Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton, or "Next Year" by the Foo Fighters.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Saturday, June 24th, 1967
I'm in the sky tonight,
There I can keep by your side.
Knuckles itching, Steve stared down at his mother's headstone. Valentine's Day had always been her favourite holiday, and he'd made a point of going to her grave every Valentine's Day since she'd died. It was the only time he went, and he couldn't remember the last time he'd been there and it wasn't Valentine's Day.
In fact, there was a good chance it had been the day of her funeral. He wasn't sure if that made him a really shitty son, or if it made his old man a really shitty husband and father for not bringing him more. He figured the latter; at least Steve made the effort every year.
He shoved his hands in his pockets, not feeling great about being there. He didn't have any flowers. Anna had asked if he wanted to stop and get some, but putting flowers on her grave seemed so final. He wasn't there to say goodbye, he wasn't there just in case, he wasn't there for one last visit; he was there because he wouldn't be able to make it next Valentine's Day.
Okay, maybe he was there just in case.
Sighing, he read the headstone he'd had memorised for seven years. Jacqueline Randle had only been thirty-one when she died, and as far as Steve was concerned, that was too damn young. He supposed eighteen and at war wasn't much better. His gaze drifted in the direction he knew Johnny and Dally were buried, and he couldn't decide what was worse.
It was all too depressing, and he thought maybe he should've stayed away.
But he'd had to come. Whether he liked it or not, this could be goodbye. He hadn't said that to Anna, who was waiting in his car, but she knew it. She never said one negative thing about what the next year could bring, but she knew the score. He was heading to war with a gun in his hand, and no guarantee it wasn't a one-way ticket over there. A part of him wished he'd been able to break up with her and spare her the year of hell she had coming her way.
Not that his would be much better. Hell, he was pretty sure it would be a whole lot worse.
It almost made him glad his mom wasn't around to worry. Almost. Anna's worry was bad enough, and Soda and Two-Bit's was nearly as bad - he couldn't imagine seeing his mom worry about something like this. And he knew she would have; she'd been one hell of a mom and he missed her like crazy. Despite how much she would have worried, he sure wished she was still around. He was pretty sure she really would have liked Anna.
He glanced back toward the parking lot, where he could just make Anna out sitting on the hood of his car, waiting for him. The silver ring with the green stone was hidden at the bottom of the bag he was leaving at Soda's. He didn't trust his dad not to throw out his stuff, and leaving a bag of things he wanted to keep at Soda's seemed like the best idea. Leaving the ring in that bag until he came back was just as smart an idea. He couldn't stand to give it to Anna and then not return.
He also hated the idea of not getting the chance to give her back her necklace. The chain felt cool and unfamiliar around his neck, the cross heavy on his chest. But the good kind of heavy. The kind that made him think of Anna and home and dancing with her the night before.
Looking back at the headstone, his hands shook again. It felt like he didn't go more than a few hours without them shaking, but he'd gotten used to it. Anna had noticed, of course; she'd grab his hand every time she did, but she never said a word and he loved her for it.
But now she was at his car and he was standing over his mom's grave and he might not come back. It brought back that sick feeling, but there was still nothing he could do about it. This could very well be the last time he saw his mom's grave, and that was about as depressing as all the other possibly-not-coming-back scenarios he'd come up with.
The idea of not having to see his dad again was the only not depressing thought. It'd run through his head as he and Anna were leaving his place for the last time earlier that morning, but he'd had the common sense not to say it out loud. Anna was on edge enough as it was.
But his dad was a bastard. A tiny part of him had been hoping everything would be wrapped up nicely before he left, but he wasn't surprised it wasn't. A little over a year ago he'd been thinking how similar his and Anna's dads were, but they weren't. Anna's dad cared. His didn't. He'd said nothing about the letter, and had barely spoken to Steve in the month since. Their goodbye that morning had consisted of an 'I'm leaving now,' followed by an ill-timed 'don't get killed' right in front of Anna.
He hated his old man, he really did.
His mom, though … he sure loved her. With one last heavy look at the headstone, he turned and headed back toward Anna.
XXXXX
Steve scowled at Two-Bit. "My last goddamn day here, and you've got me fixin' your car. Christ, Two-Bit."
"I figured it was a nice goodbye present." Two-Bit grinned, setting himself down on the dead grass of the Curtises' front lawn. "You've been dying to get your hands on her for years."
Well, Steve couldn't deny that. Picking up a rag, he leaned back under the hood of Two-Bit's car to tighten the cap on the radiator. It was no wonder the car was over-heating with the lack of water in the radiator. Not that Steve really minded working on the car. Considering he was leaving in less than three hours, it was nice to be doing something normal. In fact, the only problem he had with it was that he wouldn't get as much done to the damn piece of junk as he would like.
