Disclaimer: I woke up and I was me, someone who doesn't own Glee. But at that point in time, I wasn't upset over that, I was upset because for some reason I was awake at five thirty am for no reason.
A/N: More of the Do Something 'verse. Originally this was going to be the second part, but it didn't get written and the other one did. Didn't really matter as there isn't an underlying plot, other than "oh, look, Kurt loves coffee". But this one answers some questions you had from 'Do Something'. For those who wanted to see what would happen.
Also, if you go to my LJ (link as my homepage in my profile) and find this post for it, I made a pretty graphic. Enjoy!
He wouldn't want Kurt to wake up and have no coffee ready. The one morning he'd been there with that happening would give him nightmares for months.
They'd never make that mistake again.
Burt just sipped on his cup of coffee as he opened the door to find Puck standing on the front step. "Finn had early shift at work and Kurt's still asleep." He stood to the side of the entryway, knowing that Puck would come in and make himself at home even though his friend and boyfriend were occupied elsewhere.
Puck followed Burt into the kitchen to see Carole making some eggs, she offered to make some for Puck, who agreed. It was a very relaxing morning and Burt even smiled slightly when Puck said he'd do the dishes since Carole was kind enough to make him breakfast. Burt glanced at the clock on the wall and got himself and Carole another cup of coffee when he realized he didn't need to be at the garage for another half-hour. Handing his girlfriend her mug, he hadn't put more coffee on - Kurt would probably be a while before he woke up and so there was no point in making a pot yet.
Only a few minutes later, there was some very loud yelling coming from Kurt's room and Burt quickly drained the rest of his coffee. "Oh, look at the time. Gotta go to the garage."
Carole looked at him, "You've got twenty-five minutes before you usually leave."
"Sorry. Busy day." Burt put on his hat and started walking out of the house, "Good luck."
"He just left us with his son." Puck said slowly, "He didn't want to deal with Kurt."
"He's dealt with Kurt his whole life." Carole said, "I think he can take a morning off like this." She shrugged and finished her own mug. Wincing at the crash heard with more yelling, she sighed. "How about I go get Kurt and you put more coffee on?"
"Sounds like a plan, Mrs. H." Puck nodded and watched her leave. He went to the coffee pot and looked around for the container that held the coffee grounds. When Puck didn't see it in it's usual place, he peered in a few other places before something in the trash caught his eye.
There.
In the trash.
Was the coffee grounds container.
Puck felt his body tense with panic. Were they out of coffee? Again? This can't be happening. Surely they wouldn't. They would've bought more. Quickly running around the kitchen and the pantry, Puck looked everywhere for more coffee.
He couldn't find any.
It was when Puck was standing on the counter-top and looking in some hard to reach places that Carole came in, steering Kurt like he was a car.
"I hate you." Kurt mumbled.
"Uh-huh." Carole answered absently, sending a confused glance at Puck. "Why is that, dear?"
"Because you're here." Kurt said. "I didn't expect you to be here n' you are n' I hate you." His head slumped and he stumbled a bit. And apparently, during his stumble, Kurt saw Puck, "You. Wha' are you doin'? You ape. We put stuff on th' coun'ers you're standin' on. S'unsanitary. I demand tha' you get down and I wan' coffee." He whined.
Carole sat him down in a chair, hoping he'd stay sitting before going to see exactly what Puck was doing. "Something wrong?"
Puck quickly climbed down, and not wanting Kurt to hear, said, "I can't find the coffee grounds."
Carole paled, "What?"
Puck pointed to the trash, "Please tell me you have more."
Nodding, Carole said, "Yes. I remember buying more. We'll stay calm and I'll go get them." Giving a quick smile, she went to where she'd put them away. After walking over and opening the door to that area of the cabinets, she stood still and swore. "We have a problem."
"If th' problem is you, then you're righ'." Kurt murmured from the table where his head was hidden in his arms.
Carole moved close to Puck, not wanting Kurt to overhear and panic, "I know I bought some. I know I did. But they've been moved and I don't know where it's gone."
Puck closed his eyes and cursed. "Finn probably moved them when he was hungry and looking for a snack. Why don't you look around and I'll call him at work to see if he remembers where he put it."
Carole nodded and so Puck pulled out his phone. After a few minutes of telling ex-Mrs. Schue that he really needed to talk to Finn, like right now, he finally got his friend on the line.
"Hello?" He sounded rather confused, probably because he'd never gotten a call while at work.
