A/N: Uhm... h-hi... yeahh I know it's been literally years. Like 3 of them. I AM SO SORRY. I literally didn't mean for it to take this long, I just got out of Supernatural and lost inspiration and did other things and gahhh it's been a mess. My life has literally been chaotic lately, you don't even know. But I was looking through documents today and found this... Which was about 700 words of this chapter, and was like "ohhh right, I remember this story" xD And so I went ahead and finished this chapter. I'll have to re-read everything to update again, which means going through my crappy writing from years ago, but I'll do it nevertheless. The chapters will probably be shorter, but I am determined to finish this story at the very least. So. Yeah. Even though I haven't watched Supernatural since season 6... xD

Again, though, I'm so SORRY for the wait. And I wanted to say thank you for all your patience and all the reviews and everything, and if anyone is even still following this, here's an update :) Sorry if they're out of character here, I haven't read over anything yet and I haven't written for Supernatural in a while... or even watched it in years xD Sorry!

Chapter length: 1803

Onward! (finally...)

Fatigue was indeed a heavy burden. His body ached, his eyes burned, yet sleep would not find him. In the past week since Dean's phone call, he had been unable to sleep or do much of anything. It was a sorry state; he knew Dean wanted better for him. Dean asked him to take care of himself until things got figured out and he could come back. But for now, he said, he had to leave with the police and his family.

Because someone broke into the safe house. It wasn't safe anymore.

A week later and still the situation didn't make any sense.

"I'm so sorry, Cas-"

"You… You're leaving?"

"Cas, please, I'm so sorry-"

It made no sense because Dean said they were safe. He assured Castiel everything was fine, that the police had a lead on what happened, who they needed to find. Who was hunting the Winchesters. But apparently that person had discovered them anyway, and they had to leave like they feared.

Hearing the words come from Dean's mouth, with that twisted, apologetic inflection…

Castiel sighed and closed his eyes, attempting to refocus on his teacher, but it was hard to focus on much of anything right now. He knew Dean wanted him to keep moving, keep going; it was one of his last words.

Last words…

That left the knot in his stomach growing. No wonder he couldn't eat; that knot was taking up his whole stomach. There wasn't room for anything else.

His mother was worried about him. He could see it in her eyes, the way her gaze lingered on him ever since he told her – or maybe Jimmy dead, he honestly couldn't remember at this point what happened that night – and she just looked so sorry. She gave him space, but she was starting to reel in the slack she'd given. She was worried, wanted him to socialize more.

Talking was the least of his concerns, though.

He'd been part of the background before. He was used to being silent.

True, after coming to know such amazing people in the Drama Club, mostly Dean, he found he enjoyed being away from the background, but slipping into that role was familiar and easy. He still hated it, though. Hated it because for a while he had a taste of something so much better. For a while he had a taste of a normal life with someone who loved him and whom he loved in return. They understood each other.

And he missed it.

Dean promised it wouldn't be very long.

"You won't even know I'm gone, Cas."

Except Castiel had already known he was gone before he even left. Before the call ended. Before the call started. A part of him had known, deep down, it was always a possibility, and thus they'd been kept at the safe house. He still had visits with Dean, and phone conversations, but he could feel the absence then nevertheless. Now it was so much worse because there were no visits; there were no conversations.

There was nothing but silence.

And this wasn't how things were supposed to be. He and Dean were supposed to graduate and move in together. They were supposed to have a life together. They were supposed to be happy.

"I love you. Are you there?"

Yes… I'm here.

He was here but Dean was not.

And that was the problem.

When the bell rang, signaling the end of the school day, Castiel sighed and collected his things before leaving the classroom. It was his third day back to school. He'd wanted to stay out longer but his mother refused to let him.

"I gave you time," she said. "You have to move on with your life. I won't let you fail."

He didn't care about failing, though. Grades had never been overly important to him, though he did like the challenge school offered – the distraction – and enjoyed getting good grades, but right now that was the furthest thing from his mind.

He wasn't even sure when he became so dependent on one person, but he did. He was. He didn't just want Dean with him, he needed him here, too. Like he needed water when he was stranded in the desert. When one person became so very vital to him, he couldn't pinpoint, only that it was true. After being in the background, ignored, for so long – being noticed and loved and appreciated was so… so…

He didn't have words to describe what that felt like. Nothing seemed appropriate.

He'd tried talking to his mother about it, and while she was understanding to a point, she told him he was a teenager; friends would always come and go, and while it would be rough at first, he had to move on. When that approach didn't work, she said she was certain Dean would return soon and everything would go back to normal.

Her words didn't help, at all.

