First Bleach fanfiction here – Chapter 423 inspired this story, as I didn't really like the way 424 and 425 were going. I missed Rukia and the Soul Society and… well, this turned up.

This is based on the English anime and manga, so I dropped the honorifics and left the names in order of first name, then surname.

I'd also suggest listening to Soundscape to Ardor while reading this. You can find it at .com/watch?v=Q2aM5btBLVU. It's a powerful piece, and conveys many of the emotions in this piece.

Chapter One

~ Winter ~

She sat in the garden, legs crossed, motionless. If not for the slight rise and fall of her chest, she might've been dead. He sometimes wondered if she was dead, that her spirit had long since passed on to her next life. She had long since ceased to care about the world around her; she remained secluded in the Kuchiki family's gardens, mind lost. She no longer went to the Squad 13 meetings, no longer left the mansion. She didn't patrol, she didn't train, she didn't even speak – she did nothing but eat, sleep, and meditate in the gardens.

In ordinary circumstances, Captain Ukitake or Captain Kuchiki would have reprimanded her for her actions, but neither had the heart to do so. Not even Yamamoto himself, normally a stickler for duty and protocol, could not seem to bring himself to wake Kuchiki out from her daze. Perhaps, after all she had done during the war, they felt that they owed her, and that they were doing her a favor. He knew better.

Now, it seemed, he was the only one in the Soul Society capable of and willing to bring her out of her prolonged state of depression.

"Rukia." He stopped twenty feet behind her, keeping her private sanctuary untouched. If at all possible, he would do this nicely. He had no desire to hurt Rukia; she had already been hurt enough in the past year.

"Go away, Renji." She didn't move so much as an inch, not even turning to look at her friend. Her voice was flat and emotionless – but still, she had spoken to him. Renji tried again.

"There's a lot of people worried about you, Rukia. Captain Unohana… Captain Kyōraku… Captain Ukitake…Captain Kuchiki…" Renji scowled and stepped forward again, staring at the ground behind her, determined not to stop now that he had begun. "Half the Gotei 13 is concerned about your welfare. Does that bother you at all?" He glanced at the girl again, hoping for something, anything, to show that Rukia Kuchiki was still there underneath the overflowing wells of despair and depression.

"Just go away." Rukia's voice couldn't even be called a whisper – it was too quiet for that. But it brought him hope – hope that she could still come back. After all, Rukia responded better to cruelty than she ever did to kindness.

"Wake up, Kuchiki!" Renji lashed out with a foot, striking the small Shinigami in the small of the back. He hadn't meant to put much force in it, but his kick sent her flying ten feet into the creek. "So you lost someone. So you and Ichigo will probably never see each other again. So? Is that all you've got? One little blip in your life – and you fall apart? Grow up! Life isn't perfect. People will die. People will move on. Deal with it!" One day, he thought grimly, she would forgive him. Not for years, probably. But for her own sake, he would bear all the agony she was about to inflict on him. He braced himself for the barrage of blows and insults that were sure to come.

Slowly, painfully, Rukia stepped from the creek and settled herself back atop the mossy rocks. "I know you're trying to help, Renji, but go away. You don't know me. You don't know what I'm feeling, you don't know the pain I feel. I gave him power, and, by doing so, I condemned him to die. I killed him by giving him my power – and he uses the same power I forced upon him to save me from death. He forgave me, and, at the risk of his own life, he saves me. And then he does it again, saving the entire of the Soul Society countless times. And now, he saves every last soul here, at the cost of his own strength – and we leave him. We abandon him, just when he finally needs us, for a change." Her body shook, and Renji realized she was crying. "How many times, now, has he saved us? We'd all be dead if not for him! So why the hell shouldn't we care?" She stood and spun to face him, eyes blazing with sudden hate. "You know what he's felt like, you can feel it just as well as I can! But you don't care, and you were one of the few who actually knew him! Don't deny it – if you cared, you wouldn't be here. You would be trying to find a way to send him help! You're a lieutenant!" She spat the word, making the title into a curse. "People actually care about what you think! But you don't really give a damn, do you, Renji?" She stepped back again, her heat replaced by an icy coldness that was a thousand times more painful than mere anger could ever be.

Renji, too, stepped back, shocked by the sudden outpour of emotion. For nearly two years, she had hardly said a word. She had kept her emotion bottled up inside her, hidden from the world under a veil of isolation. He had tried to help her let it out – but never had he really thought about what kind of effect it would have on him. Her words were like steel, and they cut him straight to the bone.

"He gave up his strength to preserve our entire way of life, and nobody even cares," Rukia whispered bitterly, tears she would not shed shining in her eyes. "All of the power he had fought and sweat and bled and died to keep – he gave it up to save us from Aizen. He gave it up for you, Renji, and for every last soul that will walk upon this earth again." The emotion abruptly left her again, leaving nothing but her scathing sarcasm. "But we have what we want from him now. He's outlived his usefulness. He's worthless and helpless and we don't need him any more." She sat down again, angrily wiping the tears from her eyes again. "Why should we care about the man who saved us?"