"Finn. It's me. Dude, where is the coffee?" He tried to hide the panic in his voice.
"I dunno. Why are you calling me about coffee?" Finn suddenly gasped, "Oh God. Kurt's awake and you can't find the coffee can you?"
"Just tell me, Hudson," Puck's voice had a growl to it, "when you were hungry like you always are, where did you move the coffee grounds?"
"I don't know, man." Finn sounded worried. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. But I have no idea." Puck heard some clatter in the background, "Sorry dude, I gotta get back to work. Good luck with Kurt."
Puck called out his friend's name for a bit before hearing the dial tone. Sighing to himself, Puck re-entered the kitchen to see Carole bustling around and trying to calm Kurt down with words as she searched for the coffee. When she realized Puck was back, she stopped and looked at him, hope in her eyes. With a shake of his head, Puck headed over to his boyfriend. "Kurt?"
Kurt groaned, "Where's m' coffee? Why don't you 'ave m' coffee in your han's?" His eyes were hard and glaring, if not having trouble staying open.
"Got to give us time," Puck said slowly, "had to start a new pot."
Kurt's eyes narrowed, "Th' pot should be done by now." Standing up quickly, the chair fell behind him and he turned and looked at the coffee pot. Finding it empty, he crumbled to the ground, narrowly missing the chair. "Why's it emp'y?" He cried out, his body looking a bit like a pretzel on the floor.
Puck walked around the table to help straighten Kurt out, "I'm sorry, Kurt."
"Why're you sorry?" Kurt asked angrily.
Swallowing, Puck spoke quietly, "We can't find the coffee grounds."
Puck should've seen it coming, he'd been in enough fisticuffs that he knew what it looked like when you had a fist coming towards your face, but he hadn't expected it. Reeling backwards, Puck caught himself before his head hit the floor and stared at Kurt in shock. "You just punched me!"
Carole was beside Puck as soon as she heard Puck's outrage, inspecting his nose and proclaiming that he wasn't even bleeding, thank God. She turned to scold Kurt and was surprised when the teen wasn't there on the floor.
Instead Kurt had crawled to the trash can that'd been empty save for the barren coffee container. The lid was off and Kurt's face was nearly inside the tub. Growling, Kurt threw the carton across the room. "Why can't I 'ave coffee?"
Puck wondered if Burt knew Kurt was going to be an extra pain in the ass today and if that was why he'd left for work early. "You can, baby." Ignoring the glower sent his way, Puck continued, " We just have to find the new coffee grounds."
Kurt looked confused, "Wha'?"
Carole walked over and hesitantly put a hand on his shoulder, "Kurt, honey, we have more coffee grounds, only they've been misplaced."
"Lost?" Kurt questioned.
"Yes, Kurt. They're lost." Carole sat down next to him, "You'll get your coffee when we've found them."
Puck quick moved towards his boyfriend when he saw that the boy looked like he was about to start crying. Kurt without coffee was more work than a pregnant Quinn; and he hadn't thought that things could get worse than a pregnant Quinn. Leaning forward, Puck went to wrap his arms around Kurt, to comfort the teen, but backed up quickly when Kurt snapped at him, "Don't touch me."
"Kurt," Puck spoke slowly, "we're looking for the coffee. It'll be okay."
"No," Kurt moaned, "no it won't."
"Why not?" He questioned.
"'Cause I don' 'ave any coffee righ' now." He deflated, a pitiful look upon his face, "'N I dunno what I'd do without coffee."
"We're looking for it." Puck stated again.
Kurt looked up then, eyes wide and wanting, "S'lost? What if we make some flyers? Put 'em up 'round town n' then someone finds th' coffee for us?"
Puck had to fight a smile, "It doesn't work like that, Kurt."
"But tha's how peo'le find lost dogs 'n stuff." Kurt protested. "N' coffee s'more important than a lost dog." He nodded slowly.
Puck cautiously patted Kurt on the arm in comfort, "But the coffee is somewhere in the house and not out there where people can look for it for us." He hoped Kurt would understand this with his un-caffeinated mind.
Looking slightly confused, Kurt nodded anyway, "Okay. Whatever you say."
When it looked like Kurt was having a harder time keeping his eyes open, Puck got up from the floor and joined Carole in the search for coffee. "Think that if we woke him up a bit more we'd be able to use him like a bloodhound and have him smell for it?"
Carole's eyebrows narrowed and he shrugged, "First off, that is a horrible thing to suggest. Second off, that won't work because they're in a sealed container."
