A/N: Just a one shot I decided to write off the situation of Demi entering rehab. I'm wishing the best for her. She's one of the strongest people I know3.
The rooms were silent. The halls were silent. The building was silent. Everything in this place was immune to any noise aside from the occasional shuffle of footsteps or the tapping of a pen on a clipboard as the doctors strolled down the halls to check on patients. The petite 18 year old sprawled her bare legs in front of her, stretching them from lying down all day. The silence had begun to creep into her mind, almost making her believe she truly was going crazy.
To her relief, the silence was ending today. Demi Powell had officially been in the rehabilitation center for two weeks, two long, difficult weeks that Demi was almost sure she wouldn't be able to hang onto any longer. When she had seen all the pictures and articles about other celebrities being sent to rehab, she had always imagined it as either a large happy environment where everyone was happy and open, or a building with just another name replacing a jail cell. To her surprise and some disappointment, it was neither. It was just quiet.
No one paid much attention to her though she was famous. The other patients passed her, occasionally sending her a nod of respect of understanding. All the other girls in this building had gone through the same thing she had been going through now. It relaxed her to know that at least while she was here, she wasn't the only one.
"Breakfast!" a high French accented voice rang through the stiff air, finally adding an assortment of noise to the desolated room. Demi glanced up to meet the soft green eyes of a worker at the rehabilitation center. He had also become one of her closest companions, since she had almost little or no contact with anyone else.
"Good morning, Jack," Demi smiled politely, though the ends of her lips curved out awkwardly as if she had forgotten how to smile. She watched as the short, lively man set her tray on the table across the room.
"You're looking better," Jack grinned, revealing a set of milk white teeth that matched everything else in the building.
"I've survived two weeks," Demi sighed dramatically. She walked across the room and picked up a slightly burnt piece of toast from the tray. "And two weeks of this food."
"Well, at least you won't have to only eat this food anymore," Jack chuckled as he also grabbed a piece of toast from her plate. He glanced around to make sure no other doctors or workers were near before slipping the piece of bread in his mouth. Jack never entirely followed the rules and Demi liked that about him; that even in this environment of control, there was still a sense of carelessness, a sense of freedom.
"What do you mean? I'm not leaving yet," Demi quickly explained, her voice raising an octave higer as she felt panic build up in her throat. Although she was slowly recovering, she was definitely not ready to face the world again. Not yet.
"Calm down, my little dark fairy," Jack laughed with his rich French accent. He had been calling her that since they had first met. "I only meant that two weeks has passed. You're allowed to have visitors now, and they can deliver you anything you want from the outside, like maybe edible food?"
Demi felt her entire body stiffen as realization rolled over her. "What do you mean?"
"Your friends and family are allowed to visit you now."
Flashing images of her mother, her step- dad, her sisters, her friends all seeing her at such a weak state striked a sensitive chord of fear inside Demi as she found herself trembling. She missed them all, but she wasn't ready to face anyone outside these plain white walls, even people such as her mom, Madison, or even her best friend Miley.
"You look upset. Aren't you happy to see them?" Jack asked.
"Not right now. I'm not ready yet."
A small, sad smile danced across her friend's lips as he wrapped her in a loose hug. "Don't worry. It's going to get better."
Demi, too confused to respond, simply nodded her head as she pulled away from his grasp. She glanced around the room as a fresh head- ache pounded across her forehead. She wasn't sure if it was the new medication she was receiving or if it was the fear of having to face everything she had been hiding from for the last two weeks.
"My head- ache is coming back," she groaned, rubbing a sensitive area on her forehead. Jack sent her a worried glance and examined her closer.
"Do you want me to get the doctor? Make sure everything's alright?"
Demi shook her head quickly, dismissing his worries. "No. It's nothing a nap won't fix. I'll see you later then?"
Jack glanced around the room awkwardly, finally realizing that his presence wasn't wanted at the moment. Demi didn't want to seem rude, but all she cared about was a place to be alone. A place to have her thoughts to herself.
Before Jack left, he turned towards Demi and sighed. "Don't lock yourself away from the rest of us, my little dark angel. It's the only real cure." He took a few pills out of his white coat pocket and dropped them on the metal tray he had dropped off, before walking out of the room and continuing his daily morning rounds.
