seem to utter a sound other than to respond to the wonderful sensation of Neal's slightly chapped lips against his sensitive skin. He whimpered helplessly.

Then they heard the thundering footsteps that announced the others were indeed finished with dinner.

"Damn it," Neal muttered, grinning. His thumbs stroked Todd's cheekbones for about half a second before he climbed off of him, yanking his shirt and tie straight. Todd sat up dazedly and did the same. Nothing wrong with two guys sitting in the floor of their dorm room.

They stared at each other, Todd rather shiftily out of nerves and confusion, mixed with absolute elation.

What the hell had just happened?

"Carpe diem," Neal whispered as the footsteps reached their hallway.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Todd remained in a daze for the rest of the evening.

He barely said two words to Charlie when it was discovered that he had replaced his toothpaste with mayonaise - however that had been managed - and merely shrugged when Meeks asked him if he was feeling alright, simply because he hadn't heard the question properly. He didn't flinch when Knox attempted to towel-snap him, or when Cameron stole the comb he was clearly using, then accidentally dropped it in one of the toilets. The only two who didn't bother him were Pitts and Neal, though the latter tossed him a meaningful glance now and again - the former had gone to bed early as he tended to do when there were no Dead Poet meetings to be had.

Todd was very nearly dreading lights out. He wasn't sure what was supposed to happen now. So firm now was the belief that one could not foresee into the actions of Neal, there was absolutely no telling. Either he would pretend nothing had occured, or he would try and take it a step further, or he would proclaim the entire incident an act that he had wondered if he would be able to pull off effectively. Possibly, it was all one huge joke. Somehow, Todd didn't believe that. But he didn't know what to believe. He didn't know what to think. He didn't know what to do.

After catching sight of Neal elbowing Charlie out of the way as he spat mouthwash into the sink, Todd scurried to their room, hoping that he could hop under the covers and fool him into thinking he was asleep.

Just as quickly as he decided to try that, he decided against it. That was as anti-carpe diem as one could get. He had to face whatever was going on, or there was no point to any of it.

Uncertainly, he sat down on the edge of his bed to wait.

It wasn't long. The door opened, and without making any sort of concious decision, Todd was on his feet. Neal closed the door gently, eye contact established and already holding fast.

Todd swallowed nervously, avoiding the deep brown eyes that seemed to be questioning him, but he didn't know what he was supposed to say. Was there an answer? He highly doubted it.

"N-Neal, wh-what are we - "

"Don't you do that."

"D-do what?"

"That stutter. There's no reason to be nervous, it's just me."

Todd stared. "O-oh, right. It's just you. Not someone who I thought was dead, only to discover he was actually quite alive, so much so, that his tongue happened to fall into my mouth. Yes, that's normal now that I give it some thought."

To his astonishment, Neal burst out laughing. Soon enough, he was doubled over and had to collapse onto his own bed in order to save himself.

"My tongue fell into your mouth?" he choked out. "That's awful!"

Todd felt his cheeks flame up, but had the urge to laugh as well. "Well - what do we do? I haven't a clue at all, but if you do, let me in on it. You seem to be perfectly comfortable with this."

"What do we do?" Neal repeated, sounding incredulous. "What do we do? We do it again! What else would we do?"

"I-I don't know," Todd said defensively, nerves flooding his stomach once more. "I-I mean, how am I supposed to be able to tell when you're jerking my leg or not, Neal? You're an actor for God's sake."

Neal sat upright, still smiling widely. "Ha. I like the sound of that. Todd! Why aren't you absolutely elated? You like me, don't you?" He stood, meeting him in the middle ground between the twin beds.

"I - of course I like you," Todd responded. "It's just hard to believe that this is happening...you - I mean, you're the epitome of whatever we're supposed to be doing here and whatever we're supposed to be doing with our lives, but what we're doing now is the complete opposite. I can't imagine that you would want to risk your name and risk facing your father again, who would definitely put you in military school if he found out. I - I don't think it's worth it."

Neal was shaking his head, his brown hair quivering over his eyes. "As far as I'm concerned, my father will never have to know anything about it. And no one else will either, so my name is safe. Don't you understand that I care about you and your friendship more than my name? You are worth it to me."

Todd sighed inwardly, fighting off the warmth that flooded his stomach in place of nerves. He should have guessed that Neal would do this. The boy always knew how to make him feel hope and a sense of belonging. The way he was staring at him in such concentration, his hollow cheeks flushed with a passionate sort of deep pink, was impossible to ignore. What was it about him? Why would Neal focus so much of his attention on him? There were so many other people and so many other things that were far more worthy of his passionate attitude. Why him?

