disclaimer: it's be disclaimed- I don't own anything but the plot of this anthology.
dedication: happy birthday, stover!
characters: Kiba & Neji
prompts: "...Whaddya mean I gotta ask you for Hinata's hand in marriage? Shouldn't it be her dad? You are not her dad."
notes: almost all birthday fics will fit into this anthology!verse. as in: they all have a link with this police department, although not all characters will work for the police.

They had him cornered by the gun rack.

And he'd been having such a good day too…

"Naruto."

That was all the warning the blonde got before Neji stuck his hand briskly into his pocket without further ado and proceeds to wrestle with it.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" he shrieks, trying to bat away Neji's hand. "I don't give a fuck if you're one of the commanding officers, you just can't- hey stay away from there!"

Kiba gave the unfortunate homocide detective a sick smirk. "Did you find what we came for, Hyuuga?"

"Hey, ganging up on a fellow officer with a higher up is against the pact of the brotherhood, Inu-."

Naruto's yelling is interrupted by Kiba's hand slapping him over the mouth. "Quiet down, you." He pauses, and, judging the look in Naruto's eyes correctly, he continues, "And if you even think about biting or licking me, Hyuuga's hand is dangerously close to something valuable-."

"-and we're not talking about that." The officer- the one in charge of the search dogs- jabs a pointed finger at the Tiffany box held in the Captain's other hand- the one that wasn't still in Naruto's pocket.

Naruto gulps.

"So," Kiba removes his hand slowly with a warning look at the blonde," we actually came to talk to you about what someone saw in your pocket. Someone rather… invested in who we all know is going to get that ring."

Forgetting entirely what his position is, Naruto perks up. "So she's going to say yes? Does this mean I'm not going to have to do some really fancy proposal aired on TV after all? Then-."

Neji cuffs him over the head with the box. "And you didn't think to ask her father about it?"

He blinks.

"I… did ask her dad. It took a while, but he… agreed?" His voice grows smaller at the increasingly volatile auras surrounding on him as both menace even closer towards him.

"You didn't ask us."

"...Whaddya mean I gotta ask you for Hinata's hand in marriage? Shouldn't it be her dad? You are not her dad."

Their looks weren't getting any more promising. "As her cousin and her field partner, we are basically- well, actually are, in Hyuuga's case- family. We have the right to screen whatever nimrods try to steal her virtue.

But Naruto wasn't exactly listening since he was remembering what Kiba had said. "Wait, who saw what was in my pocket? It's been in my pocket all day. Haven't taken it out or anything. Hell, I even managed to not accidentally pull it out when I was taking out the keys to the cruiser." His eyes narrowed on Neji with suspicion.

"Is that why you've been glaring down there all day? I figured you were just jealous because you want me and you can't have me because I don't play for our team. But seriously- can you see through my clothes or something?"

Naruto shuddered before this… gleam comes to his eyes, unnerving the other two men.

"Wait- is that why you are always giving that bun-girl- Tenten, isn't it?- that look? Are you stripping her with your e-?"

Neji hits Naruto upside the head, his face flushed, while Kiba slaps his forehead.

Next time they will not approach him.

They'll just take him out and hide the body.

So much easier.

"Oy! Where are you two going? And I'm not a nimrod. Hey, don't turn your back on me! I will be the next chief of police just you wait."

AN: Uh, I was probably avoiding Chemistry when I wrote this. Which explains... why it's kinda... really... crack. I hope you laughed at least once?