She hesitantly glanced up at the red and white pills she had been taking for the last two weeks and simply stared at them, wondering if they really made any difference at all. She still felt the same. Sure, the pressure was off at the moment, but would they still work when she left the safety of these walls and entered the world again?
To her own surprise, she found herself turning away from the pills as she faced the wall and dozed off to a light sleep.
Demi sat straight up in bed, beads of sweat matting down her bangs across her forehead. She quickly scanned the room and found a man in a bleached white lab coat standing across the room with an amused smile playing across his lips. "Sorry to wake you, Ms. Lovato. I didn't know you were such a light sleeper."
She blushed suddenly embarrassed at her jumpiness, probably just another thing they would add to her record at the rehab center. The list seemed to be growing day by day. "It's fine," she smiled weakly, trying to cover up the squeakiness in her voice that only surfaced whenever she was nervous.
"Well, I just wanted to inform you that you have a visitor."
Demi froze, waiting to see if this was some kind of joke, but neither her or the man blinked as the silence built up. She finally stood up shakily as she slipped her feet into the cold slippers they had given her on the first day. She wrapped her white robe closer around her as she tucked a strand of thick night- black hair behind her ear. "Who is it?" she asked curiously. She could only imagine her mother and sisters already waiting there, wanting to know how she was doing, giving her glances of worry.
But she didn't want that. Pity.
Out of everything that was what she was trying to avoid most.
"A friend, from what I hear," the man in the lab coat shrugged off. He truly didn't seem to know, but Demi could only guess. Miley had come to visit her. Though she was slightly anticipating seeing her best friend and telling her all about the stories that had happened in the last two weeks, she still couldn't manage to shake off the fear lurking beneath the surface of her pale skin.
The man in the lab coat walked Demi down the hallway, passing rows and rows of identical white rooms, all filled with complete silence as if there weren't anyone in them at all. Finally, they stopped at a metal door that looked almost like what you would have seen in a jail cell. "Here you go," he smiled politely as he opened the door slowly and urged her in. He didn't follow but instead waited until she entered before shutting the door once again.
A strange terrifying sensation filled her as the metal door swung shut, the slam echoing through the usual silence of the building. She turned around, expecting to see the light brunette, Miley or maybe even her mom or sisters.
But it wasn't.
"What are you doing here?" she found herself asking, a sharp, cold tone filling her question.
Joe Grey seemed to have trouble answering as he stared up at her from his seat. His dark, almost black hair shone even through the darkness of the room and it was still the usual untamed mess it was before she had last seen him. His skin looked paler, and his eyes revealed a bit more exhaustion, but other than the few small changes, he was still the same Joe Grey she had last seen on tour two weeks ago.
"I wanted to see you," he finally mumbled out, his words tumbling over one another.
"Why?" Demi asked simply, crossing her arms across her chest.
"Because I don't like how things ended between us…"
She paused, not knowing whether he was talking about the break- up from early spring or the argument they had before she had quit the tour and entered the rehab facility. "I… I don't want to fight with you, Joe," she explained calmly, counting to 100 slowly in her head; a calming method her doctors and support group had taught her last week to control her emotions.
"Then don't," he stated simply as he motioned his head at the seat across from him. After a long break of thinking, Demi finally shuffled forward and took a seat. The metal chair felt cold and prickly as it slid under her bare legs protruding from her robe. She had begun to wish she had at least changed first, or even just brushed her hair.
She quickly slammed herself for even thinking about it. Why should she still care about what he thought of her?
"You look great," Joe finally smiled as he studied her from across the table.
A soft blush crept across her pale cheeks, and she suddenly hated herself for having such pale skin. The bright crimson sprayed across her face was probably as visible as a rose in a bed of cotton. She quickly ducked behind the veil of black hair that circled in waves around her face.
"So," Joe finally sighed again, noticing Demi's silence. "How are you?"
She glanced up at him and began to wish she was back in the safety of her own room. "I've been better," she replied quickly, her weak voice cracking with each word.
"That's good," Joe nodded, the same strained smile still displayed across his lips.
More silence.
