The Two of Us

"Their complicated history had fostered a bond that seemed 'tangled up' and 'crazy' to everyone else but them". Dean isn't in the mood to talk, but Sam gets him to open up about his fight with Lisa. Alternative scene for 6.06. This is AU (unfortunately) because it's set in a time when the boys were still brothers. Slight spoiler for 6.06.

Author's Note: This is inspired by Lisa's fight with Dean in "You Can't Handle the Truth". It pretty much ignores the current Season 6 storylines with soul-less Sam and suspicious, wary, Dean and explores how the brothers might have handled Lisa's denouncement of their relationship if circumstances were different and they were unified. Cannon purists: I beg your forgiveness.

Thanks to my awesome betas: Ericka Jane and SupernaturalGeek

Disclaimers: Clearly I don't own or profit from Supernatural because I like the boys pulling for the same team.

If Dean's final conversation with Lisa had been a boxing match, then his now ex-girlfriend would have won by a knockout. Dean knew he had messed things up with her big time. But even so, Lisa's brutally frank denouncement had left him reeling on the ropes.

Any time he sat still for a few moments, Lisa's damning words would come back to haunt him. And when tried to block them out he could literally hear her yelling, "You've got so much buried in there. You push it down and you push it down. Do you honestly think that you can go through life and not freak out?"

Well he'd come this far hadn't he? Why should a simple little thing like the painful, untimely end of one of the only meaningful relationships he'd been able to have with a woman make him change course? He'd get over this rejection the same way he's gotten over everything else that has hurt him deeply... he'd push it down.

Sam had immediately sensed that something was off but he gave Dean some space to process whatever was bothering him. Then when the third day listlessness, agitated, irritable day gave way to the third tense, pensive, sleepless night, Sam was through waiting for an invitation to intervene.

They were staying in some dead-end town, in a "bed and breakfast", i.e. motel yearning for respectability. Sam awoke in the dead of the night to answer the call of nature and saw his brother sitting at the small table-for-two. The table faced a large glass window which offered a less than stunning view of the street.

Illuminated by the distant street lights that cast dull rays through the blinds that are supposed to offer some privacy in the face of transparent doors, Dean is a portrait of dejection. He is bent forward with his elbows resting on the table and his face in his hands.

"I thought I was the insomniac in the family," Sam comments sitting up and yawning.

Dean looks up suddenly and glances behind him to briefly address his brother. "Go back to sleep," is all he says.

Still yawning, Sam picks up his cell phone from the bedside table and checks the time to see that it's just after 3AM. "Did you sleep at all," he asks, rubbing his eyes.

"Not really."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing I feel like discussing now."

"Come on, Dean. Tell me what's bothering you."

"You mean apart from the fact that I have a kid brother who won't stay out of my life?"

Sam generally has no problem shaking off his big brother's jabs but Dean sounds beleaguered at best, and bitter at worst. Throwing off his blankets, Sam went to sit across from his brother at the table. "I'm serious now, Dean," he says, "Talk."

Greeted only with silence, Sam prods some more, "I know you spoke to Lisa a few days ago and you've been in a bad mood ever since. What did she say?"

Considering his options quickly, Dean decides that sometimes the best way to bring a quick end to an unwanted conversation is to speak but say as little as possible.

"She pretty much said it's over."

"Oh," Sam sighs, feeling bad for his brother. "Why?"

After considering briefly Dean says, "Because she thinks I'm from a dysfunctional family and she doesn't need the complications in her life."

"But there's no family, really. There's just me."

That stops Dean cold. Leave it to Sam to neutralise his strategy.

"Was this about me?" Sam questions slowly, hesitantly.

"No," Dean insists quickly. He doesn't want to go there, of all places. Not while he's still trying to make sense of everything Lisa said and doing such a damn poor job of it.

"You're lying. I can hear it in your voice. What did she say?"

"Nothing, Sam. Just drop it."

"You always do this."

"Do what?"

"Shut me out. Whenever anything's bothering you, you shut down like a freaking clam and just freeze me out totally."

"Maybe I just can't afford the hourly rate for the damn therapy session."

"And what will it cost you apart from your ego? I mean, I tell you things that make me go red in the face, but you never trust me enough to confide in me."

"Will you shut up? You sound like some whiny, neglected wife. You wanna know what she said? You want all the gory details? She told me that she and I would never be able to make it because of you, OK? She said – and let me make sure I quote her correctly – that you and I had the most unhealthy, tangled up, crazy thing that she'd ever seen and as long as you were around, I would never be happy."

A sledgehammer to his stomach would have probably shocked Sam less. "That's what she said?"

"Yes! Is the therapy session over now, Dr. Phil?"

Dean hadn't meant to ever tell Sam what Lisa had said, but his little brother had pushed his buttons. And now that Dean's short fuse has burnt out, they were left with the ugly truth and all its implications.

"I'm sorry," Sam says quietly.

"Don't be," Dean shakes his head. "It has nothing to do with you."