A snarl came from the sleepy form on the floor. They turned and stared at Kurt, wondering what he was going to do. Whimpering some, he curled up into himself and then growled deep in his throat.
"Has he fallen back to sleep?" Carole asked, "And having a nightmare?
Puck watched as his boyfriend twitched in his apparent sleep, "He looks like a dog having a dream." He paused, "Proof that we could use him like a bloodhound."
Carole rolled her eyes, "We should continue looking."
So they did. Even in places the coffee really had no reason to be in; under the sink, with the glasses, even behind the coffee pot. But nothing.
Sitting at the table, Puck was slumped and gloomily staring at Carole, "Are you sure you bought some?"
"Yes." Carole defended herself, "Of course. They've just been misplaced."
"Maybe one of us should go to the store and get-" Puck stopped talking when he yelled, frightened, "Fuck!" looking down under the table, he saw an awake Kurt trying to climb up his leg.
"Coffee." The boy moaned, as if a zombie wanting brains, "Coffee."
Puck sighed and ducking down, grabbed Kurt and pulled him up and sat the other teen on his lap. Kurt leaned into Puck's grip still murmuring about the liquid he was addicted to. "Kurt?"
Kurt's voice was tiny, his eyes barely open, "I jus' wan' some coffee. P'ease? Was I bad? S'tha' why I'm not getting coffee? 'M'sorry."
Flickering his eyes at Carole, Puck asked, "Do you have any idea where the coffee would be?"
"I'll take it warm or cold. Cold coffee s'good too." Kurt nodded his head against Puck's shoulder, "I like cold coffee. S'should be done by now. Nice and chilly."
Puck locked eyes with Carole and she jumped up, getting the message. Quickly walking to the refrigerator, where they'd already looked, she was sad to report that it wasn't hiding behind something.
"S'really cold coffee too." Kurt was murmuring into Puck's shirt before reaching up and touching Puck's face where a bruise was forming from the punch, "You're hurt." He sounded pained, "Why're you hurt. Shou'd ge' some ice on tha'. Like ice in ice coffee. Mm. Freezer like coffee."
Carole's eyes widened and she opened the freezer before letting out a hysterical laugh. Turning around, she had some coffee grounds in his hands. "Freezer. To keep the grounds fresh. I guess Burt had put them there."
Puck shook his head, "Not so sure." Turning to Kurt he asked, "Had you been wanting cold coffee? Hm?"
"S'good." Kurt stated, "N' s'warm outside n' I thinks I 'member wanting some when I'd woken up in middle night. Why'd I 'ave to wake up in middle of'the night? Wasn't p'easant."
Puck bit his lip from saying anything as Carole calmly got some of the coffee grounds unstuck and started a fresh pot. Glad that they'd found the coffee, even though the misplacement was apparently Kurt's fault.
{{{|
Grinning, Mercedes decided she was going to see what happened if she gave him seven cups of coffee. Maybe eight.
Finn walked calmly to get the door, the door bell ringing non-stop. When he was about to open it, he heard familiar voices.
"I don't see why we need to ring the door bell. I live here 'Cedes." The voice was speaking quickly.
Mercedes' drawl seemed slower than usual next to Kurt's rushed tone, "Then why are you ringing it?"
"Because it's fun and it's-" Finn opened the door to see Kurt bent over the button for the bell and he raised his eyebrows as Kurt's face shot up and grinned widely, "Why hello Finn Hudson!"
Finn glanced at Kurt who seemed a touch too chipper for this early in the morning, especially considering the teen normally was still asleep at this time, "Why're you here?" He moved his gaze to Mercedes.
"I'm sorry, Finn. I'm so sorry." Mercedes said, hand on Kurt's shoulder, apparently holding onto him tightly if the way Kurt was prying at her hand was anything to go by, "I have to drop Kurt off early. You know that normally after he stays the night he hangs out with me until late afternoon? Well, something urgent came up with my family and so I have to leave him with you."
Kurt had made a victorious noise when he finally pried her fingers off his shoulder, "Yes! Time for coffee!" He ducked under Finn's arm and ran into the kitchen.
Mercedes sighed and watched her friend run off, "You might want to stop him. He's had ten cups already this morning."
"What the hell Mercedes?" Finn exclaimed, ignoring Kurt's high-pitched squeal.
"Okay, so, normally after he wakes up I give him at least eight cups of coffee." Mercedes said with a shrug, "A Kurt hyped up on caffeine shops like a god. A ruthless, ruthless god. It's really something to see."