"Rukia…" the Shinigami whispered, heart torn. How could he have failed to notice? He wanted so badly to comfort her, to help her, to somehow heal her pain. But that wasn't him. He was the warrior, trained to shatter and kill the heart; he had never tried to figure out how to put one back together.

"Go away, Renji," Rukia whispered. "Leave me be." She closed her eyes, once again cutting herself off from the world.

He hesitated. Then, he bowed his head, turned, and walked away, leaving her alone in her garden once again. He did want to help Ichigo, too – but, unlike Rukia, Renji knew his limits. He knew when there was nothing that he could do. So he had moved on, because there was nothing else that he could do. With all his heart, he wished Rukia could do the same.

Rukia listened to his departure, hating him for his attitude and hating herself for feeling like that. She knew that, logically, he was right. Ichigo was lost to them, and she should move on. But she couldn't bring herself to do that. How could she, after all he had done for her?

She longed for her friend again, his scowl and his grin. He wasn't like Byakuya and Renji, who had an image of her that they needed her to fulfill. No matter how she acted, no matter what she did, he accepted her for what she was. He didn't try to change who she was, he just appreciated her for being her. She had never met anybody quite like Ichigo before. And then, just when everything was over, when there might've been time for them again, she had lost him again – this time, for eternity.

Who was Yamamoto, to decide what was best for her soul? What was Central 46, to decree separation from the world of the Living? Who were the captains, to make her decisions for her? Maybe it was time to stop obeying the rules. For two years, she had sat and thought, reflected, and done nothing. She was her own soul, and she had the right to make whatever she wanted of her life.

With a clear ringing, she drew her zanpakutō from it sheath. She studied its shining length, the blade she had carried for decades. It was a simple blade in its sealed form, light and short – but sturdy and strong, too. Are you with me still, Sode no Shirayuki? Do you feel the same pain that I do? She sat again, slowing her breathing, falling back into her meditative state. Let me see you once again, Sode no Shirayuki, my faithful blade. Help me, one more time!

Cold swirled around her, sending violent shudders through her body. Slowly, gradually, she opened her eyes to find herself within a world of swirling snow. She stood, looking across the flat landscape of white and cold. The sky was dark with clouds, but, through a gap in the clouds, a patch of sky poked through. The new moon, a blank void of darkness in a world of black, shrouded in the sepulchral clouds, dominated the snowy skies. Wind blew gently across the snow-laden landscape, filling the air with swirling fragments of ice. The white particles fell gently from the sky, coming to rest atop the serene world of winter.

Then the wind blew, and the world of calm was transformed into a world of swirling chaos. The snow that had lain so quietly on the frozen earth swirled in a vortex of fury, whirlwinds screaming across the snow. The wind struck out at the small Shinigami, icy cold driving into her like a needle. She hunched over in pain, sinking to her knees in the freezing cold.

"Sode no Shirayuki, are you here?" she called, voice muffled and overshadowed by the wind and snow. It was so cold… Rukia was used to the freezing weather, but this was beyond cold. This was beyond freezing, beyond what any mere soul could weather. She struggled to move forward, but the wind was too powerful. "Sode no Shirayuki!"

The snow and the ice from the skies were the only answer she got.

She fought to keep her feet, shivering in the icy wind and the frozen temperature. The wind was a living being, striking at her with freezing malice and icy hatred. She cried out as razor fragments of ice struck into her, dripping blood onto the snow that froze as it hit the ground. She fell to her knees

"This is your heart, Rukia." Even though the voice was her sword's, the form she took was nowhere to be found. The voice echoed all around her, coming from the snow and the ice and the clouds and the moon and the wind. "You have let your emotions destroy you, Rukia Kuchiki. Look at the moon, Rukia." The clouds parted again to reveal the empty space where the new moon hovered, as blank and cold as the world around her. "The moon is our strength. It has waned over the years, Rukia, until there is nothing left. Now, even together, we are powerless until you can conquer the wind."

Rukia strained, standing on unsteady feet. She thrust out her power, but the wind was too powerful. A single gust, and she fell, blood dripping onto the snow. "The snow keeps falling," she whispered, tears of helplessness pooling in her eyes. "I can't control it. The wind keeps blowing, and I can't stop it. I don't have the power."

"Try." Another swirl of wind gently touched Rukia before a gale struck at her again, whipping her hair and robes all around her. The snow and the ice spiraled around her, until she could see nothing but a screen of white. "If you let the wind control you, you are nothing. You will become just another flake of snow on this frozen plane. Helpless. Hopeless. Useless. You will become just one of millions, part of the mass that can do nothing but hope the wind does not blow. But it will, Rukia. The wind will always come for you."