"Neal, I just - I don't know - "

"No," the brown-eyed boy interrupted. "You don't have to know. You just have to feel. I know you feel something. So what is it?"

Todd swallowed again. "I feel - well, I feel...kind of odd."

Neal grinned and placed a hand under his chin, lifting it. "That's okay," he assured, and before Todd could react, pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. "Because if you didn't want me to do that, you would have backed away a long time ago," he continued as if there had been no interupption.

Todd grinned, having gripped the flanel jacket portion of Neal's pajamas in surprise. Neal smirked back at him - very much the same one he had displayed when he had been refuting Todd's insistance that he could take care of himself just fine ("So you can just butt out."), to which he had smugly argued, "No." It had charmed him then, it was charming him now.

The smirk still in place, Neal gently took his face in both hands, leaned forward, and Todd experienced once more the sensation. He had never even kissed a girl.

The very first one had been rough and emotion-filled, so his instict had automatically kicked in, but now he wasn't quite certain what to do. He let Neal take the lead until he figured it out. Even as fumbling and awkward as it was, Todd found that he still enjoyed it, and he knew that Neal did too, because, honestly, when did Neal ever not enjoy what life brought him?

They got the hang of it eventually. Their lips moved in a kind of rythmn together, breathing whenever was necessary, and tongues darting out at random - neither seemed to be ready for another round of that. Neal wrapped his arms around him protectively, pulling him close, and Todd, whose hands had crept inside the thin jacket, ran one of them up his T-shirt-covered back.

Finally, they had to part. Todd wore a frown when they did, causing Neal to chuckle and peck his nose. "Let's go to sleep. Don't want to be exhausted in class tomorrow."

Todd nodded in agreement, but when Neal made to turn away, he grabbed hold of his arm, forcing him to turn back. "Wait." He placed a hand on the back of his head, and brought their lips together again. His fingers clenched in Neal's hair.

This time, it wasn't quite as innocent. Instead of one continuous kiss, it was broken up into many short, but fire-fueled ones. Neal pulled his body flush against his, as he walked slowly backward. Todd knew where this was headed and welcomed it. Careful not to fall over as they had a seat on the bed nearest them, Todd's hand slipped from the back of Neal's head to his neck. After a couple of moments, Neal pulled back, breathing heavily.

"Todd - you're not thinking - ?"

"No," he said at once, gesturing. "C'mon - "

With a grin, Neal eagerly resumed what they had been doing.

Todd had to gasp when he was pushed down onto his back. Neal followed, off to his left side. "I don't want to stop," he whispered into his ear.

"We - we have to - "

"Why?" Neal asked, kissing down his neck for the second time that day. Todd closed his eyes, resisting the urge to shiver. "Someone might walk in - someone could hear - "

"No one's going to walk in...are you loud or something?"

Todd's face flooded with heat. "Actually, I'm worried y-you might be. How would I know if I'm loud or not?"

"You think I've done this before?"

"Well - "

"I haven't. Just keep your barbaric yawps to yourself and I will too. How 'bout that?" Neal kissed back up his neck to his mouth.

Todd kissed back, unable to resist. "O-okay. T-turn out the light."

Neal shot him a playfully irriated look, got up and bounded over to the lightswitch to do as he was told.

There was little to no time to prepare. As soon as Neal returned, he was kissing him, touching him everywhere. Running his hands down his sides, and up his shirt. It all felt so thrillingly unfamiliar. Todd groaned, deep in his throat. Neal made a warning noise somewhere above him before shoving the shirt up to press his mouth to his bare stomach. Todd's muscles jerked at the touch.

He kissed until he reached Todd's chest and then laid down next to him. As Todd turned his head, Neal's hand crept downward, causing him to raise his knees on instict. He squirmed a little. Neal smiled, his hand pausing just next to one of his hip bones.

Todd stared wide-eyed at his face, not daring to move.

"It's alright," Neal whispered. "Relax." The hand didn't move.

Letting out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding, Todd slowly lowered his knees, never breaking his gaze.

Then Neal touched him, his fingers gently beginning to caress the now noticeable bulge in his pajama bottoms. He inhaled sharply, his knees shooting up once more.

"What does it feel like?" Neal asked, squinting, genuinely curious. As he spoke, he applied a bit more pressure. Todd managed to keep his hips down. His voice was an octave lower than usual when he answered, their eyes remaining locked.

"Sh-shit, Neal..." he stuttered blissfully.

Neal's bushy eyebrows shot up. "Oh, my. Did I just hear Todd Anderson curse?" Now only his thumb and index finger were at work.