He stood straight, and was wiping his hands on the rag when Anna's laugh floated outside. Glancing toward the house, he wondered just how much of a mess she and Soda were making. Darry was making chicken sandwiches for lunch, but Soda had insisted he and Anna make a chocolate cake to go with it. He frowned. Glancing at Two-Bit, he decided to take the opportunity.
"What was with you and Anna last night?"
Two-Bit's grin widened. "You jealous, Stevie?"
"No," he said, without any of the usual irritation his voice usually held when he was asked that question. "Just worried about her."
Shuffling around so his back was against the fence, Two-Bit lost his grin. "Worryin' about her ain't gonna help you over there."
"I know, it's just … Soda's already said you guys'll look out for her, but they're not as close as they used to be …"
Two-Bit cocked an eyebrow at him. "You asking me to look out for your girl?"
"She's gonna need more than Danny and Kathy. 'Specially when Kathy's hardly been around much."
Two-Bit stood and moved to stand next to Steve. "You don't have to worry, man. Me and Anna? We made plans last night. Our friendship's gonna be so great it could rival yours and Soda's."
"Yeah?" Even while Two-Bit made jokes, Steve couldn't help but worry.
"You're leaving, Johnny and Dally are gone, and Kathy dumped me, buddy. Other than the guys -" Two-Bit threw a hand in the direction of the house, "- Anna's the only real friend I got left."
Steve said nothing. Two-Bit looked and sounded so serious that it was hard to know what to say in response. Anna was worried about him, Soda was worried about him, and he knew his mom would be worried if he was there. But he was worried about Anna, and even though Two-Bit's words made him relax a little, he was worried about Two-Bit, too. Finally, he just said what came to mind.
"Thanks, Two-Bit."
Two-Bit threw an arm around his shoulder and began to lead them inside. "Anytime, Stevie."
XXXXX
Steve kept his eyes on Anna. She seemed okay, but about halfway through lunch she had become uncharacteristically quiet. It wasn't surprising, considering everything, but he still worried. He wanted her to be her usual self, but knew it wasn't going to happen. The closer it got to three o'clock, the more she pulled away.
Not physically, at least. He and Soda had spread an old blanket out on the lawn to make the dried, dead grass more comfortable. They were sitting with their back against Two-Bit's car, and Anna's head was in Steve's lap as she lay across the blanket. She wasn't speaking, and her eyes were closed as he idly played with her hair.
"Is she awake?" Soda asked quietly.
Steve looked down at her, moving his fingers to her warm cheek. "Anna? You awake?"
She leaned into his touch and let out a noise of confirmation that sounded far more content than he knew she was feeling. Moving his for-once-not-shaking fingers back through her hair, Steve decided to let her doze in the sun as much as she wanted. He knew she hadn't been sleeping well, and he had kept her up pretty late the night before.
Soda grinned. "We gotta at least wake Sleepy Head up before Two-Bit realises. He'll soak her with the hose first chance he gets."
Not for the first time that day, Steve found himself pleased with how Soda and Anna had been getting along lately. What he'd told Two-Bit earlier was true - they weren't as close as they used to be - but they'd seemed to pull together since he had received his letter. And he appreciated it. It was one thing to watch them snap at each other before the letter; he wouldn't have been able to stand it the last few weeks.
Smirking, he thought back to the chocolate cake the two of them had made for lunch. He had been expecting something different about it - Soda had made it, after all - but what he hadn't expected was for it to be covered in pink icing.
"Why is the chocolate cake pink?" he'd asked after staring at it for a few moments.
Anna grinned. "Because Soda said pink's your favourite colour."
"He …" Steve raised an eyebrow at his best friend, all the while his heart tugged at the giggle Anna let out. He didn't want to leave her. Not ever. It hurt just thinking about it.
Suddenly sitting up from his lap, she faced him. "It's a bit warm out here."
"You wanna go inside?"
"Yeah. I'll go in and make sure Two-Bit hasn't eaten the whole cake. You guys stay out here, though." She leaned in to give him a quick kiss, before standing up and going inside.
The silence that followed wasn't something he was used to. It had never been awkward between him and Soda. Sure, there had been awkward moments when Steve had picked on the kid too much, or back when he thought Soda and Anna were dating, but nothing like this.
"She's about as subtle as Two-Bit, she is," Soda said.
"You ain't kiddin'."
"I guess she's got a point, though. I mean … I guess this is our last chance to hang out until you come back."
"Yeah."
Soda said nothing for a few moments, just sat and picked at the dead grass next to his leg. Quickly realising he needed to do something with his fingers, Steve dug out his smokes and lit two up. Soda took the offered smoke without question, finally talking after taking a long drag.