But Sam isn't convinced. "The last thing I would have wanted to do was come between you two."

"You didn't," Dean reassures him. "I did."

Sam's raised eyebrows instantly tell Dean that Sam expects him to elaborate.

Silently cursing for letting himself be drawn into this early morning confessional, Dean goes on, "Lisa didn't just want to share her bed with me, she wanted to share everything; her home, her life, even her child. And what did I have to share with her? Everything that defines me; what I do, my past, my family - " and yes his tangled up, crazy relationship with his brother – "everything that makes me who I am, I had to keep from her."

"Why?" Sam asks, "Because you didn't think she would accept it or because you weren't prepared to show her who you really are?"

When the answer was nothing more than a scorching stare, Sam continues; "Look, I know our background is a little hard to explain and I'm not saying you have to tell anyone everything, but if you really love someone, then you can't be totally invulnerable, Dean."

"And that's what I keep asking myself Sam; did I really love her? Or did I just need a convenient place to park all my emotions when I was messed up over what happened to you? Maybe I just wanted somewhere to hide and 'normal' seemed like the perfect place. God, this really is starting to sound like a damn therapy session."

Dean rubbed his face, trying to shake off the surreal mood the conversation was creating. It wasn't lost on him that this might be exactly what Lisa had meant when she implied that he and Sam were abnormally close. If Dean had been a sane, normal man, from a sane, normal family, then it would have been Lisa listening to him in dark; getting him to talk about what was plaguing his mind and robbing him of rest. But Sam had always been the only one who could ever get him to open up about useless things like feelings and emotions; things that Dean personal felt were best ignored and yes, damn it, pushed down.

Lisa had tried, God knows she had but Dean knew he would never be a talker. But at least with Sam, he could be completely honest. He didn't have to worry about editing himself, or keeping his back story straight. And most importantly, he didn't have to explain himself, his history, or his family, nor did he have to rationalise his past. Sam had lived it with him. Sam understood.

"You know Dean," Sam interrupts his brother's thoughts, "talking about how you feel, it isn't such a bad thing. It's kinda how regular people get close to other people. You shouldn't resist it so much."

"That's what Lisa always used to tell me. But I could never find the right words when I tried to talk to her. I mean, the only person who can get me to babble like I'm a damn girl on some bad soap opera is you. So maybe dysfunctionality isn't such an unhealthy thing."

"I suppose," Sam says sadly, "But Dean you know it's OK to want a" – no, he wouldn't say normal – "different life. Why don't you call Lisa, it's been a few days maybe the two of you can talk it out."

But recalling Lisa's finals words, "Ben and I can't be in this with you" Dean knew that talking time was done. "She didn't give me an ultimatum Sam. She made the choice for me. Remember she doesn't just have herself to think about, she has a kid and none of this is fair to him. Trust me, it's over."

The circumstances may have appeared to be completely different, but Sam is suddenly hit by the memory of how he had felt when he lost Jess. And in remembering, his heart feels for his brother. Demons of a different kind are now depriving Dean of his relationship with Lisa, demons of the past. Angry devils born out of their complicated history, that have fostered a bond that seems tangled up and crazy to anyone else except them.

Maybe, Sam thinks, this is what happens when you leave a five year old to raise his baby brother and those two little boys grow up being chased by every kind of evil imaginable. Maybe this is what happens when two children have to face the kind of world him and Dean had faced their entire lives, with no one to depend on but each other.

But looking at what it was doing to Dean now, Sam wondered if it really had to be this way forever.

"Dean, you know I couldn't ask for a better big brother than you, but this babysitting job doesn't have to involve an indefinite period of service."

It didn't take Dean a second to figure out that Sam was making him an offer. "I'll be your big brother for the rest of my life Sam. You're always going to be my responsibility, so don't make it sound like I'm serving some kind of life sentence."

"But that's what it will be if it ends up costing you everything you love."

Dean sighs, tired as three nights of very little sleep catches up with him and exhaustion lowers his guard, "You mean everything else I love," he says plainly, "Now do you think there's enough of my guts all over this cheap motel room carpet or do you want to "talk" some more?"

Sam gives a half-hearted smile. Dean has obviously made his choice, too.

"No. Therapy session is over. You need to go get some sleep before you crash."

Dean gets up and heads for his bed, feeling like this time he might be able to actually rest. But Sam isn't taking any chances. He fishes a bottle of drug store sleep meds out of his duffle and gets a glass of pipe water.

"Here," Sam stands over Dean's bed, and holds out the pills and the glass.

"Trying to make sure I feel drowsy and crappy tomorrow?" Dean asks, sitting up in bed and taking the pills.

"You can spend the whole day sleeping it off. We won't leave unless you feel rested," Sam promises.

"Thanks," Dean puts the glass on his bedside table then lies back, and pulls up the covers.

"Dean," Sam says, still standing over his brother. "I love you too."

Dean turns his back to his brother and takes a few moments to make sure his voice is steady before he responds, "I know."

Sam doesn't need to hear anymore. Dean has already said it all.

THE END