No more to live for. Everything I ever cared about, gone. And now I am sitting here at a funeral and I never told her how I felt; now I never will. My old team mates sit around me as we hear about our lost titan. Why did it have to be her, I wish it could have been me so she could be able to live. I would rather be dead than have to live without her, even though I will have to now.
I stare down at my hands which rest on my lap and close my eyes, holding back the stinging tears I feel coming. A soft, small hand touches mine and I look up to see Starfire or now Kori give me a sympathetic look and a gentle squeeze with her hand on mine to try to tell me it will be alright, but I know it will not be, nothing will be anymore. She takes back her hand and stares in front of her, silent tears running down her cheeks. I never thought I would see the day were Starfire was wearing black, but there she was in a black dress, black gloves, black hat, black everything. Instead of looking back down I look around to the other titans around me. Cyborg or Victor as he goes by now, has no expression on his face, he is just staring off into space like he is in a trance and can not get out of it no matter what, you can tell he has been crying but he would deny to anyone he was because that's just how he is. He is wearing a black suit covering most of his metal self but you can see it still on his face. One grey eye and one gleaming red one both had used to be so full of happiness and life, now empty, with no life at all. On the other side of him is BeastBoy, Garfield, I think it is saddest to see him remembering all the times in our past he was the one who brought light to every situation and now he has a dark cloud looming over him like a curse that will never let him laugh again as long as he lives. You could also tell he had been crying, his nose was a brownish, greenish, red and his eyes were still watery. His face is full of sorrow and loss, even his ears are drooped down, not like the elf-like ears they used to always be.
What a reunion, I had not seen any of the titans since we broke up and now we are all here…minus one that is. When I heard news of what had happened I could feel my heart break in two, when Alfred had told me I collapsed to my knees right there. No tears were held back, none. Even though I never cry this was different, she was different. I knew I had to go to the funeral, even if I didn't want to I needed to see her face before I would never see again without a picture.
And then it was time to, all the titans lined by the casket waiting to see her for the last time. I remained seated though. My legs wouldn't let me get up, that or I couldn't bring myself to, maybe I couldn't bear knowing this would be the last time ever to see her, maybe I wanted to believe I could see her again and looking at the casket would prove that I never would.
"Robin…do you not wish to see our friend…?" I heard Kori ask as she and the others were getting up to go give there last respects, she still called me Robin, I wish she wouldn't, it only brings back unwanted memories that burden me. Her Garfield and Victor are all looking at me with sad faces but I give me response for I fear if I talk, the tears that are threatening to come out of my eyes will. Eyen looking at my old team like this the tears will start to seep out so I look away and hold my breath. But even with a mask on I cannot hide what I am feeling inside from my old friends.
The three look at one another and I feel small arms wrap gently around me, Kori hugs me tightly and whispers in my ear, "Goodbye friend Robin". She kisses my cheek softly and lets go. She looks at Victor and Garfield and says, "I shall see you later friends" they nod and she goes to the rest of the titans who are by the casket. Victor puts his heavy metal hand on my shoulder and squeezes it. I look up to face him; he says nothing but gives me a knowing glance and then walks away. And that left Garfield, he sat next to me and did nothing, said nothing.
"Aren't you going to go say goodbye?" I asked him still looking away, you could hear the choke in my voice, it giving away that I was going to cry.
"Aren't you?" he ask me in response.
"I can't…" I said softly.
"Too bad," he says, "she would have wanted you to".
I look at him questioningly and said, "How would you know?" Garfield sighed as if he expected me to know what he was trying to get me to understand. "What?" I asked wanting to know.
"For a master detective your not very smart you know that? She loved you Richard she showed it in her own way but she did."
I was confused about what he had just said. "Why didn't she ever say anything?" was my response.
"Right, the girl who didn't feel would go right up to you and say 'I love you' I can see that happening". I leaned my elbows on my knees and cover my face with my hand. "Listen Richard, I know what it's like, losing someone you love like that" I look at him quickly and say, "How did you-"he cut me off.
"Oh everyone knew Richard, I can't believe she didn't though, you two were suppose to be the smart ones in the tower, who knew you guys were so dumb, but like I said, I know what it's like to lose the one you love like that. It hurts like hell but it goes away… you saw how it went with me, I'm just sorry it happened to you two… we were all just waiting for you two to get together, even Kori."
We sat in silence for a minute or two when he said, "So… are you gonna go up there with me or not?"
I silently shook my head yes and got up my legs protested at first but finally let my brain do the work. Garfield and I walked up to the casket him in front. We were the last two in the room; everyone had already left to the side room. I stood back as Garfield went up to the open casket and paid his respects to her. As he finished he started to walk to the other room, I didn't move from the spot I was standing at. My hands were gripping the rail next to me like my life depended on me never to let go. Garfield looked back and nodded to me, and then he walked on to the next room where the rest of the ex-titans were. I heard the door the shut and I knew I had to go up there, had to face her.
My hand releases the railing and my legs carry me up to the place were the one I have loved so dear will lay for the rest of eternity. I reach the casket and steady myself against it. My eyes are closed because I cannot bring myself to open them and look down. I take a deep breath and slowly open my masked eyes. There she is, lying in that dark blue and black coffin, she looked peaceful, like she always used to. Her violet hair at the same length it always used to be, her light skin looked even paler but she was still beautiful like she has always been. I reach down and fold some of her hair behind her ear. I can smell the lavender sent radiating off her. She is wearing a black dress, with lace patterns on it, and she has a thin silver chain around her neck that has a silver 'R' pendant and an onyx bird pendant on it. I lightly touch the necklace remembering the Christmas when I gave it to her. I smirk as I remember but then I sadden once again thinking I will never have new, wanted memories with her. I take off my mask and wipe my eyes.