"I really wish you weren't goin', Steve."
So much for his hands not shaking. He'd been dreading saying goodbye to Anna so much that he hadn't really thought about saying goodbye to Soda. Or maybe he just hadn't let himself think about it. Soda was his best buddy since grade school, and they both knew there was a chance they might not see each other again.
"I wish I wasn't, too," he said honestly. "I'm all for a good fight, you know, but this is different."
"You know Two-Bit was talkin' of enlisting? So you wouldn't have to go alone?"
Steve looked at him, shocked. "You didn't let him, did you?"
"Of course not. He was drunk as a skunk, and I don't think he really knew what he was saying anyway."
"Christ," Steve muttered. "I hate that I'm goin', but I'd hate it even more if one of you were comin' with me."
"That's what I told him," Soda said. "And Pony pointed out the chance of the two of you ending up together was real slim."
Steve just nodded. Damn Two-Bit. He really came up with some of the worst ideas sometimes. It made Steve even more glad he'd asked Two-Bit to look out for Anna. He knew his buddy wouldn't go back on his word. Not about that.
"Hey, I tell ya what came into work yesterday?" Soda asked, flicking ash off his cigarette. Steve shook his head and Soda continued. "A '66 Charger."
"No way?"
Soda was grinning from ear-to-ear. "I swear, man."
"Aw, hell. I fucking love those cars. I can't believe I missed it."
"Came in right when I was leaving, but I made sure to stick around and pump their gas."
Steve smirked. Not at Soda sticking around at work, just to get a decent look at the car that came in, but at the direction their conversation had gone. He bet Anna hadn't planned on them talking about cars when she left them alone, but it felt right.
He glanced at Soda. "How'd it sound?"
XXXXX
Not for the first time since arriving at the bus station, Steve grabbed Anna's hand in his own to stop her tapping fingers. Also not for the first time, she held tight and refused to look at him. She had done so well, but now, at the goddamn bus station, she was terrified of falling apart. Bawling in front of everyone wasn't her style, but she was so damn close she could feel the tears building up, waiting for the moment she couldn't hold them back.
She took a deep breath, glancing over at Danny again. He wasn't exactly out of place with Two-Bit and the Curtis boys, but when it was a situation like this, he was standing back until Anna needed him. And she was glad. Watching him flirt with the blonde at the ticket station was the only normal thing about the place. His quick looks at her every couple of minutes helped, too. She knew he would be there the moment she needed him. The moment Steve was gone.
She hated that he was leaving. Couldn't stand the idea of him being gone. Despised the fact that she had to spend that night alone, wake up alone tomorrow morning, and do it all every night and day for the next year. She couldn't even imagine life without him, and she couldn't even begin to imagine how it would be for him. A thousand times worse, she was sure of it. He wouldn't just be without her; he would be without everyone.
She really hated that he would be alone.
Glancing at Danny again, she didn't even feel better at knowing he would always be there. It just wasn't the same.
Steve leaned close to her as she started tapping her free thumb on her knee, and kissed the spot right below her ear.
"Everything will be okay," he whispered, repeating her words from the day he had received his letter. As much as she had tried to believe them then, she couldn't now. Not when a static-filled announcement came over the speakers just as he finished talking, telling them the 3pm bus would be boarding in ten minutes.
She looked into his eyes, fighting tears and the desperate need she had to beg him not to go. Leaning forward, he gave her a quick kiss and stood up. She stood, too, moving to the side slightly so he could say goodbye to the guys. She had done her best all day to give him time with his friends, even going as far as to reluctantly tell him to drop her at home while he went to the Curtises'.
He had refused and she had been glad. She hadn't wanted to spend a single minute away from him all day. She had enough sense to give him some space - she wanted him to have time with his buddies, too - and she thought that Two-bit and Sodapop might very well be the reason she hadn't yet burst into tears. They were both entertaining enough to be good distractions when she wasn't with Steve.
She could feel Danny's presence behind her as she watched Steve give Pony a good-natured clap on the shoulder, shake hands with Darry, and take Two-Bit's hug without a choice. Biting her lip, she stepped back a few paces, wanting to give him his space with Soda, but wishing he'd move back to Pony and start all over again. She didn't want it to be her turn. She didn't know what Steve said to any of the guys, but wasn't sure she could handle a goodbye from him.
Standing next to Danny, she stared at the floor as he and Steve shook hands. She could hear them speaking, but the words didn't make any impact. She just continued staring at the floor, willing what was coming to just not happen. It wasn't until Steve stood in front of her that she finally looked up. Danny moved away, and she stared at Steve, not knowing what to say.
