The night of the Winter Solstice, while her friends were inside the castle dancing the night away, Alanna had snuck off to her room and dressed in the delicate purple dress that Mistress Cooper had given her. Disguised in a wig she traveled down to the gardens. The gardens were awash with moonlight and Alanna found herself sitting down and basking in the peaceful atmosphere. She contemplated what had passed between her and Jonathan the last couple weeks; how he had acted so funny when he saw her in a dress, how he was blowing hot then cold, how he was probably with Delia right now. She would hear them tonight, in the next room, she thought bitterly. Why was Jonathan always toying with her? Why did she care? She had promised herself she would never love a man. Did she love Jonathan? In the middle of her thoughts she noticed a man moving on the terrace above her, they were staring and soon went inside. Alanna was finished, finished with this dress, finished with being a girl; she didn't want one of her friends to come down and recite their bad poetry, trying to woo her. It was just easier to be a boy. But as she neared the edge of the gardens, he was there, waiting for her. She knew him instantly and removed her wig.

"How did you know it was me?"

"I guessed, but then I saw you walk and I knew."

"Mistress Cooper keeps trying to cure me of walking like a boy, but I'm afraid its a habit I'll never quit."

"Does it make you wish that maybe you had never tried to be a boy all these years?"

"Never! In fact, I'm starting to regret being a girl tonight."

"Why? You are a girl!"

"Because, even enduring page training and running errands as a squire, falling off my horse, getting bruises and cuts all over, being attacked by a wolf, and even war is easier than..."

She cut off short. He could tell she didn't want to continue, the way the silence hung in the air, so he reached out for the gold shining necklace that hung right above her breasts. He made sure to graze her skin, noting the flush that came to her face in the moonlight at his touch. "What's this?"

"Its a charm that Mistress Cooper gave me a long time ago. Its so...so I don't have children."

"Have you ever tried it out?" He smirked, knowing he knew the answer, but at the same time worried that something might have happened with George. He wanted Alanna to himself. He knew he was being selfish, courting all the other ladies at court and still stringing Alanna along. Alanna was all he wanted, but she couldn't see that she wanted him too and that he was just waiting for her to realize this.

"What kind of question is that? Do you ask all the ladies at court the same question? Isn't it against court manners? I deserve the same respect as all the other ladies!" She began to flee, tired of this romantic silliness.

He grabbed her arm and stopped her. She turned to stare up at him, eyes trying to look defiant but coming across as pleading. "Do you deserve the same respect as all the other ladies? You dress as a man and give off mixed signals, I know you want love, I know you want me, but you deny yourself and me. I know you want in my bed. And I want you there too. You deserve more respect than all the other ladies at court, you deserve love, more than any of them, but you just have to let me give it to you."

She had been too afraid to admit it to herself, but when he said it so plainly, she realized she did want to be the one in his bed tonight rather than listening to Delia's shrill shrieks as she and Jonathan made love. Now it was Alanna's turn for love. She breathed out, releasing her tension and gave in. Jonathan stepped close and brought her into his arms.

"I'm afraid Jonathan, afraid of love."

"Don't be."

Slowly he took her hand and pulled her against him. She could feel every nerve alight with his warmth. She relaxed against him and leaned her forehead against his chest. He smiled and gently brought her face too look at him. He ran his thumb along her cheek bone, trying to calm her blush. She leaned into his hand and he took that as a sign as she was finally giving up, she would finally love him. He brought her lips to his and kissed her, slowly and trying to show all his passion. He wanted her. He moved his rough hands to encircle her waist and felt her curves. In the pit of her stomach she felt warmth building and gave into the sensations, she opened her mouth to him, giving him access. His tongue surged forth and tasted every part, tracing patterns on the roof of her mouth. New to this she wasn't sure how to respond and he could tell. He slowed his impatient tongue and let her repeat his moves back to him, savoring each moment. With his tongue slowed, his hands grew impatient and they moved up her sides to the top of her dress where it was laced down the back. He found the tie and began to untie it, when she pulled away suddenly.

"No. No." She was panting for breath. She stepped out of his arms and looked frightened.

"What's wrong?"

"Not here," she almost hissed. He chuckled at her and then mockingly offered his arm, "M'lady". She glared, but took the proffered arm and let him lead her to his rooms.

Once there Alanna began to feel nervous. Her palms were sweaty and she was beginning to doubt herself and her decisions. But before Jonathan opened the door he gave Alanna a look that melted her insides and she could tell that the smile in his eyes was only for her. He took her stubborn chin in his hand and brought eyes to meet his, "Are you ready?"

It seemed an out of place question at first, but Alanna nodded. "I want this. I want you. But more than that, I love you. And I respect you. I never saw Lady Delia as anything more than a lady, than a conquest. And you know what type of man I am, but you...you are special. You're a squire, a friend, a fighter, and soon to be a lover. Don't be afraid to open yourself to me Alanna."

At that he kissed her and turned his key in the lock. The door opened to a candlelit room and the smell of sandalwood, her favorite. She hadn't been expecting this and a small part of her couldn't help but wonder if he did this for all the women that shared his bed or just her. He crushed her thought by running his hand up her arm, calming her nerves. The bed stood so menacingly and it seemed to grow wider as tension grew in the air. Alanna had faced many enemies and many challenges, this was one she would not back down from. She took a deep breath and moved her body into a protective stance. Jonathan grinned at her. "Alanna, this isn't jousting lessons, though I suppose one could make an innuendo about that, relax your muscles...like this."