Yes, he was a teenager. To most, too young to know real love, but he knew what he felt and he couldn't help it. He wouldn't be a teenager for much longer, anyway. He was already eighteen, an adult by most standards. And he and Dean had been through so much together…

He missed him.

As the days passed, it only grew worse. This deep, painful ache in his chest which lingered even when he was asleep.

Jimmy drove them home from school; the ride was fill with a tense, awkward silence, but honestly Castiel didn't care. He knew Jimmy was worried about him, but honestly anything Jimmy had to say about the matter would fall on deaf ears, because nothing could help. Nothing would get better until Dean was back and wasn't hiding away with the police.

What if things went wrong, and the killer found them? What then?

No, don't think about that.

He pushed such thoughts from his mind; they would do him no good. He had to remain calm and hope Dean would return soon, as he said he would. Dean assured him it wouldn't be too long. He'd contact him in some way, let him know what was happening, and he'd be back soon. Castiel wouldn't even know he was gone, he said.

And yet…

xXx

Sam was getting on his nerves.

To be fair, Sam was always annoying, but right now, Dean really wasn't in the mood to listen to his whining.

They'd been stuck in this room together for days now. After bouncing from safe house to safe house they got a hotel room. Two hotel rooms, easily guarded by the cops since each room only had one entrance. John had his own room, while Sam and Dean got to share, which wasn't really fair.

Dean loved his brother, don't get him wrong, but after literally being cooped up with him for four days now… he was ready to claw his eyes out. Or Sam's. Whichever would make the bitching stop.

"I'm bored," Sam said, like he didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

They weren't on vacation. They were on the run, because a criminal was literally after them. Had killed Justin in prison and everything. Sure, he was a bad guy and everything, but did that mean he deserved to die? Justin's crime was that he took someone else's life (among other things, but that was the one that stood out to Dean the most), and now someone had gone and done the same thing to him.

"And hungry," Sam continued from the bed nearest the window. Dean had the bed nearest the door, despite Sam's complaints on the matter.

"It's closer to the bathroom and the TV, lemme have it!"

"For God's sake, Sammy, no."

He had his reasons for wanting the bed closest to the door, and they did not involve the bathroom or the TV.

"You keep Sammy safe, Dean," John told him when they got this room days ago. "You keep your brother safe no matter what, you hear me?"

"I hear you."

He would keep Sammy safe, even if his brother was a whiney brat the whole time.

I need a break.

He needed a break from this room, from his brother. He wanted to talk to Cas.

He missed Cas. So much.

He could only imagine what was going through Cas's head right now. What he was thinking about this situation. Dean told him it'd be a few days; it had already been over a week. Already he was a liar.

I'm sorry, Cas…

"Deeaannn."

Dean sighed heavily, the sound loud despite his brother's whining. "I know, Sammy. There's food in the mini-fridge. Make something."

They didn't have a lot of options, but they did have food.

"I'm tired of ham and cheese sandwiches," Sam muttered. "I'm tired of this stupid, stuffy room. I wanna go home."

A part of Dean wanted to point out that they hadn't been home in a while. Even before this, they'd been in a safe house (which would up not being all that safe, so someone screwed up in naming that house, just saying). And they didn't have a home to return to, anyway, because it was consumed by flames once again.

He didn't mention any of this, though.

"I know, Sammy," he said instead, eyes falling closed as he rested on his back on his bed, arms folded under his head. "We'll go home soon."

"I hope so. I hate this. I miss my friends. I miss school."

Dean snorted. Only Sam could miss school.

"Soon, Sammy," he promised.

"Quit calling me Sammy, my name's Sam."

I can't wait until he's out of that 'annoying teenager' phase…

There was a knock at the door – two quick knocks, three slower ones, then another two quick ones. Dean rolled out of bed and headed toward the door, checking the peephole before opening it. An officer stood there, holding out a box of pizza.

Dean could have kissed the man right then.

"I thought you might be tired of the food here," the officer said. "We're getting close to a solid lead, so I thought you could celebrate."

Dean grinned and accepted the pizza. "Thanks, man."

"Pizza!" Sam said, suddenly right next to him, stealing the box from his hands. "Yes!"

Sam scurried away with the box. Dean nodded at the officer and closed the door before chasing after his brother.

"Don't eat it all, you bottomless pit!" he demanded, snagging a few slices for himself. The pizza was delicious, with extra cheese and sausage. After practically living off ham and cheese sandwiches for the past few days, it was a relief to his taste buds.

Hopefully, they wouldn't be here much longer.

He couldn't wait to go home, and back to Cas and a normal life.