A/N: I ignored all questions about Russia and the Mafiya so as not to disturb any potential sequel. I also ignored all questions involving USUK seeing as it was a pairing that was not relevant to the story.
Bonus Chapter
Me: Okay, so your fans have a few questions they want answered.
Italy: Oo, are they girls? I'll answer their questions!
Germany: Whatever, let's do this quickly and efficiently.
Prussia: Pfft. We all know that I'm the reason they're here.
Me: Right, anyway… *shuffles papers* Mm, let's see, there are loads of people curious about your childhood experiences.
Germany: I was in training for a lot of it, and I don't remember anything before then.
Me: How about you and Gilbert wait because there are some questions about your Beilschmidt training and stuff?
Prussia: That's cool.
Germany: *nods*
Me: Okay, then, Feliciano?
Italy: Well, I had lots of fun with Ludwig! We played inside a lot, but we got to spend lots of time with our friends like Spain and France and Hungary. And Nonno was always so great to us!
Romano: Bullshit.
Italy: Lovino! When'd you get here?
Romano: I heard you'd be answering question about your childhood, so I figured I'd better show up to make sure you don't fuck it up.
Me: Eh… So, what do you wanna add something?
Romano: *hesitates* I mean, it didn't totally suck, but…
Italy: Lovino… You didn't have a bad childhood! You had Prussia to keep you company!
Romano: Lucky me…
Me: Actually, Lovino, there was a question for you… about your childhood, specifically.
Romano: R-really?
Me: Yeah, they wanna know if something happened to make you so bitter.
Romano: What the fuck? I'm not bitter! Who the hell asks that sort of bullshit?
Me: *under breath* Um… the fans?
Prussia: I hear it happened after his folks died.
Romano: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! No one asked you shit!
Germany: Really? Is that true?
Me: Well, it's true that after their parents passed away, they had to move in with their grandfather. Feliciano was too young to remember his mom and dad, but Lovino remembered and he hated moving in with his grandfather who had distanced himself from their mother for obvious reasons. He didn't want to live with Romulus because he didn't like the "damn German" guard or the "damn shady old man" he was guarding.
Romano: Hey! Why the hell are you answering the questions for me?
Me: You weren't saying anything, so I exercised my writer's right.
Germany: Then what's the purpose of this whole "interview"? Why don't you answer the questions yourself?
Me: To make things more interesting for the readers.
Prussia: I feel so… used.
Me: Quit bitching and listen to the next question.
Italy: Oh… Lovino! I never knew! I'm so sorry I ever called you crabby… or mean… or annoying!
Romano: Idiot! Get off of me!
Me: Okay, okay… Ludwig, Gilbert, we've got a ton of fans asking about your training to become guards.
Prussia: Well, it was ridiculously hard, but I was super awesome and went through it like a champ.
Me: Oh, did I mention that Gilbert remembers some of his childhood before his being scouted by the Beilschmidts?
Germany: You do?
Prussia: My mind's like a bear trap, West, I remember everything.
Germany: I… I think you mean "steel trap", Bruder.
Prussia: … Nah, I definitely meant "bear trap".
Me: Anyway, Gilbert, do you wanna tell them or am I gonna have to?
Prussia: *clears throat* Well, it all began when I was small and adorable-
Me: Basically he lived with his great uncle, Friedrich. They were poor, living in East Germany, and the old man wasn't exactly getting any younger.
Prussia: I took care of him, though, didn't I?
Me: Right. While you were two.
Prussia: I… made him laugh. Sometimes.
Romano: Your face could make anyone laugh, dumbass.
Prussia: I can beat the living shit outta you now, you know.
Romano: Tch. *steps backwards slightly*
Prussia: Then he dumped me at the orphanage. Probably 'cuz he was getting ready to kick it or something. *pretends not to be choked up*
Me: He hasn't only got an incredible memory, but he's also got a mind like a champion chess player. His strategy's good, and his fighting is excellent, but his manners can leave something to be desired…
Prussia: You used that exact expression in the story, but you said "social skills".
Me: Like I said, ridiculous memory skills.
Germany: Is that how you were scouted?
Prussia: You remember, don't you? The goons came into the orphanage, played some strategy games, tested some reflexes… y'know. Stuff.
Germany: I don't actually remember what happened before I began training. My first memory was being beaten down by one of my instructors.
Me: Well, you really didn't have a family… but your resemblance to Odoacer is notable. I'm not going to point fingers and accuse anyone of sleeping around on the job, but he might have once and he might not have exactly been old enough to be your actual "grandfather". Just saying…
Germany: Why do I feel as though you just made some dramatic revelation that I can't even enjoy?