Jonathan moved to stand behind her and, this time much slower, began to unlace her dress. Alanna breathed in the scent of sandalwood and relaxed against Jonathan's touch. She leaned into him as in the garden and found herself in that same place she had been before, her stomach alight with butterflies wings. Jonathan finished untying the bodice and let the dress slip from Alanna's body, her inhibitions were replaced with lust and arousal now and she wanted to see Jonathan, to feel him.

Jonathan planted a kiss on Alanna's shoulder while snaking his arms around her to pull her nearer. He felt the slope of her curves along her side, shivering at the feeling, bringing her nipples erect, Jonathan noticed this as he had his hands on her breasts now, separated by a thin binding, but a binding that was quickly getting in the way. Alanna enjoyed the sensation and let the feelings wash over her, but Jonathan's slow movements left her with a yearning ache. She turned around in Jonathan's arms and began to untie his tunic. Her fingers were shaking, but she was determined, besides, it wasn't too different from her own clothes, soon she had it off of him and discarded the useless piece of clothing to the floor along with her dress.

There before her was Jonathan, no longer a friend, not just a boy, not a prince, but a man, a lover. The candle light caste shadows that accentuated his muscles, his broad shoulders that spoke power, a hard jaw that left no insecurities, and a stomach that practically rippled from hardened muscles. Her eyes trailed downward and found that his stomach wasn't the only hardened muscles. She blushed at the sight and feeling a tingle of excitement run down her spine. Jonathan watched her as she took him in, loving the way that she smoothed her hands over every inch of his chest curiously.

Jonathan interrupted her exploration to grab her shoulders with his large rough hands, kissing her, pulling her into a trance with his lips, he moved them slowly to the bed. When Alanna felt the edge of the bed bump into her calves she felt unsure again. She wanted to be able to move into the bed gracefully and seductively, trailing Jonathan along with her, but she knew that she would be unable to do that. She supposed it was one of those 'manners' only women knew about and even though she was a woman, she had lost her chance to learn how to seductively call Jonathan to bed with her body. So instead she just sat down on the edge, put her hands behind her to prop herself up and turned her face up to Jonathan. He took advantage of her proffered and vulnerable body and ran his hand and fingers over her stomach. Leaning next to her head he whispered in her ear, "Scoot back against the pillows".

She obliged, appreciating this gesture of understanding. She felt nervous and she started trembling, feeling awkward as she moved her hands to Jonathan's hair, but all that nervousness left when Jonathan kissed her. Ever so gently it began, but soon he was biting at her bottom lip and begging for entrance into her mouth. Soon they settled into a comfortable battle, Alanna's pride growing with every second and then she was not asking but rather taking control, making Jonathan follow her. He took this as a good sign and his hand moved to her breasts, first massaging from outside the bindings while Alanna had her hands gripped in Jonathan's dark locks, arching herself into him, wanting more. It was all going too slow.

Jonathan felt the same and undid the bindings releasing Alanna's breasts and watching them fall open before him, two round luscious assemblages of perfect creamy skin, dotted by a single birth mark and two dusty pink pert nipples. He moved down Alanna's neck, kissing her vulnerable flesh along the way and drinking in the sight of her perfect body as he did. Alanna was in awe of the sensations she was feeling and couldn't believe she had allowed herself to wait this long for something that felt so good. She clawed at the strong muscles of his back, drinking in the feel of something so foreign, so not her own, so much a man.

Jonathan reached her breast and first kissed the one birthmark there, paying reverence to this body the Gods had given him. He thanked Mithros and took one erect nipple into his mouth. He played with it with his tongue, savoring the unique flavor of Alanna and meanwhile using his hand to give attention to her other breast. He drew himself away from Alanna to look at her, her flaming hair splayed out across the pillow, her eyes lidded with lust and filled with happiness, her soft skin tender and exposed before him. This was not Squire Alan, this was Alanna and she was a woman. Jonathan traced his hands along Alanna's outstretched arms and brought them along the outside curvature of her breasts, noticing perfect it felt. He watched them move in response to his touch and was mesmerized at the sight. It wasn't until Alanna got fidgety that he was brought back to the present moment. He wrapped his hands around her sides and splayed his hands over her stomach, moving his hands downward, there he began to undo her lower bindings and gave one last look up into Alanna's eyes to be sure she still wanted to move forward. Jonathan was relieved when she nodded, a smile still shining in her eyes, telling him that she wanted this as much as he did. Alanna felt helpless just then though and wanted something to do with her hands, so she began to help Jonathan with his pants. When they fell to the ground Alanna first saw only thigh, strong muscular thigh that flexed as Jonathan moved to be near her on the bed. Alanna gulped, she had seen boys' parts before, but never in this circumstance and now she was warring between making an altar to this sexual organ and running and hiding in fear from it. In the end her treacherous body won out and let her mind relax. Jonathan was taking things slow and let Alanna adjust to the situation before pressing her any further.

Alanna reached out and put her hand on Jonathan's upper arm that was supporting him above her and whispered, "Jon, I'm scared. But Jonathan, I love you."

Jonathan smiled and alanna lay back, opening herself to Jon, to her best friend, to her lover.