Finn swallowed, "He normally doesn't get to ten cups of coffee until the afternoon." And not all at once, he'd never seen Kurt like this before.
Mercedes sighed as a horn blared from her family's car, "Sorry white boy, I've gotta go. Good luck." With that, she left.
Turing around, Finn couldn't help but raise his eyebrows to see Kurt, with wide-eyes, staring at the cup in his hands. "Kurt," he spoke slowly, as if talking to an animal, "I think you've had enough coffee."
Glaring, Kurt pulled his mug closer to his body, "No. I haven't. I don't know what you're talking about Finn Hudson. I haven't had enough coffee."
Taking a step near his now step-brother, he wished he wasn't the only other person at home. "Just put the coffee down. Slowly."
"It's mine. Go get your own." Kurt's free hand moved to cover his mouth before speaking through his fingers, "No. You can't go get your own. I want it all. It's all mine."
Finn watched as Kurt gave him a rebellious look before chugging down the rest of that cup, "See? I told you! I told you it's mine." Licking his lips, he moved to go back into the kitchen and Finn stretched his long legs and soon passed Kurt, blocking the other teen from the room. "Let me through you giant of a man brother!"
Finn's brow furrowed, "Man brother?"
Ducking down, Kurt slipped between on of Finn's legs and the doorway. "I will get my coffee."
"You've had enough." Finn stated, grabbing a hold of his step-brother and pulling back. "Have a seat or I will pour the rest of the coffee down the drain."
Kurt stilled, his face paled and his mouth was agape. "Why would you do that?"
"Have a seat." Finn said in a more forceful tone.
Kurt did as he was told but kept his eyes either on the coffee or on Finn. His foot was tapping out a tune and his hands were rushing all over his clothes, straightening them before running up to make sure his hair was still in place. Nervous behavior. He was very worried about his coffee apparently.
Finn ran a hand through his hair as he thought about it. He thought about what he should do. Burt and Carole were going to be gone all day and Finn wasn't sure if he could handle an over-caffeinated Kurt by himself. It seemed like a tough job that would be disastrous if he took his eyes off his brother from one second.
"I should call Puck." he said quietly to himself.
Kurt perked up at that, sitting up in his seat, hands stilling but foot still tapping. "Oh yes. Noah sounds good. Mm. I'll text him." Grabbing his phone from his pocket, Kurt continued talking, "Booty call. Yes."
"Booty call? No." Finn replied. "Big no."
"Big yes. Big hard yes." Kurt giggled in what Finn would say was hysterically. He grabbed Kurt's phone before the text could be sent and saw the word sex followed by a crude drawing of something Finn didn't want to think about done with symbols. Deleting all of it, he simply asked if Puck would like to come over.
Kurt had been watching what Finn was doing with his phone, "Aw man. You deleted his dick."
Finn didn't say anything when they got a reply of Puck agreeing to show up in a few. Sighing to himself, Finn handed the phone back and distracted Kurt from coffee with and empty diet soda bottle that the hyper-active teen used to make loud and obnoxious noises.
When the door opened a few minutes later Kurt was out of the chair like a shot, "Noah! You're here!" Finn appeared just to see Kurt talking his head off to his boyfriend, holding each other's hands and leading Puck to the basement.
"Kurt." Finn tried his disapproving voice. He wasn't very sure how disapproving it sounded. "I said no sex."
"No." Kurt stated, "You said no booty call. We're past the calling part. We're in the actual sex part. Which is the fun part."
"What's going on?" Puck asked, clearly noticing Kurt's state, "Are you on Vitamin D?" He looked at Finn, "Is he on Vitamin D?"
"No." Finn shook his head, "He's had-"
"Coffee!" Kurt exclaimed happily. "It's been good. 'Cedes is fabulous and gives me lots of coffee."
"Oh." Puck blinked slowly. "I see." Ignoring Kurt's attempts to drag him towards the stairs, he stood still. "But why?"
"So we can go shopping." Kurt said, "Because shopping is always fun and I know I'm an excellent shopper but this morning something or another happened, I'm not sure because of how things are and I got dropped off at home instead of the mall and I don't know why and now Finn is stopping us from having sex."
"Please stop saying sex." Finn pleaded. "I don't want to think about my brother and my best friend doing it even if I'm glad you're together."
"So, I got the text for-?" Puck wanted to be sure as to why he was here.
"Sex!"
"Because I don't think I could deal with him by myself all day." Finn stated simply. "I needed help."