Italy: *peels himself away from his brother* Ludwig's papa was Germania! Wah! And you were saying that it was a good thing that he died because he was a failure, too! Oh, you must feel so awful, Ludwig! This is so sad!
Germany: Oh… that. *expression darkens*
Romano: Wait a second, he was the same age as our stupid grandfather, wasn't he?
Me: Well, maybe Romulus started... making a family a little earlier than Odoacer did.
Prussia: Huh, I always thought that Mr. Roma was pretty young for having two full grown grandsons...
Me: Why did I even call you guys out here? You're worthless.
Romano: Then answer the questions by yourself, you bum!
Me: *ignores* As mentioned in the story, Odoacer (Codename: Germania) didn't actually have a whole lot of influence over his "grandsons'" childhoods. They were trained by specialists and experts in all fields possible.
Prussia: We trained… what, five different martial art forms? Learned how to handle all sorts of guns, cords, sticks, stones, and shit. Y'know, whatever you can use to kill someone.
Germany: *deadly serious* You can potentially kill a person with anything.
Romano: See what I mean? These guys are fucking psycho!
Italy: D-don't kill me, Ludwig…
Germany: …
Me: What about the other training you did?
Prussia: The boring stuff.
Germany: Human anatomy, some culinary training, several languages, basic mechanics, etiquette-
Prussia: And ballet? *snickers* West was always the prettiest dancer at his recitals~
Germany: *blushes* I was not! There weren't even recitals!
Prussia: But there were the times you danced for Opa and me.
Germany: It was against my better judgment.
Prussia: No, actually this guy dances like he's got cinderblocks for feet. I was so much better!
Romano: Idiot. Is that even something to brag about?
Italy: Ooo! I want Ludwig to dance for me, too! Ballet originated in Italy, you know!
Germany: *grumbles*
Me: *trying to regain control of the situation* How was the Beilschmidt "family" organized, exactly?
Prussia: Well… uh. *glances at his brother* Damn, I'm not really sure. Never really heard much about it. You?
Germany: There was the… the leader. He was the one who guarded the head of the Roma family. Then, there were the scouts who worked for the Beilschmidt family to find all of the guards.
Prussia: Oh yeah. See, whenever a new Roma was born, the head Beilschmidt alerted the scouts and sent them looking for a brat around the same age.
Germany: *corrects him* It's when the Roma child is one or two years of age, that the scouts begin to find a guard. That way, the new Beilschmidts can be appraised better.
Prussia: It's like dog breeding or something, y'know? Find the sturdy, clever looking ones who'll be easy to brainwash into taking bullets for some losers.
Romano: Hey! I heard that you asshole!
Italy: Lovino, stop trying to kill Prussia!
Germany: You realize you just called yourself 'easy to brainwash', right Bruder?
Me: Moving on, *shuffles more papers* people want to know about your survival training. The kind that Gilbert called "Beilschmidt boot camp" in particular.
Germanic brothers: *shudder*
Prussia: "Survival training" was just kinda a bullshit term they used for "dumping kids in the wilderness with a matchbook and a knife and see if they come out after a month".
Me: And if they don't?
Germany: Well, the scouts for the Beilschmidt family aren't just people – they're usually trained guards who didn't get the chance to be paired with a charge.
Prussia: That meaning that the first choice guard didn't die in training.
Romano: God dammit! Are you telling me I was one mishap away from not being stuck with this fucking moron as a guard? Fuck, I should've gone out into the woods myself to strangle the bastard!
Italy: But you hate the woods, Lovino. Don't you remember the one time we visited and you got poison ivy all over your-
Romano: Shut up, you idiot!
Me: So there have been guards who have died in training?
Germany: Enough that "a few" would be an understatement.
Me: Eh… Who would've thought that something like this would have turned out so dark?
Prussia: You're the one who came up with this shit!
Me: Well, a little tragedy never hurt anyone… right?
Nations: *stare*
Me: A-ny-way… What sorts of places did you go while you were, uh, training?
Prussia: I dunno. Mountains, woods, plains, tundras, islands…
Germany: Anywhere that was too far for us to walk to civilization within a month.
Prussia: That way, we also got to figure out which plants were good to eat and stuff.
Germany: *winces* And if you got that wrong, it wasn't exactly pleasant.
Italy: Poor Ludwig… You did all of that just so you could guard me?
Germany: W-well, of course. I… I mean, it's my job-
Italy: *giggles* It was your job, you mean!
Germany: Ah, right.
Romano: Ugh, I think I'm gonna hurl.
Prussia: *simpers* You want me to hold your hand as you worship the porcelain gods?
Romano: Fuck you.
Me: Gilbert, actually there's a question here for you and Lovino.
Prussia: No.
Me: No what?
Prussia: I never thought he was as cute as his little brother.