"You're the first person to witness me d-do a lot of things," he groaned quietly.

Without warning, Neal slipped his hand under the waistband of his pants, using the other to clamp over Todd's mouth as he nearly let out a yelp.

"Shh, careful," he teased.

Todd glared, his legs involuntarily falling partway open to allow Neal easier access. His cheeks flushed deep red.

The feel of Neal's warm, strong hand was almost too much. He closed his eyes, squirming again to create more friction, and hoping that Neal couldn't tell that was what he was doing.

"Todd..." Neal groaned, nuzzling his neck. "I - need you."

"Oh - " Todd groaned back. "Whatever it is. Do it."

He didn't have to be told twice. Neal withdrew his hand and gripped one of his hips to tug him onto his side, then stuck his leg in between both of Todd's. Grinning self-conciously, Todd scooted forward and they were nearly nose to nose.

Neal kissed him, running a hand through his copper-colored hair.

" 'Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate. ' "

Todd chuckled. "Shut up."

"Hey, nobody is certain as to exactly which sex he was referring."

"Well, whichever, keep me out of it."

Neal pretended to pout. "Fine. I was trying to tell you that you look rather angelic in the moonlight."

"Alright, Neal."

"I think I'll write a poem about it."

"Neal."

"I think I'll deliver it aloud in Mr. Keating's class on Mon - mmph."

Todd cut him off with a pointed kiss. "Can you stay focused on one thing for longer than a few minutes?" He moved his hips as he spoke, noticing that this caused Neal's jaw to clench.

"Yes," he insisted, mimicking the movements. "Jesus, Todd."

Todd buried his head into Neal's neck, and wrapped an arm around him for leverage.

Soon they were gently rutting their hips past each other, stifling groans and sighs and getting lost in the total bliss of the situation. Once the need arose for more firm contact, their movements became more frantic. Neal had one hand gripping his side so tightly that it might possibly leave a little bruise, but it didn't feel that way at the moment.

At one point, the most incredible sensation began to build in him - he was forced to shut his eyes and will himself not to make a sound. His breathing became ragged, and he vaguely noted that Neal's did as well. Neal's hand slid down to his thigh, yanking him closer.

And then - his insides exploded with pleasure.

"Ah - " Todd bit his bottom lip, hard, but a whimper managed to escape nevertheless. Neal grunted, and breathed out heavily through his nose. He suddenly became aware of how very hot it was, but until he regained back all five of his senses, nothing could be done about it.

"Hmm," Neal murmured breathlessly against him. The hand that had been on his leg was now traveling up his back, and came to rest in his hair. "It's always the quiet ones..."

"You wouldn't know," Todd breathed. "I hope."

"No, I wouldn't, I already told you," Neal smiled, stroking the side of his flaming face. "It's an expression, dummy."

Todd smiled back sleepily - some, but definitely not all, of the waves of pleasure retreating back from wherever they had come. "Can I stay here?"

"Of course. I can't move anyway."

It was obvious that he would have to get up a little earlier than usual in the morning in case one of the guys decided to walk in, but neither mentioned the fact - it was mutually understood.

The room was totally silent for a few moments.

"Neal?"

"What's up?"

"I'm...glad you're not dead."

Neal laughed. "Yeah? Me too."

Their legs were still tangled together. Todd didn't mind one bit. Neal pressed a lingering kiss to his forehead.

"This - all this - feels right, doesn't it?"

"Well - I got a look at Chris the night of the play - "

"Last night," Neal pointed out.

"Right. And she was really beautiful. I mean, really gorgeous. Like, remember that picture Charlie showed us in the cave of that woman? She was even prettier than that."

"Okay..." Neal said slowly, his eyebrows furrowing. "So what?"

"I was just recalling that when I saw her, I noticed her as if she were an outstanding work of art, but I didn't seem to have the same reaction to her as the rest of the guys. But I always felt - feel - so excited and...nervous - " he made a gesture that Neal interpretted correctly at once.

Neal smiled softly at him with his eyes. "I noticed that I was able to bring out a personality in you."

"Yeah."

"I think we make each other better."

"Yeah."

"I think I'm in love with you."

Todd's eyes widened for a brief second, before he grinned and said, "Yeah."

Neal grinned back and pressed their foreheads together. "Yeah."

Todd searched his eyes, contentment running a course through his vital organs and pretty much everywhere else as well.

"Goodnight, Neal."

"I have a piece of advice before you drop off."

"What?"

"Try not to have another dream about me."

He shot Neal a pained expression, hiding his amusement.

"I can't promise that."