Puck nodded. "Okay." He turned to Kurt, "You know what he should do?"
"The thing with the Twix bar?" Kurt suggested.
Puck faltered for a bit, "Uh. Right. But I was thinking that you've been telling me how you've wanted to give the house a good spring cleaning. How about we do that today? You've got all this energy, you'll be done in no time."
Kurt's eyes grew, "That's amazing. I love you. And you're mind for coming up with that brajilliant plan!" He patted Puck on the head before rushing off and starting to straighten the objects on the coffee table.
"That was a good idea." Finn stated.
"Should keep him occupied for a bit." Puck shrugged.
They watched Kurt scurry around for a few seconds, "Do you think," Finn started, "that because of how much coffee he had all at once that he'll crash and burn?"
"He might." Puck said, "Unless when he starts to act normal we give him coffee."
Nodding a bit, Finn added in an off-hand manner, "He should be glad there isn't a rehab for coffee addicts."
They tried to always keep an eye on Kurt, to make sure he didn't go get more coffee or hurt himself. Once in a while, someone had to step in. Distract him from the thought of coffee with a magazine, some paper, shadow puppets. Protect him from knocking over a large vase, getting stabbed with a knife that hadn't been put away, make sure he didn't get too close to the one burning candle before blowing it out.
At the moment, Puck had an arm around Kurt and was walking the boy away from the coffee pot, talking quietly and Kurt was watching his boyfriend in rapt. Finn was taking a breather, having just caught Kurt from when the smallest teen was standing on the sofa and singing about how it can't bring him down. Apparently though, gravity could.
Very slowly, Kurt was slowing down. And both of the boys were thankful for that. A whole day of watching over Kurt was hard and Finn wondered how Mercedes managed to watch over him, let alone in a public setting.
Flipping through what was on the television, Finn found on one of the music shows, a thing about Lady Gaga and leaving it on, he watched as Kurt's spellbound look passed from his boyfriend to the television. Eyes wide and slightly blood-shot, the boy sat down on the floor where he was and stared at the screen. Puck hesitantly joined Finn on the sofa.
"He's calmed down a lot in the last twenty minutes."
"Crash and burn." Finn said. "And hopefully this will distract him from asking for more coffee."
"We can hope." Puck said. "Next time Mercedes tries to dump his ass on you when he's like this, tell her to shove it. She got him like that, she should deal with it - no matter what family thing she has."
They watched the show for a bit before noticing that Kurt was yawning. "Dude. I think he might fall asleep."
"Should we give him some coffee now? So that he stays awake?" Puck asked.
Finn thought about it, "Nah. I think if he feel asleep now he could easily stay asleep until tomorrow morning. He might even wake up better because he'll have had more sleep."
"Worth a shot, I guess." Puck said.
It was then that Kurt looked at them, his eyes narrowing and Finn was worried he'd over heard him saying that he wasn't going to allow Kurt anymore coffee while Puck was worried that Kurt was bored and getting angry. Instead, Kurt lurched to his feet and walked over before sitting down and plastering himself to Puck's side and putting his legs over his boyfriends, wrapping his arms around Puck's one and leaning his head against it, still staring at the television.
"Getting sleepy?" Puck asked quietly.
"Mhm." Kurt nodded and blinked heavily. "You're staying the night." he stated simply. "Mine."
"Okay." Puck agreed, to which statement Finn wasn't sure, but he wasn't going to question.
That was how Burt found the three boys when he got home from work that Saturday. Finn was slumped over, remotes ready to fall from his hands. Puck's head resting on his chest, but otherwise sitting up straight and Kurt wrapped around him like some octopus. Shaking his head and deciding to get himself a cuppa, he raised his eyebrows at the note on the coffee pot.
Under No Circumstances is Kurt Hummel allowed to get another cup of Coffee. You've already had eleven twelve. That's enough.
Burt snorted at the line through the word 'eleven', making it clear that his boy had managed to steal more coffee and even recognized his son's doodling at the side of the note. Hearing some shuffling, Burt looked up and was surprised to see Kurt leaning against the doorway, looking tired. "Dad?"
"Yeah Kurt?"
"Can I 'ave some coffee?" His voice was small.
Burt chuckled to himself, "Sure. I don't see the harm." He watched as Kurt's eyes started to sparkle with delight. Trying to hide an mischievous grin, Burt added, "After you drink your cup, I think you should go wake the two boys up and see if they want to do something exciting. After all, it's too late in the day for a nap."