Romano: *huffs indignantly* You know I can't respond to that! I hate your brother more than I hate you!
Prussia: I win.
Me: The question is actually about what an average day would be before the whole assassination attempt thing.
Prussia: For me and this loser?
Romano: No, for me and this worthless bastard.
Me: Just what kinds of stuff would you two do together?
Romano: Well, he'd wake up in the morning and piss me off by being the loudest sonovabitch to ever walk the planet…
Prussia: He's just being a whiny little shit. The guy can't sleep if you're breathing too heavily on the other side of the house.
Romano: Then he'd get my breakfast and try to flirt with Hungary while he was at it.
Prussia: You know her name's Liz, right?
Germany: Elizabeta, Bruder.
Prussia: Like I said, Liz.
Italy: Oh, really? I didn't know…
Romano: Potato-brains. We grew up calling her that. Why would we know her real name?
Germany: I… I didn't realize you didn't know your employees' names.
Prussia: *glances pointedly at Romano* You at least know Spain's real name, right?
Romano: It's Antonio… n-not that it matters, the bastard.
Prussia: Anyway, I wasn't flirting. I was talking in an epic manner that could potentially get women interested in me. Not that women aren't interested in me already.
Romano: It was pathetic, shitty flirting.
Prussia: Shut up. *points* He's the one who'd drag us down to the gardens to yell at Toni, then make me drive him into town to some random fucking shop to buy something that he wouldn't tell me about, then make me drive him back so he could run off to the gardens again.
Italy: Oh! Is that how you kept giving Spain all those cute-?
Romano: No! I was just buying myself stuff so I could distract myself from that idiot.
Prussia: Right. Then he'd go inside for lunch and bitch at Francis for a bit, then Roddy'd come down and they'd get in a screaming match over whether or not he was being too loud for the damn pansy to play the piano properly or not.
Romano: So I'd untune his piano when he wasn't looking.
Prussia: Genius.
Germany: Immature, more like.
Prussia: You just don't appreciate good humor.
Me: So a normal day for you two was wreaking havoc and getting into disagreements with the other people in the manor?
Prussia and Romano: Yes.
Germany: Gott.
Italy: Actually, I remember this one time… Ludwig, don't you remember? When Lovino almost broke the chandelier because-
Germany: *quickly* Yes. I remember.
Romano: *turns bright red*
Prussia: Hey, actually, I've got a question.
Me: Uh… sure.
Prussia: No one knew about the idiot – I mean, Italian – brothers, right?
Romano: I heard that, dumbass.
Me: Not before the whole assassination thing, no.
Germany: I see where this is going. If no one was aware of the existence of the Roma-Vargas brothers, why were my brother and I needed as guards?
Me: Well, first of all, even if no one knew about Feliciano and Lovino, Feliciano and Lovino knew about themselves and they knew that their grandfather had a guard, and their mother, too. It only makes sense that they would each have one. Secondly, it was a formality, really. Romulus and Odoacer were confident in their plan, but the Beilschmidts and Romas (and Roma-Vargases) had always coexisted since some long ago date that I don't care to explore.
Italy: Okay, so then is that why Austria and Hungary were so scared the first time Yong Soo tried to shoot me?
Me: Yeah. They hadn't ever expected an attempt on your life (I mean, who tries to kill someone who doesn't exist?), therefore they knew immediately that someone was leaking information to the "enemy".
Germany: So all of my training was… a formality?
Me: Eh… yes. A bit.
Germany: *grumbles*
Me: Alright. The last questions are all about what you're all up to now that the Triad threat's gone.
Prussia: Is it? What about that Hong Kong guy?
Me: Mm, I think he fled to stay with family in the UK.
Prussia: Oh. Cool.
Italy: Um, well, Ludwig and I are living together now! We're pretending to be married, so we get to hold hands and kiss and hug in public whenever we want! Isn't it great, Ludwig?
Germany: J-ja.
Me: Ludwig, have you gotten the chance to attend college?
Germany: Well, not now. F-Feliciano and I are still getting settled in our new home, but now that I think about it… I could get a real education now, couldn't I?
Prussia: Tch. Who the hell'd want to get a "real education" after Beilschimdt training? Dude, West, we speak, like, ten different languages and we know at least a bit about basically everything.
Me: So you wouldn't want to go to college, Gilbert?
Prussia: Please. I could teach the professors a thing or two.
Romano: Like how to be a pompous prick.
Prussia: I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that.
Germany: *kneads at his temples*
Me: So we know that Feliciano's working as a greeter at the local grocery store, but the way you talked about Ludwig… you made it sound like he's a housewife.
Prussia: Pfft.
