Me: Hello, Chad.
Chad: …
Me: Um, the weather is nice today.
Chad: …
Me: Did you know that if you cut a chicken's head off, it will keep running around for a while?
Chad: …
Me: Hey, look! It's Ichigo!
Chad: !*leaves to search for Ichigo*
Me: …
Disclaimer: watermelonxpeaches18 does not own Bleach. If you still believe she is Tite Kubo, please seek professional help.
…
Urahara traipsed through the steadily thickening tropical palm forest, following a seemingly familiar path. Yoruichi, having thoroughly given up on ever escaping his arms, had sank into an adorable pout, which immediately disappeared upon reaching their destination.
"We're here," he announced, stopping in front of a towering, pitch black rock face. Yoruichi shot him a unconvinced glare, and he responded by taking a crudely carved, stone ankh out of his pocket and pressing it into an indentation in the cliff. To her amazement (although she should expect these things by now), part of the overhang slid open to reveal an entrance. Urahara took her hand and led her in.
"Follow me."
He strode down a small hallway, and turned a corner to reveal a larger room-like cave. At the end was another exit/entrance and in the middle was a giant pool. Upon closer inspection, it was a natural swimming hole, and glowed a faint iridescent lime in the darkness of the cavern. Unable to speak, Yoruichi turned to Urahara, who, to her astonishment, was taking his clothes off.
"St-st-stop stripping!" she shrieked.
He looked at her in puzzlement, holding his shirt over his shoulder and wearing a pair of swim trunks underneath his clothes.
"How am I supposed to swim, then?" he asked quizzically.
Yoruichi's cheeks colored.
"Ne-Never mind."
Urahara looked her over.
"Speaking of swimming, you're gonna need a swimsuit, too, huh. Take your pick from the closet over there."
He gestured vaguely in the direction of the other exit. Yoruichi nodded wordlessly and almost fled the room, her cheeks flaming hot. Upon entering the new room, she found about three rows of mannequins, most of them female, wearing various swimming attire. Slightly intrigued, the neko woman ran her fingers across the stretchy material, enjoying the feel of the fabric catching on her skin. The first mannequin sported seashells over the necessary areas and little elsewhere. She immediately skipped that one and moved on to a suit that was basically an extremely long (and skinny) silk ribbon. Rejected.
Rejected.
Rejected.
Rejected.
Rej-Oooh, he might like thi-no, not enough fabric.
Rejected.
Rejecte-Hey this one- no wait there's no bottom.
Rejected.
Finally, in the middle of the last row, Yoruichi found a suitable swimsuit. Actually, it was more than suitable. It was a distressed orangey-brown bikini, and had bohemian style flowers on it. She instantly began changing. When she was done, she peeked outside the "closet" to find Urahara still waiting for her and she stepped outside.
"Finally!" he exclaimed, "I was worried you had drowned…in swimsuits."
With that, he ambushed her from the side, picked her up, held her tightly to his chest and promptly jumped into the swimming hole. Yoruichi surfaced, sputtering.
"This means revenge!" she vowed, and sent a wave of water crashing down at his head.
Blond hair dripping, he emerged virtually unscathed and initiated an epic splash war. One victory and thirty minutes later, Yoruichi sat contentedly next to him on a rock protruding into the edge of the pool.
"We should get to dinner," Urahara sighed. BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB
"Let's come back here," Yoruichi enthused hopefully, "I really like this place. Can you show me the other secret places on this island, too?"
Urahara grinned.
"Don' t worry," he assured her, "I will."
She thanked him with a beaming smile, and got up to leave.
As he watched her retreating back, he murmured softly, "Anything for you."
…
Renji toweled his hair dry, and unceremoniously booted the bathroom door open, to find that his high-maintenance taicho had already departed for dinner. Cussing him out under his breath, he slipped into one of the band T-shirts Urahara provided and left the room. Due to all the swear words floating through his mind at the moment, Renji fervently hoped that his taicho was not still close by. He had a strong suspicion that Byakuya could read minds.
About to get on the path, the pineapple head observed the black haired girl- Tatsuki was it?- talking to Ichigo's friend with the brown hair. Keeble or Ok Go or something. The brunette said something else, and she scowled at him, pointing in the other direction. He made one last comment before departing. As she watched him leave, a mask of indifference slid off of her face, revealing a worried countenance underneath. Surprisingly, Renji felt a twinge of sympathy flood through his chest.