"Joe, what are you really doing here?" she finally found herself asking, her eyes searching his orbs of light brown. She had to tear her gaze away from his as a familiar flutter erupted at the pit of her stomach. She couldn't go through this again.
Joe, knowing that Demi would always know when he was lying, leaned forward and propped his elbows on the table. "I wanted to say I'm sorry."
Demi stiffened as she heard the words roll from his mouth. "For what?"
Joe tugged at his hair, giving away that he was nervous. "For everything. I should have treated you better, I should have thought more about how you would feel… about the tour, about everything."
She fell silent, the soft beating in her chest suddenly building and building as she continued to listen.
"I'm sorry for breaking your heart," Joe finally mumbled, his heavy gaze crashing against her like rocks. She looked away, knowing she couldn't look into those eyes much longer before giving in.
"Can you just tell me if you ever really loved me?"
Joe seemed to pause, shocked by the straight- forwardness in Demi's question. Finally, he exhaled a soft sigh and nodded. "I always loved you."
"No, Joe," Demi shook her head. "Were you in love with me?"
This time, Joe's answer came faster. "I was."
Was Demi thought to herself, meaning he did. That he didn't anymore. She could have sworn she heard a shattering somewhere in the room, but then again it might have just been another trick of her imagination.
"How's the tour?" Demi asked suddenly, wanting to change the subject. Joe seemed a little shaken from the topic before he blinked a few times.
"Um, it's good. Fun," he answered steadily, his eyes flickering with doubt at the changed subject. "The fans miss you."
"I miss them too," Demi finally smiled. If there was one thing driving her towards getting better and finally entering the real world again, it was her fans. She had been getting news from Jack about how her fans had been slowly pouring into the city just to hold up posters of support and prayers. She almost cried the first night she had heard.
"How is everyone?" she asked, suddenly curious on how everyone else was doing. She had stayed out of touch for two whole weeks. She could only imagine what else had happened.
"Everyone's doing fine," Joe smiled softly. "Nick is writing songs for the new album, Kevin and Danielle are pretty much inspirable, and they're even thinking about having kids soon."
Demi felt her lips widen to reveal a large grin. "Are you serious?"
Joe nodded and Demi nearly squealed out of her seat. They had always joked that if they had children, they would make Demi the god mother. She could only wish that the proposal was still there after all of this had happened.
"What about Miley?" she asked suddenly, remembering her best friend.
"I don't know much. I haven't talked to her since the beginning of the tour, but from what I heard, she's doing great. Her parents' divorce is hard, but she'll get through it. She's been talking to Nick again. Apparently, things between her and Liam ended badly."
Demi couldn't keep up with all the information at once. Miley and Liam were over, Miley was talking to Nick again, Tish and Billy were having a divorce, Kevin and Danielle were going to have children… She felt like she had just jumped into an ice cold pool of reality as the news from the outside world washed over her.
Suddenly her face softened as she glanced up at Joe who seemed to still be staring at her. It wasn't exactly a stare of hate or pity, but rather a stare of curiosity, like a child watching a new toy from the outside of a store window.
"What about you?" Demi finally asked, realizing how she had forgotten to ask how he was doing the entire time. "How are you?"
"It's good. I've been having a lot of fun on tour. Frankie, Mom, and Ashley just flew back to LA a few days ago."
Demi froze from the mention of her name. "Are you still together?"
"Yes."
Even though she knew the answer before he had even opened his mouth, she still couldn't help but feel a bit of disappointment. Demi could still feel the weight of his gaze draped upon her. She gathered her courage and flickered her eyes up to meet his. Joe seemed almost more exhausted than she was as he leaned forward and took her hand into his. The raven- haired 18 year old stiffened as her skin made contact with his, sending jolts of electricity throughout her whole body.
You hate him, Demi reminded herself over and over again, but the voice became nothing but a soft murmur as Joe's thumb rubbed over her palms gently.
"I just want to make sure everything's good between us. I hate not having you in my life," Joe mumbled, his voice hitching as he let out the final few words. Demi could tell from the five years of knowing him that he was truly hurting from the inside, and it hurt her just from seeing it.
"You'll always be in my life," Demi stated stiffly, her voice lacking emotion.