Germany: It's true that I do the cleaning around the house, and I don't have a steady job yet, but I think-
Prussia: Did you know that he swaps cleaning tips with the neighborhood women?
Germany: W-what? That's only on occasion-
Italy: Aw, Ludwig! That's so cute!
Germany: *mumbles defensively*
Prussia: Yeah, West, it's so cute~
Romano: *laughs scornfully* I can see it now, the brawny bastard sitting out on the front porch drinking margaritas with the women!
Prussia: Sharing gossip and relationship advice? Kesese!
Italy: Don't be so mean, you two. I think it's really adorable that Ludwig's made friends.
Prussia: Adorable~
Germany: *twitches* You're living in our goddamn basement!
Prussia: Yeah, about that… *addresses writer* Why is it that every time you write me into something, I get totally screwed over?
Me: I don't know what you're talking about…
Prussia: In your first multi-chapter, you kill me off with lung cancer. In your second multi-chapter, I had the living shit beaten out of me by Braginski, then my brother. Now I've been shot twice? Seriously! What the fuck?
Me: I… love hurting the characters I like the most?
Germany: I fell down a flight of marble stairs…
Prussia: Actually, she's writing a story that begins with you falling down a flight of stairs.
Germany: *raises a brow* Is this true?
Me: Well… eh… I kinda… recycled the idea?
Romano: I'd read it.
Prussia: She's a morbid little shit. She's written three… four… seven different stories involving people dying. Matt's died, I've died two… no, three times, and the Holy Roman Empire's died… at least once.
Germany: That's only five.
Prussia: You obviously haven't read the scraps of stories she started writing and never finished.
Italy: Wow, you like writing about death a lot… *uncomfortable* That's kinda creepy…
Romano: You're more fucked up than these German idiots.
Me: I just like the emotional factor! Really, that's it!
Prussia: You're a freaking sadist, you mean.
Italy: Ve, so's Ludwig!
Germany: Feliciano! *blushes*
Romano: Shut up, Feliciano! No one wants to hear it!
Prussia: You know what else she likes?
Me: (Uh-oh…)
Italy: What?
Germany: Do we even want to know?
Prussia: *innocent* She likes it when West's a virgin and Feli's topping~
Germany: Was?
Me: I don't know what you're talking about…
Romano: Ha! Serves you right, you damn Kraut! Wait… You slept with my little brother?
Prussia: Kesesese…
Italy: But that isn't all too far from the truth, is it, Ludwig?
Germany: *draws gun* No, it's not. Now excuse me while I destroy the evidence.
Me: Um, well, I hope I've answered all of your questions well enough. So excuse me while I run like hell.
Romano: And when he's done killing you, I'm gonna kill the sausage-sucking bastard myself!
Italy: Lovino! Stop waving that gun around or someone's gonna get hurt…
Prussia: Bet you five bucks it'll be me.
Italy: Wait! We only talked about what happened with Ludwig and me after the story!
Prussia: Okay, fine. Liz got a teaching job at the local high school (poor bastards are gonna start having nightmares about the crazy bitch), Roddy's teaching piano… violin… lame instrument lessons, and Toni-
Romano: Tomato bas-Sp-Antonio got a job with a landscaping company. Idiot likes to play in the dirt.
Italy: And France!
Prussia: We ditched the loser back in New York.
Italy: Really?
Prussia: No. Well… he's got a restaurant there that he's head chef-ing, so he couldn't really just back out.
Italy: Aw… I would've really liked to've eaten there…
Romano: And the stupid American?
Prussia: Still working with his brother as a hired gun. They said they'd stop by for a visit sometime this summer.
Italy: Hooray!
Prussia: Oh, and I guess you can't really forget Vash and Lili…
Romano: Who?
Prussia: Switzerland and Liechtenstein.
Romano: Who the hell is Liechtenstein?
Italy: Was she Switzerland's little sister who was really good at computers?
Prussia: She's the one. They're still over in Bern – I guess they're into bank security now.
Italy: I hope they stop by to visit sometime, too!
Romano: Why?
Germany: Damn, she got away.
Prussia: Who? That writer chick?
Germany: Ja.
Italy: I'm glad no one got hurt, though…
Germany: But she did yell something right before I lost sight of her.
Prussia: And?
Germany: Something about "nyotalia" and a high school/boarding school setting.
Romano: The hell's a "nyotalia"?
Germany: I don't know, but she also said "multichapter" and "posted soon."
Prussia: *snorts* Did she say something about shameless self promotion?
Germany: No.
Prussia: Figures.
Italy: Well, ciao everyone!
Romano: Who the hell are you talking to?
Italy: I thought there were fans?
Romano: What? *glances around suspiciously* Well, if there are, they can go screw off already 'cuz I'm not answering any more goddamn questions!