She didn't have to say anything. He grasped her face in his hands and kissed her, long and slow and deep. When he pulled back, his arms slipped around her waist and he buried his face in her hair. Taking a steadying breath, Anna hugged him back, arms wrapped tightly around his neck. The scent of leather, car oil, and aftershave assaulted her and she breathed in the familiar smell.
"I'll be back in no time."
"Okay."
"I love you," he whispered in her ear.
He pulled away, tucking her hair behind her ear and giving her a reassuring smile. It wasn't something she was used to seeing from him - scowls, smirks, and sneers were more common than smiles.
"I love you, too," she said quietly.
He stared at her for a moment and she stared right back. Finally, half a smirk on his face, he took a step back and picked up his bag.
"I'll see y'all in a year."
A chorus of goodbyes came from his buddies, but Anna said nothing. She wasn't sure there was anything else to say, but at the same time was sure that there had to be more. Okay and I love you didn't seem like enough. They didn't even seem close to enough. She stared at Steve. He gave one last wave to the guys, one final look at her, and turned and left.
Her heart ached more and more with every step he took. He was leaving. He was leaving and she hadn't even said a proper goodbye. She had to say something, anything.
He was a few feet from the door when she realised what she wanted to say to him.
"Steve!" She ran for him as he turned, and threw herself into his arm. "Don't go. Please don't go," she whispered, fighting sobs but unable to keep the tears at bay.
"Oh, Anna," he sighed, his arms tight around her waist, breath warm against her neck. "I'll be back, okay? I'll be back before you know it. But I have to go; you know I have to."
She nodded; she did know. "Just … be careful."
"Of course."
"You promise?"
He pulled back slightly and pushed her hair off her damp face. Her hands fisted in his T-Shirt, not willing to let him go. "I promise. I'm gonna be fine. I'm gonna …" He trailed off, a far-away look in his eyes.
"Steve?"
Leaning down, he kissed her forehead, and continued talking softly with his lips against her skin. "Remember the promise I made at the lake after I got my letter? We're going to be together forever. Just like planned." He took a slow breath before continuing. "I'm gonna be fine and I'm gonna come back home and then I'm gonna marry you, okay?"
Eyes closed, she let his words sink in. Together forever. Just like planned. That had been the plan, the promise he had made to her … and now there was a new one. One most people would take time to think about, but she didn't need to. She opened her eyes to look at him; his defences were up, his gaze wary as if he thought she might actually turn him down. A small smile crept over her lips.
"Okay," she agreed. He smirked, and Christ she was glad to see it. "I love you."
"I know." He didn't need to say it back this time; the way he kissed her was more than enough. Pulling back, he stood in front of her for a moment, his forehead pressed against hers. His hands squeezed her waist slightly, and she looked dazedly up at him. His eyes were closed, and he leaned in to brush his lips against hers.
And then he was pulling away - lips leaving hers, hands leaving her waist, him leaving her. He started at the ground, as if it was too hard to look at her again, then grimaced and turned away. She stood in silence as he made his way outside and onto the bus. There was nothing either of them could do to keep him there, and chasing after him this time wasn't going to do anyone any good. So she stood, completely alone and not sure what she was supposed to do now.
Then Danny was next to her, his arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer. Reaching up, she wiped all evidence of tears from her face as Two-Bit and Soda arrived next to her, Darry and Pony somewhere close behind. She still wanted to cry - despite the headache she could feel coming from the crying she had already done - but refused to do so. Instead, she took a steadying breath and waited until Steve's bus pulled out of the station and started down the street. A few more tears fell then, but she quickly swiped them away.
"Let's get the hell outta here," Two-Bit said. "In fact, I'll be glad if I never have to come to this damn place again."
"You ain't kiddin'," Soda muttered.
The guys turned to leave, and with his arm still around her shoulders, Danny led her toward the front doors. She leaned into him, exhausted.
"You know," Two-Bit said, turning to grin at her, "if this ain't the perfect reason to go get sloshed, I don't know what is."
Forcing a smile at the wink he gave her, her hand automatically reached for the necklace at her neck. Finding nothing but skin, she sighed. Steve was gone and Grandpa Joe's necklace was with him. She had wanted him to take it, but now she felt alone without either of them.
"You okay, Miss B?" Danny asked, opening the front door of his car for her.
She looked at him, knowing as well as he did that she wasn't okay. But she would be. Steve would be okay and he would be back and then - the same small smile flittered across her face … then he wanted to marry her. And until then, she had Danny. She nodded at him, and climbed into the car.
Everything would be okay. Steve would be okay; she wouldn't allow herself to think differently, not even for a moment.
Watching the whole world riot and hiding out,
I'll be coming home next year.
The end.
A/N: Thanks to RileysMomma for beta-reading. Thanks to all who have read and reviewed! Much appreciated :)