"No," Joe shook his head, slightly tightening his hold on her. "I want you to want to be in my life. Not because your manager told you, or because your parents told you, or because anyone told you. I want to hear you say it."
Demi swallowed down a knot of anxiety in her throat as she studied the boy standing in front of her, looking up at her with those large brown eyes. He looked like he was 16 again. It broke her heart.
"I want you to be part of your life," she finally whispered.
"You mean it?" A soft, hope- filled smile stretched across his lips.
She nodded her head slowly which emitted an even larger grin to sweep across his handsome face. As if a chain reaction, the ends of her own lips curled into a soft smile.
"There it is," Joe finally chuckled as he grinned at her. "I've missed that smile of yours."
A blush crept across her cheeks like a breeze of red as she bit back her smile in embarrassment. Both of their eyes met and Demi could have sworn a spark began to light up as they simply stared. It was as if someone had just lit the line of a firework about ready to explode.
"Demi…" Joe whispered, suddenly realizing that he still hadn't let go of her hand. She parted her lips to answer, but a loud knocking caught both of their attentions. The two jumped away from each other as if they had been caught doing something wrong.
"Two more minutes before visiting hours are over!" someone announced from the foot of the door. She felt panic rise within her as she realized that she had such little time and so much more left to say. Breathe, she reminded herself as she begun the countdown from 100 she had been taught.
"I'm glad you came," she finally blurted out. She snapped her mouth shut, wishing she had held her tongue, but Joe simply smiled and stood up with his arms held out.
"Aren't I going to get a proper hug goodbye?" Joe asked nervously, his arms still held out in front of him as he waited for her to fill the empty space.
Shakily, she stood from her chair and before she knew it she was in his arms. They wrapped around tightly around her lower back and she tried to ignore the feelings she received when she felt his strong, built muscles holding onto her as if there were no way she could ever fall again. She wrapped her arms around his neck hesitantly and buried her face in the space where his neck met his shoulders. The soft fabric of his cotton t- shirt tickled her nose, and the familiar smell of soap and cologne filled her senses. She missed this, she suddenly realized. She missed him.
"Hey," Joe whispered as he brought his hand to stroke her dark hair. "Don't cry." She surprised herself as she glanced down and saw she had left small moist marks on his t- shirt. She pulled away to apologize, but Joe wouldn't loosen his embrace. Instead, she buried herself further into his arms and let the moment last as long as it could.
Finally, the knock from behind them sounded again indicating that visiting hours were officially over. She clung onto him, shutting her eyes and wishing that time would just stop for her for that one time, for that one moment.
But it didn't.
Instead, she pulled away and wiped at her moist eyes. She gathered up enough courage and tilted her face upwards to meet his intense gaze. She opened her mouth to say goodbye, but no words would come out. She couldn't do it.
As if sensing her fear, Joe grabbed for her hand and squeezed it. He smiled down at her as he said the same words that had been told to her only a few hours ago. "It's going to get better."
As she walked back to her to her room, back to the silence of her own thoughts the conversation with Joe kept replaying over and over again in her mind. They were friends again, she realized with pure bliss. She felt as if every hole and patch had been sewn together in the last hour. They were finally at peace… as friends.
She made her way back into her room and collapsed on her bed as she pounced under her pillow for the small book she was looking for. Her doctors had given her the idea to start a journal to release the feelings she would have had to hold in for the last two weeks. The minute she had received the velvet covered book, she had poured her heart into it with every secret and feeling that had led her there in the first place.
She opened up a crisp blank page and began to write.
11/ 8/ 10
Dear J,
Joe visited me today. Just seeing him there so close broke my heart all over again. I thought I hated him, J but I'm starting to doubt I ever even started. He wants to be friends, and I said yes. He said he needed me in his life… but the truth is I need him. I wish I had the guts to tell him that.
Right before he left, he hugged me and it felt like all those years ago before everything fell apart. I knew it was going to be the start of something better. He forgave me for everything I had done or said in the past few months, and he apologized for everything he had done too. We fixed everything. We're finally friends again. There's no war, no fighting, no ignoring. It's just the two of us, like I always wanted.
That's why I know I can't tell him I still love him, J. I can't. - Demi