Chapter 4

Kurt finally went to sleep. I was leaning against the wall in his room thinking over everything, my main concern was what would have happened if I had been any later getting to his house or anything, the fact that he was curled up like that had scared me out of my socks. If I had taken any longer in my car or at the door he may have done something irreversible. If Mr Schue had taken any longer heading out Kurt could've died. 'What am I supposed to do? I don't know how to deal with depression. Maybe I should call Mr Schue. No, I can't do that Mr Schue will call his father and Kurt would be destroyed over that.' I spent the night going over and over and over all of my options to try and help Kurt. I didn't know anyone else who could help, none of my friends would know what to do and the other Glee kids wouldn't believe me if I asked for their help.

I tried closing my eyes but every time I managed to get to sleep I woke up from dreams of bloody knives and Kurt's lifeless eyes.

The sun rose as I stared at Kurt trying to get the haunting images of my dreams out of my head. Thankfully it was Saturday and there was no school so it didn't matter that I looked as terrible as my night of sleep. I made my way downstairs and put the coffee pot on to work.

I heard an alarm clock go off up in Kurt's room and Kurt's annoyed groan. It brought a small chuckle from my throat that even Kurt hated getting up in the morning. The coffee pot beeped and Puck poured two cups and carried them upstairs. As he reached the top of the stairs he heard a shower running and entered Kurt's room. The place looked so different in the light, when I first entered his room I didn't really notice anything and during the night everything seemed so gloomy and creepy, but in the dawn light and being able to see everything. It screamed Kurt, the wardrobe was huge and the pictures that were covering the walls were all of people on stages.

I sat his cup of coffee down on the desk on the coaster that was there. Everything was neat and tidy except for beside his bedside table, everything had been pulled out and dumped on the floor. Puck realised that this must be where Kurt had kept his blade. Puck realised he had no idea if there were any others in his room, or how to help Kurt, or what to do to help him. Puck leaned against the desk and stood sipping his coffee. Waiting for Kurt to finish his shower so they could talk, Puck had no idea what he was going to do or say but he knew that he and Kurt needed to talk about what was going on with him.

Kurt entered his bedroom wrapped in nothing but a towel. Scars littered most of his body; his legs, his arms, his torso. There seemed to be no part of that beautiful skin unmarked. Not only were there scars on his body but he had bruises all over his stomach, and back. When he looked up and saw me he just about jumped out of his skin.

"Please don't look at me," Kurt said and went over to his closet and stepped inside.

"Kurt we have to talk about this, all of this."

"I don't want to talk about it Noah, I just don't want to talk about anything." Kurt replied from inside the closet.

"Well that's too bad Kurt because we are going to talk about this; you're going to explain to me why you've been cutting yourself. Then you're going to tell me where the hell you got those bruises. Then we are going to figure out what we can do about it."

"You can't do anything Noah; I just need to be left alone."

"Is this about throwing the high F for Defying Gravity?" I asked as he stepped out of the wardrobe causing him to trip over his own feet.

"What? I didn't throw it, I couldn't hit it." Kurt replied picking up the coffee off his desk and taking a sip, he sighed. "Perfect."

"I heard you practicing the song. You hit the note, so I know you threw it. What I can't work out is why you threw it. Were you scared you wouldn't be able to handle it on the day?"

"I knew I would be able to handle it. But my dad couldn't have handled the trouble that it would've caused." Kurt put the cup down and began cleaning up the mess in front of his bedside table.

"You mean your dad doesn't like you singing?" I asked sitting my cup down and bending down to help him clean up.

"No, when we had the little diva-off my dad got a call from someone telling him I was a fag. He knew I was gay I had told him just after that first football game I played in. He said he'd known since I was I three. But that one call shook him to his core. If I had hit the note and gotten the lead the calls would have just gotten worse and I couldn't put him through that. Especially now, any stress on his heart could cause another heart attack and I won't have any part in him ending up back in hospital."

"So you sabotaged yourself to make him happy, you ruined your happiness for his."

"I couldn't do that to him." Kurt said sitting back on his heels. "I have to take care of him, I'm all he has left."

"So why were you going to kill yourself? Why have you been hurting yourself if you're all he has left?"

"What is this? Guilt me into something? I wasn't thinking straight, I love my dad but I just want to be invisible at the school. I don't want patriotic wedgies or dumpster dives or slushy facials. I just want to go to classes and go home and work in the shop. Besides he has Finn and Carole now."

"Kurt I'm not trying to guilt you into anything. I just want you to understand that what you were going to do is not an option."

"What would you know about it? What would you know about being hated by the entire town, one of the two people who actually loved you dying because of you?"

"My dad, before he left, used to beat me whenever something went wrong. When he bet money at the dog races and lost it, somehow it was my fault and he beat me. I used to watch him go from me to my mum beating on whichever he was more annoyed with. That's what I know."

"Oh god. I didn't know, I'm sorry."

"It happened a long time ago. What happened to you? Who did you lose?"

"My mum, she was coming to pick me up from, you're going to laugh, football practice. She had gotten caught up at work and was running late and some guy ran a red light. She lingered in hospital until the coach drove me there, she said she loved me and then she died. I was eight when I watched my mother die."

Puck just wrapped his arm around Kurt and held him gently as Kurt cried quietly into his shoulder.

"Kurt it wasn't your fault. Some asshole hit her and killed her, you didn't get her killed."

"If I hadn't been at practice..."

"NO Kurt! It is not your fault." Puck said lifting Kurt up and sitting on the bed with him cradled in his arms. Kurt just sat and cried holding on to Puck to he was the only thing holding him onto the world.

Puck put his fingers under Kurt's chin and raised his face to look at him. "I'm going to take care of you Kurt." Puck said and gently pressed his lips to Kurt's forehead.