As if it heard her words, the wind struck again, seeking Rukia's core. She braced herself, doing her best to hold steady against its might. It hissed in reply before it lifted her from the ground, tossing the small Shinigami backwards without effort or strain. She fell back, sinking deep within the icy cold of a snowdrift. The snow continued to fall, slowly burying her deep within the ice.

"Sode no Shirayuki!" Rukia called desperately into the blizzard. "Why are you doing this to me? Please – I can't get out! Help me!" She struggled in vain to push aside the weight of the snow and the chill of the wind.

"No." It was as though the blizzard itself spoke to her, the frigid voice of the world around her. "I cannot help you now, Rukia. You must do this yourself. You have your own power, power that you must learn to use without me."

"I can't!" She struggled desperately against the snow, but she wasn't strong enough to do more than. "I'm not strong enough! Please, Sode no Shirayuki!"

The snow swirled around her, stirred up by the power of the wind. It was from the wind itself that the voice came now. "It is not the strength of your physical form, Rukia Kuchiki. Your mind, your heart, and your strength of will have always been your true power. Use them to free yourself, if you can. If you cannot…" Her voice faltered momentarily. "If you cannot, then you are beyond my ability to save you from yourself."

Heart, mind, and will… It was true; she had once possessed such power. But without Ichigo to keep her strong, she had lost the formidable willpower she once had treasured. Instead of doing what she knew was right, she had let the current carry her along. She had let the wind blow her where it wished, and it had carried her far from the wellspring of her strength.

Could she still retain that determination? Would the power she had abandoned still be willing to bend to her will? The cold was all around her, stifling her, suppressing her, binding her to the frozen earth. I am this world. I am the snow. I am the ice. And now, this wind must not control me. It is time for the storm to end.

"Hadō four. Byakurai." A blast of blue energy from her palm, and the snow around her melted, leaving the Shinigami shivering in a pit of freezing water. Mustering her concentration, she drew on the power of Shunpo, flash stepping out of the pit back into the world of the winter, soaked with ice water and shivering violently. The wind hissed around her, chilling her to the bone.

"There are many ways to fight the wind." Sode no Shirayuki's still echoed around her, coming from the snow all around her. "Some are so strong, they can stand up to the wind. The wind blows, and the wind cannot move them. Look, Rukia. Look to the east."

Rukia turned, and saw the mountain looming above her, miles of rock and ice. It was vast and powerful beyond imagination, older than time. The wind struck it with all its might, but, in the end, only the wind turned aside.

"No matter how the wind howls, the mountain will never bow to it," whispered the voice of Sode no Shirayuki. "Can you do the same, Rukia Kuchiki?" The wind breathed, and a gust struck the girl in the back. She staggered forward, trying to keep her feet, but the wind was not to be denied. Reaching out, she grabbed the base of the stone behind her, holding to the mountain to save herself from the power of the air. Even as her feet left the ground from the force of it, the mountain remained steady.

"This is what you have done for years, Rukia Kuchiki. The mountain has protected you, and you have protected the mountain. But now, that mountain is gone." Abruptly, the stone beneath her fingers turned to snow, and she was sent soaring across the icy plain, skidding painfully to a stop as the winds died down.

"You cannot be the mountain. You have not the power or the strength to do so. Now, your mountain has been lost in the blizzard, the mountain that you could shelter with in the darkest of storms. You have only yourself left now, Rukia Kuchiki. And without your mountain, the world around you ceased to matter. You became isolated and alone, cut off from everything and everyone who might've been able to help you. Look at you now. You are alone in a world of pain and suffering – one that your own actions have created. You will never be able to fight the wind as the mountain does."

Try as she might to reject Sode no Shirayuki's words, the girl knew them to be true. After Ichigo had lost his power as Shinigami, she herself had lost hope for her own future. She had let the wind blow both of them far apart, without any attempt to stand up for what she truly believed was right. She had consented to sit in the gardens and let time pass without any attempt to change the circumstances that bound her to the Society.

But how could she do any differently? The ones who had declared it necessary were the captains. Defying any one of them would only lead to her failure and punishment. She wasn't Ichigo, who was strong enough to defy fate and get away with it. The winds of fate had blown, and she was unable to defend against it.

Enough with the brooding and the meditation – it did nothing for her now. If she truly wanted to see her friend again, there was only one course of action that she could take. No longer could she rely on Ichigo to fight against fate; she needed to learn to battle it for herself now

"Sode no Shirayuki!" Rukia called into the whirling snowstorm. No sorrow, no weakness, no pain, was evident in her voice. It was buried, now, buried deep within her. Later, if she could defy fate, there would be time for it. Now, there was something far more important at stake.

"Sode no Shirayuki," Rukia repeated, gazing into the blizzard. "Teach me how to fight the wind."