"Alex?"

Alex jumped and dropped the phone she still held in her hands. She whirled around and saw Olivia standing in the doorway. She dropped her eyes, too ashamed to meet Olivia's concerned gaze.

Olivia was by her side in an instant. She pulled Alex into her arms and held her, covering the top of her head with a series of kisses. "What's wrong, baby? What is it?"

Alex clung to her and didn't say anything. She couldn't.

Olivia tried to rub Alex's back, but Alex pushed her hands away. She couldn't stand Olivia touching her right now. It felt wrong. Her girlfriend's hands morphed into her father's, violating her, touching her against her will, marring her skin. She'd tried to replace those memories with the one from last night, of Olivia touching her so gently and tenderly and making her feel safe and beautiful and loved, but she couldn't. The pain was still there, in the back of her mind, and she couldn't get rid of it no matter how hard she tried to.

Olivia pulled her hand away as quickly as if she'd been burned. "Alex, what happened? What's the matter? What can I do?"

Alex slid to the ground, needing Olivia's hands off her right now. She knew Olivia meant to comfort her, but she didn't want to be touched. She couldn't bear to feel his hands on her again.

Olivia sat down on the floor beside her, not touching Alex, but regarding her with concern. "Princess, about last night –"

"No, it's not that."

"Then what is it? Talk to me, baby, please. Please tell me what's wrong."

Alex finally raised her head, her glassy eyes meeting Olivia's. "Amanda."

With that one word, Olivia understood. "Oh, baby –"

"She doesn't want to talk to me, and Liv, I can't even blame her. I never should have hurt her, or left her, or made her take care of –" Alex clamped her lips shut before she said too much. She couldn't tell Olivia about Andrea.

"Made her take care of who, sweetheart?"

Alex wrapped her arms around herself. "No one. It doesn't matter."

"I think it does, baby," Olivia said gently. "Who was Amanda taking care of?"

Alex bit her lip. "My father. She was the only one there, the only one there for him to hurt. I know he did, and I couldn't – I didn't – I wasn't there, I didn't help her, I didn't stop it, I didn't tell someone."

"Alex –"

"No, you don't understand! I left her there for my father to hurt, she was my responsibility, I shouldn't have –"

"Sweetie, she wasn't your responsibility, and whatever might have happened wasn't your fault. What your father may have done was his own sickness, not yours."

Alex shook her head, thinking of Andrea's dimples, her beautifully crooked baby teeth, her sparkling blue eyes. "She was my baby," Alex said softly, almost to herself.

Olivia gave her a sad smile. "You were close with her, weren't you?"

Alex spoke flatly, as if she'd forgotten Olivia was in the room with her. "I wish I'd had more time with her, to get to know her. I wish I'd been there to protect her. I should have been there to protect her."

"Alex, you left to protect yourself. You had to."

"I left when I was sixteen, Liv. I could have done something so no one else would get hurt."

Olivia hesitated, wondering if she should even ask her next question. "What pushed you to leave?"

Alex looked away from Olivia. "I was pregnant. I couldn't have my father's child."

Olivia's breath caught in her throat. "Oh, baby," was all she could say. There were no words for this.

"I needed an abortion. I couldn't bring that baby into the world. I – I knew what would happen. I couldn't let it happen again. And then I lived on the street for three years. Then my father died – he killed himself. His lawyer found me, told me that my father had left me money. I took it, used it for law school, started over. My uncle helped me. I made a new life for myself, here. I never spoke to them ever again. I couldn't. I had to leave that life behind. I was never going to be that scared little girl ever again."

Olivia's eyes filled with tears at Alex's story. She was so brave, so strong – and Olivia had never known about this. She wished she could take Alex's pain away for her, and shoulder it herself. She loved Alex so much.

Alex noticed the moisture welling up in Olivia's eyes and felt immediately guilty. Ignoring her own feelings for the moment, she wrapped her arms around her girlfriend. "Don't cry, sweetheart. Please don't cry for me."

"I love you, Alex. I can't – it hurts me to think of someone hurting you. How could anyone ever hurt you? I just don't understand."

"Oh, Liv. We see it every day."

"It's different, Alex. It's you. I just wish there was something I could do."

"You've done more for me than anyone ever has. You've been here for me. You've listened. You –" Alex's breath caught. "You love me. No one has ever loved me before."

"That makes me so sad, Alex. But I'm here now." She smiled weakly. "We'll make up for lost time."

Alex's POV

I stared up at the ceiling of the bedroom and tried to make myself invisible. How had my life turned into this? How had I turned into this girl, this weak, terrified girl who was completely alone in the world? This girl who had sold her body for food and shelter, and continued to do so, with Daniel. I got the pull-out couch, except when he wanted me close. Tonight was one of those nights. He'd taken me over and over, at regular intervals throughout the night. I guess it was different than what my father had done – Daniel didn't want to hurt me. He wanted to fuck me, but he didn't want to hurt me. It wasn't the same. Other than that, Daniel just wanted his next fix.

It was a simple existence.

Amanda's POV

I stared up at the ceiling of the bedroom and tried to make myself invisible. My father was on top of me, grunting as he thrust into me. I kept as still as I could, but I couldn't help the tears coursing down my cheeks and the thought that popped into my mind that this was Alex's fault. She should have been a good sister and taken this pain for me.

And yet, I had not done that for her.

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