I lean on the casket and say, "Why did it have to be you to die? Its all my fault… I should have come found you; I should have told you I love you when I had the chance. But I didn't think you would ever love, or even like me. And when the team broke up I figured we would all move on… but I didn't." I wiped my eyes harder to keep the tears from coming out of my eyes.
"Why did you have to get in that fight with mumbo by yourself? I know you wouldn't just stop fighting, I get that but did you have to go by yourself? You know you and him have a bad history… why did he have to go so far as to kill you… I swear im gonna… ugh" I closed me eyes and cover my face.
I feel the tears coming and I can't stop them, but I kept on talking. "You should have gotten me to come; I would have done anything to have you be alive right now, even if it meant me being the one who died. It doesn't look like he did anything to hurt you… you look perfect, like you always do. I'm never going to forget you, never".
And then the tears escape finally and I well out in sadness not caring if anyone heard me. I keep whispering things like 'I'm sorry, so sorry' 'please come back to me' and 'I'd do anything to be able to have you back'. My tears fell onto her face, slowly trickling down the side of her face and into her hair.
I reach my hand onto hers and hold it tight and looked on her face and said, "I—I love you Raven. I love you so much… I wish so much I could have told you before it was too late, and now it is…" I keep crying and they keep falling on her, I stayed in that position crying over Raven's body.
My tears slowed and I calmed down. I closed my eyes and said, "I guess I'll just have to wait for you in heaven, dark angel" I leaned down slowly inhaling her lavender sent and kissed her for the first and last time. I stayed by Raven for a long who knows long just holding her cold hand and staring at her perfect face. I put my mask back on and was about to leave when I heard a coughing sound. I look around and see no one and walk slowly away from the casket. I hear the coughing again and this time it's louder. I slide my hand in my pocket and grab my staff; I take it out of my pocket and press the button to make it full size. I turn around slowly and look for any intruders. I walk back up to the casket but Raven wasn't in it… I franticly look around for any sign of her. "Raven?" I call.
"Oh, God, where did she go? Raven?" I say half to myself half to who knows who. I look all around the casket but there is no sign of the one who was suppose to be inside it. My heart was racing and I was confused, what kind of trick was this suppose to be? Its not a funny one. My eyes sting with tears, 'I need to know where she is' I think to myself "Raven!" I yell out as loud as I can
"Ahem" I hear from behind me. I turn around as quickly as I can and I see her, my (or to me at least) Raven. I jump back from the sight of her alive. "Raven?" I asked in shock. She stood up from where she sat and made her way towards me. I stand there frozen, scared, and unbelievably happy.
When she reached me she threw her arms around me and just said, "Robin" with relief in her voice, then she added, "Or I guess it's Richard now…" I stood still all through not responding to her touch or her voice, but when she released me from her hug I got out of my frozen state and brought her back into an embrace, holding her tight. She wrapped her arms around my neck once again and rested her head on my shoulder.
"How?" I asked.
She looked at me, smiled, and said, "You".
"What?" I ask very confused.
"When I was fighting Mumbo, he cast some 'magic' spell on me… I was dead but the curse said I could be woken up if…" she paused "And I'm alive now because of you Robin" she smiled again and hugged me tight.
"I'm confused Rae". She sighed and let go of me.
"Ok, so I know that when the Titans' broke up you didn't want any of us fighting evil anymore, but I knew you would so I decided that I would too, so I kept protecting Jump City and I have been for a while and everything was fine until the Mumbo fight… he was robbing a jewelry store and when I got there I slammed him with the register, but then he turned around took out his wand, cast the spell, and finished his robbery, I was aware of everything around me but I couldn't react no matter how hard I tried… and trust me I tried a lot… I looked dead, acted dead, and after a while I just accepted the dead thing" she looked down at her feet.
"I still don't get it… what did the curse say?" I asked as I sat down taking everything in" she sat next to me and I took her hand in mine then she said, "Dead shall you be till loves kiss set you free, Mumbo Jumbo!..." she slipped her hand away from mine and looked opposite of me.
I didn't try to get her hand back, instead I ask another question; "Did you hear anything I said while you were in the casket?" she looked at me and said with a small smile, "Every word boy wonder".
'Great so she knows…' I look at her and blush slightly. "Sorry about that" I say.
She looks at me weirdly and asks, "Your sorry you brought me back to life?" she looks offended so I quickly say, "What? No! About the me saying I love you thing… I know it's what brought you back but I get if you don't feel the same… Garfield said you did but then again he is BeastBoy"
She rolled her eyes but then smiled and said, "He did crack a joke when he said goodbye, but that's why we love him".
I looked at her and asked, "When are you gonna tell everybody?"
She said,"They are gonna freak."
I look at her and smile, "Yeah, but they are gonna be happy" she smiles and stands up heading to the other room. I stand up quickly and say, "Rae… wait". She turns around and stares at me; I walk up to her and say nothing.
So she says, "Did you mean what you said? At the casket…?" I slightly smile and answer, "Every word Rae, every word". She smiles and puts her arms around my neck. I wrap my arms around her waist and pulled her into me.
I rest my forehead on hers and say, "I love you Raven" then she smiles and says to me, "I love you too my boy wonder".
I tilt my head and lean all the way in to kiss her. As I do Raven tightens her arms around me and I do the same. We kiss for what seems ages of heavenly time when our lips separate, lingering on each others lips as I whisper, "I could really get used to this".
She whispers back to me, "And we will be getting used to this" she pauses and then says "but I have to now walk into a room full of ex superheroes that just attended my funeral".
I take her hand, kiss it and say, "Well, we can do that together". And with that we walk into the room full of Titans to explain what had happened in that short time.