"You're worried." Zabimaru noted.
"Shaddap. Why would I be worried about a complete stranger?"
"Heck if I know," Zabimaru replied, "But I do know that you want to go see what's wrong."
Silently cussing out his zanpakuto for being right, Renji followed Zabimaru's instructions and positioned himself next to Tatsuki.
"You okay?"
The indifference obscured her true emotions once again
"Uh, yeah…"
"Cuz you didn't look okay when that Keigo guy left," Renji responded dubiously.
For some reason, Tatsuki found herself about to spill everything to this almost complete stranger. Something about his countenance just provoked honesty in her. Knowing that if she kept everything bottled up, it was bound to blow at some point, Tatsuki burst.
"Well, maybe I'm less than okay," she admitted, "What Keigo said kinda shook me a little."
Renji cracked a smirk.
"What? Did he like, confess his love to you or something?"
"Oh, he does that to everyone. Well, every girl," Tatsuki scoffed, "No, he was talking about my roommate."
"Chad?"
"Yeah,"
"Who is…in love with you?"
"Gya! No way…why are you so obsessed with people being in love with me. Are you a pervert?" she demanded.
"What?" Renji cried defensively, dismayed, "That is an unfounded accusation! You're probably talking about Kon. He's the real pervert. Anyways, what about Chad?"
Grimacing, she explained, "You know how I got assigned to the same room as him?"
Nod.
"And you know how I don't like him."
Nod.
"Apparently he's dating some Russian ballerina."
Nod.
"And there's only one bed."
"Ooooooooh."
"See what I mean?"
Renji frowned, then suggested, "Maybe you can ask Hat n' Clogs for a new room assignment."
"Yeah, I guess…" she allowed doubtfully.
"At least your roommate isn't a #$%..."
"Pardon?"
Renji scowled.
"I said, at least your roommate isn't a #$%. Like mine. #$% Kuchiki-taicho."
"Please explain," she requested, raising an eyebrow skeptically.
"First of all," Renji huffed, "He damn well near executed Rukia, who just happens to be his SISTER, and just happens to look EXACTLY like his dead wife. Second, he has no sense of humor! You say something funny, and he stares you down like it's the apocalypse. Also, he's a stuck-up noble drama queen who I am absolutely sure can read minds."
Tatsuki glanced at him sympathetically.
"Sounds like you've got it bad," she empathized.
Snorting, Renji replied, "That makes it sound like I've got a crush on him."
"Just as I suspected…" she replied dramatically, eyes gleaming teasingly.
Renji chuckled, and they continued conversing and talking until they reached the beige building where they were supposed to meet everyone else to go to dinner. Glancing at the digital clock on the wall, Renji realized that they were late. He pulled at the doorknob, but it wouldn't budge.
"You know what this calls for…" Tatsuki implied.
Renji grinned.
"Oh, yeah."
"DOUBLE ROUNDHOUSE KICK OF DOOM AND DESTRUCTION!"
Simultaneously, they spun in the air and delivered a devastating blow to the unfortunate door, which splintered and collapsed to the ground. Renji grinned again. Destroying stuff was awesome. He offered Tatsuki his hand, mock bowing.
"Shall we?"
…
"All right, now that we're all here-"Urahara began.
"WAIT!"
Tatsuki burst in, hurdling next to Renji, who had apparently kicked down the door. After catching her breath, Tatsuki scrambled up to Urahara.
"You! Hat and clogs!" she accused, "You have to give me a new room assignment. Please!"
Urahara cocked an eyebrow.
"Is there a problem with your current room assignments?" he asked innocently.
Tatsuki stuttered, and answered, "I-well. I just-. I don't really feel comfortable with my current roommate."
"Do tell why."
Tatsuki gritted her teeth, forcing the words out.
"Chad is dating someone else," she muttered, "And I don't think she would approve of my staying in the same room with him, especially considering that you neglected to give us a second bed."
Keigo smiled deviously. For once, his plan was actually working. Chad opened his mouth to speak, but Rangiku silenced him with a look. She had just been hit with a stroke of inspiration. She just prayed that this led to what she hoped for.
Taking advantage of the silence, Byakuya spoke up.
"I would also like to request a room assignment change as well," he stated, "I am completely opposed to sharing a bed with Abarai."
Renji nodded.
"Yeah, even though I've been in ninth division for a long time, I think sleeping together is a little to intimate, if you know what I mean. "
Urahara grinned malevolently.
"Well then," he compensated, "If you all aren't satisfied with your current room assignment, then it seems a change is in order. Renji, you will move in with Tatsuki in her room, and Chad will get a separate room since Mr. I'm-a-taicho-so-I-get-whatever-I-want decided to be a drama queen."
Rangiku silently punched the air with her fist triumphantly. Finally a match for Tatsuki!
Renji and Tatsuki regarded eachother apprehensively.
"She seemed pretty nice when we were walking here…" Renji thought.
"Anything would be better than Chad…" considered Tatsuki.
They seemed to make up their minds at the same time and replied simultaneously, "I'll do it."
An uncomfortable silence seemed to fill the atmosphere. Then, of course, something random happened. An incredibly lacy lion plushie with a nametag reading BOSTOV burst through the solid concrete wall right next to the door that Renji and Tatsuki had already demolished. Everyone in the room froze in shock as the stuffed animal promptly launched a flying tackle at Rukia, yelling "Nee-san!" The petite shinigami was caught unawares and fell off her chair to be subjected to Kon's trademark groping. Ichigo stood up and grabbed the pervert by the neck.
"How the #$% did you get here?" he hissed, painfully aware of all the vacant stares he was receiving.
"Legoo mah nuck." was Kon's reply.
"Huh?" Ichigo asked, subconsciously releasing his hold on the plushie's esophagus.
"I SAID LET GO OF MY NECK!" Kon bellowed, massaging his throat, "Anyways, contrary to popular belief, I am NOT here to stalk you, I am in fact looking for the Quincy."
Similar expressions of shock materialized on both Uryu and Ichigo's faces.
"Why are you stalking Ishida?" Ichigo inquired, extremely puzzled.
"JUST LOOK AT ME!" Kon wailed tearfully, "I was brutally attacked by your demon-sister! She has marred my beautiful, manly face with LACE! And BOWS! And INSTANT DEATH SUPERGLUE! So I need him to fix me again."
"A likely story…" Ichigo scoffed suspiciously, "And you just happened to grope Rukia, huh? I'll believe THAT when Yachiru marries Yamamoto."
Kenpachi and Yachiru sent the orangehead twin evil eyes.
"…WHICH would never happen!" he amended hastily.
Kon blushed. (If lion plushies can blush)
"I was looking for the Quincy," he admitted, "But then I broke into Room 322 and found the most interesting articles of clothing…"
Toshiro and Momo blushed simultaneously, which earned them questioning glances from the other shinigami.
"…and then I began searching this room and found Rukia-chan!" Kon sighed dreamily, "Oh, the bliss! Reunited at last with my darling nee-sa-"
Ichigo shushed him and pulled the dangerously ignorant fool closer to his face.
"All right, listen up, idiot," he drilled quietly, "You see that man over there? That is BYAKUYA. Otherwise known as KUCHIKI-TAICHO. He is Rukia's BROTHER. And he is extremely overprotective. You understand what I'm saying."
Kon bobbed his head up and down hastily, as if he absolutely comprehended the gravity of the situation. Ichigo nodded, and stood up, satisfied.
"-so what you're saying is that I should get close to him, gain his approval, and THEN propose to Rukia!" Kon concluded.
"What?" Ichigo sputtered, "I never-"
"Thanks, Ichigo! I'm off to stalk Byakuya now!"
Ichigo turned to Byakuya and shrugged apologetically. The dark-haired noble sighed. Did life hate him?
…
And that ends Chappie the Fourth. Did'ja like it? Love it? Think it should die in a ditch? Well, whatever you thought, REVIEW and tell me about it, also I-
Rangiku: *obviously drunk* HEY PEOPLESH! DISH ISH A SHORT PUBLIC SHERVISH ANNOUNSHMENT FROM KUCHIKI-TAICHO! SHO LISHTEN UP, EVERYBODIES!
Me: You missed your cue.
Byakuya: Ahem. *glares at author* Why do I have to do this?
Me: I don't think you want to piss of the person who controls your actions. (at least in the story)
Byakuya: Grrrrr. Fine. ICHIGO KUROSAKI CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT BUTTER! For some reason this is supposed to make people review. *frowns at script* …she spelled my name wrong. GAH! I GIVE UP!